


Take me back to the start

by oswinious



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Mum!Thirteen, Nanny AU, Slow Burn, Student!Yaz, Tags will be updated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 93,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27274246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oswinious/pseuds/oswinious
Summary: Yasmin Khan is a psychology student who is having a hard time to make ends meet. Luckily, one of her professors asks for her help on a multidisciplinary project involving both the psychology and the biology departments. There, she meets Joy Smith, a newly hired postdoctoral researcher. While they get to know each other, the older woman witnesses Yaz's struggles firsthand, and offers her the long-term job she needs. What if, in the end, her offer becomes something much deeper than they both imagined?
Relationships: The Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 522
Kudos: 230





	1. Chapter 1

After explaining the last of her slides, the woman standing in front of the class turned off the projector, wishing her students a good day while reminding them of their final paper due in four weeks. “If you have any questions before you leave today, I’ll stick around for a little while. If not, my office hours are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, 3 to 5pm,” the professor said, giving her students one last smile before dismissing them.

Yasmin Khan packed her notebook and pencil case in her bag quickly before heading to her professor’s desk at the front of the room. She was a little nervous but tried her best not to show it; Dr. Jones asked her to come and see her at the end of the class, but Yaz had no idea what she did to prompt such attention from her professor. She waited an instant for the other students to leave the room – giving them the opportunity to ask questions if they had any – before making herself known to the professor.

“Yasmin!” Dr. Jones exclaimed, smiling warmly at the younger woman. “I’m sorry to take some of your precious time this afternoon, but I really need to speak to you about something that hopefully will pique your interest.”

Yaz visibly relaxed and smiled, glad to hear she wasn’t falsely accused of plagiarism or something of the sort. “Don’t worry about it, Dr. Jones. I’ve got the afternoon off.”

“You can sit, if you’d like,” she said, pointing at a table while she sat at the one opposite it. Yaz followed her lead. “First, I want to say that I’ve been very impressed by your work on your paper from last semester. Your case study was exceptionally well-documented. You truly have an eye for detail.”

The student could feel her cheeks turn to crimson. “That’s very nice of you, Dr. Jones.”

“Please, call me Martha!” The young professor straightened herself up on her chair. “I didn’t ask you to stay after class only to praise you, though.” Both of them laugh, Yaz noticing she was suddenly a lot more comfortable than she was only minutes ago. “I’m co-leading a research project with one of my colleagues from the biology department, and I’m looking for a research assistant. I thought of you because I was really impressed by your work on that first paper, Yasmin,” she smiled. “It’s not much for now, because we’re still in the early stages; we’re speaking 5 hours a week for the next eight weeks. But, if you do well and we get more funding, you could be part of the team on the long run. If you want to be a part of this, of course.”

Yaz stared at her both in shock and in awe. “You– you sure?” The young woman couldn’t believe what was happening. “You really think I’m good enough for this?”

Not only was Yaz worried about not being good enough, she was far from convinced it was the right move for her. The moment she decided to leave her home and her family in Sheffield to move to Leeds for university, she knew this would entail a few sacrifices, working a lot to provide for herself being one of them.

She had quickly found a job in a grocery store, adequately located halfway between her flat and the university. Sadly, the job itself wasn’t so adequate. The tasks were dull, but manageable; the real problem was her boss, Oscar, who thought Yaz not coming into work during her classes was a right pain in the arse. She took his attitude in her stride, knowing that the more hours she worked, the less financial anxiety she was going through. “ _One less thing to worry about_ ,” she had thought after her first shift.

Obviously, this new job offer would mean an extra income, which by all means would be ideal. The challenge here was to figure out a way to convince Oscar to drop her hours for the length of the contract. Hopefully, one day, she wouldn’t need to worry about Oscar anymore but, for now, as he was the origin of her only stable income, she had to act by his wishes.

Martha laughed lightly. “Don’t sell yourself short, Yasmin! I know you’ll do great. Plus, I’m always available if you need any help, and you’ll have other people who work around the lab to support you,”

“I won’t lie to you, prof—Martha,” Yaz started, “I’ll need to talk to my boss about this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an incredible opportunity, and I’m really happy you told me about it. I just need to make sure I don’t end up without a job in a few weeks’ time, is all.”

“Of course, Yasmin!” She stood up, inviting the student to do the same. “I’ll show you around the lab right now, if you want. Not to tease, but it’s a great spot. Plus, you’ll have access to it 24/7, so you can go over there whenever you feel like it.” They exit the room, Martha locking the door behind her. “And not just to work on our project! If you need a calm space to work on your own stuff, you’re free to make good use of the lab for that as well.

As they make their way to the lab, Martha took the opportunity to tell Yaz that the job is paid a few quids over minimum wage, and that she was allowed to organize her schedule as she pleased. She was also allowed to work from home if that was easier for her. “ _This is a dream_ ,” Yaz thought. “ _Hopefully Oscar doesn’t mess this up for me_.”

Martha’s steps halted in front of a deep blue door. “Here we are, Lab #13,” she said enthusiastically, unlocking the door.

The older woman lead Yaz into what seemed to be a repurposed classroom. A few tables were grouped in different parts of the room, creating workspaces for professors and students alike. The room was virtually empty – because of lunch time, Yaz assumed – except from one woman, clearly deep in her work.

“Hello, Joy!” Martha said, before turning to Yaz. “I’ll introduce you to Doctor Smith in an instant, once I can get her attention, that is.”

As they walked toward the other woman, Yaz took in her surroundings. “Doctor Smith is our new postdoctoral researcher, but don’t ask me what she does exactly, I have no idea.”

“I heard that, Martha,” a new, soft voice said.

Surprised, Yaz looked in front of her to see Doctor Smith smiling at them. As they reached her workspace, the woman stepped up to meet them, right hand already raised, waiting to shake Yaz’s. She almost hadn’t noticed it, for her mind was completely focused on the other woman’s eyes. She couldn’t tell if they were hazel or green, but knew she had to be careful not to get distracted by them. But what a delightful distraction they were.

“Hiya! I’m Joy,” the older woman said, smiling at Yaz.

“I’m Yaz, it’s nice to meet you,” Yaz said, smiling back and trying to keep her breathing in check. Meeting new people generally made her uncomfortable, but she found that focusing on her breathing helped her a lot. She had almost gotten sidetracked by the looks of the individual standing in front of her, though.

“We’ll be out of your hair in a moment, Joy,” Martha said, “I’m just showing Yaz around a little to convince her to take the research assistant position.”

“Oh, exciting!” The older woman walked back to her desk, putting back glasses that were discarded by her laptop. “Hopefully seeing me around here during lunch break isn’t scaring you! If it helps, I’m the only one who works stupid hours.”

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sold to the job already! All I need is to convince my boss to give me some time off to make things work, which _will_ be a job of its own,” Yaz said, snickering.

Doctor Smith looked at her one last time, smiling encouragingly, before her eyes dropped on her laptop screen. After a matter of seconds, she was typing energetically on her keyboard.

“And she’s gone,” Martha said, laughing a little at her coworker’s frantic working habits. Turning to Yaz, she said, “If you come and work here, you’ll probably see Doctor Smith a lot. She may be a trained biologist, but she’ll gladly help you with anything. Isn’t that right, Joy?”

“Yup,” the other woman exclaims, not even lifting her stare from the screen in front of her. Yaz looked at her, in awe of her multitasking abilities. Probably aware of young, curious eyes looking at her, Joy finally looked up, and hazel met brown again. Smirking, Joy winked at Yaz before getting back to work.

Yaz barely had the time to process the gesture, Martha was going through what her tasks would be for the time of the contract. “What I’m gonna need you to do is to produce an exhaustive literature review on both child psychology and neuropsychology,” the professor started. “First step will be to find your sources and send me a little summary of each one. Then, the remainder of your contract will be focused on writing the lit review itself.”

Yaz looked at her, taking mental notes of everything and regretting not having a pen and piece of paper out.

“Don’t worry about it, though,” Martha continued. “I’ll send you the details once you’re officially hired; that is, when you contract will be signed!” She said at Yaz with excitement. “You’ll love it!”

Yaz was convinced her professor was right. She didn’t need any convincing. What she needed most was luck. And a lot of it. She couldn’t care less, though; she was going to make this work, no matter what Oscar would say.

“I can’t begin to say how grateful I am, professor Jones. Truly.”

“Martha!” The professor reminded her. “The pleasure is all mine. Please let me know what your boss says.”

“I will!”

“All right, I’ll leave you to your occupations, now,” Martha said, walking toward the exit. “Have a nice day, Yasmin! And you too, Joy,” she said, looking behind Yaz’s shoulder to look at her coworker. Yaz looked back to find Joy waving at them, a warm smile lighting up her face.

“Bye Martha! Bye Yaz!” Joy shouted at the two women as they left the room. “I’m calling you Yaz now, by the way!”

Yaz giggled and looked back at Joy one last time. “That’s fine by me. Goodbye, Doctor Smith.”

When they finally left the room, both women walked together for a while, talking about nothing in particular, until they had to part ways – Doctor Jones to her office, Yaz to her flat.

***

The second she got home, Yaz jumped on the sofa, disturbing her roommate in his enthralling game of Overwatch.

“Oi! Why you jumping on me for? You almost got me killed!”

“Ryan, I got offered a research assistantship at uni!” Yaz was excitedly squeezing his arm. “Maybe I’ll finally be able to leave this miserable place.”

Ryan was still in the midst of his game, but Yaz’s presence – and revelation – was too much of a distraction. His death, though virtual, was inevitable.

“Yaz, this is great!” He high fived his roommate, holding their hands up high in a celebratory gesture. The two of them had been through almost everything together. They’d known each other since primary school, and stuck together ever since – except for a few months in secondary school – Yaz’s _year from hell_ , as she calls it. Back then, the bullying had been too much on her, and she had closed herself off from her best friend. Luckily, she had survived the hard times, and her friendship with Ryan had since been stronger than ever.

“Do you think Oscar will be okay with this, though?” Ryan was also working at the same grocery store, thus being aware of Oscar’s character flaws.

“Hope so,” Yaz answered. She was worried about her boss’ reaction to the news, but all she could do was hope for the best. “I really want this. For once it feels like all these hours spent studying may not be in vain, you know?”

“Yeah, gotcha,” Ryan said, deep in thought. “If he’s mad about it, though, do you think you could, I don’t know, leave?”

“I wish! But nah, mate. It’s a two months thing. Maybe I’ll get some extra hours later, but I can’t be sure. It’s a start, though.”

And a start was what Yaz needed. A new start. Something to hold on to, an adventure. Many would not call this an adventure, but to Yaz it was; it was a jump into the unknown.

“You know what I think, Yaz? I think you should go for it, whatever O says,” Ryan said. “I’ll help you. I’ll take some of your shifts so you can keep doing both as long as you need to.”

Yaz had tears in her eyes. Her best mate, always there for her. She couldn’t believe she had found a friend like Ryan. Not only was he selfless, he was truly an incredible human being.

“You have uni too, Ry! I can’t let you do that,” she said, wiping a stray tear away. “It’s so sweet of you, but I can’t let you jeopardize your future for me. You’re the best though, truly.” She gave him a big hug – an excellent tactic to hide her teary eyes.

“Anything for my Yazzy.”

“Oi! Don’t call me that.”

“Okay… Yazzy,” he said, giving her his brightest smile. 

“Oh, you’re gonna regret this,” Yaz said, breaking the hug to stare at him. He never saw the tickles coming and he did, in fact, regret this.

After a few minutes of screams and laughters, Ryan finally managed to untangle himself from Yaz’s hold. “You lucky I have this assignment to finish before work, Ry!” Yaz said as Ryan ran off in his bedroom, trying to protect himself from Yaz’s violent tickles. Considering the both of them were working the same shift later in the evening, he was hoping Yaz would forget he was the perfect tickle-target come break time.

***

After a few hours of catching up on her course work, Yaz and Ryan – still wary of her – headed off to work. When they got there, Yaz quickly realized it was Oscar’s day off, meaning she wouldn’t be able to tell him about Doctor Jones’ offer until the following day. The only good thing about this was the fact her anxiety levels quickly dropped, making her shift a lot more enjoyable than anticipated. Not that it was a particularly enjoyable job; it was bearable at best, but it paid the bills.

That night was particularly slow, with very few customers coming to her till. Yaz had thus cleaned her workspace in depth as an attempt to busy herself and, hopefully, make time pass quicker. After 20 minutes, she was done and bored again.

She could see Ryan on the other side of the store, preparing meals and hot beverages at the ready to eat counter. She took a glance at her watch; 7pm. “ _How has it been two hours_ ,” she thought. “ _Feels like we’ve been here for ages._ ” She couldn’t stop a yawn coming out of her mouth; the day had been long and busy. She let out quite a few yawns in a very short span of time, making her long for her bed even more. 

From the corner of her eye, she finally saw a customer putting things on her till: a frozen pizza, ice cream and half a dozen packs of custard creams.

“Hiya, Yaz!” A familiar voice said.

“How—,” Yaz panicked for the fraction of a second, wondering who’s voice it was exactly. Her brain finally clicked when she lifted her head, but she was very surprised to see Doctor Smith standing in front of her… with a young girl, and spitting image of the Doctor, holding her hand tightly.

She took a second to smile at the both of time. “Hi! Doctor Smith, was it?”

“Please, don’t _Doctor_ me,” she said, putting an exaggerated emphasis on her title. “Makes me feel like an old white man. Can’t really explain why, though,” her nose scrunched at the thought. “Anyway,” she said, coming back to her senses, “Please call me Joy.”

“All right, then!” Yaz said enthusiastically. “And what is your name?” She smiled at the young girl, who was now holding Joy’s hands with both of hers, apparently trying to hide behind the older woman’s arm.

Joy looked down at her with adoring eyes. “Go on, sweetheart!”

“I’m Alice and I’m four,” she said proudly, holding four fingers in front of her.

“Hi Alice! I’m Yaz,” she started. “Wow! You’re a big girl, then,” Yaz said while scanning their articles but still giving the young girl all her attention.

Alice squealed. She then tucked on Joy’s arm to get her attention and whispered something in her ear.

“Oh! You’re right. Thanks, kiddo.” Joy laid a cup from the ready to eat counter in front of Yaz. “That’s for you. Saw you yawn as we came in, thought you’d appreciate a little pick-me-up.” She gave Yaz the softest smile, she would have melted on the spot if it hadn’t been from the fact she had to keep it cool in front of her future colleague. “Asked your colleague over there what you like,” she said, slender finger pointing directly at Ryan.

Ryan gave them a big, exaggerated wave, leaving them both women with no choice but to wave back with a small laugh.

“He said hot chocolate. Was he right or did he try to trick me?”

“Oooooh yes, he was right,” she said, smelling the content of the cup. To her greatest pleasure, it was _actually_ hot chocolate, with a bit of cinnamon, just as she likes it. “He would know, we’ve known each other since primary school. He could definitely have tried to trick you just to punish me for the tickle fest I gave him earlier, though.”

Joy looked at her, at Ryan, and back at her. “Oh! You guys are—”

“No! God, no. He’s like my brother. We’re friends. And now roommates, as we’ve both moved here at the same time.”

“Oh, right! Where from?”

“Sheffield,” Yaz answered simply.

“Funny coincidence, that’s where I’m from as well.”

“Small world, isn’t it?” Yaz smiled. “Anyway, thanks for the hot chocolate. It’s much appreciated, I owe you one.” Joy gave her a small nod and a smile. She finished up the transaction and packed everything in a bag for them. “There you go!”

“So, when do you start at the lab?” Joy asked, taking the bag from Yaz’s hands.

Yaz’s heartbeat quickened, anxiety about her upcoming conversation with Oscar coming to mind. “Hopefully soon. I have to talk to my boss here before, that’s for sure.”

“Well, I’ll be looking forward to seeing you there once you start,” Joy smirked.

“Likewise,” Yaz again tried her best to keep her cool, but she could feel the blush coming to her cheeks. She distracted herself by taking a sip of her hot chocolate. Hot, but not burning. “ _Thank god, that would’ve been awkward_ ,” she thought. 

Joy gave her a smile and took Alice’s hand to slowly lead her to the exit. “Say ‘bye’ to Yaz, sweetheart!”

“No, wait, Mummy!” The young girl’s steps came into halt as she threw her hand in the grocery bag. She searched for something, her tongue sticking out, the clear sign of a focused mind. A little gasped escaped her mouth as she triumphally took out a pack of custard creams of the bag. She signified her mother she wanted to whisper something in her ear again. Dropping to her knees, Joy listened to what Alice had to say. She looked at Yaz, smiling, looked back at her daughter, and nodded.

Alice came running back to Yaz, custard creams in hand.

“Yaz, this is for you. You can have them with the hot choccy,” Alice said, handing her the pack of biscuits. “They’re Mummy’s favourites, and mine too. I think you should have some because you’re really kind and pretty.”

Yaz’s heart melted. “Alice, you’re a very sweet girl. They’re my favourites too, actually. Thank you!”

Alice took her hand in hers, dropping the pack of biscuits in it, before running away to her mother. Hands in hands, they waved at Yaz before leaving the store.

The rest of Yaz’s shift went by quickly. Each sip of her beverage warmed her heart, and each custard cream bite was comforting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOOO!!
> 
> I'm so glad I finally get to share this first installment with you. I'm hoping to be able to keep a decent writing/posting schedule with this, as I have already written a few chapters and have planned most of the story beforehand... Something I didn't do with Quarantine in the TARDIS and regret very, very deeply. I will get back to it eventually, though. My brain was (still is) just 200% into Joy/Yaz atm. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this xx
> 
> By the way, you can find me on Twitter, @WHTTAKERMCKNNON. Just in case some of you weren't aware already. :)
> 
> P.S.: Massive thank you to the TCC for their immeasurable support with this, especially Wils who read this first chapter and shared a bunch of Leeds-related knowledge! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry, this is a repost of the chapter. I have no idea what happened but it wasn't showing up in the Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan works so I took the liberty to delete and repost. Sorry if you've subscribed and you got the notification twice.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one xx

Yaz woke up fairly early the following morning. She may not have a class to attend, she still had some readings to do before heading to work later in the day. She felt restless, though; she was dreading her upcoming conversation with her boss, Oscar.

“ _Breathe in, breathe out_ ,” she thought. She had learnt to take life as it came, but these things were always a lot to deal with. Oscar was unpredictable, which increased her anxiety levels. Obviously, the fact Yaz had been working at the shop for almost a year made it impossible for him to fire her for the sole reason she was pursuing other opportunities. But unpredictability meant Oscar could be all sweet and supportive for a moment, and verbally assaulting the next.

Yaz had gone through worse, though. She often thought back to Izzy Flint and her group of friends, the people who had made her time in secondary school so miserable. Never underestimating the weight of what had happened then, she was now mature enough to understand that these experiences had made her stronger. In many ways, the path they had pushed her on as a teenager had gotten her where she was now, at the University of Leeds, months away from getting her master’s degree in psychology.

Yet, she had seen enough in her 24 years of life to be aware of the fact her boss was, just like Izzy Flint and her friends, a bully. He could ruin all her efforts and progress by virtually stepping on her hopes and dreams, and she had to mentally prepare to fight back. She owed it to herself.

When she finally decided to get out of bed, Yaz headed straight into the shower. The hot water cascading over her body calmed her down. She exited the bathroom and made her way to the kitchen, bumping into Ryan there.

“Hey, Yaz!” He said, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Hi, Ry! Slept well?”

“Yeah, not long enough, though” he sat down at the dining table. “Hey, why did that random customer get you a hot chocolate last night?”

She could feel her cheeks turn to crimson at the thought of Joy’s gesture but tried to keep it cool. “Oh, she isn’t a random customer. Her name’s Joy, she works on Doctor Jones’ project. Met her yesterday.”

“That was nice of her,” he said before taking a sip of his cup of coffee. “So, she’s your new coworker, basically?”

“Well,” Yaz started. “It all depends on what O says about it.”

Ryan put down his cup on the table and faced Yaz, who was making toast for herself.

“Yaz, I was serious last night. Take the job. Oscar won’t stop his little power trip just to make you happy. You’ve got to create your own happiness… and hopefully that happiness will get you out of there for good.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right,” Yaz said, toast in hand. “And it’s only for two months. Might as well try to make it work while it lasts.”

“That’s my Yazzy!” Ryan said, raising his cup to celebrate.

Yaz stared at him. “You know what happens when you call me that, Ryan.”

Ryan’s eyes looked like marbles; it seemed as if he had stopped breathing for an instant. Yaz burst out laughing before leaving the room, breakfast in hand.

***

After spending a few hours in her room to catch up on her weekly readings, Yaz decided to head out early. She wanted to stop by the university before going to work, as Doctor Jones’ office hours were taking place just before her shift. Her conversation with Ryan had convinced her to accept her professor’s offer, no matter what Oscar was going to say.

Yaz was happy to see that Doctor Jones’ office was empty when she got there. The door was ajar, she knocked on it softly to announce her presence.

“Hello, Yasmin,” Martha greeted her, beckoning her over with her hand. “What can I help you with, today?”

“Actually, I just wanted to stop by to say that I’m in,” Yaz said. “For the research assistantship, I mean.” She was smiling. She felt free; like she was embarking on a new adventure.

Martha’s eyes and smile widened. “Amazing! Oh, Yaz, this is gonna be fun, you’ll see,” she said, going through the pile of documents laying around on her desk. She found a piece of paper, which Yaz assumed to be her contract. “If you have some time, could you just read and sign this form for me? It’s your contract; you’ll get an online version through your university email. And, of course, here’s your key to the lab.”

Taking the key from her professor’s hand felt like a significant moment to Yaz. Perhaps this was the key to her future – a cheesy but defining thought. “Thank you, Martha.”

The woman sitting in front of her then handed Yaz her contract and a pen. She read through the document quickly and, after signing the piece of paper, she looked up to Martha and gave her a wild smile.

“It’s official! Welcome to the team, Yasmin,” she said, offering her hand to the younger woman, who gave it a firm and confident shake.

***

When Yaz walked into work, the first person she saw was Oscar. He was talking to another employee and, though she couldn’t hear what he was saying, she could see from his movements that he was mad at them.

“ _Oh, wonderful timing_.” Yaz was already worried, but now she was afraid.

She dropped her bag in the staff room before heading to her post. After a few minutes, the apparent row between Oscar and her colleague came to an end; Oscar turned away and walked directly to his office, looking straight ahead, fists swinging violently on each sides of his body.

Yaz waited for a few minutes before following him, hoping the reprieve would allow him to calm down a little.

“Yaz!” Oscar screamed as she was approaching his office. “Come in here.”

She could feel her heart beating faster and harder. She quickened her pace as to not make her boss wait. When she reached the room, she took place in the empty seat in front of his desk, not looking at him in an attempt to stay calm.

“I need you to take a few extra shifts next week,” he simply said.

“Oscar, I—”

“Wasn’t a question, Yasmin.”

She looked at him for the first time since she got there. She tried to stay as neutral as she could manage; no pleading eyes, but no angst either.

“I got offered a research assistant position at uni,” she started. “It’s only for two months, something like five hours a week. I’m not leaving, but—”

“You’re gonna force me to hire someone else _again_ so you can have this new job, really?” He was fuming. “I’m aware society tells you that university is all that matters, and that’s what you should prioritize for your future or whatever you wanna call it. Well, let me tell you something, Yasmin Khan: I need reliable employees who can help me get this business working – _actually_ help me.” He took a deep breath. “Right now, you’re being selfish and, quite frankly, it’s starting to annoy me a little.”

Yaz had been hoping to ask him to drop her hours a little for the next eight weeks, but it was a lost cause. She figured it would be best to not even bring it up and save herself a few angry stares and shouts.

“I’ll work all my shifts as planned, Oscar,” she said. “Don’t worry. I just can’t take those few extra ones, otherwise I won’t be able to get everything done.”

“ _Otherwise I won’t be able to get everything done_ ,” Oscar said, impersonating her with disdain. “Just go to work, Khan.”

She got up, not even looking at him, and left the room quickly. What she wasn’t aware of, though, was the look of pure hate he gave her as she left the room.

“ _Could’ve been worse_ ,” she thought.

***

It was another slow night and, luckily, Oscar’s shift ended a few hours after she’d gotten there. Before he left, though, he made sure she had enough to do. And so, she had to scrub the entirety of the frankly disgusting staff bathroom while he was watching her every move.

Once he left, Yaz got to go back to her till. She looked over at the ready to eat counter. She saw two familiar faces in the distance. The first to notice her was Alice who, once she realized Yaz was back at her register, waved at her. She couldn’t hear the young girl, but she could tell she was screaming “Mummy!” while excitedly pulling Joy’s shirt.

Joy looked at her daughter for an instant before understanding the reason behind her sudden excitement. She then looked up, waving at Yaz in a very similar fashion.

As they slowly approached her till, Yaz noticed Alice was holding a cup from the ready to eat counter. Her pace was turtle-like, all her focus going into not dropping what she was holding. Yaz couldn’t help but note how adorable she was, both hands holding the cup and not looking at anything but it. Joy was pushing the trolley at her daughter’s pace and kept looking back at her to make sure she was doing all right.

“Hi, guys!” Yaz said, as they were approaching her.

“Yaz!” Alice padded her way to her side of the till, handing her the cup. “This is for you!”

Yaz gratefully took the cup from Alice and high-fived her. “Mission accomplished! Thank you very much, Alice.” She offered her a warm smile before Alice jumped her way back to her mother, who was setting down her items on the till. “Thanks, Joy!” Her smile to Joy was different; it showed just as much gratitude, while reflecting a hint of shyness.

“You’re welcome,” Joy said, clearly not grasping that hint on Yaz’s part. “Wasn’t sure if you were working since we didn’t see you when we came in. Had to ask your coworker over there. They said you were talking to your boss… I’m assuming you talked about the job at the lab?” Joy was definitely the curious type. Yaz found it endearing.

“We did, yeah,” Yaz started. “He wasn’t exactly pleased. I kinda just… took the job before I even talked to him. Figured I was gonna be able to make things work, whatever he was gonna say.” She gave Joy a bashful smile.

“From the look on your face, I’d say that didn’t go well.”

Yaz laughed. “I wasn’t gonna say no to that opportunity, to be honest with you. He did say he needs ‘reliable employees who can help me get this business working’,” she said, miming quote marks with her hands. “Apparently, the fact I’m not dropping my shifts while taking on a new job for a few weeks makes me a bad employee,” Yaz said while scanning Joy’s items. “You don’t wanna know what he said about people prioritizing university over work.”

Joy was horrified. “I’m sure I don’t. Are you okay, Yaz? I mean, really?”

“Oh, yeah. I know how he is, which is why I took the position before talking to him. It was the easier way to deal with this.”

Joy sighed at Oscar’s behavior, but quickly found her energy back. “It’s gonna be so fun! I may not always have hot chocolate for you, though.”

Yaz giggled. “That’s fine! Honestly, you’re very sweet for doing this, but you don’t have to,” she smiled at her in earnest.

“But I want to! It’s just, you know, doing this kinda thing at the lab is a bit trickier,” she said, nose scrunched in disappointment.

“Anyway, I owe you one! Well, two, technically.”

“Mummy,” Alice interjected. “Did you get custard creams?”

Joy’s face lit up once more. She rummaged through her backpack and took out a little plastic tub filled with biscuits. “We miraculously didn’t eat our way through yesterday’s haul, so I brought you some. It’s not a whole pack though, sorry. Didn’t fit.”

Yaz chortled. “Oh, wow! You’re way too good to me. Thank you.”

Once everything was packed and paid for, Joy and her daughter were ready to head out. When the older woman offered her hand for Alice to hold, she looked at it carefully, as if she was considering her next move.

Suddenly, she turned around and ran over to Yaz and gave her a hug. The tiny figure was holding onto Yaz’s legs; she had been too quick for the young woman to comprehend what was happening.

Yaz looked over at Joy, who was clearly smitten by the view playing in front of her. Yaz took it as some sort of approval, so she dropped to her knees to hug the young girl properly.

Yaz found it endearing that Alice was becoming so fond of her so quickly. There was a sense of pride related to that, too. ‘Truth comes from the mouth of babes,’ they say. It truly felt as if Alice’s stamp of approval towards her was a sign of worthiness.

“Bye, Yaz!” Alice let her go and ran to her mother. Before leaving the store, Joy waved one last time at Yaz.

“Bye, guys! See you soon,” Yaz said as they left. Once they were gone, she looked back at the custard cream tub and smiled.

***

A few days later, Yaz was just leaving the store after a morning shift and on her way to the university. She was already tired from the early start, but there was no way she was going back home. She had made the decision to go work at the lab for the first time, and she intended on keeping her promises to herself.

She wasn’t kidding herself, though. She was also excited to see Joy again. She had made sure the little plastic tub was in her bag when she left the flat that morning, and even bought a few packs of custard creams at the end of her shift. 

When she got to Lab #13, there was no Joy in sight. Someone else was there, though. That person wasn’t as focused as Joy, or so it seemed, because she looked up the instant she heard to door open.

“Hi there, new colleague!” The young woman got up to greet Yaz. She looked familiar, but Yaz couldn’t figure out why. “I’m Bill. I’m assuming you’re Yaz?”

“Exactly, yeah! Hi, Bill. Nice to meet you.” Yaz was shy, but this Bill was definitely friendly, which made her feel a little more comfortable.

Bill walked back to her working space, gesturing Yaz towards the seat next to hers.

“So, you’re the new psych department RA, right?”

“Yeah. What about you, what do you do?” While enquiring her new colleague, Yaz took out her laptop, a notebook and her pencil case from her backpack.

“I’m the biology department RA. Joy hired me. You’ve met her, right? I’m assuming you did, otherwise the fact she knows about you is way too weird, even for Joy.”

Yaz smirked. “ _She told her about me_ ,” she thought. She quickly stopped her daydreams, though; Joy had only told Bill about her for work purposes, obviously. “I did meet her a few times. She seems nice. Is she in today? I was expecting her to be here.”

“She would be, usually,” Bill smiled politely. “Her daughter wasn’t feeling so good this morning, so she’s working from home.”

Yaz’s heart dropped. Obviously, she was a little disappointed that Joy wasn’t there, but she was also worried about Alice’s wellbeing.

“You okay, Yaz?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, opening her laptop so she could start working. “I just hope her daughter is fine.”

“She will be. She’s quite the character, that one. Probably just a cold,” Bill noted. 

They spent the afternoon working together, cracking a few jokes once in a while to wind down. After a few hours, they decided they both needed to get out of the lab to get some fresh air.

“We could go to Souffle Café if you want,” Yaz said. “Their coffee is so divine.”

“That’s funny you should say that, my girlfriend works there.”

“Wait… Who’s your girlfriend?”

“Clara Oswald.”

Yaz suddenly realized why Bill looked so familiar. “Oh! How did I not realize before now? I know Clara, we’re friends; we have a few classes together.”

Bill looked at her in shock. “Oh my God, Yaz! Yasmin! Of course!”

Both of them laughed at the amount of time it took for them to realize they were already aware of each other’s existence. They blamed it on the fact they had never had the occasion to meet before. Yaz now remembered Clara showing her pictures of Bill and herself during a class break, when the two of them had first gotten together.

When they walked in the café, Clara ran towards Bill and kissed her as Yaz stood next to them, looking at her surroundings.

“Hi, Yaz!” Clara exclaimed, taking her into a hug. “Kinda figured you would be Bill’s new coworker, but I wasn’t sure.” She walked to the counter as Bill and Yaz followed. “This is great news, Yaz! You deserve this.”

“Thanks, Clara. Hopefully, Doctor Jones will get more funding to hire me on the long-term.”

“Yeah, Bill did mention it’s only for a couple of months. Still good, though, isn’t it?” Clara encouraged.

“Definitely,” Yaz smiled.

“So, what can I get you ladies today?” Clara said, winking at Bill who, in return, looked weak in the knees for an instant. Yaz held back a laugh.

“Can I get a latte, please?” Bill was apparently still in awe of her girlfriend’s wink, so Yaz decided to go ahead and order for herself while her new coworker – and friend, perhaps? – was coming back to her senses.

After a good minute, Bill finally emerged from her thoughts. “I’ll have the same thing, babe. Thank you, babe.” She looked at her girlfriend adoringly while she was preparing their drinks.

“There,” Clara said, giving them their drinks. “On the house.”

“Thanks, Clara!” Both of them said in sync.

They decided to head back to the lab, lattes in hand.

“You guys are adorable,” Yaz said.

Bill grinned at her. She clearly loved Clara very, very much. Yaz thought her behaviour was adorable, and she secretly wished someone would look like that when talking about her. “Thanks, Yaz.”

When they returned to the lab, it suddenly felt cozier. Perhaps, this is what it felt like to be where one is meant to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know I'll try to post every Sunday! Not making any promises, but as of right now it seems very likely that I'll be able to keep up.
> 
> See you all next week! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!! Before we start, I just want you guys to be aware that one scene of this chapter contains verbal abuse. If you'd rather avoid that, you can dm me on Twitter @WHTTAKERMCNNON !

After nearly two months of working two jobs and going to university full-time, Yaz was absolutely knackered. At least, it felt like she had made improvements; she was now at the top of her game organization-wise, which, even though it had never been a problem for her, was a nice feeling.

She was getting better in social settings, too. Obviously, working with Bill had been easy from the start, and it kept running smoothly for the length of her contract. They had exchanged their phone numbers, and quickly started to make sure they were working at the lab at the same time. “It’s always more fun to work with someone,” Bill had said then.

Yaz had bumped into Joy in the lab more than once. She turned out to be just as easy-going as she appeared to be on the few times they had bumped into each other at the supermarket. The older woman was very happy when Yaz brought back her plastic tub, with an extra few packs of her favourite biscuits.

After a few weeks, Yaz noticed the lab’s beverage stash had a new addition: hot chocolate powder. And whenever Yaz had a cup of hot chocolate in front of her, Joy would slip a few custard creams her way. Yaz couldn’t help but soften time after time.

***

Yaz looked at her watch. 7:05pm, on a Friday. She knew for a fact that Joy always came into the shop around that time. It had become a bit of a ritual for them in the past few weeks. They’d see each other at the lab all week and, on Friday, Joy would come in for her weekly grocery shop with Alice.

Yaz was anxiously looking at the door, hoping to see the bubbly woman come in. She _needed_ her to come in. She needed that breath of fresh air, a bit of softness in the middle of the roughness that was Oscar. The latter had decided to extend his shift until closing time, thus making sure her evening was a nightmare. Hellish, even.

7:35, and there was still no Joy in sight. Her shift was ending in 25 minutes. “ _I guess she didn’t need to come in today_ ,” Yaz thought in disappointment.

Suddenly, she heard a loud bang. A new employee had accidentally made a display fall. Unluckily for the both of them, the display was filled with glass bottles of soda. There was no way to describe the mess but—

“FUCK!” Oscar screamed, speed walking to the scene. “What the hell is this?”

Yaz was running to her colleague’s aid, mop in hand. “It’s fine, O, I’ll help him deal with this.”

“Do you want me to thank you, Yasmin? Get to it,” he said, barely looking at her. “You bunch of idiots,” he screamed. “Do you really believe you’ll do something good with your lives if you can’t manage to not make a mess in here?” He then turned around to Yaz, talking to her directly. “Yasmin Khan. You think you’ll do something great with your life, don’t you? Look at you, mopping up someone else’s mess. You’re never getting out of here. That little research job of yours won’t make you _better_.” An actual spit to her face would have been less shameful.

She stayed focused on the task ahead, trying not to get into an argument with him. She knew that’s what he wanted; he had been looking for opportunities to make her life miserable ever since she’d started at the lab. This was simply yet another attempt.

“You’re not better, not smarter. Just as stupid as everyone else working here. You all need me to survive, Yasmin,” he said proudly. “Hey, you! What are you looking at?”

Yaz lifted her head. At first, she thought he was looking at her, but she noticed his gaze was directed at someone behind her. She turned around to see who had been unlucky enough to fall into Oscar’s line of sight at such an inconvenient time.

Joy.

Her colleague – friend? – wasn’t even looking at her. She was staring at Oscar, eyes filled with rage. She looked like she could snap his body in two if he tried to get any closer.

“Not looking at anything, mate. Just shopping,” Joy said. She was holding Alice in her arms, protecting her from what was unfolding in front of them.

Yaz looked back to her boss, assessing the situation. He was sporting the most disgusting grin she had ever seen. She looked back at Joy, who then finally broke eye contact with Oscar to look at her. Yaz felt a rush of emotion run through her veins. The fear, anxiety and frustration that Oscar made her feel were washed away by the comfort provided by Joy’s gentle eyes. She had never been so thankful to see her.

“Have a nice day, ma’am,” Oscar said before finally walking away.

Yaz let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

Once Oscar was out of sight, Joy let Alice down, allowing her to run to Yaz. Anticipating the young girl’s next move, Yaz prepared herself to receive a hug she very much needed. What she didn’t expect was for Joy to crouch next to her and embrace the both of them. She was tracing comforting circles on Yaz’s back; the subtle gesture was anchoring Yaz in the present, stopping her mind from going back to what Oscar had said.

“Are you okay?” Joy finally said.

“Been better,” Yaz said.

“Wanna get out of here?”

Yaz looked at her cluelessly. “Don’t you have some shopping to do?”

Joy sneered. “No chance I’m coming back here after that,” she said. Yaz was a little disappointed to hear her say that, though she understood the sentiment. “Plus, we only stopped by to say hi. We were on our way to the park, because this one couldn’t sleep,” she said, looking at Alice, who offered them a big smile. “Figured a bit of exercise wouldn’t hurt.”

“Mummy, can Yaz come with us?”

Joy looked at Yaz, eyebrow raised in anticipation. The younger woman looked at her watch – 8:01pm. Her shift was officially over.

“Let me change out of this, I’ll hang out with you guys for a bit.” Her answer was greeted with cheers from Alice, and a grateful smile from Joy.

***

The sun was just setting as they left the shop. It was a chilly October evening, but Yaz was still comfortable in her sweater. Alice was jumping around, happy to have their new friend joining them for their evening visit to the neighborhood park. Joy had to take her hand to try and contain her a little, or at least to stop her from wandering into traffic out of pure excitement.

When they reached the park, Alice let go of her mother’s hand and ran to the playground. Joy and Yaz laughed at the cuteness of her squeals as she climbed and slid around. After a moment, they made their way to a nearby bench so they could sit and talk while keeping an eye on her.

They sat in silence for a little while, just enjoying the breeze.

“Thanks,” Yaz finally said.

“What for?” Joy turned around to look at her.

“For being there for me tonight.”

“It was a coincidence, though,” she reasoned.

Yaz smiled at her softly. “Maybe, but you made sure I was all right. And now, I’m here with you guys. It means a lot, really,” she said, her gaze dropping to her fidgety hands.

“I’m glad we got there when we did,” Joy said. “Even though Alice got scared a little.”

Yaz sighed, head dropping in her hands. She looked back at Joy, eyes rolling at the situation. “I wish had been able to fight back.”

“Nah,” Joy said. “It’s useless to fight with people like him. I can tell he’s the kind of man who finds pleasure in spurring hate and fear wherever he goes.”

Yaz looked at Alice, who was still playing around. She didn’t seem too unsettled by the events of the evening, but deep down Yaz felt like she had betrayed her. She wished she could’ve shown her that it’s unacceptable to let people like Oscar act that way. Yet, she knew Joy was right, and that trying to stand up to him would’ve made the situation much more difficult.

Joy balanced herself on the bench and bumped into Yaz softly, trying to get her out of her thoughts a little. “Wanna go in the big slide?”

Yaz laughed out loud at the random question. She stood up, claiming: “First one there has to get the other a pack of custard creams,” and she sprinted to the playground.

Joy stood up in a hurry. “Yaz! I got you so many custard creams, it’s a boring prize!” She was catching up on her. “You underestimate my love for custard creams, though,” she said, passing her.

Yaz had indeed underestimated Joy’s love for the biscuits, but she couldn’t be mad about it.

***

After her shift at the grocery store the following day, Yaz decided to head to the lab to get some work done. She hadn’t been as productive as she wanted in the past week as exhaustion was taking its toll on her. She figured that the lab would be empty on a Saturday night, which would help her focus on her work.

She only had a few hours remaining of her contract, which made her sad. Martha had told her a few days prior that she hadn’t heard back about the funding, meaning that she was unable to extend her contract for the time being.

Yaz was allowed to keep the key to the lab, though. “You can come in whenever you want or need to,” her professor had said.

The student still felt nostalgic at the thought of not being part of the team for a little while. She knew her friendship with Bill was solid; the two of them had formed a solid bond outside of the lab, hanging out with Clara as well. Would it be the same with Joy?

The halls of the university were empty, just as Yaz expected. When she turned the corner leading to Lab #13, she was surprised to see the room was lit up. “Maybe someone forgot to turn off the lights last night,” she muttered.

When she unlocked the door, she saw none other than Joy, dancing around to the music playing in her headset.

“From the dawn of time to the end of days; I will have to run away; I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste; of the blood on my lips, again,” the older woman sang.

Yaz turned around to close the door behind her, and also to hide the smile she couldn’t repress. When she turned around, Joy was frozen mid-movement in the middle of the room. She removed her headset, waving at Yaz. “Hey Yaz, didn’t expect to see you here today!”

“Yeah, neither did I,” she said, dropping her belongings on a chair. “I assumed the place would be empty on a Saturday night. Where’s Alice?”

Joy went back to her seat, dropping her headset on the desk, before turning back to Yaz. “She’s at my brother’s,” she said, looking bashful. Yaz wondered why she looked like this. “I _may_ have faked a date so he’d accept looking after her,” she hid her face in her hands in shame as Yaz laughed her head off. “I just have so much work to do!”

Yaz was still laughing as she was making herself a cup of hot chocolate. “All right let me get this straight. You’re not married to the job; you’re dating the job. Gotcha,” she said, looking back at Joy, smirking.

She was surprised that Joy could even fake a date; Yaz had assumed Alice’s dad was around. Though, Joy seemed to always be alone with her daughter…

The other woman wheezed. “Thank you for understanding,” she said, staring at Yaz and stroking her desk softly.

When Yaz noticed the gesture, she almost choked on her drink. “Joy!”

They had quite the case of the giggles for a while after that, but eventually managed to get some work done. After a few hours, Yaz’s stomach rumbled in hunger. She pretended it didn’t happen. She didn’t want to disturb their workflow.

“Heard it, Yaz,” Joy said, not looking up from her own work.

“Sorry.”

Joy looked up. She was wearing thick-framed glasses, which suited her really well. “Wanna grab a bite? I’m starving. We can always get it delivered here and work in the meantime.”

“Oh, God. Please.”

Joy moved over to Yaz’s desk, a blank webpage open. “What do you feel like having?”

“Anything,” Yaz answered.

“Fish and chips?”

Yaz answered with a ‘chef kiss’ gesture, which made Joy giggle.

Waiting for their meal to get there, they decided to move two unused desks to create a makeshift dinner table.

When it got there, the salty scent filled the space. They sat face to face to enjoy what Joy called ‘the best fish and chips from the best chippy in the universe.’

“So, Yaz,” Joy started. “Why did you decide to come to uni here?”

Yaz felt her shoulders stiffen. Joy couldn’t be aware of how much of a loaded question this was. She didn’t want to dampen the mood, so stayed as vague as she could. “Well, I got my bachelor’s degree in Sheffield, but I was long overdue a change of scenery, even then. Just took me a while to make the move. I didn’t want to be too far from my family, though, so Leeds felt like a good balance, I suppose,” she said, matter-of-factly. “What about you, have you been living here for very long?”

Joy looked at her intensely, clearly sensing the younger woman wasn’t telling everything. She let it go, though. “Ah, me, I’ve been here for a while. Left Sheffield right after A Levels. Came here for all of uni, then travelled for a while, had a kid,” she said, then stopping to take a sip of tea. “And here I am now.”

“Where did you go?” Yaz was curious about Joy’s walk of life.

“So many places! I’ve backpacked around the world before Alice was born. I have a soft spot for Argentina, though. That were proper amazing.” Nostalgia took over her for an instant, but she broke the spell by biting fiercely in a chip. “Did you get to travel a little?”

“I visited Pakistan as a child, but that’s basically it.”

“That’s ace! Never got around to visiting there, now that I think about it,” she suddenly looked so focused, as if she was trying to plan an itinerary right there and then.

They kept eating in silence for a while, until Joy took a moment to look at Yaz with the same intensity she had just shown mere moments ago.

“Are you all right?” Joy asked.

“About last night?” Joy nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You should quit,” Joy said simply, taking a chip from her plate.

“Can’t. I’ve got bills to pay, and Martha still doesn’t have enough funding to extend my contract,” she took a bite of fish, thinking. “Wish I could, though. It’s so unfulfilling.”

“And your boss is an asshole,” Joy added. “Look, I may have an idea. I was actually gonna run an ad for this, but…” She lost herself in her train of thought, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. “Things are getting a little hectic right now. For me, I mean. Being a postdoc here is great, but it kinda just… happened. I don’t think I was ready for all that work,” she stopped and looked at Yaz. “It’s amazing, though. I adore my job, don’t get me wrong. But I’m here on a Saturday night, and I had to lie to my brother so he’d accept to babysit my four-year-old child. It’s not exactly ideal. Actually, it isn’t _at all_ and I feel shitty about it, if I can be really honest with you.”

“Hey,” Yaz moved her chair around to sit next to Joy, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, you’re doing your best.”

“My best can definitely be better,” Joy said. She took a deep breath, putting her ideas in order. “What I wanna say is, I’m looking for a nanny. I want none of that Mary Poppins vibe, staying over, bigger on the inside stuff, and all that. I do love Mary Poppins, though. Mary Poppins would be awesome,” she said, her signature nose scrunch reappearing. “I just need someone who can pick up Alice at preschool, maybe entertain for a few hours while I finish my work here. It’s just…,” she searched for her words again. “I’ve been picking her up at four, then coming back here for a few hours because the lab is virtually empty by that point, and then we usually go home at seven-ish.”

“Can’t really be productive with a four-year-old running around the place, can you?” She was still trying to bring her some kind of comfort, now rubbing her hand slowly on her back.

“Nope,” Joy said. “Remember, that first time we bump into you at the grocery store?” Yaz nodded. “When I left the lab that day, I was so exhausted I couldn’t bring myself to cook. That’s why I stopped by to get a stupid frozen pizza and loads of snacks.” She was holding her face with both of her hands in shame.

The shift in Joy’s body language was immeasurable. Yaz did what any friend would do, and hugged the woman sitting next to her. Joy leaned into the touch. Yaz could hear her sniff, and it broke her heart even more to see someone so bright and lively feel such pain and shame.

“Look at me,” Yaz said. When she finally looked up, Joy’s eyes were red and puffy. “You’re doing great. And the fact you’re trying to make things better for the both of you shows what an incredible mum you are,” she smiled fondly at her.

“Yeah?” Joy sniffed again.

“Yeah.”

“Would you like to be Alice’s nanny, Yaz?” She looked at her, hope now replacing the shame in her eyes. “She already likes you so much, you’d be the perfect fit.”

Yaz couldn’t believe she was being offered the perfect opportunity. She was touched that Joy had not only thought of her for the position, but that she had allowed herself to open up to Yaz in such a deep, personal way.

“And I’d pay you a decent wage, of course. So you can leave that stupid job and the crazy boss that comes with it,” Joy added, smirking.

“Of course I’d love it, Joy!” They both grinned at each other. “I feel freer already.”

“Me too!”

Yaz was absolutely mind blown, in the best way possible. She was going to get paid to look over the sweetest kid she’d ever met and, hopefully, get to build a solid friendship with Joy.

“Oh my God,” Yaz was suddenly up on her feet and running to the other side of the lab to get her laptop.

“What’s wrong? What are you doing?”

Yaz turned around and looked at her. “I need to write my resignation letter,” she said, almost screaming in excitement.

Joy ran to her, and they jumped around the room in celebration. After a little while, the two breathless women sat down at the desk and worked on the resignation letter that was going to change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYYY I hope you enjoyed this! I'll see you all next week!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm really happy; you guys really seem to be enjoying this. Let me tell you, I'm enjoying writing Joy and Yaz's story as well! 
> 
> I hope you like this one!!

Yaz’s research contract was now officially over, but the newest developments in her life meant that transition was actually a lot easier to manage. All she needed to do, now, was to give Oscar her resignation letter, and leave that place for good.

It was Tuesday, 11:25. She was running out the door of her classroom, letter in hand. Oscar, who was well aware of her timetable, had scheduled her at 11:30, which meant she had to sprint to work to hopefully be there on time and avoid her boss’ wrath.

She entered the store at 11:30 flat, and she could tell she was going to pay for it when she saw Oscar’s figure from the corner of her eye.

“Khan, you’re late,” he shouted. “Why can’t I bloody trust you? Tell me why, Yasmin.”

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face him. “Yes, I am late, Oscar. You know why? Because you decided to schedule me five minutes after my classes ended and couldn’t care less when I told you _this_ was going to happen.”

She walked slowly toward him and finally handed him the letter. He looked at it in disgust.

“What is this supposed to be, Khan?”

“This, Oscar, is my resignation letter.”

“Think you can leave this place? Really?” He said, slowly approaching her. He was towering over her in a menacing way, but she couldn’t be bothered less by his behaviour.

Yaz smirked. “I can, and I will.”

“Get out of my sight, I don’t need people like you here,” he scoffed. “Go and ruin your life somewhere else.”

At that, Yaz walked past him and left the building for good. Behind her, she heard footsteps following her.

“Mate, are you okay?” Of course, Ryan had seen the whole thing and wanted to comfort her. He was her best friend for a reason.

“More than okay,” she said, hugging him in celebration. “I’m sorry I’m leaving you all by yourself over here, but oh my days does it feel amazing to leave.” She couldn’t stop grinning. She was finally free.

“Go on, Yaz. You’ll do amazing things,” he said, hugging her tightly. “I’m so proud of you.”

After bidding her goodbye, he ran back into the store before Oscar decided he was his next target.

The first thing she did, as she walked back home, was text Joy. The older woman had given Yaz her phone number and had made her promise she was to text her as soon as the letter was in Oscar’s hands.

\-----------------------------------------

_11:42 – **Yaz** :_ The deed is done.

_11:42 – **Joy** : _Oooooh! How did it go?  
 _11:43 – **Joy** :_ I mean, I’m assuming it went well enough since you survived the encounter. Unless your ghost is texting me…?

_11:44 – **Yaz** :_ I survived. He had a go at me because I was late (technically right on time, but whatever), and then I gave him the letter. He told me to leave afterwards.  
 _11:44 – **Yaz** :_ FREEDOM!

_11:46 – **Joy** :_ HURRAY! We should celebrate.  
 _11:55 – **Joy** :_ I know this may be your first afternoon/evening off in a while, but would you like to maybe start looking after Alice this evening? I’m keeping this whole thing a secret, but she’s been talking about you A LOT and I’m finding it a little hard to not just tell her she has the coolest nanny in town.  
 _11:55 – **Joy** :_ Of course, you can say no, tho. No presh, as you youngsters say.

_11:57 – **Yaz** :_ I’d love to, Joy.  
 _11:57 – **Yaz** :_ Guess I’m not enough of a youngster to say that. No presh in trying to sound cool with me, Dr. Smith. :)

_11:58 – **Joy** :_ Amazing! Let’s meet at the lab at 3:30? I’ll give your info to the school so you can go by yourself afterwards.  
 _11:59 – **Joy** :_ Oi! Don’t Dr. Smith me, please :((((((

_12:01 – **Yaz** :_ See you then!

\-----------------------------------------

Once she got home, Yaz changed into comfier clothes ahead of her late afternoon and evening with Alice. She figured that, if she were to go to the playground with her, she was better off wearing a pair of leggings and a loose sweater rather than skinny jeans and a button-up shirt.

She spent the most part of her day tidying up the flat. Ryan had been an angel for the past two months, taking it on himself to do most of the chores while Yaz was juggling her multiple jobs as well as her intense course work. She wanted to repay him the favor now that she could make the time for it.

After a few hours, she had cleaned every surface and swept all the floors. She looked at the result with pride.

Once she was done, though, she decided to make her way to the university. If her memory was correct, Bill was meant to be in the lab as well. Yaz thought it would be nice to hang out with her for a little while before heading out with Joy.

On her way there, Yaz was deep in her thoughts. She couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of her day would be like. Would Alice really be happy to have her as her nanny? Would she be able to entertain her until Joy was done working, or would she end up boring the young girl to death in a matter of minutes?

Rationally, Yaz knew she had no reason to worry. She had always been great with her younger cousins at family parties. The fact Alice knew her already was a good start, too. Still, Yaz being Yaz, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to be good enough.

She had almost reached Lab #13 when she bumped into Bill.

“Hey, Bill! Headed home?”

“Yeah,” Bill said. “Since Joy is leaving early, I figured I could use a nap. Are you ready for this evening? She told me you’re nannying her kid for the first time today, it’s so cool!”

“Bit nervous, to be honest with you.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Bill answered. “She told me Alice adores you already. As she should,” she said, giving Yaz an exaggerated wink.

“Ah! Very funny, Bill. I’ll let you go take your nap then. Sleep well. And I’ll see you around soon, yeah?”

“Of course! Have a good evening, Yaz.” They waved at each other as Bill walked away.

The door to the lab was ajar, and the closer Yaz got to it, the clearer Joy’s voice was getting. She was singing.

“I drew a line; I drew a line for you; oh, what a thing to do; and it was all yellow.”

Yaz felt bad for interrupting, especially considering Joy’s voice was absolutely beautiful. She wished she could’ve stayed hidden for hours, just to listen to her.

“You’ve got quite the voice, you know?” Yaz said, entering the room.

Joy’s face turned to crimson. If the floor could’ve swallowed her whole right there and then, she would’ve been grateful.

“Thank you, Yaz. That’s nice of you. I don’t usually… uh… do _that_. Not in public, anyway.”

“Well, if it can make you feel any better, I think you should,” Yaz added simply.

Joy was looking at everything but her. Yaz couldn’t help but think that she looked adorable like this.

“Well, look at the time,” Joy said, clearly happy to be able to change the focus of the conversation. “We have to go now if we want to be there on time!”

Yaz smirked as she held the door for Joy to come out of the room and locked the door behind them.

“All right,” Joy said. “First, before I forget, here’s the key to my place.” She handed Yaz a customized key: it was blue with little rainbows all over it. “You’ll never forget which one it is,” she smiled.

Yaz smiled back at her. “Definitely not!”

“Is it okay with you if we walk there?” Joy asked. “It’s not too far. Figured it would be fun, the weather is nice and the scenery on the way there is cute.”

Was she rambling? It sounded a lot like it to Yaz.

“Sure! Don’t worry about it, Joy. It’s a great idea,” Yaz reassured.

“Great, great,” Joy mumbled. “Okay, then. Let’s get a shift on!”

On the way there, Joy was abnormally silent. Yaz stole a few glances at her as they were walking and noticed that she was simply looking at her surroundings. This was a new side of Joy she had yet to meet before, but one she was excited to discover.

“Oh!” Joy exclaimed. “I forgot to congratulate you in person for your unemployment.” She smiled for a millisecond, until her face became very serious once more. “Wait, that doesn’t sound right.” She was deep in her thoughts. “Not unemployment because I employ you. No…”

“My Oscar-less life?” Yaz suggested.

She looked around to Yaz, hands in the air. “Yes! Congrats on your Oscar-less life!”

The rest of the walk to the school was uneventful. Once they got closer, Yaz could hear the sound of children screaming. When they entered the school grounds, Alice instantly came running toward them, taking both of them – or their legs, really – in her arms.

“Mummy, you brought Yaz!” She said, jumping around in excitement.

“I did, yes!” She said, one of her hands playing with her daughter’s hair. “Where’s your teacher, sweetheart? I need to make sure Yaz can pick you up in the future.”

“Yaz is gonna pick me up from school?” Alice looked at her mother in complete awe.

Joy’s sweet gaze fell on Yaz before she turned back to her daughter. “Yes, sweetie. She’s your new nanny.”

Alice’s stare was made of pure amazement, which had rendered her completely speechless.

“Oh! I see him. I’ll be right back,” she said to Yaz.

Yaz looked at Alice, whose stare followed her mother as she was walking toward her teacher.

“Hey Alice,” Yaz tried. Alice looked up at her, eyes sparkling with happiness. “Are you happy about this?”

“I’m SO happy,” she said, jumping in Yaz’s arms. As she held the young girl, she looked over to her mother and teacher. Joy was pointing at them, probably explaining to the teacher Yaz would be picking up Alice in the future.

Yaz thought it would be best to go introduce herself to the man. Alice still in her arms, she made her way to them.

“Yaz! This is Ian Chesterton, Alice’s teacher.”

“Hello. Nice to meet you, mister Chesterton,” she said, shaking his hand.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure Alice is excited to spend the rest of the afternoon with you,” the teacher said, looking at Yaz. “Goodbye, ladies.”

“Bye-bye, Ian,” Alice said.

Yaz brought Alice back to ground-level; her back could only take so much. They made their way back to Joy and Alice’s place, Alice offering them an extensive summary of her day at preschool.

Joy was holding her daughter’s hand, balancing it exaggeratedly step after step. After a few meters, the four-year-old’s other hand took hold of Yaz's. She looked down at their hands, and then at Joy, who offered her a smile. 

Yaz felt a warmth like she’d never experienced before. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve assumed her chest was about to burst at any moment.

The ever so energetic Alice was jumping up and down instead of walking. Eventually, both women joined in the movement, lifting her up with each jump. Alice was ecstatic, laughing and screaming all at once.

They quickly reached their destination, as the house was about halfway between Alice’s school and the university.

“Here we are,” Joy said, unlocking the door. “I’m gonna work here for an hour or two. It’s not really worth going back to uni. Plus, I’ll be available if you have any questions, or if you need anything,” she added.

“Don’t worry about us,” Yaz said. “I think we’ll be fine.” She looked at Alice, who was nodding vigorously.

“Oh! By the way, dinner is included in this deal,” Joy said. “I mean, me cooking dinner and you staying over to eat with us. I’m not just telling you now you have to cook. That wouldn’t be very nice,” she scrunched her nose. “Am I making sense?”

Yaz laughed. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Before I go hide in my office, I should probably give you a tour,” Joy said, removing her boots – Doc Martens that were in a very bad shape; only a small part of the sole was still attached to the boot itself.

It was a small bungalow. The kitchen, dining room and the bathroom were pretty straightforward. They fulfilled their functions, but nothing more.

“We moved here after I got the job. I wanted us to have a little more space, with her growing up and all that,” Joy said. “Didn’t have much time to personalize the whole place, yet.”

The rest of the house was very cozy, though. It completely fitted Joy’s personality. The sitting room walls were filled with travel photographs and pictures of mother and daughter, while the bookcases framing the television held books as well as a multitude of trinkets. Joy’s office was very similar, except the bookcase in there was filled with textbooks, and the only picture in the room was sat on her desk. It was one of her and baby Alice.

When they entered Alice’s room, the young girl took over the tour. The room was space-themed, and someone – Joy, presumably – had painted stars on the ceiling in glow-in-the-dark paint.

“Look, Yaz,” Alice said, showing her a part of the ceiling. “This is the Pisces constellation. Mummy put it there because it’s my _arstrologilical_ sign.”

“Astrological sign, darling,” Joy corrected.

“ _A-stro-lo-gi-cal_ ,” Alice repeated. Her mother looked at her fondly, while Yaz offered her a high-five for her efforts. She jumped to reach Yaz’s hand and was again very proud of herself once she heard the loud ‘clap’ of their hands colliding.

Yaz noticed as they left the room that the tour didn’t include a visit into Joy’s room, which the younger woman didn’t even question. They were growing closer, but she didn’t want to intrude or overstep in any way.

Once they were back in the sitting room, Alice told them she was hungry.

“Oh, right! It’s snack time. Almost forgot,” Joy said, making her way to the pantry. “Thank you for the reminder, sweetheart.”

“ _You_ welcome, Mummy,” the child said, giving her mother a big smile.

“Sorry about that, Yaz,” Joy’s voice emerged from the kitchen. “When we go to the lab I always bring something for her. Guess I forgot to think this through.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Yaz said, following the other woman’s voice. She was looking through every cupboard, opening and closing the refrigerator at least thrice. “You both need to adapt to this new thing, it’s all right. If you wanna get back to work, I can figure something out for her. If you’ll let me, of course.”

Joy’s eyes were filled with gratitude. “You sure that’s fine?”

“Of course, dummy!” She stopped herself for an instant, hoping she hadn’t crossed a line. Joy giggled, which reassured Yaz. “I’m gonna be doing this every day. Might as well start now, don’t you think?”

The older woman sighed. “You’re right. And I have a feeling you’re one of those people who _always_ are,” she smirked, taking Yaz by surprise and rendering her speechless. "Okay, I’ll leave you two to it, now,” she said, heading to her office. She stopped in her tracks and turned to Yaz. “You can eat a snack too, if you want.”

Yaz giggled and nodded at her friend. “Thanks, Joy.” She looked over to Alice, who was playing in the sitting room as she waited for her snack. “Alice, your mum’s gonna be working for a few hours. Wanna come say bye to her?”

The two women could hear thumps on the floor, signaling Alice’s arrival. She jumped into her mother’s arms, who swiftly lifted her up to kiss her cheek.

“I’ll see you in a few hours, sweetheart. You’ll behave yourself for Yaz?” As she asked her question, she looked at Yaz and winked at her. Yaz couldn’t help but laugh at the scene.

“Yes, Mummy! I always behave,” she said as her mother put her to the ground.

“I know you do,” Joy answered, ruffling her hair before finally making her way to her office. “Let me know if you guys need anything,” she added before closing the door.

Yaz looked at Alice, who was staring at her expectantly.

“So, it’s snack time, isn’t it?” She offered her hand to the young girl, who gladly grasped it, and led her to the kitchen. “All right. What would you like to eat, kiddo?” The nickname slipped her lips involuntarily, but it felt natural.

The four-year-old shrugged at the question. Yaz looked into the refrigerator to hopefully find some inspiration. She saw cheese strings in one of the drawers. “ _Bingo_ ,” she thought. She took two out of the packaging, one for each of them. She turned toward the young girl, presenting her the snack. “ _Please like it, please like it_.”

Alice’s smile instantly brightened. “Yay! Thank you, Yazzy.”

For once in her life, Yaz didn’t mind the nickname so much. She quite liked it, actually; probably because Alice was much more adorable than Ryan could ever be. 

Once they were done eating, Alice asked her if they could go play outside for a while. Yaz helped her put her coat and boots on before putting on hers.

The young woman hadn’t noticed the backyard when they’d gotten there, but when she saw it, she could understand why Alice wanted to go.

There was a little treehouse. From afar, she could see light strings hanging inside of it. She could only imagine how cozy it was. Attached to the treehouse was a small slide, making the whole structure any child’s dream.

Alice ran to the treehouse and started climbing the ladder to reach it. Yaz quickly met her there to make sure she was getting up safe and sound.

“Yazzy, come up!”

“Are you sure? Is it sturdy enough for the both of us?”

Alice laughs. “Yes. Mummy and I always come up here together.”

“All right, here we go,” Yaz muttered. Once she got inside the treehouse, she was able to appreciate the space even more. Someone had painted animals on the walls in a cartoony fashion. Two sleeping bags were on the floor, with loads of cushions and pillows all over the place. She then took a look at the ceiling. As she had noticed previously, there were lights hanging from it but, just as in Alice’s room, it was filled with thousands of hand painted stars.

“What do you usually do up here, then?”

“We play Goonies,” Alice answered simply.

Yaz had to give it a proper thought to figure out what Alice meant by ‘playing Goonies.’ She assumed it had something to do with the film, but—

“Oh! The water slide scene!”

Alice started jumping. Thankfully, the treehouse was actually much sturdier than it looked. “Can we play? Please?”

“We sure can, kiddo,” she smiled.

And so, for the good part of an hour, they climbed up the treehouse and slid down, screaming and laughing. With each slide, they took new positions. On their backs, on their tummies, from behind. Alice couldn’t have been happier.

Yaz didn’t realize that, from her office, Joy had a full view of their antics in the backyard. She never noticed that the older woman was looking at them playing. Part of her wanted to leave all of her work behind and jump in to be a Goonie with them. But what she felt, deep down, almost unknowingly, was a growing warmth from the sight of these two together.

After a while, Alice was clearly exhausted, so the two of them decided to go inside to wind down a little. Once her boots and coats were off, Alice padded to her bedroom. Yaz looked at her inquisitively. It didn’t take long before she came running back with colouring pencils and paper.

She sat at the dining table and started working on her next masterpiece.

“Do you wanna draw with me, Yazzy?”

Yaz looked at her watch and realized it was a quarter past five. She wasn’t sure when Joy was meant to stop working, but she assumed it would be in a little while. “Actually, I don’t think I will today. I’ll go talk to your mother for a minute to see if she wants me to start cooking dinner.”

Yaz tiptoed to Joy’s office and gave the door a soft knock.

“Come in,” Joy said.

“Hey,” Yaz started, only her head inside the office. “Were just wondering if you wanted me to get dinner started?”

Joy put her pen down and turned to Yaz. She looked completely astonished. “You’re a godsend.” Yaz giggled at her facial expression, which was an adorable mixture of shock and amazement. “But you don’t have to, you know.”

Yaz could sense that Joy was feeling bad about this. The woman was clearly not used to asking for help, and probably not to receiving it either.

“I don’t mind, Joy.”

“Really?” She looked so uncertain.

“Really.” she smiled. “If you’re comfortable with it, that is. But I wanna help in any way I can.”

Joy was deep in thoughts for a moment. “It would really help me out, that’s for sure.”

“That’s settled, then. Did you have anything planned, or are you more the type to decide what you’re having on the spot?”

Joy laughed softly. “Have you met me? I clearly decide on the spot, and then mess it up as I go.”

Yaz smiled at her. “Perfect, I’ll try to figure something out.”

As it turned out, Yaz was a pretty decent cook and could improvise a meal with pretty much anything. She ended up making a rosé sauce, its aroma quickly filling the house.

After almost an hour, Yaz heard Joy emerge from her office, humming in appreciation.

“God, Yaz! Smells really good in here,” she said as she entered the kitchen area.

“Thanks! Hope you like rosé sauce.”

“PASTA! I love pasta!” She started dancing in pure elation in the middle of the kitchen. When she got closer to the pot, she stopped to look at its content. “And it’s made _from scratch_?”

Yaz laughed out loud at Joy’s reaction. The older woman looked genuinely amazed and happy, challenging the energy of a child on Christmas morning. The woman was an endless source of endearment, apparently.

“Yazzy,” Alice said, running towards her. “Look! I drew a funny monster.” The young girl handed Yaz the piece of paper. On it was a tiny alien-like monster with little antennas and big, protruding eyes.

“He’s very cute,” Yaz commented. She gave the drawing back to the young girl so she could keep it. Maybe he’d find his rightful spot in her space-themed bedroom?

Yaz could feel Joy’s eyes on her as she stirred the sauce one last time.

“You already have a nickname, huh?” Joy smirked. “I’m a little jealous, if I’m being honest… _Yazzy_ ,” she said, eyebrows raising.

Yaz side-eyed her, trying her best not to laugh at the situation. She had a feeling banter would come easily between the two of them. “All right, dinner’s ready!”

Joy walked Yaz to the dining table and sat her down on a chair. “You stay here.” She turned over to her daughter. “Alice, please go wash your hands!”

Once Alice was back in her seat, Joy handed them their plates and glasses of water – in a sippy cup for Alice since she could be a little clumsy. Yaz thanked her promptly. “It’s the least I can do since you cooked the whole thing! How did you even do that? Do you have magic fingers or something?”

Yaz almost choked on her sip of water.

Joy, on the other hand, didn’t seem to click on the innuendo. She did look at Yaz with worry, though. “You okay?”

“Yup, all good,” she answered, taking another sip. “Enjoy your meal!”

All three of them ate in near silence for a moment. Joy’s satisfied hums following every bite were the only noises for a little while.

“Mummy,” Alice broke the comfortable silence.

“Yes, sweetheart?” She asked, hiding her mouthful of pasta with her mouth. Yaz giggled.

“Can Yaz sleepover tonight?”

Joy looked surprised by her daughter’s question. “You know what a sleepover is?”

“ _Interesting thing to notice firsthand_ ,” Yaz thought.

“Of course, I do,” Alice said. “Ian read us a book today, and the boy in it had a sleepover with his friends, and Yaz is our friend, so she should sleepover here.”

Yaz softened yet again at the young girl’s words. Logically, she knew she had to say no, but how could she? She looked at Joy with pleading eyes, hoping she would let her daughter down nicely.

“You know what? It’s not a bad idea, sweetheart,” Joy started. Suddenly, Yaz was wondering if the older woman had been able to comprehend the meaning behind her stare. "The thing is, it’s a weekday. Can’t really have someone sleepover when you have to go to school in the morning, can you?”

Alice was deep in thoughts, taking in her mother’s arguments. She looked like she was analyzing the situation to make it turn to her advantage. “Okay, Mummy. I understand.”

“Knew you would,” Joy smiled.

“Can she sleepover for my birthday, then? Is my birthday a weekday or a… _not_ weekday?” She was intelligent, and a very capable negotiator.

Joy looked at her phone’s calendar. “Your birthday is not on the weekend, sadly. But I’m sure we can make something work if Yaz is up for it.” She turned over to Yaz and smiled softly at her. Her look seemed to say, ‘what do you think?’ In that look, Yaz thought she could see a glint of hope, but she assumed she was wrong.

“When’s your birthday, then?” Yaz asked Alice.

“23rd of February,” she said proudly.

“All right, then. Can’t miss your fifth birthday sleepover, can I?”

Alice squealed and jumped on Yaz’s lap to give her the biggest hug she had ever received.

“And I’ll be here almost every day until your birthday,” Yaz said, smiling. “Maybe you’ll get sick of me by then, who knows.”

“Never!” Alice giggled.

“Yeah? You sure about that?” Yaz started tickling Alice, who was laughing hysterically.

While the two of them were laughing, Joy cleared the table and started the washing up. When Yaz heard the water run, she whispered in Alice’s ear to go get her drawing stuff while she was helping her mother clean. Once Alice was sitting at the table and drawing once more, Yaz made her way to the kitchen.

“Hiya,” Yaz said, taking hold of a cloth hanging on the oven door.

Joy turned around, her usual smile lighting up her face. “She really warmed up to you quickly,” she whispered, taking a glance at her daughter. “I’m glad.”

“So am I,” Yaz answered. “You’re raising an awesome human.”

Joy’s body froze for a moment. She dropped the plate she was washing back in the sink before turning to Yaz and hugging her.

“This is the best thing anyone ever said to me,” she murmured.

Yaz was surprised by the gesture but tried her best not to make it show. She quickly hugged Joy back, holding onto her tightly.

When Joy finally broke the hug, she held Yaz’s arms for a moment longer to look her in the eye. “Thank you. Truly.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Yaz smiled. “Truly.”

They quickly focused back on their task but were disturbed by the sound of light footsteps behind them.

“What are you doing, Alice?” Joy asked, not even looking behind her. She was disturbingly aware of her surroundings.

“Mummy, can I have some custard creams, please?”

Her mother looked back and smiled. “Only if Yaz and I can have some.”

Alice leaped to the cupboard, waiting for her mother to join her. Joy had placed the biscuits on the highest shelf so Alice couldn’t reach them. She trusted her daughter, but she was also _her_ daughter, meaning she had very little self-control over her sugar intake. After opening the pack and stealing a few custard creams from it, she handed it over to her daughter.

“Thank you, Mummy!” She said as she ran towards Yaz. “Here, Yazzy,” she handed her a few biscuits.

“Thanks, kiddo!” She accepted the offering and placed them on the counter.

Alice then walked back to the table, munching on a biscuit. Simultaneously, Joy was making her way back to the sink, nibbling on hers. Yaz looked at them, one after the other, and couldn’t help but grin.

“What’s up?” Joy asked, noticing Yaz’s expression.

“She looks so much like you,” she answered simply. “It’s adorable.”

Joy’s cheeks flushed, making Yaz giggle once more. They were adorable. It didn’t take long for the young woman to realize that she was getting attached to the both of them equally, though in different fashion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say... F*** OSCAR! But also... Thanks Oscar because Yaz is now officially Alice's nanny?
> 
> I hope you liked it :) I can't wait for you guys to see what I have in store in the next few weeks! 
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment, I have to say I'm REALLY enjoying getting to talk to you guys on here!!
> 
> As usual, you can find me on Twitter @WHTTAKERMCKNNON :) See y'all next week!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy trailer day! Seeing as the beebs is making us wait, I thought posting this a little earlier than usual wouldn't hurt.

Yaz woke up with a start. She was breathless, as if she had spent the night running from some kind of monster.

It took her a moment to fully come to consciousness, but when she did, she remembered why she was so tense: she had a presentation to prepare for the next day as well as multiple articles to read. She also had a class in the morning and was looking after Alice later in the day. She felt her chest tighten at the thought but managed to keep her breathing in check. She reassured herself thinking about the fact that, at least, her current ‘boss’ was much more understanding than the previous one.

She dragged herself out of bed, taking a moment to open the curtains. She was surprised to realize it was still dark out, which prompted her to take a look at her phone.

“Are you kidding?” She muttered. It was 5:30 in the morning. She threw herself back in her bed, hoping she’d be able to sleep a few extra hours.

Except, she couldn’t.

She tossed and turned for a while, her mind whirling. She felt like her brain was attacked from all sides by different things, some worrying and anxiety-inducing, while others contrasted by being calming. Her school-related worries took a toll on her, there was no question about it. But she surprised herself musing about the past few weeks she spent looking after Alice.

Working for Joy was everything Yaz had expected it to be, and more. She was almost a month into this new adventure, and she was quickly getting to know both mother and daughter in various, surprising ways.

Alice was a little energy ball but was also very inquisitive. More times than Yaz could count, the young girl would stop what she was doing to ask her nanny the most astonishing, smart questions. Joy was right when she said her daughter had warmed up to her quickly, but Yaz quickly realized she felt just the same; their bond was unique, unlike anything Yaz had ever known before. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what made it so special, though. She just accepted it as it was, without question.

She also got to know Joy. The two of them had gotten closer in so many ways. Yaz felt like her assumptions about Joy were wrong, because the woman was so, so much more. She was smarter, kinder, funnier. It was basically impossible to be uncomfortable with Joy; she was always present for everyone, especially so for people she cared about. Yaz was lucky enough to be one of them.

Yaz had come to realize that under her friend’s bubbly, happy-go-lucky personality, hid an old soul. Sometimes, she looked into her eyes and felt like the other woman had seen much more than most people. But the closer she got to this part of Joy, the more Yaz grew curious about her. And so, the young woman often caught her mind wandering into what she started calling ‘Joy territory.’

And, there she was, treading once more into Joy territory.

***

Her class thankfully ended earlier than usual, which meant Yaz could take her time before heading to Alice’s school. She decided to grab a bite at the cafeteria and stop by the lab to work on her presentation before picking up Joy’s daughter.

Her sandwich in hand, she hurriedly made her way to the lab. She was surprised to see the room empty when she entered.

She sat at one of the many empty desks, taking out her laptop from her bag. Her presentation was about the importance of LGBTQIA+ representation in children media; Martha had been really enthusiastic about her research project, as always. Yaz wanted to be up to the expectations and possibly exceed them, which meant she was really throwing all of herself into this.

She had already planned her whole presentation and made the necessary research. All she had to do was finish up her slides and try to memorize what she wanted to say. The subject was very dear to her heart; it made it easier for her to remember most of what she wanted to say, but she was also very hard on herself because of how important that subject was to her.

She was so focused on her work that she didn’t notice when Joy entered the room and sat just outside her peripheral vision. And so, when she let out an exhausted sigh and could suddenly feel someone’s hand on her shoulder, she jumped out of her chair in fright.

“Hey,” Joy said. “It’s okay, it’s just good old me,” she smiled shyly, approaching a startled Yaz slowly.

Yaz could feel her heart trying to beat out of her chest. She controlled her breathing before saying anything. “Gosh, you scared me! When did you get here?”

“About, eh…” She looked at her phone. “Like half an hour ago.”

“I’m so sorry! I promise I wasn’t trying to ignore you or anything,” she explained. “I’m working on my presentation for Martha’s class and just forgot about my surroundings.”

“What are you working on? Can I look?” She said, walking backwards towards Yaz’s computer, waiting for her approval. Yaz nodded. 

“It’s about LGBTQIA+ representation in children media,” Yaz said, joining her.

Joy didn’t say anything; she was completely engrossed in Yaz’s project, reading every single piece of information on every slide.

“Well,” the older woman started. “You clearly put a lot of work into this. I bet you’re gonna ace it,” she turned to Yaz, smiling.

Yaz looked at her feet in modesty. “Thanks,” she said, finally looking up.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this Yaz… But you look exhausted.”

Yaz laughed out loud. “I don’t mind, nah. I’m well aware of it,” she said. “Was hoping I could hide it a little better.”

Joy sat next to her, elbow leaning on the desk and resting her head on her hand. She looked at her attentively. “Do you want the night off?”

“No!” She answered a little too quickly. “No, I had a feeling you’d say that, but it’s not that bad, really. I’m just… I really wanna do well, you know?” She took a deep breath before she kept going. “I’m overdoing this because I care, I guess.”

Joy gazed at Yaz, as if she was looking for something in her eyes. She gave her a little smile and nodded. “That’s comprehensible,” she said, looking back at the screen. “Alice is pretty easy-going. If you want to focus on your work and have her draw or watch a movie, that’s fine too, you know? That way you can keep an eye on her, but still get some work done.”

Yaz smiled bashfully at her. She knew she was lucky, but in moments like this she was unbelievably grateful for Joy’s open mindedness and comprehension.

The younger woman looked at her watch and realized if she didn’t leave immediately, she was going to be late to pick up Alice. She sprung from her chair, accidentally scaring Joy in the process.

“Yaz!” The older woman exclaimed. “It’s okay, you can be a few minutes late.” She got up to allow her some extra space while she packed her things.

Once she was all packed up and ready to leave, she stopped and looked at Joy once last time. “Thank you, Joy. I’ll see you later,” she smiled. She ran to the door, looking back one last time. “Should I start dinner?”

Joy smiled. “No, don’t worry about it!”

“Bye!” Yaz screamed, running out the door.

***

Once they were home, Yaz explained to Alice that she couldn’t play Goonies because she had a lot of work to do for school.

“It’s okay, Yazzy. I understand,” she said, hugging her nanny. “It’s not as fun as playing Goonies but you don’t have a choice,” she added.

“Exactly,” Yaz nodded. “What would you like to do?” She crouched next to the young girl, smiling at her. “Would you like to draw so we can work on our own things together?”

Alice’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Drawing with Yazzy; I love drawing with Yazzy!”

At that, she ran to her room to get her art supplies. In the meantime, Yaz took out their snack: the leftovers from a veggie platter she had prepared the day prior while Joy was cooking dinner.

When both had spread their necessary tools on the table, they went to work. Yaz had managed to finish her presentation before leaving the university, so she focused on writing cue cards for her presentation. Alice, on the other hand, threw all of her soul in her drawing, which pictured a cat playing with a mouse.

Yaz looked up at the young girl and saw her tongue sticking out in focus. She couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. When she heard, Alice looked up, looking confused for an instant, and then joining in the laughter, her nose scrunching. She was the spitting image of her mother, and Yaz softened some more.

The both of them were entranced in their own project when they heard the front door open. Alice got up and ran to her mother, and Yaz looked up to see the older woman juggling with a large pizza, a bag of fresh, greasy chips, and beverages for all three of them. She quickly got up to help her out, thus preventing the tragedy that would’ve been to have the pizza fall on the floor. Joy thanked her with a look

Yaz put their dinner on the table and tidied the space quickly, letting mother and daughter have their moment.

She heard Joy whispering to Alice to go wash her hands, before she heard her walk to her. “I hope you like pizza, I didn’t know but I kinda assumed you did since everybody likes pizza, you know? Thought it would help you relax a little, I don’t know why. Hopefully it helps, that would be great, wouldn’t it?” Joy rambled.

Yaz smiled. “Thank you, Joy. Again.”

The older woman smiled back, her hand resting on the chairback. “You’re very welcome.”

“Mummy,” Alice interjected. “Can we eat in the sitting room?”

“’Course we can, sweetheart. As long as you don’t make a mess,” she said. “Or as long as I don’t, really,” she added, looking bashfully at Yaz, who snorted.

***

The three of them were propped on the couch, silently eating their pizza slices.

“How are you feeling about your presentation, Yaz?” Joy asked.

“Not too bad. I’ll practice in front of the mirror once or twice before I go to bed and hope for the best.”

“What’s your _pree— preesentation_ about, Yazzy?” Alice tried.

“It’s ‘presentation’, kiddo,” Yaz smiled. “And I’m talking about representation in TV shows, films and books that are written for you, basically. I have to explain how it’s important to see people that are diverse in what you watch and read, whether it’s in their sexual orientation or gender. But that’s what I focus on. Some of the people in my class are working on all kinds of diversities, too.” She looked over to Joy, wondering if her explanation made any sense. She was smiling proudly.

“Do you want to practice with an audience?” Joy offered; Yaz froze at the mention. “Don’t need to be the whole thing, with the slides and everything. But you can just tell us what you know... If you feel like it?”

Alice left her plate on the couch to go and stand in front of Yaz, pleading. “Yazzy, I wanna hear your _pree_ …” She stopped and looked at her mother, who whispered the word almost inaudibly. “… _pre-sen-ta-tion_.”

Yaz laughed. And then, just like that, she started talking. She told them about the literature about representation in media, then moved on to specifics regarding children’s media. She didn’t need to worry about the setting of the presentation; she was only explaining to her friend and her daughter why representation in television, film and literature was so important, why it mattered to be studied and how we could make it better.

Joy was captivated. She was holding her half-eaten pizza slice but didn’t get it in her mouth. All her attention was on Yaz and she was drinking her every word.

As much as Yaz tried to adapt her information for Alice, the child quickly got bored of sitting down and listening to a very ‘adult’ talk, even though the subject matter was much closer to her than she expected. After Yaz had told her of good examples of media she could watch, the young girl was back at the dining table, drawing.

After a moment, Yaz had said everything she had planned to say during her presentation.

“So, yeah. I guess that’s it.”

Joy rose from the couch. She was about to clap when she realized she was still holding her pizza slice; she shoved it in her mouth, freeing her hands so she could give Yaz a few rounds of applause. Alice joined the celebration even though she missed a good part of the informal presentation.

“That was ace, Yaz.” Joy said, sitting back down next to the younger woman on the couch, giving her a side hug.

“Thanks,” Yaz answered, looking up to Joy. “Thanks for listening, too.”

“Anytime,” she smiled.

Alice entered the room dramatically and laid down on the floor in front of them. “Mummy, Yazzy, I’m bored,” she sighed. “Can we watch a movie?” She got up and jumped on her mother’s lap, letting herself fall down on Yaz’s. “Please, please, please!”

Yaz looked up to Joy, mimicking Alice. “Please!”

The older woman belly laughed. “All right, you guys, you win.” She got up from the couch, cleaning up their empty plates with Yaz’s help. “You sure about this?” She asked the younger woman as they walked to the kitchen, not forgetting how exhausted she looked earlier in the day. “You can go home and rest if you like.”

“Actually, I’d like to stay, if you don’t mind. Thinking about something else for a couple of hours definitely won’t hurt.”

“You know what?” Joy asked. “That is _very_ true,” she added, taking the plates from Yaz’s hands. “Wanna help with choosing the movie or with the dishes?”

Yaz smiled. “I’ll let Alice decide,” she said, cloth in hand. “And the quicker we’re done here, the happier she’s gonna be.”

The older woman chuckled. “Let’s get a shift on, then.”

***

When they entered the sitting room bearing snacks, the two women found Alice sat on the couch, holding a movie in her hands: _Mary Poppins_.

“Oooooh,” Joy said, hovering around her daughter. “Interesting choice there, Alice.”

When Yaz noticed, she laughed. “Before we watch this, I should probably remind you that I’m not as cool as Mary Poppins.”

Alice giggled. “But can I call you Yazzy Poppins anyway?” She laughed harder, joined by the two women.

“What have I gotten myself into?” Yaz said, pretending to be upset.

“You know you like it,” Joy winked.

Yaz smiled at her softly. Of course, she liked it; how could she not? Every new day with these two was filled with love, laughter and learning. Their banter made the young woman feel a little lighter, but a little fuller.

The younger woman sat at one end of the couch as Joy was setting up the movie in the DVD player. As Joy made her way back, Alice shifted a little so she could sit between the two of them.

During _A Spoonful of Sugar_ , Yaz felt herself doze off, but she was fighting her sleepiness. She tried to focus on the song, and on Alice’s laughs throughout the film.

During _Jolly Holiday_ , Joy felt her daughter’s weight fall on her side. She looked at Yaz to tell her she was going to put her daughter to bed, only to realize that she, too, had fallen asleep.

She got up the couch, trying not to disturb the sleepers. She saw a blanket discarded between the two of them, and gently covered Yaz with it. She stopped for a moment to look at her, restraining herself from tucking a wild lock of hair behind the woman’s ear. She then gently lifted her daughter and brought her to bed.

Once Alice was in bed, Joy silently made her way back to the sitting room, where Yaz was still sound asleep. She watched the rest of the movie, taking a few stolen glances at her exhausted friend.

When the end credit rolled, Yaz was still in the arms of Morpheus. Wanting to make herself useful, she packed all of Yaz’s belongings in her bag, triple-checking to make sure everything was in there. She then walked back slowly to the couch, crouching next to the younger woman, and stroking her arm to gently wake her up.

“Yaz,” she whispered.

She woke up at the sound of her name, blinking the sleep away.

“Hiya,” Joy said softly. “You fell asleep.”

Yaz came back to her senses, noticing Alice wasn’t next to her anymore and that she was now covered with a warm blanket. “How long have I been out?”

“Can’t say, really. But the movie just ended; I put Alice to bed about an hour ago.” Her crossed arms were resting on the couch and her face, the younger woman suddenly noticed, was very, very close to Yaz’s.

“I should go,” the younger woman said, quickly getting up. She didn’t want to take more of Joy’s free time. And, if she was being honest with herself, she needed to get some air.

“It’s getting kinda late,” Joy started. “Do you want me to walk you home? I can get my brother to come look after Alice while I’m gone, he lives a few streets away.”

Yaz was already putting her boots on. “Nah, don’t worry about me. I don’t live that far, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Joy’s motherly nature pierced through her gaze.

“Absolutely. I’ll text you once I’m home, if you want,” Yaz said, putting her leather jacket on and taking her bag.

“Please do,” Joy requested.

“See you tomorrow, Joy,” Yaz said, opening the front door.

“See ya, goodnight Yaz!” The older woman said, closing it behind her.

From Joy’s place, it was a twenty-minute walk to Yaz’s, which meant she was faced with nothing to do but think. On any other day, she would’ve appreciated that moment of peace and quiet for herself. In that moment, though, her mind kept going back to Joy’s eyes diving into hers, the scent of her perfume overwhelming her senses.

A smile appeared on her face and didn’t leave her for the rest of the evening, even once she reached home and Ryan commented on it.

“You look happy, mate,” he simply said.

“Yeah, had a really good day,” she answered, sitting at the dining table to remove her boots.

He slowly approached and sat next to her. “These two are really making you happy, aren’t they?”

Yaz looked up and, for only answer, she nodded and smiled a little wider. Ryan smiled back, stroking her shoulder as he got up and left to go back to his room. Once he was out of view, she took her phone out of her jacket pocket and texted Joy.

\-----------------------------------------

 _20:48 – **Yaz** :_ Hey, just got home safe and sound :)  
 _20:48 – **Yaz** :_ Just realized I forgot to pack my bag, but everything is miraculously in there… with a few extra custard creams apparently? Thank you x

 _20:48 – **Joy** :_ You’re welcome :) It’s a good luck snack for your presentation.  
 _20:49 – **Joy** :_ Because, yes, good luck snacks are a thing, thank you very much.  
 _20:49 – **Joy** :_ Forgot to wish you good luck before you left, didn’t I??  
 _20:49 – **Joy** :_ GOOD LUCK YAZZY :D

 _20:55 – **Yaz** :_ You’re spoiling me rotten, might have to quit uni and be Alice’s nanny forever.  
 _20:55 – **Yaz** :_ And thank you!

 _20:57 – **Joy** :_ Interesting offer…  
 _20:58 – **Joy** :_ Does it mean I can start paying you in biscuits?

 _20:58 – **Yaz** :_ You wish you could! You’d eat your way through all my sweet, sugary paychecks before pay week, and then you’d have to buy more biscuits… Then no money, everything you own is biscuits.

 _20:59 – **Joy** :_ You say that like it’s a bad thing  
 _21:00 – **Joy** :_ You’re right, tho. Wouldn’t be able to budget that.

 _21:02 – **Yaz** :_ Ah! See, knew it. ;)

 _21:03 – **Joy** :_ I’ll leave you to your evening, now. Hopefully that lil nap of yours didn’t mess up your sleeping pattern. Goodnight, Yazzy x

 _21:04 – **Yaz** :_ I swear one day I’ll figure out what your embarrassing nickname is. Goodnight x

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz grinned at her phone. She felt light as a feather when she went to bed that night. She was ready for her presentation, confident in her abilities and, more than anything else, incredibly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be that person but... I do love these three. I can't wait for you guys to see what's in store for them! :D 
> 
> Hopefully this helped you guys with the trailer waiting game!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiii!!! I can't believe we've reached chapter 6 already, whew! I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting in the Christmas spirit... and so are Joy, Alice and Yaz :)

An intermittent buzzing disturbed Yaz from her slumber. She groaned at the noise, feeling around her nightstand to find the source of her annoyance. Once she felt her phone, she lifted her head from the pillow to take a good look at it.

‘ _4 text messages from Joy_ ,’ the phone read.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:02 – **Joy** :_ Hi Yaz!! I’m really sorry to bother you on a Sunday morning, but I have a very important appointment this afternoon and my brother was gonna look after Alice but he isn’t feeling well… I was wondering if you could look after her for a few hours this afternoon?  
 _08:03 – **Joy** :_ Oh! Good morning btw :D  
 _08:03 – **Joy** :_ OH MY GOD! Did I wake you up? Please tell me that I didn’t just wake you up oh nononono  
 _08:03 – **Joy** :_ I JUST MULTIPLE TEXTED YOU I’M SORRY DON’T MIND ME I’M OLD AND CAN’T DO TECHNOLOGY

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz cackled at the unilateral exchange. She propped herself up on the bed and tried to figure out a way to announce to Joy nicely that, yes, she had in fact woke her up.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:08 – **Yaz** :_ Morning! No worries, I’ll come over. When do you need me there?  
 _08:09 – **Yaz** :_ No worries about you waking me up either, I wanted to get some stuff done this morning anyway :)

 _08:15 – **Joy** :_ I’M SORRY  
 _08:15 – **Joy** :_ SO SORRY  
 _08:16 – **Joy** :_ THANK YOU  
 _08:16 – **Joy** :_ AND SORRY AGAIN

 _08:17 – **Yaz** :_ Don’t worry about it, really! My phone doesn’t usually wake me up, I was probably on the verge of waking up anyway :)

\-----------------------------------------

Instead of waiting for Joy’s answer, Yaz decided to hop in the shower to wash away the remains of her sleep. When she came out of the steamy bathroom, she was reminded of the harsh reality of an early December morning: the flat was cold, and when she looked outside, everything looked a little duller than usual.

She quickly got dressed in a pair of joggers and a white shirt and plaited her wet hair. Once she was done, she looked back at her phone.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:20 – **Joy** :_ I’m sorry for quadruple texting again, I’ll try to get better at… not doing that? Thanks again for today :) Think you can be here at 12:45?

 _08:42 – **Yaz** :_ Sure, I’ll see you then :)  
 _08:42 – **Yaz** :_ I don’t mind the multiple texts, jsyk. It’s endearing ;)

 _08:56 – **Joy** :_ Jsyk?  
 _09:02 – **Joy** :_ Oh. “Just so you know.” Gotcha.

 _09:05 – **Yaz** :_ Your old age is showing, Doctor.  
 _09:05 – **Yaz** :_ :)

 _09:06 – **Joy** :_ Ouch :’(  
 _09:07 – **Joy** :_ Low blow… Yazzy :D  
 _09:07 – **Joy** :_ Maybe you can be my caretaker as well as Alice’s nanny now?

 _09:10 – **Yaz** :_ LMAO

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz had texted Joy for much longer than intended, staring at her phone and giggling between two bites of her toast. She promised herself to not look at it for the rest of the morning, fully focusing on her work instead. Finals were approaching at the speed of light, and she wanted to be prepared.

Yaz sat down at her desk, opening up her notebook for Martha’s class. She looked over her notes and made cue cards for her future study sessions. The hours came and went, and soon enough she had to leave for Joy’s place.

As she was about to leave, she bumped into Ryan, who was headed for work.

“Going out, Yaz?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “Joy has an appointment, and she needs a babysitter because her brother can’t look after Alice.”

“Gotcha. Do you need a lift there?” 

She looked at her watch, considering her options. She didn’t mind the walk, and had plenty of time to get there, but she also hadn’t actually hung out with Ryan in ages.

“If you don’t mind? That way we can catch up a little, can we?” She smiled, putting on her coat and beanie.

“Amazing,” he smiled back, opening the front door for her. “Ladies first.”

“Oh, piss off, will you?” She laughed, jokingly pushing him over the threshold.

Yaz sat in the passenger seat while Ryan quickly cleared the thin layer of snow from his car.

“Can’t believe it’s December already,” Ryan exclaimed, slamming the rusty driver door.

“Same,” she turned to him. “By the way, I were wondering… What are your plans for Christmas? You going home?”

“I’ve got to,” he said, starting the car. Yaz quickly explained to him the way to Joy’s place before he kept going. “Nan would be right mad at me if I didn’t,” he laughed. “Might stick around for a little while. What about you?”

“I reckon I should. Haven’t properly spent time with my family in a few months now. Do you think I could get a ride?” She looked at him with puppy-like eyes.

“’Course you can, Yaz!” He gave her his brightest smile before looking back at the road. “I’ve missed you, you know that? I know we live together, but—”

“I feel the same way. I’m sorry Ry, it’s been a busy couple of months,” she said.

“You’re all right, mate. I’m sorry too. Guess we’re both busy, it’s okay,” he said. “That’s life, I suppose.”

“Yep,” she said, looking at her best friend. “So… how’s work? Is Oscar still a walking nightmare?”

“He ain’t too bad with me but, uh… kind of, yeah,” he chuckled. “He’s been asking about you, actually. How you’re doing with your job.”

Yaz glanced at him suspiciously. “I’m assuming he’s not just _asking_ about me and my job.”

“Well,” Ryan started. “Let’s just say there is a— a lack of kindness in his words, yeah?”

“Ah,” Yaz said. “Charming, as always.” Ryan and her shared a look and guffawed at her tone. “How are _you_ , though?” 

“I’m doing amazing,” he answered honestly. “Uni’s going great. Work could be better, but… Oh my days, Yaz! I forgot to tell you about this job I wanna apply for.”

Her whole body turned to him. “What? That’s amazing, Ry! What is it?”

“It’s a mechanics job at a garage close to the uni. It’s not a big deal but I’m proper gassed about it.”

“I’m so happy for you!”

They kept chatting about their daily lives when they reached Joy’s place. Yaz looked at her phone: _12:35_. She was a little early, but not inappropriately so.

She hugged Ryan and got out of the car, speed walking to the entrance to escape the cold. Once she reached the front door, she held her key for a moment, but decided against using it. Joy was there, after all; she was better off ringing the doorbell.

Alice came running to open the door.

“Yazzy!” She exclaimed, jumping in her nanny’s arms.

“Hiya, kiddo! Let’s get inside, it’s cold out here,” she said, carrying her inside. Once she was inside, two elements stood out.

First was Joy, leaning on the counter, drinking from a mug and looking at her with sparkling eyes. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. Yaz had noticed that, during the week, she usually wore a bit of mascara and a faint, almost imperceptible lipstick. What she saw now wasn’t much different, though. Joy was, quite simply, naturally beautiful. 

Second was the amount of Christmas decorations that had made their appearance since she last stepped foot in the house less than 48 hours before.

“Woah, you’ve decorated!” She looked around the place with wide eyes.

Alice came running towards her once more. “It’s Christmas, Yazzy!”

Yaz grabbed her and lifted her up. “It is, isn’t it?” She looked over to Joy, who was rinsing her mug. “Hiya Joy. Everything okay?” Yaz didn’t want to pry, but she was wondering what Joy’s appointment was about. She _was_ okay, wasn’t she?

The older woman turned to her, giving her a warm smile. “Me? Always okay, me!” Yaz thought she sounded a little elusive but didn’t ask any more questions. Joy approached them and softly stroked her daughter’s back. “So,” she added. “This is new, having you around on the weekend,” she laughed nervously.

“Yeah! Feels weird,” Yaz answered. “Good weird, though,” she added, smiling.

Yaz thought she saw Joy’s face redden, but she turned away too quickly for Yaz to fully take in the change in her complexion.

“She already ate her lunch,” Joy said, looking into the refrigerator. “There’s a whole lot of snacks in there, as usual. Have you eaten?” She looked back to Yaz.

“Had a snack earlier, yeah.”

“Well, if you’re hungry, suit yourself! Rules don’t change just because it’s Sunday,” Joy grinned.

Yaz giggled. “Love to hear it! Thank you,” she said. She looked at Alice, who was still in her arms, both arms loosely around her neck. “So, what’s the plan for today, kiddo?”

“Can we make _ornimints_ for the Christmas tree?” She smiled widely.

“Ornaments, sweetheart,” Yaz laughed. “That’s a brilliant idea, though. Wanna fetch your art supplies for me?”

The second her feet touched the ground, Alice ran off to her room. Yaz smiled shyly at Joy.

“You went all in on the Christmas decorations, did you?” Yaz laughed.

“I mean,” Joy started. “You do what you gotta do when you have a kid.” In her eyes, Yaz could see that she was just as excited as Alice about the atmosphere of the house, if not _slightly_ more.

“Do you know when you’ll be back?” Yaz asked casually – or so she hoped.

Part of Yaz was worried about the answer she was about to get. What kind of appointment is one where you have a starting time, and no definite ending? A thought surprised her. “ _Please, don’t tell me it’s a date_.”

“Shouldn’t be gone for more than three hours, I think,” Joy answered simply.

Yaz nodded and smiled. She smiled in relief, but Joy didn’t need to be aware of that.

Alice came back with her hands filled with craft supplies. There were so many she could barely see where she was going. Both women saw her at the same time and ran to her aid, taking hold of most items before they could tumble down from the shaky stack.

“I were fine,” Alice sulked.

“All right,” Joy said, dropping a pile of colored construction paper. “I’m off! You’re gonna be nice to Yaz, Alice?” she asked, crouching next to her daughter.

“Where are you going, Mummy?” She cocked her head.

“Oh, I just have this appointment I booked a few weeks ago,” her gaze diverted to Yaz but quickly fell back on her daughter. “I’ve been meaning to go for a while now, just kept pushing it back because I didn’t have the time.”

Yaz approached as Alice hugged her mother goodbye. Joy got up and shot her a warm glance.

Yaz waved at her – apparently very secretive – friend. “See you later, Joy.”

“See ya!” She said before closing the door behind her.

“Okay, kiddo; it’s ornaments time!”

Alice clapped in excitement, running to the table and sitting on the first available chair. Her legs were swinging under the table with excitement.

Yaz never celebrated Christmas, as it wasn’t a holiday that was part of the Muslim tradition, but she didn’t mind taking part in more mainstream activities. And, if she was honest with herself, seeing Alice so excited about it made the whole thing better. It felt important, even. Maybe this was going to be their own tradition, if Yaz ended up staying in the young child’s life long enough? Yaz the nanny and Alice, crafting Christmas ornaments every year… She could definitely picture it in her mind, and it warmed Yaz’s heart.

“Yazzy?” Alice’s voice brought Yaz back to the present.

“Yes, kiddo?” She turned to her, giving her all her attention.

“Can you help me make a gingerbread man?” She held a piece of brown construction paper and scissors. There was a missing part to the piece of paper; Alice had made an attempt, but it didn’t quite make the cut.

“First thing you gotta do is draw it,” Yaz said, smiling at the young girl. She took a pencil from the case that was in the middle of the table and quickly drew a gingerbread man’s shape. “It’s gonna be much easier to cut it if you follow the line. Do you wanna try, or would you prefer for me to do it?”

Alice’s nose scrunched as she wondered what to do. “I think I can do it, Yazzy.”

“Perfect,” Yaz said, handing her back the paper and scissors. “Just be careful and take your time.” She watched the young girl as she carefully followed the line with her little scissors. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty good for a four-year-old’s work.

Once she was done, Alice put everything aside and looked at her masterpiece for a moment. She looked over to Yaz and smiled at her brightly.

“See! I knew you could do it,” Yaz smiled. “Now, if you want it to be a little sturdier, do you know what we should do?”

Alice looked at her cluelessly. “What?”

“We should glue it to a piece of cardboard,” she said, looking around the numerous things that were laid around the table.

When she found what she needed, she showed Alice how to trace the same shape from the gingerbread man she had just cut. She traced one from the piece of cardboard, and another from the first piece of brown construction paper. With her scissors, Alice cut the second one from the piece of paper, while Yaz used studier scissors to cut through the cardboard. Once everything was ready, they glued everything together and Yaz made a hole for the string.

“Now, you can decorate both sides,” Yaz said, showing Alice the final product. The child squealed with delight as she got herself to work.

After a moment wondering what ornament she was going to make, Yaz decided to make a snowman. Instead of the classic top hat look, she decided he should wear a witchfinder hat. Looking around, she found a rainbow ribbon and decided to use it as a scarf for her creation.

“He looks funny,” Alice noted.

“Maybe she’s a _she_ ,” Yaz smiled.

Once Alice was done with her gingerbread man, she decided she was going to make one for her mother. Again, Yaz helped her with the shape and the cutting.

Soon thereafter, Yaz noticed Alice had put the same rainbow ribbon she had herself used on her newest creation, gingerbread man now matching Yaz’s snowman.

Once Alice was done with Joy’s ornament, they decided to make garlands for the tree. They were deeply focused on their task when Yaz heard her phone buzz in her bag.

“Just a second, sweetheart. I’ll be right back,” she told Alice.

She made her way to the front door to get the device. As she was feeling the inside of her bag for it, she noticed Joy’s out of shape Doc Martens lying around. She peeked at the size, thinking a new pair would be a decent Christmas gift.

When she finally found her phone, she noticed she had received a text message from Joy.

\-----------------------------------------

 _15:44 – **Joy** :_ Wanna stay over for dinner?

 _15:47 – **Yaz** : _Sure, why not :)

 _15:50 – **Joy** :_ Brilliant! Just one thing…

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz looked at the screen. Three dots kept appearing and disappearing.

\-----------------------------------------

 _15:52 – **Joy** :_ Do you know how to make pasta from scratch, by any chance?  
 _15:53 – **Joy** :_ I may or may not have impulse-bought a pasta maker.  
 _15:55 – **Joy** :_ Accidentally, of course.

 _14:55 – **Yaz** :_ How can you accidentally buy a pasta maker? LOL

 _15:56 – **Joy** :_ Okay, not accidentally. More like… I wanted homemade pasta and accidentally forgot I can’t cook?  
 _15:57 – **Joy** :_ But you’re already there and you can cook so… :D Win-win, methinks!

 _15:58 – **Yaz** :_ I’m being used :(

 _16:00 – **Joy** :_ But you’ll get fresh pasta :D

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz laughed and slid her phone in her pocket, making her way to Alice, who was still focused on her task.

They were working on their third garland when the front door opened, revealing Joy and a few shopping bags. The older woman dropped one bag on the table and ran to her room before her daughter could take a peek at the content of the others.

“Don’t follow me,” the mother screamed as she ran.

She walked back to the dining area, removing her coat and rainbow scarf. She signed Yaz to join her as she made her way to the coat hook by the front door.

“Had an appointment with the shops, did you?” Yaz laughed.

“Oi! I’ll have you know I did have an appointment, thank you very much,” she argued. “By the way,” Joy whispered. “There’s a special rule in December: no one enters my bedroom.” She gave an exaggerated side look her daughter’s way.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her go in your room, though.”

Joy’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Yeah, but she’s smart. Way too smart.”

Yaz laughed, but Joy looked at her gravely.

“You can’t go in either, Yaz.”

Yaz felt her face flush. “I wasn’t going to,” she answered. Did it mean Joy had gotten something for her?

Joy smirked one second and sighed deeply the next. “Just remembered I bought a pasta maker. Can’t believe I did that to myself.”

The younger woman giggled at her friend’s reaction. She truly looked uncomfortable, almost a little sad, about having to cook.

“Oi, it won’t be that bad. I’ll teach you,” she smiled, stroking her arm and leading her back to the dining table. “You okay, Alice? Are we done with the last garland?”

“Yes, Yazzy!” The young girl smiled, holding the artsy piece of decoration up proudly.

“Amazing! Wanna go put it in the tree with your mum and show her our ornaments? I’ll clean around a little so we can make dinner,” Yaz said, taking control of the situation. “You’re gonna help us, aren’t you?”

Alice nodded excitedly and ran to the sitting room, taking her mother’s hand as she passed her. “Come, Mummy! I made you a _snowwoman_ ,” she exclaimed.

“Did you?” Yaz heard Joy reply, matching her daughter’s excitement.

Yaz quickly got together all of Alice’s art supplies, putting everything in the neatest pile possible. She walked to her room and put them away in the empty drawer that the young girl had inadvertently left wide open. Yaz noted that she would eventually need replacements for a few things, and maybe a better way to organize them, too.

Yaz made her way to the sitting room, staying behind and taking in the scene playing in front of her. Joy was crouched next to Alice as they both looked at the Christmas tree standing tall in front of them. The young girl was pointing at the new ornaments they had spent the afternoon making.

“So, this is _mine_ ,” she said, insisting on the fact she had made it herself. “He’s a _gingerman bread_. Huh,” she shook her head in confusion. Joy smiled and Yaz giggled softly. “It’s a _gingerbread man_.”

“He looks very handsome,” Joy giggled, holding her daughter a little closer to her. “And who’s this guy?”

“It’s not a _guy_ , Mummy!” Alice was offended at the thought. “That’s your _snowwoman_ ,” she stroked its ribbon gently. “See? She even has a rainbow scarf like yours!”

“Did you make this one, too?”

“Yazzy helped me _a lot_ ,” she insisted. “But yes, I did.” She turned over to her mother, both fist on her hips, standing with pride.

“Well, I’m very proud of you!” She held her daughter in her arms and lifted her up. “Is this one Yazzy’s?” She asked, pointing at Yaz’s ornament.

She melted at the nickname. It wasn’t said in a teasing way, it was… softer, kinder. It felt right.

“Okie dokie,” Joy said, putting Alice down. “Gotta go help with dinner, don’t we?”

“Yay!” Alice was clearly a lot happier about this than her mother was.

Yaz laughed at the contrast of reactions between the two. Alice ran to the kitchen, jumping around waiting for the two adults to follow suit. Joy, on the other hand, was walking slowly, shoulders slouching, nose scrunching in despair.

“Come on! It’s gonna be fun,” Yaz argued, encouraging Joy with a smile. Without thinking, she took her friend’s hand in hers and led her to the kitchen. Yaz felt a spark at the contact.

“Okay. So,” Yaz said, searching for a fresh pasta recipe on her phone. “We need flour, salt, four eggs, and olive oil.”

“Can you help me get everything we need, sweetheart?” Joy asked her daughter, who smiled and joined her in her task.

In the meantime, Yaz emptied the content of the shopping bag Joy had left on the table. She found the pasta maker and five bags of gumdrops, a bag of licorice, another of peppermint, and some powdered sugar.

“Huh… Joy?” Yaz turned to the older woman. “What’s all that for?”

At the view of the sweets, Joy’s eyes lit up. “I had this brilliant idea while I was out. I thought we could make a gingerbread house after dinner?” She smiled hopefully.

Alice jumped in her arms. “I love making gingerbread houses with you Mummy!” She grinned at Yaz. “And now with Yazzy, too!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep this tradition for the two of you?” Yaz wondered.

“Don’t be daft,” Joy said, walking towards her, still holding Alice in her arms. “You’re very much part of this family now, whether you like it or not.” Joy’s smile was warm, inviting, and honest.

Yaz’s heart was instantly filled with happiness; she was part of something. They were opening up their arms and letting her into their family traditions.

Alice turned away from her mother to go into Yaz’s arms, who gladly accepted the four-year-old’s embrace.

“I mean,” Joy whispered to Yaz, one hand tracing circles on the younger woman’s back, the other playing with her daughter’s hair. “I’m not gonna force you to do anything you don’t feel like doing, you know.”

Yaz giggled, but when her gaze found Joy’s, she was looking at her seriously.

“I’m just,” Yaz started, unsure. “I’m not used to being accepted so easily by new people.”

“Are we still new people?” Joy wondered.

“I mean… kind of? Most of the time it doesn’t feel like it, though,” she smiled shyly.

“I know exactly what you mean.” Joy’s hand which was previously in Alice’s hair was treading into uncharted territories. It slid a few centimeters down, resting on Yaz’s hand that was supporting Alice’s back.

Though she had held Joy’s hand only moments before, this felt different. The softness of the other woman’s hand over hers came in as a mutual understanding of their friendship. Maybe Joy was just as surprised as Yaz was about the speed at which they fell into each other’s lives. Maybe Yaz wasn’t mistaken in her impression that their own rhythms found some kind of synchronicity almost instantly.

“Mummy, Yazzy,” Alice said. “I’m hungry.”

The two women giggled. “All right, it’s pasta time!” Joy exclaimed, her enthusiasm about cooking surprising Yaz as well as herself.

“Loving that attitude on you, Joy! Let’s do this,” Yaz smiled.

Her phone in hand, Yaz guided Joy and Alice through the recipe. “Okay, so Alice I’m gonna need you to place 320 grams of flour in this bowl,” she said, taking a bowl from the cupboard and putting it in front of the young girl. Joy helped her daughter with the measurements but, in the process, a cloud of flour ‘attacked her.’ Alice giggled at the sight.

“I swear, Yaz, this flour doesn’t like me,” Joy pouted.

“It’s _flour_ , Joy!” Yaz laughed. “Okay, now Joy can you break the four eggs in there for me?”

“I don’t know, _can I_?” She said, staring into Yaz’s soul as she broke the first egg.

Yaz couldn’t stop the eye roll, but she smiled at how obviously fake Joy’s annoyance was.

“Joy! Break it over the bowl, not on the counter!” Yaz panicked.

Joy finally paid attention to what she was doing, saving the egg. She gave Yaz a bashful look. “Sorry.”

The younger woman laughed as she approached to add the oil in the bowl. She then proceeded to beat its content with a fork, creating a thick dough.

“All right, Alice. If you go wash your hands, you can knead the dough.” The girl ran to the sink in a heartbeat.

“Why Alice?” Joy pouted once more.

“Oh, please! Are you five?”

“… Maybe.” Yaz couldn’t help but break into a laughing fit.

Once Alice was back, Yaz quickly explained to her how to knead the dough. She got the young girl to throw a bit of flour on the counter – which she happily did while _accidentally_ throwing some in her mother’s direction.

“Alice!” Joy whined.

But Joy looked at them tenderly. Yaz was clearly incredible with children. The young woman stood next to her daughter and showed her how to make sure the dough was smooth, Alice copying her every moves.

Yaz noticed Joy was looking at them and smiled softly at her.

“You’ll get to roll it afterwards,” she promised. Joy squealed.

***

What Yaz forgot to mention, though, was they had to let the dough stand for half an hour before Joy could _actually_ roll it. It didn’t matter, though, because they also had to prepare everything for their gingerbread house.

Since it involved an incredible quantity of sugar, Joy already knew the recipe by heart, and guided both Yaz and her daughter through the process. After half an hour, the gingerbread was in the oven, and Joy was ready to finally add a bit of her love to the pasta.

She didn’t expect it to be so hard, though.

“It has to be really thin so we can get it through the pasta maker,” Yaz noted as Joy was putting all her body’s weight on the little roller, hoping to flatten the dough.

“It’s not working, Yaz!” She said, desperate for a way out of this situation.

“I’ll show you,” Yaz said, approaching her. Joy was about to drop the roll to let Yaz take her place, but the young woman shook her head. “Nuh-uh. You’re still doing this,” she argued, standing behind Joy and covering the older woman’s hands with her. 

The older woman’s breath hitched at the contact.

“You okay?” Yaz questioned.

“Oh, yeah. Just can’t feel my hands because I’ve been doing this for so long now,” she chuckled nervously.

“You’ve been doing it wrong, then,” Yaz said matter-of-factly. She took a deep breath to give her some time to think and fully comprehend the position she was in. “It’s not about the weight you put on it, it’s more about the way you do it.”

She fully grasped Joy’s hands and moved the roll in swift, precise movements.

“Oh… Oh. I see, now.” Joy noticed the dough had lost half its thickness. “Thanks, Yaz,” she said, not daring to look at the woman behind her.

“You’re welcome,” the young woman answered, one of her thumbs stroking Joy’s gently as she let go of her hold.

Once the dough was rolled, the three of them started working on the pasta cutting, which was a challenge in itself.

“Okay,” Yaz started. “Joy, you hold the dough. Alice, you roll. I’ll collect the pasta and put it on the table.” Yaz offered. “None of us knows what we’re doing but it’s fine. We’re fine, aren’t we?” She looked at Joy.

“Oh, yeah. We’re fine, Yaz,” she said, trying her best to sound convincing. “We’ll be fine.”

Surprisingly enough, they were fine. Except for the fact that, after a while, the table wasn’t spacious enough to hold all their pasta, and they still had to cut about half of the dough. They started hanging pasta on chairs, on Joy’s desk…

As Yaz and Alice finished up the cutting, Joy warmed up some sauce she had in the refrigerator and got water to boil in a pot – two simple tasks that she could deal with without any problem, thankfully. 

Once the water was boiling, mother, daughter and nanny ran around the house and retrieved all the pasta that had been left hanging.

“Did we get it all?” Yaz asked, looking around the house.

“I think so, Yazzy,” Alice answered.

Now that it was all in the pot, all they had to do was wait for it to cook.

“There’s one here,” Joy said a few minutes later, coming back to the kitchen with the one remaining pasta she’d just found on her office chair.

“Too late,” Yaz said, stirring the pot.

“I wonder if…”

Yaz wasn’t quick enough to stop her; the uncooked pasta was already in Joy’s mouth. After a few chews, her face turned to disgust.

“That was a bad idea,” she said after she finally mustered the courage to swallow the piece of food.

“Really?” Yaz said ironically before laughing at Joy’s childishness. “You’re like a curious kid. Curious Joy,” Yaz laughed harder.

Joy looked at her in shock. “How did you know?”

Yaz looked at her cluelessly. “What do you— _oh_.” Yaz couldn’t stop the grin from appearing on her face. “Curious Joy, really? That’s your embarrassing nickname?”

Joy hid her face with both her hands, wishing the ground would swallow her whole.

“Hey,” Yaz said calmly, approaching Joy. She lowered her head to look under her hands, making silly faces to get her to laugh. “I’m not gonna call you that if you don’t like it.”

Joy removed her hands from her face tentatively. “But I called you…” She offered, not daring to day Yaz’s nickname out of respect.

“Yazzy’s a bit different, though,” she answered, her glance finding Alice almost instinctively. “It’s only annoying when Ryan calls me that because… Well, because he’s Ryan,” she chuckled.

“You guys are _foggeting_ the pasta and I’m too tiny to reach it,” Alice interjected.

Both women gasped and ran to the stove, almost bumping into each other as they reached it. Luckily enough, the pasta was fine, and they quickly were able to eat the product of their labour.

“It’s so yummy,” Alice said.

“Don’t talk when your mouth’s full,” Joy said, her mouth full.

“Oi! Practice what you preach,” Yaz interjected.

Joy looked at her, acting falsely offended by the fact she had just been told off by her own daughter’s nanny. “Right, right.”

***

The moment Joy had been waiting for finally arrived. “Gingerbread house! Gingerbread house!” She exclaimed, almost singing the words.

The three of them sat at a corner of the table, Alice in the middle. Joy was the one to assemble the house itself, as she was the ‘professional’ – according to herself, of course. They then worked together to decorate it to the best of their abilities and, obviously, ate some of the candies as they went.

“Mummy, do we have _spwinkles_?”

“Oh, I love the way you think,” Joy answered, kissing her daughter’s head as she got up, making her way back to the kitchen. “Here, sprinkles for my little star.”

“Thank you, Mummy.” Alice offered her a hug after she got hold of the sprinkles. She was about to drop the whole tub before Joy stopped her.

“Wait, I’ll show you,” she said. “What you need to do is to put some icing where you want the sprinkles to stick. There,” she said, showing her daughter the result. “You don’t need to drop the whole tub on it either. You can just put a little quantity in your hand and put some where you want them to be.” She smiled at her, handing her the icing and the tub of sprinkles.

In the end, the young girl’s hands were full of icing, but she was very satisfied with her work.

“Alice, you have a bit of icing… right here,” Yaz said, touching Alice’s nose with her icing-covered finger.

Alice looked at her in surprise before avenging herself by putting some icing on Yaz’s cheek. The young woman laughed as Joy feigned exasperation.

“Don’t you think your mum looks way too clean, kiddo?” She asked mischievously.

Joy slowly got up from her chair and backed away from them, arms in the air. “I come in peace, please don’t do this.”

“But Joy, you like candies so much!” Yaz offered.

Joy was looking at her friend and didn’t notice her daughter sneakily approaching her with a tube of vanilla icing. Yaz ran and lifted her in front of Joy, where she could perfectly aim her face.

The young girl was nice, though; she only got both her mother’s cheeks covered in icing.

And her forehead.

And maybe she got some on her chin, too.

All three of them burst out laughing when Joy walked back to the table and stuck some gumdrops on her cheeks.

“Maybe you could add a bit of sprinkles,” Yaz offered.

“Good idea, Yaz!” Her look was now complete with the rainbow addition on her chin. She approached her daughter and her friend, menacing them with the sprinkle tub.

Yaz was still holding the four-year-old, which meant she couldn’t run away when her mother placed a few sprinkles on her nose. Yaz was wheezing by the time Joy was dropping the little sugary ornamentation on her cheek; she didn’t bother to stop her.

Joy dropped the sprinkles tub on the counter and embraced them in a tight vanilla-scented, wonderfully sticky hug. Yaz took a moment to look at both mother and daughter and couldn’t refrain a soft yet scary thought. “ _This feels like home_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the TCC for being right here with me as I write this fic, especially Annabelle who was my beta reader on this one. 
> 
> I hope you liked it! Please remember, don't eat raw pasta 😌


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Before you start reading, please note that there is a CW warning for this one: implied homophobia. It starts around the time Yaz picks up Alice from school; if you feel uncomfortable, you can dm me on Twitter @WHTTAKERMCKNNON if you have any questions or would like a brief summary so you can skip ahead in the chapter. 
> 
> Also, there may be a small cameo from one of my beta readers in here... ;)

For the first time in her university career, Yaz wasn’t overwhelmed at the thought of finals week. As it turned out, working for Joy proved to be a better fit for her as a student; the regular schedule made it easier for her to plan ahead, and if anything happened, she could always get some work done while Alice entertained herself.

And so, when Clara asked her after one of their exams if she wanted to go shopping with Bill and herself, Yaz jumped on the occasion to spend some time with her friends.

They headed to the lab to meet Bill there. Yaz was grateful for the occasion to see Joy.

“Hiya!” Bill exclaimed when she saw Yaz opening the door for her girlfriend. She got up and ran to Clara, pecking her lips. “Just have to finish this thing, won’t be a minute.” She took her girlfriend’s hand and led her to a seat next to her.

Yaz looked to the other occupied table and saw Joy’s eyes lift to meet hers. They smiled at each other.

“Hey,” Joy said as Yaz was approaching her. “How did your exam go?”

“Not too bad, I think. Can’t wait for the semester to be over, though. I know I’ve put in the work and I’m ready, but I can’t wait to wake up and not worry about the next exam, you know?” She said, leaning on the table as she spoke.

“When’s the last one? On Friday, innit?” Joy asked, removing her glasses.

“Yeah,” the younger woman sighed.

“Only a few days to go,” Joy encouraged, offering her friend a high five.

Yaz clapped the older woman’s hand with energy. Joy took hold of her hand for an instant, squeezing it vigorously in reassurance. Yaz held onto it for a little longer in thanks.

“Where are you headed, anyway?” Joy asked, letting go of Yaz’s hand as she watched Bill pack her stuff.

“We’re going shopping,” Yaz answered.

Joy nodded in understanding, giving Yaz a soft smile. “Well, better get back to work. I’ll see you tonight?”

“’Course you will! Have a good afternoon, Joy,” Yaz said, waving goodbye to her friend.

“Before I go Joy,” Bill said, approaching them. “Do we need anything for the lab?”

Joy opened her mouth to answer, but Bill quickly interjected. “I’m warning you, don’t say custard creams.”

Joy looked at her sheepishly. “I wasn’t going to.”

“So, anything?” Bill smirked.

Joy’s eyes rolled. “No,” she sighed. Once Bill and Clara had turned around towards the door, Joy looked to Yaz and winked, taking a biscuit from the pack that laid on her desk, and munched enthusiastically.

When Yaz reached them, Bill and Clara looked at her with knowing eyes.

“What?” She couldn’t understand _why_ they were looking at her like this.

“You guys are cute,” Clara said.

“What d’ya mean?” Yaz wondered.

“We tried to get your attention about five times while you guys were holding hands or something.”

Yaz sighed in despair. “She was just wishing me well for finals week, it’s no big deal.”

Bill and Clara smirked as they kept moving towards the shopping centre. At least, their destination was pretty close from campus; hopefully the snickering would stop once they got there.

***

If the weather hadn’t reminded them that it was December, the shopping centre would certainly have clued them in: it was decorated with dozens of Christmas trees and filled with hundreds of people. Clara quickly abandoned her friend and girlfriend to go “get someone special their present,” as she had put it.

After Bill found Clara’s gift – a delicate necklace with a leaf pendant – the two women walked around aimlessly.

“Wait,” Yaz said, stopping in front of one of the shops. “We have to go there.”

“Why d’you wanna go to Doc Martens, Yaz?” Bill asked, walking at a faster pace to join her friend.

“Thought I’d get Joy a new pair for Christmas,” she said matter-of-factly. “Have you seen hers? The sole makes it look more like a talking puppet and less of a pair of boots.”

Bill smirked at her. “You’re getting her a Christmas gift?”

“And Alice!” Yaz added.

Bill let it slide, but Yaz knew she would never hear the end of it.

“Hey there,” the salesperson greeted. Yaz noticed her space-themed dungarees and couldn’t help but smile. She wished she could pull these off as well as the salesperson did. The two students greeted her back and took a look around, trying to find the right pair of boots for Joy.

“I think I’m gonna get the same ones she has,” Yaz said, taking a boot from the display.

“Hello, I’m Willow,” the same salesperson from before said, introducing herself. “Can I help you with anything today?”

“Yeah, uh… Can I get these in 39, please?”

“Sure, I’ll be right back!” She smiled, taking the boot from Yaz’s hands.

“You know her shoe size?” Bill asked, cocking her head.

“She left her old ones at home last weekend when I was looking after Alice. Had a peak at it.”

“Oh,” Bill answered. “Smart move.”

The salesperson – Willow – quickly reappeared.

“Do you wanna try them on?”

“No, they’re a Christmas gift for a friend,” Yaz said. 

“All right then. I’ll leave the box up front if you guys wanna keep looking. And, uh… Look, I know this is gonna sound weird, but you go to _Uni of_ , right?”

“I do, yeah,” Yaz answered.

“Ah, right! Thought I’d seen you in the Union. I’ll let my colleague know, she’ll give you the 10% student discount.”

“That’s very nice of you. Thanks, Willow!”

Before long, the two of them were out of the shop, Clara quickly joining them. At Yaz’s demand, they headed to the arts and crafts shop, where Clara helped Yaz with Alice’s gift.

“I bet she’s gonna love this one,” Clara said about an art kit Yaz was looking at. “Have you seen the number of things that are in there? And she’ll be able to put all the stuff she already has in there as well.”

“Yeah,” Yaz mused. “She’s definitely gonna like it.”

“She’s a lucky kid,” Clara said, squeezing Yaz’s arm softly.

Yaz smiled at her friend. Maybe Alice was lucky, but Yaz felt privileged to be able to see her grow up.

***

Yaz had to leave the couple early to pick up Alice from school. Luckily, there was a wrapping booth in the shopping centre, meaning Yaz didn’t have to worry about spoiling her gifts a couple of weeks early.

“ _Might as well leave them under the tree before I leave_ ,” Yaz mused.

Once she got to the school, the first thing Yaz noticed was that she couldn’t see Alice anywhere. Her breath hitched in worry as she entered the school ground.

She was a little reassured when she saw Ian waving at her.

“Hello, Yasmin. Or Yaz, was it?”

“Yaz, Yasmin; both are fine,” she answered, politely nodding in greetings. “Is everything okay? Where’s Alice?”

“She’s fine, if not a little shaken up,” the teacher said. Yaz’s worries increased exponentially. “She’s inside. Shall we?” He asked, opening the door for her. As they walked through the corridors, he explained the situation to Yaz. “Alice got into a fight with one of her classmates. Minutes ago, actually.”

“Did she?” Yaz was astonished. Alice had never struck her to be the kind of kid to get into fights… especially not in pre-school.

“Don’t quote me on this, as I must remain impartial, but it’s not her fault,” he said, offering Yaz a reassuring smile. “Her classmate told her that her family was unnatural because she only had a mother. When Alice told her she doesn’t have a father, the girl laughed at her saying that it was impossible, and Alice, well…” He took a deep breath. “She didn’t take it well.”

They reached a classroom. Alice was inside with another teacher who was trying, in vain, to comfort her.

“Alice?” Yaz made herself known to the child, hoping her presence would appease her.

“Yazzy!” Alice exclaimed, leaving the teacher’s side to run to Yaz’s arms, sobbing.

“Oh, sweetheart. Do you want to tell me what happened? Ian told me a little about it, though. You don’t have to.”

“She said it’s weird that I just have a mum! Her parents told her that only mummies and daddies can have babies together. It means I cannot exist if I don’t have a daddy,” the child explained, tears streaming down her face.

Yaz looked at Ian for a moment, trying to keep calm even though she was not ready to have this conversation with Alice. To some extent, she was worried that she wasn’t the right person for it. But the young girl needed some reassurance, and Yaz had to be that person for her, at least for now.

“Alice, look at me,” Yaz started, wiping away the child’s tears. “What that girl told you is wrong. It’s okay to only have one mummy or one daddy. Some people even have two mums or two dads,” Yaz added. “And other parents don’t really wanna be called ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy,’ and that’s perfectly fine as well.” She stroked Alice’s hair as she talked, hoping to calm her down a little. It seemed to work for, once she was done talking, Alice hugged her once more.

“So, I can exist?”

“Yes, you can,” Yaz smiled. “And you do exist. See?” She poked her. “I can touch you, you exist.”

“Thanks, Yazzy,” the young girl said, looking at her nanny and wiping away a few stray tears. “Can we go get ice cream?”

Yaz laughed. “I’m gonna call your mum to make sure, but I’m assuming she’s gonna be fine with it. Just go and get dressed while I do that,” she said, taking out her phone from her pocket.

Ian nodded and smiled in Yaz’s direction, walking towards Alice to have a little chat with her while Yaz was on the phone just outside the room.

The young woman found Joy’s contact and called her as soon as she had closed the door behind her.

“ _Hiya Yaz!_ ” Joy answered. “ _Everything all right?_ ”

“ _Look, uh… Everything is fine now, but Alice got into a fight with a girl_.”

“ _What?_ ” Joy sounded absolutely panicked.

“ _She’s fine, she’s fine_ ,” Yaz repeated. “ _Didn’t come to fist or anything, but… God, honestly I’m pissed. That girl told her it was weird that she only had a mum_ ,” Yaz said. “ _Apparently that girl’s parents told her that only a man and a woman can have children together or some kind of bull—_ ”

Joy sighed audibly on the phone. “ _Is she okay?_ ”

“ _A little shaken up. I tried to calm her down by explaining to her that all families are different but that it doesn’t mean they aren’t real or valid. I think it worked, because now she wants to go get ice cream_.”

Joy guffawed. “ _Well, she’s definitely my daughter, isn’t she?_ ” Both women laughed. “ _Ice cream in mid-December… That’s a Smith thing if I know one!_ ”

“So, I’m assuming that’s a yes and I can take her to the ice cream parlour?”

“ _Actually, it means wait for me at the park, because you’re not going without me! I’m on my way!_ ”

“ _Wait… Now? You’re meeting us now?_ ”

“ _Absolutely! I just have one little thing to do before I can come over, but it shouldn’t be too long_ ,” Joy said. She had clearly switched to speaker mode, probably to put her coat on.

“ _What about work?_ ”

“ _I need to see Alice right now_ ,” Joy said softly. “ _And I won’t be able to work knowing you guys are eating ice cream without me_.”

“ _Well_ ,” Yaz said. “ _We’ll see you soon_.”

She hung up and walked back to the classroom. When she got inside, Alice was still deep in a conversation with her teacher, who was laughing at the young girl’s adorable facial expressions as she explained to him how their pasta adventure had gone down. Yaz allowed her to wrap up her story before interrupting.

“I have good news for you, Alice,” she said.

Alice turned to her, grinning. “Mummy said yes?”

“Even better,” Yaz started. “She’s leaving work early and coming with us.”

Back to her usual, energetic self, Alice started jumping and screaming with delight. Yaz and Ian looked at each other and smiled, both relieved to see the young girl so happy.

***

As they played in the playground, Alice started asking questions to Yaz.

“What’s your family like, Yazzy?”

“Well, I have a mummy, a daddy, and a little sister,” Yaz answered.

“How little is she? Is she little like me?”

Yaz giggled. “No, she’s sixteen actually.” Alice looked at her, clueless as to what it meant. “She’s twelve years older than you.” Alice looked impressed, even though she probably had no idea of what that meant either.

“Did you ever have someone be mean to you when you were in school, Yazzy?”

Yaz froze, Izzy Flint’s face at the back of her mind, nagging at her. She sat at a nearby bench. “I did, yeah. I was a little older than you, though.”

Alice padded and sat next to her, worry clouding her sparkly eyes. “I don’t want her to laugh at me until I’m a little older,” she said, fidgeting with her hands. “How did you make them stop?”

“It wasn’t easy,” the young woman sighed. “It almost became too much. But you know what I did?” Alice shook her head. “I decided to be a good person, no matter what. That’s why I’m studying psychology, actually; I wanted to help people. Still do,” she smiled, comforting the young girl by playing with her hair. “If that ever happens again, you do what you did today and go talk to an adult you trust, okay? A teacher or your mum.”

“Or you, Yazzy?” Alice’s gaze was one filled with faith and admiration.

“Of course, kiddo,” she smiled, hugging the child. “I’ll always be here when you need me, promise.”

After a few seconds, Alice broke the hug and squealed. Joy was obviously the cause of such a reaction. Her gut-feeling was confirmed when she turned around and saw the older woman a couple of metres away from where she was sitting.

“Hey sweetheart,” Joy said, holding her daughter tightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better now! Can we go get ice cream?” She was grinning from one ear to the other.

Joy laughed softly. “Of course, we can. Let’s get a shift on!”

Alice ran ahead of them on the sidewalk as they made their way to the ice cream parlour, leaving the two women walking side by side.

“You did an amazing job today. Thank you for being there for her,” Joy whispered. “It means the world to me.”

“It’s the least I could do.” Yaz looked at her and smiled. Her gaze went back to Alice. “She did great.”

“Yeah?”

“Trust me, she did. She went straight to her teacher and allowed herself to feel what she had to feel instead of bottling it up and exploding later. She’s brilliant.”

“She certainly is,” Joy said, looking fondly at her daughter.

“Hurry up, you guys! We’re almost there,” Alice screamed.

Once they were inside, they were greeted by an employee who looked absolutely stunned to have customers.

After they ordered – a vanilla soft serve for Yaz, a chocolate and oreo sundae with sprinkles for Alice, and a waffle cone filled with rhubarb ice cream, topped with custard cream crumbs and mango coulis for Joy – they sat at a booth to enjoy their treat.

“Joy, _what_ is this?” Yaz asked, pointing at the atrocity the older woman was ingesting at an incredibly quick pace. “I can’t believe you’re actually eating this.”

Joy looked up, her cheeks filled with ice cream. “’Course I am,” she answered.

Alice looked at her and giggled. “You look like a squirrel.”

Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the remark. “You kinda do.”

“Oi!” Joy argued, taking a piece of custard cream from her cone and putting it in her mouth. “At least a squirrel is cute.” She closed her eyes and smiled.

Once the three of them were done with their ice cream, Alice was eager to go home.

“Wait!” Joy exclaimed as both daughter and nanny started putting on their coats. “I’m just going to go get that cappuccino milkshake to go. It’s been tempting me since we got here.”

Joy quickly regretted her decision to walk home with her milkshake, her hands turning to ice as she wasn’t wearing gloves.

“Aren’t you cold? Want me to hold it for a while?” Yaz asked.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Joy said, moving her hands a little.

“Come on, Joy,” the younger woman scolded. “Take my mittens at least.”

Joy looked at Yaz and rolled her eyes but gave her a bashful smile in thanks.

When they got home, Joy headed to her office to make up for her early departure from the university. Meanwhile, Alice and Yaz sat at the dining table; Alice was drawing and Yaz, studying.

After only an hour, Joy emerged from her office. “Too much ice cream, can’t focus,” she complained, sitting down next to Alice. “What are you drawing, sweetheart?” Joy asked Alice.

“It’s you, Yazzy, and me eating ice cream,” she explained, pointing each person on the piece of paper. Yaz got up and took a look. All three of them were holding hands and, because she was in the middle, the Alice from the drawing couldn’t hold her ice cream, so it was standing on top of her head. There were hearts all over the picture, which softened Yaz.

“That’s lovely, sweetheart,” Joy said, stroking her daughter’s hair tenderly. She then sighed as she leant back on the chair.

Yaz smirked. “Was the milkshake too much?”

“You can never have too much ice cream,” Joy argued, making the other two laugh.

***

After dinner, all three of them decided to watch a movie to wind down from the crazy day they had – especially little Alice who, though she was doing much better, was still a little shaken at times.

Once the _Moana_ credits rolled, Joy took Alice in her arms without notice. “Time to get ready for bed, sweetheart.”

The girl squealed as her mother ran to her bedroom.

“I’ll start the washing up,” Yaz screamed from the couch.

“Thank you, Yaz!” Joy screamed back.

Before she got on with it, she remembered that Alice and Joy’s Christmas gifts were still by the front door. While the both of them were busy, she quickly placed the gifts under the tree before going back to her task.

After a few minutes, she heard footsteps coming toward her.

“Yazzy,” Alice whispered.

“Yes, kiddo?” Yaz turned around to face the young girl.

“Can you come help mummy read my bedtime story?” She pleaded.

Yaz could’ve melted on the spot. “Of course, I will!” She left the washing cloth on the counter and accepted the hand Alice was holding up.

When they got to the girl’s room, Alice ran under the covers. Joy sat at the foot of the bed, holding a book. She patted at the space next to her, inviting Yaz to sit.

“Mummy got me a new book today,” Alice explained.

Yaz looked down and recognized the book to be one of those she talked about in her presentation on LGBTQIA+ representation in children’s media. She looked up and smiled at Joy. “Good choice.”

“Figured you’d say that,” Joy smirked.

The two women read pages of the book alternately. Together, they told the story of a princess whose parents wanted her to marry the neighbouring town’s prince but couldn’t bring herself to do it because she wasn’t in love with him.

“She escaped from the palace and ran, and ran, and ran. When she finally stopped, she was facing another palace, one she had never seen before,” Yaz read before handing the book to Joy.

“She approached the grounds of the palace cautiously and made her way to a _gigantic_ door,” Joy said, putting a lot of emphasis on the word as she showed a picture from the book to Alice. “She knocked four times, praying to all the gods someone would let her in. After a few instants, a woman opened the door, and she took the princess’ breath away.”

Alice squealed when it was revealed that the other woman was, in fact, also a princess. The story’s ending was met with similar enthusiasm; both Alice and her mother clapped when Yaz read that the two princesses lived happily ever after.

“I’m taking it you liked the story, sweetheart?” Joy said, putting the book on the nightstand.

“I loved it, Mummy,” she grinned. “Can I ask you a question, Mummy?”

“Of course, you can,” Joy said gently.

“Are you… Are you a princess who prefers princesses?” She cocked her head and stared at her mother with wonder in her eyes.

Yaz wondered for a moment if she should leave and let them have this conversation alone, but Joy quickly answered. “I am,” she smiled shyly. “Sweetheart, do you remember when I told you about my friend River, who was very excited to meet you before you were born? She wasn’t just a friend; she was my princess.”

In that moment, Yaz wished the ground would swallow her whole. She didn’t know what to make of what she had just heard. Joy was gay and had apparently lost someone very special to her. The young woman felt like she was a witness to a story she had no rights over.

But, to her surprise, Joy looked at her and sighed happily.

“I can leave if you want,” Yaz whispered.

Joy shook her head. “You’re fine, don’t worry about it,” she said, squeezing her hand quickly before turning back to Alice. “Do you have any more questions, sweetheart?”

Alice took a few moments to think. “Do you like princesses too, Yazzy?”

Yaz looked at the young girl in shock; she had not expected the conversation to make such a sudden switch towards herself.

“You know what? I don’t really mind whether the person I’m with is a prince or a princess,” Yaz smiled. “They don’t even have to be royalty for that matter. As long as I’m comfortable with them and have that special connection with them, I’m happy.”

Alice nodded in approval and smirked. Yaz could feel there was _something_ in the young girl’s look, but she didn’t enquire.

“All right, sweetheart,” Joy said. “Time to sleep, now,” she got up and kissed her daughter’s forehead.

Yaz took it as her cue to leave the two of them alone.

“Night, kiddo,” she said, walking towards the door.

“Yazzy!”

Yaz turned around and saw Alice, sat on her bed, her body slightly tilted towards where her nanny was standing.

“She wants a goodnight kiss,” Joy mouthed.

The young woman’s eyes filled with tears in an instant, but she slowly got hold of her emotions. It wasn’t the moment to be emotional over something so trivial as a goodnight kiss. Yet, as she pecked Alice’s forehead, it didn’t feel ordinary at all. It was a sincere, overwhelming emotion.

“Goodnight, kiddo,” she said, putting Alice back under the covers.

“Night night, Yazzy. I love you.”

Yaz looked at her tenderly, stroking her hair and smiling until her eyes closed.

The young woman then slowly got up and made her way towards the door, where she found Joy looking at her, a glint in her eyes. When she saw her, Yaz sighed happily.

“Sweet dreams,” Joy whispered as she closed the door. She turned back to Yaz and rubbed her arm softly. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Yaz said. “Wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“I was,” Joy smirked as they walked back to the kitchen.

“You were?” Yaz looked at her cluelessly.

For only answer, Joy smiled and nodded.

They finished the washing up together in silence for the most part. Yaz’s brain was filled with “I love you’s” and princesses falling in love.

“Huh… Can I ask you a question, Yaz?”

“Sure. What’s up?” Yaz turned to her friend as she was drying a glass.

“I didn’t mean to pry earlier but I heard what you said to Alice. About being bullied when you were younger,” she said earnestly.

“Oh.”

“Sorry,” Joy said.

“Don’t be,” Yaz reassured. “It’s been a while. In many ways, it made me who I am today, too.”

Joy smiled, but it quickly faltered. “Is she going to be okay? Alice, I mean?”

Yaz sighed deeply. “I think she will be. Just let her know you’ll always be there for her so she knows she can come to you if something happens,” she answered. “What she really needs is a good support system. We all need that, but especially when things turn sour.”

“Oh, Yaz,” Joy said, leaving everything she was doing behind to come and hug her friend. “Please tell me you had that.”

Yaz leaned into the hug. “I did, but I didn’t use it,” she said, letting go of the hug. “That’s why you need to remind her that you’re here and you’ll never judge her. My parents would’ve offered me just that, but I didn’t know. Almost did something stupid because I thought I was alone.” She looked away in shame.

“Yaz,” Joy sighed. “If you ever feel like this again, please come to me.”

The younger woman looked up and smiled. “Hopefully I’m never going to feel like this again but thank you. It means a lot.”

“ _More than you can imagine_ ,” she thought.

***

The minute Yaz got home, she dragged herself to bed, completely exhausted by the events of the day. Her mind was whirling, from Alice saying she loved her to Joy saying loud and clear that she was into women, with flashbacks of her secondary school years in-between. Yaz’s emotions were going into overdrive and, even though they were all very positive, she couldn’t help but be a little scared by them and by what they meant.

Her phone buzzed.

\-----------------------------------------

 _22:02 – **Joy** :_ Yaz!!! You left the Christmas gifts you bought today here! Want me to put them near the front door so you think about them tomorrow?

 _22:02 – **Yaz** :_ I don’t know what you’re talking about ;)

 _22:03 – **Joy** :_ What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? You went shopping today helloooOOOoOooOooo

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz laughed out loud when she saw Joy’s text message.

\-----------------------------------------

 _22:08 – **Joy** :_ Wait…  
_22:09 – **Joy** :_ OH.

 _22:10 – **Yaz** :_ :)  
_22:12 – **Yaz** :_ Don’t open them before Christmas, though!

 _22:12 – **Joy** :_ Promise! Thank you xx

 _22:13 – **Yaz** :_ You’re very welcome xx  
_22:15 – **Yaz** :_ Goodnight, Joy xx

 _22:16 – **Joy** :_ Sweet dreams, Yaz xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I should leave academia and write inclusive fairytales for children, what do we think? ;) (Honestly, though, what if I just... wrote that whole story down at some point? Of course I'm having ideas like this one as I have to finish my research paper. Procrastination at its finest, y'all!)
> 
> As always, a massive THANK YOUUUUUU to my hype squad, the TCC! Sorry I'm always screaming about Joy and Yazzy in the chat. Thanks Annabelle for helping me out and giving me ideas on an almost daily basis as I work my way through this story.
> 
> I have a question for you, dear readers. Would you like me to post the chapters earlier in the day? Does it matter? I don't know, I've been thinking. Let me know what you think in the comments!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIYAAAA!!! I wanna say I really like this one, but I said the same thing last week, and the week before... I do really, really love them tho.
> 
> Anywayyyyyyy! Today, we are celebrating the end of the semester - at least, for Yaz... I personally have to look over the LAST final paper of my WHOLE degree, can you believe that? Then, you'll have to endure me as I whine about my dissertation... much like Yaz, actually. Kinda throwing a bit of my own experience in there, uni-wise. 
> 
> All right (fun fact: did you know it's actually "all right" and not "alright" according to the AP stylebook? I was shooketh), enough rambling (I write as I keep rambling)! Hope you enjoy this one xx

Yaz flipped through the pages of her exam for the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes, making sure everything was as it should be. When she looked up at the clock, she was happy to realize she had completed it a whole half hour before the end of the allotted time.

She quickly exited the room, handing the teacher her exam and wishing him happy holidays.

The first thing she saw when she emerged from the classroom was a small figure, dancing around the corridor. When Yaz closed the door, the little dancer turned towards her and screamed her name.

“Yazzy!” Alice jumped in Yaz’s arms.

“Hiya, kiddo,” Yaz whispered. “We’re gonna have to stay quiet, though. People are still taking their exam in there,” she added.

“Sorry,” the young girl whispered back.

“What are you doing here?” She asked the young girl, suddenly clocking in on the fact it was way too early for her to be anywhere that wasn’t her own school.

“Thought we’d surprise you to celebrate your last exam,” she heard Joy say as she made her way to them. “I know you’re going out with the girls tomorrow night, but I thought it was worth celebrating today,” the older woman smiled bashfully.

Yaz turned towards her and smiled softly. “That’s very, very sweet of you. Both of you,” she turned to Alice with a falsely shocked face. “I can’t believe you’re missing school for me.”

“Yeah,” the girl nodded, her usual grin plastered on her face.

“They were watching a movie this afternoon. Figured she’d rather go bowling with us,” Joy said. “If you want to go bowling, that is. We can do something else; I don’t mind. You decide,” she rambled.

“Oh, bowling! Haven’t played in ages,” Yaz smiled. “What d’you think, Alice?”

“What’s _bwooling_?”

Yaz gasped. “You’ve never played bowling before? This is gonna be amazing,” she said, grinning at Joy. “Can we go now?”

“Wow! Didn’t expect you to be so keen on my idea,” Joy said, nose scrunching in delight.

“Always keen on having a good time with you guys,” Yaz let slip innocently.

She quickly realized what she had said, and her face turned to crimson. The older woman didn’t comment on it, though; all she did was smile and nod.

“I really like spending time with you two,” Alice claimed, holding onto Yaz a little tighter.

“Yeah?” Joy smiled, tickling her daughter’s arm, making her giggle. “All right, let’s go roll some balls!”

Yaz chuckled, putting Alice down so she could hold her mother’s hand as she was leading them outside of the university walls.

“That sounded weird, didn’t it?” Joy whispered in Yaz’s direction.

“Only a little,” Yaz smirked.

“Yazzy, I have to tell you something,” Alice said, taking hold of Yaz’s hand.

“Do you?” Yaz said, squeezing her hand a little to encourage her.

“Our Elf on a Shelf did something really, really, really funny this morning,” Alice laughed.

Yaz looked up at Joy, whose eyes were sparkling in mischief. The younger woman couldn’t help but be transported back to the previous night.

_______

_Once Alice was asleep, the two women silently made their way back to the kitchen._

_Joy had texted her during the day about her newest Elf on a Shelf idea, claiming she absolutely needed her help for the execution to go flawlessly._

_It was simple, really: their elf would be lying on a giant stack of custard creams._

_The older woman reached for her backpack and opened it up, showing Yaz the twenty packs of biscuits she had acquired before coming back home._

_“You better eat them all after this,” Yaz whispered, shocked at the mere thought of such waste._

_Joy looked pained at the thought of having so many biscuits ending up in the trash. “Of course, I will.”_

_They decided the best place for this would be on a shelf of one of the sitting room bookcases. And so, they removed all the books it held and put them on the floor gently, but in a disorganized way to make it look like the elf had thrown them all to the ground on purpose._

_They then emptied the content of all the packs of biscuits, eating a few in the process. The shelf’s surface was full of custard creams, with the elf head first in the stack._

_“Brilliant,” Joy grinned, high fiving Yaz._

_______

“Now Mummy says I can eat custard creams whenever I want,” Alice said, ending her story.

“Oi! Never said that,” Joy argued.

“I’m not sure who I should believe, here,” Yaz said, eyebrow cocked at Joy.

“Me! I’m the adult!” The older woman protested, sounding very much like a child. The three of them stayed silent for a moment. “All right, I did say she could eat custard creams whenever she wanted _if_ she asked me beforehand. Wouldn’t want to create a bad habit out of our elf’s misbehaviour.”

Yaz shook her head in disapproval but smiled at her friend softly. “You’re incorrigible.”

“S’what makes me so charming,” Joy smiled proudly.

Yaz chuckled, looking away. Because, yes, that was exactly what made her so charming, and Yaz was starting to become more and more aware of that fact. It felt like a soft, constant tingle in her chest, but she ignored it to the best of her abilities on most days. Sometimes, though, it came crashing back, like waves of adoration she couldn’t control.

She felt Alice’s fingers move in hers, a reminder that the young girl was very much part of the current Yaz had got thrown into. The little fingers held on hers a little tighter, anchoring her into the present.

Yaz looked down at Alice once more; the young girl’s gaze stayed on her for a little while, as if she was mesmerized by Yaz’s mere existence. Yaz’s thumb rubbed the child’s hand lightly. Another wave came crashing in her chest.

“ _Don’t think about it_ ,” Yaz thought. 

***

Like any other four-year-old child, Alice needed help playing bowling. One after the other, Joy and Yaz came to her aid.

Both helped the young girl in their own way. While Yaz helped her hold the ball and directed her hand in the right direction, Joy showed her daughter how to throw the ball herself, using her two hands.

The ball was still quite heavy, though, so more often than not, Joy ended up doing exactly what Yaz was doing, but with both her hands over Alice’s.

From her seat, Yaz watched them walk from the ball dispenser to the alley and couldn’t help but giggle. Alice insisted on carrying the ball the whole way. With Joy helping her, they moved like two awkward penguins. She could hear them guffaw from where she was sitting, that tingle still very much present.

After their first game – which Alice won, thanks to her helpers, – Joy slipped away for a few minutes.

“I come bearing celebratory drinks,” the older woman claimed as she came back, holding three gigantic slushies. 

Alice gasped, her little grabby hands raised in her mother’s direction.

“I hope you like blue raspberry slushie, Yaz,” Joy said, handing Yaz her drink.

“Who doesn’t?” Yaz replied. “Thank you, Joy.”

“Thank you, Mummy!”

“You’re both very welcome,” Joy smiled. “I would like to propose a toast. To your smashing win, sweetheart, and to Yaz’s finals finally being over.”

The women raised their drinks, Alice imitating them as they did so.

“I’m gonna go get us some nachos because I am starving,” Joy said. “Are we all up for a second game?”

Alice cheered and Yaz nodded.

When she came back to the table with two plates of nachos, Joy saw Yaz on her knees, at Alice’s level, waiting expectantly for the ball to make its way to the pins. She was surprised to see all ten of them scatter on the ground, but her astonishment turned into adoration when she saw both her daughter and Yaz raise their arms in the air in celebration, Alice jumping and Yaz’s neck. The younger woman got up and spun the child around.

Still holding the child, Yaz turned around so Joy could see both of their pleased faces. Yaz noticed the older woman’s pride in her gaze, but what she couldn’t have known was the fact that her breath hitched at the sight of these two together.

Once Alice was back on the ground, she ran to her mother.

“Have you seen _that_ , Mummy?” She jumped in Joy’s arms.

“I certainly have, sweetheart. You marvelous little human you are,” she said, kissing the tip of her nose.

Yaz stayed back for a moment to let them enjoy each other’s presence. She then slowly made her way towards their table, sitting down and eating a few nachos.

“Thanks, Yazzy,” Alice said, taking the seat next to her. “I think I’m going to win again because of you,” she grinned.

“You know what? I’m gonna make sure of it,” she winked.

Joy sighed very audibly. “Why is no one helping me win,” she muttered.

“Because you’re _annadult_ , Mummy,” Alice said matter-of-factly. Joy and Yaz shared a look before laughing out loud, quickly joined by Alice’s giggles.

After the young girl won their second game, they decided to stick around a little longer so she could play through her slushie-induced sugar rush. In the end, the four-year-old ended up winning all three games.

“Does it mean we kind of both won all three games?” Yaz whispered to Joy when they left the establishment.

“You speak my language, Yasmin Khan,” Joy grinned. “D’you reckon I could have the elf play bowling for tomorrow morning?”

All three of them drove back to Joy’s place together in the older woman’s car, which she rarely used.

Once again, when it was time to go to bed, Alice had asked Yaz for her goodnight kiss. Once again, she’d told Yaz she loved her. The young woman wasn’t ready to verbalize her own feelings; saying it meant too much, and the possibilities held by those three words were too heavy. So, she simply sat next to the young girl and stroked her hair gently until her breath evened out.

Before going back home, she helped Joy build a bowling set out of tin foil for the family elf.

***

Yaz stood in front of a full-length mirror in Clara and Bill’s bedroom, staring at herself in shock.

“You guys really think I should wear this?” She turned to her friends, uncertain of her outfit.

She was wearing a dress Clara had lent her. It was black, sparkly and the perfect length for her. It showed off her legs without it being uncomfortable – considering Clara’s height, this was a miracle. Clara had also done her makeup; it was pretty simple, with bronze eyeshadow complimenting her eye colour.

“You look _hot_ , mate,” Bill said, Clara nodding in approval. “You’ve got some legs on yourself. Whew!” 

Yaz held her face in her hands, her face growing hot by the sudden attention. “Stop it.”

“You look gorgeous, Yaz,” Clara said softly.

“Okay, okay,” Yaz said. “Can we go now before I change my mind?”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Bill cheered.

***

Yaz had never been much of a drinker, but once in a while she liked to indulge. This particular night felt worthy of such extravagance; she was out with friends, in a club, celebrating the wild ride the semester had been. 

After two beers, though, she’d had enough. The fact she didn’t drink much meant she wasn’t used to the effects of alcohol, and she didn’t want to lose control in an environment where she wasn’t exactly the most comfortable.

After a few hours, Yaz retreated from the dancefloor, which was getting way too crowded for her liking. Her friends quickly noticed she had disappeared and looked out for her.

“There you are,” Bill screamed over the music. “Are you all right, Yaz?”

“Yeah. A little overwhelmed, that’s all,” Yaz said, scratching her neck.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? Maybe somewhere a little less crowded,” Clara offered.

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not, dummy,” Bill said, squeezing Yaz’s arm in comfort.

They swiftly left the club to find a much quieter bar a few blocks away. They sat at a booth, ordering a pitcher of beer for Bill and Clara and a cola for Yaz.

In the midst of recalling a random childhood story, Bill stopped herself mid-sentence to wave at someone who had apparently just entered the bar. “Joy?”

Yaz felt her heart stop for a nano-second when she heard the name, her head spinning around towards the entrance. Bill was right; Joy was there with two other women, another blonde and a redhead.

“Hiya!” Joy said, waving at the group before removing her coat, revealing an outfit Yaz had never seen her wear before, which consisted of a pair of black skinny jeans and an oversized button-up.

Her hair was tied in a messy half-bun and she was wearing bold red lipstick. She looked absolutely ravishing.

When Joy and her friends approached, the three students got up to greet them.

“Hiya! Funny seeing you all here,” Joy said, looking at the group. “So, I’d like you to meet Rose and Amy. Rose, Amy, this is Bill, who works with me at the lab, and her girlfriend Clara,” she introduced.

“And this,” Joy’s hand fell on Yaz’s shoulder. She felt the woman’s gaze on her, as if she had finally clocked in on what Yaz was wearing. “This is Yaz, Alice’s nanny.”

After everyone had been introduced, they all decided to move to a bigger table so they could all sit together. The newcomers ordered their drinks, and the night was off to a new start.

“So, Yaz. What is it like, nannying Alice?” Rose asked, pouring herself a pint of beer from her pitcher.

“It’s lovely,” Yaz smiled. “She’s the sweetest kid.”

“That’s because she has the sweetest mum,” Joy interjected, taking a sip of whatever she was drinking.

“How humble of you,” Rose laughed.

This was a setting where Yaz was much more comfortable. The place wasn’t too crowded, and she was able to have actual conversations with people. She didn’t feel the need to hide away, which was always a welcomed feeling on a night out.

And then, Joy was there, too. The two of them naturally gravitated towards each other, probably because of all the time they spent together during the week, and so it didn’t even come as a surprise when the older woman took the seat next to hers. Joy’s mere presence was a reassuring one for Yaz.

Another couple of hours had passed when Yaz saw Clara get up from her seat, phone in hand. Soon after, Yaz’s phone buzzed on the table.

\-----------------------------------------

 _01:12 – **Clara** :_ Just called a cab. Should be here in half an hour.  
_01:12 – **Clara** :_ Bill is about to turn into a sobbing mess.

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz giggled at her phone. She felt Joy’s stare on her; when Yaz lifted her head, Joy’s head was cocked.

“We’re gonna head off soon,” Yaz said.

Clara made her way back to their table and whispered in Bill’s ear before helping her up her seat.

“It was really lovely spending the night with you all, I think it’s time for us to go to bed,” Clara said, taking a look at Bill who looked like she was about to fall asleep standing. 

“Definitely should get home too,” Amy said. “I’m sure Rory misses me.”

Rose laughed. “You’ve only been gone for a few hours!”

Amy’s sole answer was a suggestive wink in Rose’s direction.

The rest of the group followed the couple, putting on their coats and returning to the cold reality of a December night.

Once they stepped outside, Joy used the remote start on her car, which was conveniently parked right in front of the bar. Rose and Amy quickly ran inside the vehicle, wishing the three younger women a good night.

“Are you okay to drive?” Yaz asked Joy, trying not to sound too worried.

“Haven’t had a drop,” Joy answered. “Designated driver and all that,” she added, nose scrunching. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” Yaz smiled. Bill was now ugly crying in Clara’s arms for no apparent reason. “Better get these two home,” she commented, smiling at the scene.

“Never imagined Bill to be a drunk crier,” Joy chuckled.

“She’s never gonna hear the end of this, is she?” Yaz asked, turning towards the older woman.

Joy guffawed. “Never.”

They stared at each other for a moment, the cold air making their breath visible, like smoke between the two of them.

“D’you guys need a ride? I can drive Amy and Rose home and come and pick you guys up. Shouldn’t take too long,” Joy offered.

“Already called a cab,” Yaz answered simply. “And I’m sleeping over at theirs.”

“Right. Good,” the older woman smiled coyly. “I’ll wait with you, though.”

“You don’t have to,” Yaz insisted.

“I know,” Joy smiled.

They waited in silence for a dozen minutes, both facing the street and snickering at Bill’s teary “I love you so much” she kept repeating over and over again to Clara.

Yaz could sense Joy’s body inching closer to hers; or maybe it was her who was moving towards the older woman? All she knew was that, when their cab finally pulled over, they turned to each other and ended up in the other’s personal space.

Yaz could feel Joy’s warm breath on her nose. Her eyes faltered on her lips, then brown met hazel again; she thought she’d seen the same movement in Joy’s glance but stopped that train of thought as soon as it appeared at the back of her mind. She took a step back.

“Whew! Almost broke each other’s nose there,” Joy joked.

“Yeah.”

“Text me when you’re home, will you?” Joy asked. “Well, their home. Don’t wait till tomorrow afternoon to text me or I won’t sleep,” she rambled.

Yaz looked up and gave her a warm smile. “Of course, I’ll text you,” she said. “The second we set foot inside, promise.”

“Good,” Joy smiled. “Goodnight, Yaz.”

Joy waved at them as the cab drove away.

***

The cab ride was uneventful, except from Bill’s random whimpers.

As promised, the second she set foot in Bill and Clara’s flat, Yaz took out her phone from her pocket.

\-----------------------------------------

 _02:23 – **Yaz** :_ Just entered the girls’ flat, safe and sound (and still crying in some cases).

02:23 – Joy: Brilliant xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz removed her shoes and coat quickly before giving a hand to Clara, who was struggling with helping Bill get ready for bed. She heard her phone buzz but didn’t bother looking at it, focusing on her crybaby friend.

“Thanks,” Clara said, offering her a glass of water.

“No worries,” Yaz smiled. “You should get to bed too.”

“Yeah,” her friend answered. “You sure you’re fine sleeping on the couch?”

Yaz nodded; one night on a couch wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“I left you a bunch of pillows and blankets in the sitting room, but if you need more just let me know.”

“I’ll be fine, Clara!” Yaz giggled.

“Okay, well, I’ll be off. Night, Yaz.”

“Night.”

Clara stopped in her tracks and turned to Yaz. “You should keep that dress,” she winked, and padded to her bedroom.

Yaz was speechless. She was definitely going to have to thank Clara later.

She quickly got herself ready for bed and threw herself on the couch, completely exhausted. She remembered her phone buzzed earlier and decided to have one last look at it before going to sleep.

\-----------------------------------------

 _02:29 – **Joy** :_ You looked really pretty tonight xx  
_02:52 – **Joy** :_ Not to be weird or anything, just stating facts and such.  
_02:57 – **Joy** :_ Like the science-y person I am.

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz’s breath hitched as she read the texts over and over again. “ _She thinks I looked pretty_ ,” Yaz thought. She then noticed the time stamps on those texts; Yaz hadn’t replied and it appeared that Joy got… worried? Was that it? The young woman was staring at her phone, not knowing how to reply, when it buzzed in her hands.

\-----------------------------------------

 _03:02 – **Joy** :_ Goodnight, Yaz xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz took a deep breath and dived in.

\-----------------------------------------

 _03:03 – **Yaz** :_ Sorry, I just saw this! I was helping Clara with Bill.  
_03:03 – **Yaz** :_ And I’m not exactly the most science-y person out there, but you looked absolutely stunning. Scientific observation and all that jazz, you know the drill xx

 _03:04 – **Joy** :_ She finally stopped crying?  
_03:04 – **Joy** :_ You’re gonna make me blush :P Thank you xx

 _03:04 – **Yaz** :_ Yup, she’s snoring now LOL

 _03:04 – **Joy** :_ Oh God. My thoughts are with you in these trying times ;)

 _03:05 – **Yaz** :_ I’ll survive haha  
_03:06 – **Yaz** :_ Our thoughts should be with Clara tho

 _03:07 – **Joy** :_ Poor thing! The things we endure for love, huh?

 _03:09 – **Yaz** :_ Love is always wise…  
_03:10 – **Yaz** :_ But can it really be when your significant other is snoring like THAT? I doubt it.

 _03:11 – **Joy** :_ And here we have the perfect example of a human with one stone cold heart! :D  
_03:12 – **Joy** :_ Just kidding, I know you have a heart of gold :) See it every single day with my daughter xx

 _03:12 – **Yaz** :_ Are you going all soft on me in the middle of the night, Dr. Smith?

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz laughed as she typed, knowing the whole ‘Doctor’ banter was a running gag between the two of them. But she was also saying this to stop Joy from actually getting soft on her; she didn’t know if she could take much more of that.

\-----------------------------------------

 _03:13 – **Joy** :_ Bill is a drunk crier… does that make me a sober softie?  
_03:14 – **Joy** :_ If you don’t stop calling me Doctor, I’m gonna have to call you Master once you graduate, you know that?  
_03:15 – **Joy** :_ My brain just realized what I said and, huh, maybe not.  
_03:16 – **Joy** :_ Okay. Definitely not.

 _03:19 – **Yaz** :_ “Master Yazzy, can you help me make pasta bc I’m useless in the kitchen?” :D

 _03:20 – **Joy** :_ Oi! :( What about that gingerbread house?

 _03:20 – **Yaz** :_ Okayyyyy, not completely useless then

 _03:21 – **Joy** :_ :D  
_03:22 – **Joy** :_ I know how to make soup, too

 _03:25 – **Yaz** :_ Yum! Soup in the winter is always a win.  
_03:26 – **Yaz** :_ Unrelated but I just had a thought… I’m gonna try to cook pakora after the holiday break if you like? My dad’s is absolutely terrible but I reckon it’s worth giving it a try.

 _03:29 – **Joy** :_ Oooooooh! Traditional dishes with Yaz! Love traditional dishes with Yaz!  
_03:29 – **Joy** :_ Okay, I sound absolutely nuts rn. Time for bed. Night xx

 _03:30 – **Yaz** :_ Night, Joy xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz could feel her heart beating a little faster in her chest, as if she had just run a marathon. Yet there she was, looking at Bill and Clara’s ceiling and letting herself fall asleep as her mind decided to go on a stroll into the infamous Joy territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine spending a night out with your unacknowledged crush, both looking hot AF, yet neither of you make a move? :)))))))))) 
> 
> Once again, massive thanks to Annabelle for beta reading this one! And thanks to the TCC for allowing me to talk about Jazzy and Alice in the chat on a daily basis bc my brain won't shut up about them. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one! I'll see you next week. In the meantime: happy holidays!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve guys!!!!! I posted a poll on Twitter asking if people would rather I posted the next few chapters earlier than usual since they are holiday-centric... Meaning chapter 9 and 10 will be posted on a Thursday instead of a Sunday! Woohoo!! 
> 
> Hopefully you guys get in the festive spirit with our lil "not-yet-a-fam-but-basically-a-fam" :D

Yaz woke up with a start, completely disoriented. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to her surroundings, even though it was broad daylight. She was sitting on a couch…

“ _Why did I fall asleep here?_ ” She thought

After a moment, it came back to her and she recognized where and _when_ she was. It was Christmas morning; she probably dozed off on Joy’s couch, exhausted from her commute back from Sheffield.

She was meant to come back to Leeds much later, but she felt the need to spend the holidays with these two. She had spent a day with her family and took the first train back, knocking on Joy’s door in the early hours of the morning.

She propped herself up from the couch but was quickly pushed back on by a young girl jumping on her.

“Hiya, Yazzy!” Alice exclaimed, getting comfortable on Yaz’s lap. She looked at her with wide eyes filled with wonder and excitement.

“Hey, kiddo! Did you sleep well?”

The young girl nodded vigorously. Her mother appeared behind her, holding a tray with a plate filled with croissants, two cups of burning coffee and a small glass of orange juice.

“Good morning, ladies,” Joy said, cautiously putting the tray on the coffee table. She sat next to Yaz on the couch, her arm going over the young girl’s shoulder.

“Hey, you,” Joy said, tucking a curly strand of hair behind Yaz’s ear and cupping her cheek, thumb rubbing it slowly.

“Hey,” the younger woman smiled, taking hold of the hand and kissing it softly. Their eyes closed at the contact.

When Yaz let go of Joy’s hand, all she saw was the older woman’s gaze faltering to her lips, her face approaching hers tentatively. Hazel disappeared under eyelids, and brown followed suit. The young woman didn’t question where this was headed or why it was happening, because there was simply no other way to go on.

She felt inner peace and a sense of fullness deeply within herself.

She woke up with a start once more. Except, this time, she was thrown back into reality. Ryan and Yaz left Leeds in the early hours of the morning to make the drive to Sheffield and spend the holidays with their respective families. Yaz must’ve been exhausted, because they had only left twenty minutes ago.

“Rise and shine, Yaz!” Ryan laughed. He looked at her; she looked like she had just seen a ghost. “Are you okay, mate?”

She looked at him, then back at the road. “Yeah, just got disoriented for a second.”

Disoriented wasn’t exactly the word she wanted to use right there and then. What she felt, but didn’t want to say out loud, was extreme disappointment.

“So, as I was saying,” Ryan said. “When are you going back to Leeds? Need a ride?”

She tried to get her mind to work. “I… I don’t know; depends on what they’ve got planned at home or when Joy needs me back.”

“Isn’t she off until mid-January as well?” Ryan looked at her quickly before looking at the road again.

“Depends on her workload, I’m assuming,” Yaz answered. “We haven’t really discussed it; she’s pretty chill and would probably be okay with me staying in Sheffield for a while. But you know me…”

“They’re gonna drive you insane before the semester starts,” he laughed. Yaz joined half-heartedly.

The rest of the ride went swimmingly – technically speaking. There was virtually no traffic, which meant they both got home a little earlier than they had planned.

Yaz’s mind was still whirling, though. If people usually forgot all about their dreams in the minutes following their awakening, the fact Yaz was having vivid flashbacks from hers made it all the more frustrating.

If it was possible to spiritually kick her own arse, she would’ve done it in a heartbeat. Why on Earth had her subconscious thrown that at her? It felt as if she was trying to involuntarily self-sabotage.

But she knew where she stood about all of this: there was no way in hell she was going to allow anything to destroy the incredible relationship they had built. Joy’s friendship meant so much to her, and Alice’s respect meant absolutely everything. Why would she want to risk it all?

Apparently, her brain didn’t care about that, though, and that was a problem. And a big one, at that.

She was still deep in thoughts when she unlocked the door to her parents’ flat. Once she felt her mother’s tight embrace on her, she quickly pushed the thoughts at the back of her mind.

“How are you, sweetheart?” She heard her mother say.

“I’m doing great. How are you? Is everyone home?”

“I’m doing great. We all are,” her mother said, loosening her embrace. “Your dad is making pancakes. Sonya is probably still fast asleep, you know her,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Yaz giggled. Even though she could be a nightmare at times, spending some time with Sonya was always refreshing – if only for a few days.

***

Yaz and Sonya weren’t even halfway through their pancakes plates when Hakim started making his pakora.

“Why are you making dinner now?” Sonya asked, looking at her father with astonished eyes.

“Because, my darling, I want to perfect my recipe!” He smiled. “We don’t get to have Yaz around often and I’m hoping that one day she’ll be proud of my pakora,” he added, winking at his eldest daughter.

Yaz softened at her father’s intentions. “Dad, you’re so sweet,” she said, meeting her father in front of the oven. “D’you think I could help you out? Wanna learn how to make ‘em for work.”

Both her parents and her sister looked at her, complete incomprehension in their glances.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” Najia wondered.

And suddenly, it came back to her. She had told them about the job at the laboratory, when Martha had first offered the position. Things had been so hectic that she apparently had completely forgotten to tell them of everything that ensued, which meant none of them were aware of Oscar’s disrespectful attitude or Joy’s offer.

Yaz leaned back on the refrigerator and slowly went over the events of the past few months. It was going to take a while, but hopefully they’d understand why she was where she was now.

She started by telling them about what she did at the lab. She described her tasks and how it helped her manage her time better. She also told them that the nature of the job meant that her professor needed funding to renew her contract, which was why she originally decided to keep the supermarket job at first and juggle both jobs as well as her university work, which hadn’t been easy.

She then went on to explain to them how she had made great friends while working there, especially Bill and Joy. She explained that Bill was her friend Clara’s girlfriend, and that they all hung out a lot in the past few weeks even though she wasn’t working at the lab anymore.

“Yaz has friends? Unbelievable,” Sonya giggled. Najia gave her youngest daughter a side eye.

And then, she told them what Oscar had said in the most intricate details, which made her mother’s blood boil.

“I hope you smacked him,” Najia muttered.

“So much violence, Mum!” Sonya giggled.

Yaz took it on herself to calm her down; certainly, telling her she wasn’t working for Oscar anymore would help.

“I did better than that,” Yaz started. “I quit.”

“What?” All three of them said in sync.

“Joy was there when he had a go at me,” she explained. “Afterwards, she told me she needed a nanny for Alice—”

“Who’s Alice?” Hakim asked.

“Oh, right! Didn’t tell you guys about Alice,” Yaz smiled. “Alice is Joy’s daughter. She’s four and absolutely adorable. Anyway—”

“You? Nannying a kid?” Sonya laughed at her big sister once more.

“Oi! I’ll have you know I’m doing a great job.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart,” Najia said, coming up to her daughter and giving her yet another hug. “I’m sure it’s much more gratifying than working with that _Oscar_ ,” she added, venom on her tongue as she spoke the man’s name.

“I’ve never been happier,” Yaz smiled.

“That’s fairly obvious,” her father said matter-of-factly. “So, you want, uh… what’s her name again?”

“Alice.”

“You want Alice to try pakora?”

Yaz nodded. “And Joy, too.”

Sonya rolled her eyes. “You cook for the mum too? Ugh.”

Yaz looked at her and couldn’t refrain a grin. “Sometimes.”

“All right,” Hakim said, taking her hand. “Let me show you how it’s done.”

Their pakora-making ended up in a full-blown Khan cooking competition. Unsurprisingly, Yaz won all the praise, including her father’s.

“The pupil has surpassed the master,” Hakim claimed proudly.

“Wasn’t hard to achieve, Dad,” Sonya said, looking at her phone.

Yaz giggled. She looked at Sonya and decided to annoy her little sister a little, touching her phone screen in random places.

“Oi! Stop it,” Sonya screamed. Yaz removed her hand, laughing uncontrollably.

“Love you too, Son,” the eldest sister said, grinning.

***

Later that night, the four of them settled on the couch to watch a movie. In true holiday spirit, the choice fell on _Love, Actually_ , which also happened to be Yaz’s guilty pleasure film.

They were at that bit where Andrew Lincoln’s character showed Keira Knightley his cards on her doorstep when Yaz’s phone buzzed.

\-----------------------------------------

 _20:48 – **Joy** :_ Hiya Father Christmas! Should we wait until you come back from Sheffield to open the two packages that mysteriously appeared under our tree? Ho! Ho! Ho! :D

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz’s giggled, attracting her sister’s attention. She looked up and their eyes met, Sonya’s filled with suspicion. In sheer luck, they weren’t sitting next to each other, meaning her sister couldn’t peek at her phone screen.

\-----------------------------------------

 _20:49 – **Yaz** :_ Wouldn’t be very Christmassy to wait, would it?  
_20:49 – **Yaz** :_ Go ahead without me. As long as you send me pics :)

 _20:51 – **Joy** :_ Will do xx  
_20:53 – **Joy** :_ How was the ride home, btw?

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz shivered when she read the word, instantly taken back to her dream. She pushed it away and tried to focus on the TV screen instead, completely avoiding Joy for the time being.

The scenes simply moved in front of her eyes. She knew all the words, but it was like her brain wasn’t retaining what it was seeing or hearing. She surrendered.

\-----------------------------------------

 _21:08 – **Yaz** :_ Good! I slept for most of it. Ryan wanted to leave (too) early.

 _21:10 – **Joy** :_ Great xx (not the too early bit, tho)  
_21:16 – **Joy** :_ Do you have any idea of when you’re coming back? There’s a little one here missing you loads.  
_21:18 – **Joy** :_ And a taller one, too… But that’s just because I wanna eat pasta :)

 _21:22 – **Yaz** :_ You know how to make them, tho! It’s not that hard :P

 _21:22 – **Joy** :_ Yeah, but it’s not the same :((((

\-----------------------------------------

Three dots appeared, disappeared… After a while, Yaz decided she was better off paying attention to the movie. Maybe Joy was simply craving pasta in earnest, and whatever she was trying to say had nothing to do with her.

Yaz’s good intentions to stay in the present with her family weren’t enough, though. She quickly realized she had not actually answered Joy’s question. She rolled her eyes, frustrated at herself.

\-----------------------------------------

 _21:37 – **Yaz** :_ Sorry, we’re watching a movie and just realized I didn’t really answer your question. I’m not sure when I’m coming back yet, it all depends on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day plans.  
_21:38 – **Yaz** :_ Also depends on what I’m willing to endure re: my family :)

\-----------------------------------------

Joy was usually a quick texter, but Yaz waited for her answer for a while. The movie ended, and her friend hadn’t appeared in her notifications. Maybe she had fallen asleep?

Hours later, when she was about to get to bed, Yaz’s phone buzzed twice.

\-----------------------------------------

 _00:02 – **Joy** :_ Please let me know when you come back xx  
_00:02 – **Joy** :_ Alice is well excited to give you your gift :)

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz felt a tingle; another wave crashing, taking over her senses.

\-----------------------------------------

 _00:03 – **Yaz** :_ You guys shouldn’t have xx  
_00:03 – **Yaz** :_ How come you’re not sleeping?

 _00:05 – **Joy** :_ You really think that? Course we did xx  
_00:06 – **Joy** :_ I take my parent job very seriously on Christmas day, you know…  
_00:07 – **Joy** :_ IT’S BISCUITS TIME!

\-----------------------------------------

As if to prove her point, Joy sent Yaz a selfie of herself, holding a plate filled with custard creams. She sported a wide smile; one that would haunt Yaz’s dreams.

\-----------------------------------------

 _00:11 – **Yaz** :_ Hey, won’t you look at that. It’s been Christmas for 11 minutes. Happy Christmas! Enjoy the biscuits xx

 _00:12 – **Joy** :_ Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu xx  
_00:12 – **Joy** :_ Do you celebrate it? Christmas, I mean  
_00:13 – **Joy** :_ I don’t know why I felt the need to specify, it’s not like we’re talking about Halloween or something

 _00:13 – **Yaz** :_ We’re Muslim so no, technically we don’t. Still a nice occasion to all get together, though :)

 _00:15 – **Joy** :_ Well, then… Happy holidays/family time/time off from uni/time off from work/………. :)

 _00:16 – **Yaz** :_ HAHA thank you very much xx  
_00:17 – **Yaz** :_ You missed one, tho: happy terrible pakora day xx

 _00:18 – **Joy** :_ Love it! Excited to have our own pakora day once you’re back xx  
_00:21 – **Joy** :_ Hopefully it’s not terrible

 _00:22 – **Yaz** :_ Nah. Turns out mine’s decent ;) How lucky of you!

 _00:23 – **Joy** :_ I keep telling myself that xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz looked at her phone screen and froze. She couldn’t actually mean that, could she?

\-----------------------------------------

 _00:27 – **Joy** :_ Yes, Dr. Softie is back :)

 _00:33 – **Yaz** :_ Well, Dr. Softie, I’m gonna go to bed. And you probably should, too. I’m assuming there’s a little one who’s gonna be VERY excited in a few hours’ time. :)

 _00:34 – **Joy** :_ You’re right, Wise Yazzy… as always ;) Goodnight xx

 _00:34 – **Yaz** :_ Goodnight xx Don’t forget to send me pics!! :)

 _00:35 – **Joy** :_ Promise xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz couldn’t fully comprehend how easy it was to simply be herself with Joy. It felt like, every single time, they had to cut their conversations short, otherwise they would never be able to stop.

That night, Yaz fell asleep wondering what it would be like to have a life-long conversation with someone.

***

On Christmas morning, Yaz was awoken by her sister jumping in her bed like she used to do when they were younger.

“Have I told you I’m happy to see you yet?” Sonya said, resting her head on Yaz’s shoulder.

“No, you haven’t, but I’m glad to hear it,” Yaz smiled. “Why the sudden burst of affection, though?”

“I don’t know,” the younger sister shrugged. “Just feels nice to have you around. Gives me something to do.”

“What d’you mean?” Yaz cocked her head.

“Finally get to be my true annoying self to my big sister,” she smirked.

Yaz guffawed. Of course. Under the phone-addicted, smartass teenager attitude hid a little sister who was dying to be around her big sister. Yaz hugged her.

She let go of her embrace when her phone buzzed. She took a look at the alarm clock on her nightstand; it was barely past 8 in the morning. It was safe to assume Joy was sending pictures of Alice and her gift.

Yaz took hold of her phone; Sonya gave her the side eyes.

“Who’s texting you? It’s _so_ early,” she commented.

“I’m assuming it’s Joy.”

“Joy? Oh,” Sonya remembered. “She texts you a lot?”

Yaz sighed, trying to hide a grin. “Not that much.”

“You guys were texting during the film last night, right?” Sonya poked her sister, grinning.

“Shut it, Son,” Yaz dismissed.

“All right, all right,” the younger sister said, leaving the room. She turned around and looked deep into Yaz’s eyes. “You’re blushing, by the way,” she winked before leaving the room.

Yaz groaned before looking at her notifications.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:03 – **Joy** : _HELLO HELP it’s way too early and I just got dragged out of bed by a Christmas-loving 4-year-old!!!

 _08:10 – **Yaz** : _Could’ve been worse ;) Did you get any sleep in the end?

 _08:11 – **Joy** :_ Yeah! Woke up a little before she did, actually. I was about to fall asleep again when she decided to jump on my bed and squeal  
_08:12 – **Joy** :_ But LOOOOOOOK!!

\-----------------------------------------

Joy sent her a picture of herself and Alice, both wearing matching holiday pyjamas. She couldn’t help but sigh happily at the sight because, _of course_ they were wearing matching outfits on Christmas.

It looked like Joy had propped her phone on the couch and put the timer on. Both of them sat at a funny angle in front of the Christmas tree, surrounded by gifts. The two of them looked almost identical, save a few years on Alice’s part, but they shared the same grin and sparkly eyes.

Yaz wondered if the tingles she kept feeling would ever go away, but they seemed to get worse by the minute.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:14 – **Yaz** :_ Excuse me while I go cry for a moment xx  
_08:15 – **Yaz** :_ You guys are way too adorable it’s unfair

 _08:16 – **Joy** :_ xxxxx  
_08:17 – **Joy** :_ All right, gotta go. She says I’m looking at my phone too often and forgetting about the most important part: “the prezzies”  
_08:18 – **Joy** :_ I tried to convince her you’ve been changed into my phone and that’s why I need it with me, but she won’t believe me even tho I’m barely lying xx I’ll send you pics soon tho xxx

 _08:20 – **Yaz** :_ Bless her, she’s outsmarting you already xx

\-----------------------------------------

While she was waiting for another update, Yaz decided to film a little video of herself for Alice.

“Hiya, Alice! Happy Christmas! I really hope Father Christmas brought you a ton of great presents, and that your mum got you some cool stuff too. I’m sure she has a good eye,” Yaz smiled at her phone. “Now, I’ll leave you two to the fun celebrations and I’ll go annoy my little sister,” she giggled.

“Oi! I heard that!” Sonya screamed from the next room.

“Did you guys hear that?” Yaz laughed. “All right, happy Christmas to the both of you. Yeah, you too, Joy! Bye-bye, I’ll see you soon,” she waved before turning off the recording.

She sent the video and, only minutes later, Joy was texting her back.

\-----------------------------------------

 _09:10 – **Joy** :_ You made someone really happy this morning!

\-----------------------------------------

Attached to the message was a picture of Alice, holding onto her art kit and smiling brightly.

Another text message came through soon after. The picture was a little crooked; Yaz assumed Alice took it. Joy sat on the floor and was wearing her new boots. She held a foot in front of her face.

\-----------------------------------------

 _09:16 – **Joy** :_ Thank you Yazzy!!! You didn’t have to xx

 _09:17 – **Yaz** :_ Of course, I did xx  
_09:18 – **Yaz** :_ I’m so glad you guys are happy xxx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz’s phone made itself known once again while she was eating breakfast. It wasn’t a text, though, but a call from Joy.

“I’ll be right back, I need to take this.,” she said, exiting the dining room to take the call privately. “ _Hi Joy!_ ”

“ _I’m not Joy_ ,” Yaz could hear Alice giggle. “ _Mummy let me call you because I wanted to talk to you_.”

Yaz’s heart felt like it was breaking and expanding at the same time. “ _Happy Christmas, kiddo!_ ”

“ _Happy Christmas, Yazzy!_ ” Alice said.

“ _Happy Christmas_ ,” she heard Joy say.

“ _Am I on speaker?_ ”

Yaz could hear Alice shuffle, probably to get closer to Joy on the couch.

“ _Mummy, is Yazzy on… on_ peaker _?_ ”

Yaz giggled and was audibly imitated by Joy.

“ _Yes, she is, sweetheart,_ ” Joy explained.

“ _I don’t know what it means but yes you are, Yazzy_ ,” Alice told her.

“ _That’s fine, sweetheart,_ ” Yaz replied. “ _Did you like your present?_ ”

“ _YES!_ ” Alice screamed, accidentally hurting Yaz’s ears.

“ _You can’t scream like that on the phone!_ ” Joy said, panic tainting her tone. “ _Sorry, Yaz!_ ”

“ _It’s fine_ ,” Yaz chuckled. “ _What are your plans for the day?_ ”

“ _We’re going to Uncle John and Auntie Rose’s later for lunch_ ,” Alice explained.

“ _Wait… Auntie Rose? Is it—_ ”

“ _Yup! The same Rose you saw on that night out_ ,” Joy said.

“ _Ah! Is she your sister?_ ” Yaz wondered.

Joy guffawed at the other end of the line. “ _I wish! She’s my sister-in-law._ ”

“ _Right_ ,” Yaz said. “ _Well, I’ll let you guys get ready, then. Happy Christmas again._ ”

“ _Happy Christmas_ ,” Joy said. “ _Take care_.”

“ _Happy Christmas again, Yazzy!_ ” Alice exclaimed. “ _Thank you for our gifts, I love you!_ ”

“ _I love you too, kiddo_ ,” Yaz said in the spur of the moment. “ _Bye!_ ” She added, hanging up the line.

She had said it.

Just like that.

No second thought, no second guesses. It came out of her mouth like it was the simplest, most obvious thing in the world. It came out as a fact, even.

From the moment Alice had first handed her those custard creams, Yaz had been bound to get attached to her. That was obvious, and that “I love you too” didn’t really come as a surprise, it was a long time coming. How could she not love Alice?

Yet, Yaz was hit with a realization she wished she had been able to push away a little longer. Something that was lingering at the back of her mind, and had been for so long. Something that became so vivid in every corner of her being that it had figuratively attacked her and left her defenseless.

She had tried to escape from the daydreams. She had never been shown anything but friendship. There was no way Yaz was going to allow herself to ruin what they had built in the past few months; no matter what her brain was fantasizing about.

Yaz had a crush on Joy. 

“ _Of course_ ,” the young woman thought, groaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, SORRY ABOUT THAT DREAM SEQUENCE OH GOD. Annabelle's constant whining about them not kissing inspired me 😌  
> Also, before I change my posting schedule, I was wondering if you'd like me to post twice a week? Sunday-Thursday, perhaps? I feel like I should wait until the whole thing is actually written before I start posting more often, but I also am very afraid you guys will hate me come February. Since this will most likely be a 30ish chapters fic, I feel like posting once a week may be a little disengaging for you guys. What do you think?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, last chapter of 2020! How fitting with the events of this new installment... ;) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it xx

After a week home, Yaz was happy to make her way back to Leeds. She loved spending time with her family, she truly did, but she was also used to having her own space.

All three of them also ended up having plans for the New Year’s Eve celebration; her parents were headed to a family friend’s place, while Sonya was meeting with her group of friends. Yaz could probably have tagged along with her parents but, in the end, she didn’t feel like partying with people she hadn’t seen in ages.

Plus, she knew she’d be able to focus better on her work while she was in her own flat; maybe those extra few weeks would help make the time to read a few articles for her dissertation?

When she told her parents she was going back to her place early, they were a little disappointed but understood. Her mother did try to convince her to stay a little longer just before they’d left to drive her to the train station, but it was no use.

“If only you’d gone to uni here instead,” Najia sighed.

“You know I needed to see something new, Mum. We’ve talked about this.”

Hakim stopped his vehicle in the neighbouring car park, allowing both of Yaz’s parents to properly hug her before her journey; Sonya had decided to say goodbye to her sister the night before, knowing she wouldn’t be up by the time they’d left that morning.

“Text us when you get home, please!” Najia said, hugging her eldest daughter tightly.

“Yes, Mum,” she answered, breaking away from the embrace.

“Bye, sweetheart,” Hakim said, hugging her in turn. “Are you okay to get back from the train station?”

Yaz took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down at the thought of what was to come. “Yeah, I texted Joy last night, she’s giving me a ride.”

Najia stroke her arm gently. “That’s very sweet of her. Please give her and her daughter our best wishes for the new year.”

“Will do,” the young woman smiled. She looked at her watch. “All right, I really have to go now.”

“Take care of yourself, Yaz,” her father said as they both hugged her.

“And happy new year,” her mother said, kissing her cheek.

“Happy new year, guys! I love you,” she said, waving at them as she ran inside the train station.

“We love you too, honey,” both parents said in sync, watching her proudly.

Before she got on the train, she received a text message from Ryan. She dismissed it until she was at her seat.

\-----------------------------------------

 _08:10 – **Ryan** :_ Hi Yaz! Sorry again I couldn’t take you home. Hope the ride is smooth. See you in a couple weeks!

 _08:14 – **Yaz** :_ Don’t worry about it! Please say hi to Grace and Graham for me x  
_08:15 – **Yaz** :_ And happy new year to all of you!!

 _08:17 – **Ryan** :_ Happy new year to you too, Yazzyyyyyyyyyy!!

\-----------------------------------------

She giggled as she glanced at her phone screen. She thanked her best friend before turning on some music to entertain herself during the ride to Leeds.

***

Yaz was barely out of the train station when her phone buzzed in her coat pocket.

\-----------------------------------------

 _10:01 – **Joy** :_ Alice says she can see you!!  
_10:01 – **Joy** :_ I can’t, tho

 _10:02 – **Yaz** :_ Where are you guys?

 _10:02 – **Joy** :_ OH I CAN SEE YOU NOW HIYA

 _10:03 – **Yaz** :_ Joy I can’t see you, you need to tell me where you are :’(

\-----------------------------------------

She looked around the parking lot, trying to figure out if she could see Joy’s car. Eventually, she spotted a strange figure from afar; two pairs of arms were waving violently in her direction.

As she walked towards the figure, she was able to discern the two figures that had merged into one. Alice was on Joy’s shoulders.

“You’re way up high, kiddo! How’s the view, up there?” Yaz shouted as she approached them.

“Yazzy!” She heard her scream. Joy quickly got her to the floor but stopped her from running towards Yaz – they were still in a car park, after all.

The closer she got, the more nervous she became. She had almost forgotten about that dream she had on her way to her parents’, but as Joy’s eyes became clearer and clearer as she got nearer, it felt as if someone was both crushing and stretching her heart, destroying it and expanding it all at once.

“Releasing the bullet!” Joy said, allowing Alice to sprint to Yaz.

Yaz almost lost balance when Alice jumped in her arms. She wanted to spin her around, but the cars parked around them made it very difficult. She settled on holding onto the young girl tightly.

“I missed you, Yazzy,” Alice said, looking at Yaz and playing with a strand of her nanny’s hair.

Yaz’s glance softened. “I missed you too, kiddo.”

Yaz heard a loud sigh; she looked up to see Joy, mocking sadness and disappointment.

“It’s fine! No one missed me, just gotta accept it,” the older woman rambled.

Yaz put Alice on the floor, allowing the girl to run to her mother. “I couldn’t miss you, Mummy, I’ve been with you _the whole time_ ,” she said, emphasizing dramatically on her last few words.

“Oi!” Joy exclaimed. “You love spending time with me.”

“I do, but I really like it when Yaz is with us,” she claimed

Her statement was as innocent as it could’ve been coming from a four-year-old child, but to Yaz it felt somewhere between a slap on the face and a warm embrace. What she felt made no sense, which very much reflected her emotional state.

“I know what you mean,” Joy replied. She looked at the younger woman quickly, smiling warmly at her.

Yaz smiled back, ignoring her inner struggle. “I missed you both,” she pulled a face at Joy. “Happy, now?”

“Very,” she grinned. “Okay, let’s get a shift on! I bet you have loads to do today,” she said to Yaz as she helped Alice onto her booster seat in the back of the car.

She shrugged. “Not really, if I’m being honest.”

The older woman turned to her swiftly. “What d’ya mean? Don’t you have plans with the girls tonight?”

Yaz shook her head. “Nah, they’re at Clara’s dad’s tonight. S’fine, really,” she said. “I’ll watch a movie or something.”

Joy squinted her eyes, looking at nothing in particular. She stayed like that for a few seconds, deep in thoughts.

She looked up, granting her best smile for Yaz. “Ready to go?”

Yaz giggled. “Yeah,” she said, making her way to the passenger door.

The ride to Yaz’s flat was pretty quick, especially with both Alice and Joy telling her what she had missed while she was away.

“We made _actual_ gingerbread men, Yazzy,” the young girl said proudly. “Like the ones we made for the tree, but, but— you can _eat_ them!”

Yaz turned to her. “Are they any good?”

“Of course, they are! They’re biscuits,” she giggled.

“A kid after my own heart,” Joy chuckled.

Joy pulled over in front of Yaz’s flat, but every single time the young girl tried to unlock her door, her friend locked it again.

“Joy,” Yaz giggled. “What are you doing?”

The older woman cocked her head in her direction. She looked at her for a moment.

“Would you like to have plans, tonight?”

“I— uh—," Yaz replied, her natural eloquence leaving her.

“You can say no if you don’t feel like it, that would be fine,” Joy said quickly. “But we’re going to my brother’s tonight. Just a small gathering; us, his wife and kids, and that’s it. I just thought, since you’ve met Rose already, maybe you’d enjoy that? I don’t know, I would hate for you to be alone to start the new year,” she rambled.

“Joy, breathe,” Yaz chuckled. She could hear Alice behind her, getting excited at the mere thought of her nanny joining them. “It definitely wouldn’t hurt to be around people to celebrate the new year,” Yaz considered.

Joy grinned, her eyes filled with stars – with whole universes, even.

“Brilliant!”

And so, Joy finally allowed Yaz to exit the car – but only because she had to get ready for later.

“I’ll meet you at your place later, yeah?” She asked before closing the door.

“Can you be there around 4?”

Yaz nodded in response, which prompted a wide smile on the older woman’s part, along with two thumbs up.

They waved each other goodbye – but only for now.

Yaz walked to the front of her building, a smile plastered on her face. She looked around one last time, only to lock eyes with Joy, who gave her the warmest smile known to mankind.

Her eyes then fell on Alice, who was waving at her with energy. The young woman gave them a little wave as Joy drove off, eager to see them again in a matter of hours.

Once she was inside her flat, she texted her parents to inform them of her arrival and of her plans, telling them she might call them a little later the next day depending on the time she got back to her flat. Yaz then decided to lounge a little before starting to get ready; she had more than enough time ahead of her.

***

She spent a good part of her late morning and early afternoon reading a book for fun, something her life had been lacking since she’d started university.

She was halfway through the book when she noticed the time. She only had a few hours left to take a shower and figure out what to wear.

“Great,” she muttered before sprinting to the bathroom.

She didn’t particularly need the shower, if she was being honest with herself, but she hoped the warm water would ease her nervousness about meeting Joy’s family. Even though she had met Rose before, this particular setting was different. Meeting her brother was definitely going to be something, and Yaz wished for it to go well.

Something else settled at the back of Yaz’s mind: Joy had invited her in her own family, and it didn’t sound like a pity offering in any way. She was going to spend a whole evening with her, and the celebration may even go way into the night.

“I don’t even know what to wear,” the young woman sighed.

\-----------------------------------------

 _13:45 – **Yaz** :_ Hey! Sorry to bother you, I just realized I have no idea what to wear. Is there a dress code or something? 

_13:56 – **Joy** :_ Oh God, sorry Yaz! Completely forgot to tell you about that. There’s no real proper dress code, but we have this habit of dressing up a little. Nothing too fancy, no need to show up in a gown or anything :)  
_13:57 – **Joy** :_ Don’t worry too much about it, tho. You could show up wearing a potato sack and you’d look lovely anyway xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz was straightening her hair when she saw Joy’s texts and, as she read them, she could feel her face grow warm. She dared a flirty reply – or something that felt like it to her, anyway, – hoping it wouldn’t come across as rude.

\-----------------------------------------

 _14:00 – **Yaz** :_ What a charmer you are xx

 _14:01 – **Joy** :_ Ah! Don’t sound too surprised :)  
_14:02 – **Joy** :_ Okie dokie I’m gonna go get ready, bc at this rate I’ll actually show up in my best fashion sweats. See you soon Yazzy xx

\-----------------------------------------

Once her hair was done, Yaz moved to her wardrobe, hoping she’d find something decent to wear. She rummaged through it for a while before her eyes fell on coral fabric.

“Oh, yes. This is it,” she said, holding a hanger to which hung a pair of coral trousers and its matching jacket.

She left the items of clothing hanging a little longer, busying herself on the makeup before getting changed. She opted for something simple: a smokey eye and a dark purple lipstick. She wasn’t really a fan of lipstick in her day-to-day life, but she knew it would look incredible with her outfit and would complement her eye makeup really well. She didn’t forget to put it in her purse, though, well aware that it would fade throughout the night.

It was then time to get dressed. She decided to go for a simple white t-shirt to wear under her jacket, and black heeled boots to complete the look.

“ _Could be worse_ ,” she thought, giving herself one last look in the mirror before putting her coat on and heading to Joy’s.

***

As she walked by, Yaz noticed that Alice was sitting by the sitting room window, probably waiting for her to arrive. When their eyes locked, Alice sprung from her seat to go open the door.

“Hi, Yazzy,” the young girl smiled brightly.

“Hey, kiddo,” Yaz ruffled Alice’s hair as she entered the house.

The girl was wearing a velvety purple dress with white stockings. She twirled a few times while Yaz was removing her coat.

“Mummy is coming,” she said, twirling once more before coming to a halt. “She’s taking _fowever_ to get ready.”

“Heard that, Alice,” Joy screamed from her bedroom. Yaz chuckled at the interaction.

Alice took Yaz’s hand and led her to the sitting room, telling her all about the gifts she’d received for Christmas. She told her nanny everything about one particular doll she had received from Father Christmas, which she absolutely adored.

“I named her Sophie, and I do my best to be really gentle with her because she’s so small,” she explained as she demonstrated how she held her.

“That’s exactly how you should do it, kiddo,” Yaz smiled.

Sometimes she forgot how young Alice was; she sometimes sounded more mature than most kids her age but, right there and then, she was just a four-year-old child playing with her doll.

Joy looked at them tenderly for a few instants before coughing lightly to get their attention.

“Hiya,” the older woman said. “Sorry I kept you waiting.”

When Yaz turned around, they both shared a surprised look when their glances fell upon each other.

Joy was wearing a sparkly dark blue suit with a white button-up shirt underneath. Her usually hazel eyes looked almost blue, either because of the lighting of the room or the way her outfit complimented her eye colour.

While she usually wore her hair straight, it now looked like she was allowing it to keep its natural wave. Her lips were nude but, just like Yaz, she had opted for a smokey eye.

To complete the look, she was wearing her new Doc Martens.

And she looked absolutely stunning.

“Wow,” they both said at once.

“Mummy,” Alice whispered, breaking the spell that had seemed to bewitch them both. “Can we give Yazzy her gift?”

Joy calmly nodded at her daughter, who ran to pick up the last gift remaining under the tree. She sat next to her nanny, her doll on her lap, and handed her the little bag.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Yaz said, kissing Alice’s forehead. “Thank you, Joy,” she smiled shyly.

Her friend smiled back, a slight flush coming to her cheeks. “I know you don’t celebrate Christmas, but it’s not Christmas anymore, anyway,” Joy rambled. “Also, what Alice hasn’t told you is that she actually chose your gift herself.”

“Did you?” Yaz asked; Alice nodded in answer. “Well, now I’m even more excited to open it!”

“Open it, Yazzy!” Alice wriggled in anticipation next to her.

She removed the tissue paper from the bag and found a little box. Inside of it, she found a delicate necklace with an adorable pendant that looked like part of a sun.

Alice and Joy moved in front of her and, when she looked up, both of them were proudly holding out a similar necklace.

The view took her breath away. She felt happy tears threaten to fall and had to take a few deep breaths to keep composure.

“It was your idea?” Yaz asked, her voice breaking. She cleared her voice. “It’s lovely, Alice. Come here,” she added, opening up her arms. The young girl swiftly hugged her back.

Yaz looked up to Joy. She was subtly wiping away a tear at the corner of her eye. The young woman stretched out her hand towards her.

“Thank you,” she mouthed, squeezing Joy’s hand in hers.

Joy’s thumb slowly traced circles on her hand. “You’re welcome,” she mouthed back.

Alice broke the embrace after a few moments, which prompted Yaz and Joy to let go of each other’s hand quickly. Now that Yaz was in possession of her gift, she appeared very eager to leave so she could go play with her cousins.

“I’ll just put this on, and I’ll be ready to go, Alice,” Yaz said, getting up from the couch and leaving the gift bag there.

“Do you need help?” Joy offered.

“Hum, y—yeah, please,” Yaz said.

Joy smiled, taking the necklace from the box Yaz was holding. “D’you mind turning around?”

Yaz turned her back to Joy, hands fidgety. Joy slowly passed the necklace around her neck and secured it. She then proceeded to gently pass Yaz’s hair over the necklace before holding her shoulders with a fairy-like touch.

“There, all set,” Joy whispered.

“Thanks,” Yaz whispered back, turning to Joy.

Their eyes met once more. Yaz’s breath hitched as her eyes followed her heart and glanced at Joy’s lips.

Her brain took control once more, though, when she realized what was happening.

“ _I’m not letting you do this_ ,” she thought, blaming herself.

“Right, let’s get a shift on,” Joy said calmly, smiling at her daughter and Yaz.

***

As they drove to her brother’s place, Joy debriefed Yaz very quickly about their family.

“All right, so. First, you have John, my brother. He thinks he’s funny, but he isn’t,” Joy said. “Especially not when he’s having a laugh at me,” she pouted. “Then, there’s Rose, obviously. And finally, you have—”

“Anna and Liam!” Alice interrupted with energy.

“That’s right, sweetheart,” Joy said. “Anna and Liam are John and Rose’s kids. Both six years-old because, well, they’re twins.”

“Can’t wait to meet them!”

“You’ll see, they’re amazing,” Joy said as she parked her car in front of what Yaz assumed was her brother’s and Rose’s place. “But you’re not nannying tonight, yeah?” Joy smiled.

“Right, yeah. Thanks again, Joy. Truly,” she smiled bashfully.

“Of course,” the older woman sighed happily. “This is gonna be fun!”

Joy helped Alice out of her booster seat while Yaz waited for them next to the car, mindlessly playing with her new necklace. Once she was back on solid ground, Alice took hold of her mother’s hand, and stretched her other one toward Yaz, who gladly accepted it. The three of them walked to the front door together, linked by hands and by sunshine necklaces.

Rose was the one to let them in, which was greatly appreciated by Yaz who was appeased by the familiar presence standing in front of them.

“Hi guys! Come in, it’s freezing,” Rose said, allowing them to come in and closing the door behind them.

“Where are my favourite godchildren?” Joy asked, looking around.

“We’re here, aunty Joy,” a boy screamed, running towards them, his sister following suit.

“Alice!” The girl screamed, hugging her cousin the second she saw her.

“Liam, Anna,” a man’s voice exclaimed. “Let them breathe for a sec, will ya?”

The twins backed off, allowing enough space for the new arrivals to remove their coats and boots.

“Hello, Curious Joy,” John said as Joy made her way to him.

“Hello, Slinky,” she grinned, hugging him. “I want you to meet Yaz,” she added, breaking off the embrace to point at the young woman. “She’s my friend, and Alice’s nanny.”

“Oh, yes! You did tell me about her.” He surveyed Yaz for a few seconds. “Hello, Yaz! I’m John. Come here,” he said, inviting her for a hug. “We’re a hugging family, but I’m assuming you’re already aware of that if you hang out with these two.”

“Hi, John,” Yaz giggled, accepting the hug gladly. The Smiths were certainly a very warm and kind family. She then looked towards the twins. “And you guys are Anna and Liam, right?”

“Yeah!” They both answered in sync.

“Well, it’s really nice to meet you guys,” she smiled.

After everyone had been introduced, the children ran off to the sitting room, the youngest of the three accompanied by her doll.

The young woman heard a faint “Yazzy’s the best” coming from Alice, who was apparently telling her cousins about her nanny, which made Yaz soften.

She followed the couple and Joy to the dining room, where the table was filled with snacks.

“I don’t know if my sister told you this,” John started, looking at Yaz. “But we have a habit of eating too many hors d’oeuvres and snacks before dinner when we celebrate, and we always end up not eating the main course. So, what we do is we just snack throughout the whole evening.”

Yaz giggled. “You know what? It’s actually a very smart idea.”

“And don’t hesitate to ask for anything,” Rose smiled warmly.

“Thank you, Rose,” Yaz smiled back.

The hosts had offered them a drink, and both Yaz and Joy had opted for iced tea, neither of them being in the mood to drink.

The evening was off to a good start, conversation blowing naturally between all parties. As it turned out, Yaz and John got on exceptionally well. He reminded her of a lankier, somehow slightly less hyperactive Joy with spiky hair.

“So, Yaz,” he said before taking a sip of wine. “What is it like, working for my little sister?”

Yaz looked at the woman sitting next to her, who was too engrossed in her conversation with Rose to even realize she was matter of discussion on the other side of the table.

“Honestly? Absolutely incredible,” she answered, taking a sip of her drink. “And Alice is amazing, too. No, no, I’m really lucky.”

“Well, I can definitely see the impact you made on them. She’d been stressed out for a while, now, but you kind of, I don’t know,” he took a moment to weigh his words. “It’s like your presence helped her figure her life out.”

Her gaze went back to Joy who, though she was still unaware of their conversation, must have felt Yaz’s eyes on her, for she looked back, hazel meeting brown. Joy had this carefree smile plastered on her face; she was simply glowing.

“You okay?” She mouthed.

Yaz nodded, mirroring her friend’s smile before both of them fell back into their own conversations.

***

An hour before midnight, they all moved to the sitting room to spend some time with the children, whom they had only seen a few times when they had come and gone to get some food.

When they entered the room, they saw all three children cuddled on the couch, fast asleep. Yaz noticed Alice, small between her two cousins, holding Sophie the doll tightly.

“Should we wake them up?” Rose wondered.

“Probably,” Joy and John answered in sync.

“We can wait a few minutes, though,” Joy added. “This is _very_ nice,” she giggled.

“God, you tell me!” Rose laughed.

With the couch being fully occupied by the youngsters, all four of them ended up sitting on the floor, watching television and talking some more.

John and Rose were cuddled up and played with each other’s hands like two young lovers.

Joy yawned next to Yaz, who looked at her and smiled. How could someone be so tired yet so incredibly beautiful?

A few moments later, the younger woman felt a weight on her shoulder, making her breath hitch. She glanced, only to see Joy’s head resting on her shoulder.

“S’okay if I stay like this?”

“Sure,” Yaz said, allowing her head to fall back softly on Joy’s.

“S’nice,” Joy whispered, closing her eyes.

They stayed like that until John woke up the kids, only ten minutes before the countdown to the new year.

“Up, up, you guys,” he whispered, stroking their faces softly. “We’re almost in the new year.”

The twins sat on the couch, leaving some space for people to sit on it. Once Alice was out of her slumber, she noticed her mother and Yaz sat on the floor. She looked at her aunt and uncle, and then back at the two women.

“Are they _seeping_?”

“I think so, yeah,” Rose answered.

“They look happy,” Alice noticed.

John and Rose shared a knowing glance. “They certainly do,” her uncle answered.

Alice padded there and sat in front of them, watching them intensely. “Mummy,” she whispered.

Both women fluttered their eyes open, glance setting on the young girl.

“Hiya, sweetheart. Is it the new year already?”

“No yet,” John answered. “Soon, though.”

While they were discussing the countdown, Alice moved and sat between the two of them, on both of their laps.

“Are you comfy?” Yaz asked.

“Hm, hm,” Alice nodded. “Sophie is comfortable, too,” she added, stroking her doll’s hair.

“Amazing,” Yaz smiled.

A matter of minutes later, the countdown to the new year had started.

“10, 9, 8, 7,” all of them screamed.

Everyone looked so awake and incredibly happy. The twins and Alice were on their feet, jumping around and screaming. John and Rose were holding each other’s hands, looking into the other’s eyes as they counted down.

And then, there was Joy and Yaz. Both of them were still sitting on the floor, looking at their surroundings.

“6, 4, 3, 2…”

Yaz dared a look toward her friend; her friend who had opened her home and her heart, who had accepted her as family to celebrate the new year. Joy instantly glanced back at her and grinned.

“1!”

Joy got up and offered Yaz a hand, helping her up the ground. The older woman held onto her friend’s hand, keeping her close.

They stared at each other as the last milliseconds passed, smiling and taking in the atmosphere.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Alice ran and jumped between them, Joy catching her up at the last second.

“Happy new year, sweetheart!” She said, hugging her daughter.

“Happy new year, Yazzy,” Alice said, looking over to her nanny.

“Happy new year, kiddo,” she smiled, stroking her hair gently.

“I love you guys,” Alice said.

“We love you too,” Joy said, her glance landing on Yaz.

The group exchanged good wishes for the new year but, soon enough, they came to the conclusion that it was time to put the children to bed.

As they left, Yaz noticed that John looked at her differently. She wasn’t sure if she understood the meaning behind it right, but it felt like he was trusting her, somehow.

***

“Thanks for the ride back,” Yaz said. She looked in the rearview mirror and saw Alice, sound asleep in the backseat of Joy’s car.

“No problem,” Joy smiled. “Thanks for tagging along, I had a great time. Hopefully you did, too.”

Yaz couldn’t believe she was hearing worry in her tone. “Are you serious? Of course, I did!” She completely turned her body toward hers. “Thank you so much for inviting me, Joy. I can’t thank you enough.”

Joy looked down, hiding a shy smile. “I’m very glad I asked you,” she said, looking up once more.

Yaz sighed in content. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure this one will be happy to be in her bed sooner rather than later,” she said, pointing at Alice.

Joy looked at her daughter and laughed softly. “Yeah, better go. Goodnight, Yaz. And happy new year.”

“Happy new year,” Yaz said, getting out of the car. “Goodnight, Joy.”

She was about to close the door when she heard her nickname coming from the backseat.

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Can I get my goodnight kiss before you go?”

Yaz glanced at Joy; she hid her smile with her hand, looking at her daughter. The young woman closed her own door and opened the one next to Alice’s booster seat.

Alice turned her head towards her, her wide eyes looking up at her. Yaz kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight. I love you, kiddo,” she smiled, stroking her hair for a few seconds like she often did at bedtime.

“I love you too, Yazzy,” Alice yawned.

“Bye,” she whispered to Joy one last time before closing the door.

For the second time that day, she looked back once she reached her building entrance. It was late, and so she couldn’t see much, but she saw Joy’s car in the distance. She waved at it before entering the building and letting out a deep, happy sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this!!! Happy new year to you all and, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sticking around and reading this lil story every week. I don't know yet if/when I'll start posting twice a week, I'm worried I may not be able to keep up in the next few months. I'd hate to bite more than I can chew and end up disappointing you guys. 
> 
> By the way, I did update the chapter count. It may change a little (+/- 1 if I follow what I've got planned for them), but this should give you a good idea of what to expect length-wise! 
> 
> For reference, here is the necklace Alice chose for the three of them: https://www.bryananthonys.com/products/you-are-my-sunshine-necklace-mother-daughter-necklace. Fun fact, I got an ad for it on Instagram when I first started writing the fic and I couldn't resist putting it in... :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaz is going back to uni! Lucky her, there ain't no pandemic in her universe...  
> Hope you enjoy this short and sweet chapter!

Yaz’s Spring semester began with her first research method session, which she was very excited to get started with. She knew for a fact it would help her get started on her dissertation, and she desperately needed some motivation in that department.

The fact it was an early morning class made it a difficult return to reality; the holidays had been a well-received break, but had been busy, nonetheless. Between the back-and-forth between Leeds and Sheffield, and the odd days she looked after Alice throughout the first weeks of January, Yaz had kept herself occupied.

At first, when Yaz had told Joy she could look after Alice even though none of them were back to school or university, Joy had been reluctant. In truth, she felt bad about it; she had plenty of work to do, but she also wanted Yaz to make the most of her break. She repeated to Yaz that she deserved her time off and that, even though she had work to do, she’d be able to manage.

And Yaz did try to do it; she tried to stay home and work on her own things. But, in the end, she found herself drawn to Joy and Alice. Maybe it was a force of habit or something deeper but, after a couple of days, she called Joy to check in with her.

_______

_“Alice misses you,” Joy said. “Again. Really didn’t think this through when I said we’d be fine.”_

_“D’you want me to come over? Doesn’t need to be all the time, if you don’t want me to. Maybe every other day?”_

_“Did I ever tell you you’re a godsend, Yaz?”_

_Yaz giggled. “You did, yeah.”_

_“Well, let me tell you again. You are an absolute godsend,” Joy giggled._

_“Stop it, you’re gonna make me blush,” Yaz exclaimed._

_“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Joy replied, voice a tad lower than usual, which actually made Yaz blush._

_______

  
Even though the early morning start was difficult, it meant that Yaz had a few hours to herself before she had to leave to pick up Alice at school.

She wanted to start the semester on the right footing, and so she decided that, for the complete duration of the semester, she’d head straight to the laboratory after her research methods class. She wanted to have a dedicated time for her coursework and was serious about staying ahead on her workload. She even prepared herself a nutritious lunch. Hopefully she’d stick to both resolutions.

On the previous night, Yaz had texted Bill, telling her she’d come into the laboratory the next day. Her friend replied saying she was going to be there as well and that she couldn’t wait to see her. They hadn’t really managed to hang out since their night out, and Yaz was properly excited about spending some time with her again.

After her first research methods session ended, the young woman quickly made her way to the lab.

“Knock, knock,” Yaz said as she entered the room. Joy and Martha appeared to be deep into their conversation, thus either not reacting to her arrival, but Bill’s head shot up as soon as she heard Yaz’s voice.

“Yaz!” Bill screamed, running to her friend and hugging her. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, how’ve you been?”

“Ah, you know. Same old, same old. Really enjoyed the break, though,” she grinned. “So, what are you working on, today?”

“Just gonna work on some of my readings, I think.”

“What a perfect student you are, wow! Good for you, mate,” Bill said, walking back to her desk. “All right, I’m gonna go grab myself some lunch and I’ll be right back. Wanna come with?”

“Nah, I’m good. Brought food from home,” Yaz explained.

Bill nodded and left, leaving Yaz to her own device while she waited for her friend and professor to wrap up what seemed to be an intense and important conversation. Seeing as it would probably take a while, Yaz sat down at one of the desks and got to work, eating her sandwich and highlighting an article about semi-structured interviews.

Whenever she lifted her head, though, she could see Joy’s face. It was unsettling for multiple reasons, but the main one that bothered Yaz was the fact she looked white as a sheet. Had she caught some kind of virus? Did she look like this when Yaz had seen her a couple days before?

For some reason, seeing her friend like this struck a sensitive chord for Yaz. She wanted to hold her, make her feel—

“ _Don’t_ ,” the young woman thought.

Bill came back, the greasy smell of her fish and chips filling the room.

“I’ll be right back,” Yaz heard Joy tell Martha before she slipped outside the room, her phone and purse in hand, not giving Yaz a second look.

That was weird, but Yaz was aware that Joy had been a little taken by the start of this new semester; she was both lecturing an undergraduate class and working at the laboratory. Both were very demanding jobs and, even though Joy was a very capable woman, Yaz couldn’t help but worry for her well-being. 

Yaz saw someone enter her blind spot, she looked over and saw her ex-professor walking towards her.

“Hello, Yasmin,” Martha said, approaching Yaz’s workspace. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Hi, Doctor— Martha,” Yaz giggled. “Sorry, old habits die hard.”

Martha smiled. “Right. So, I thought I’d give you an update about this whole funding thing.”

Yaz put her sandwich back in the tub she discarded on her desk, looking at her carefully. “Yeah?”

“So, we’re still waiting out on the funding for the lab,” she started. “But I personally received some funds for a small contract, very similar to the one you had last semester, actually.”

“That’s great!”

“Look,” Martha sighed. “I really want to offer you the job because you did incredibly well last time. It’s another 50 hours contract to work on another literature review. The main difference is that there’s no real time frame; you can work at your own speed. I’m just trying to explore new ideas for potential projects I have with this.”

“Oh, okay,” Yaz smiled. “I—”

“I know you have other commitments right now, and I’d totally understand if you’d rather say no,” Martha interrupted. “Alice is much cuter than I am. And she may have a lot of energy, but I’m assuming it’s not as intellectually draining to look after her,” she laughed.

Yaz giggled. “Both are equally great jobs, honestly!”

“I was talking to Joy and, if I can be honest with you, we both think you’d be able to make it work,” Martha smiled. “But it’s your choice. You can take some time to think about it, I don’t want to pressure you.”

“Thank you so much, Martha,” Yaz smiled bashfully.

“And don’t be afraid to talk to Joy about this. Like I said, she’s aware of it,” the professor looked away an instant, nodding at someone – probably Joy – who had just entered the room. Her eyes fell back on Yaz. “She’s great with advice, generally. Don’t ask her advice about food, though… But you may already be aware of that.”

“Oi!” Joy pouted.

“I’m gonna think about it for sure,” Yaz laughed. “I’ll let you know.”

“Lovely,” Martha said, squeezing Yaz’s arm lightly. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Have a nice day,” she got up her seat and walked towards the exit. “Bye, guys,” she waved at her two colleagues.

“Bye,” both Bill and Joy exclaimed at the same time.

Seconds later, Bill was leaning on Yaz’s desk, entering her personal space a little.

“Yaz! This is ace,” Bill said. “Coworkers again!”

“Woah, there! Haven’t said yes already, have I?” She pulled a face at Bill before taking a glance in Joy’s direction. The older woman smiled at her before getting back to her own work. She was unusually quiet.

“You know you’re gonna say yes, overachiever that you are,” Bill winked before going back to her desk.

Yaz giggled and shook her head in pretend despair.

“Jooooooooyyyyyyy,” Bill said with a child-like voice.

The older woman lifted her head toward her, confused. “Huh?” 

“Just wanted to make sure if you were still awake,” Bill giggled. “You look knackered, mate.”

“Ah! Thanks. So do you,” Joy smirked, blowing a kiss in Bill’s direction.

“Wait,” Bill panicked, looking at Yaz. “Do I look _that_ knackered?” She pointed at Joy for comparison. “I didn’t sleep much, I slept at Cl—”

“I don’t wanna know what you did! La! La! La! La! La!” Joy said, covering her ears and squeezing her eyes shut. Yaz laughed at her childish, over-the-top reaction. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and winked at Yaz, grinning.

After an hour or so of working in silence, Bill excused herself; she had to go to class.

“See ya, Bill,” Joy waved as she left.

After the door closed behind her friend, Yaz looked at Joy, head cocked.

“You guys were so quiet, today. It’s a little disturbing, if I’m honest,” she grinned.

Joy giggled. “Yeah, things have been hectic.”

“How’s that class going? The first session was this morning, wasn’t it?” Yaz moved her stuff and walked to the desk facing Joy’s. Whenever they were in the laboratory alone, they tended to work in close proximity. It made it easier for them to – accidentally – ignore their work and talk for hours.

“Brilliant,” the older woman grinned. “The students are great. At least they were this morning; hopefully it stays like this for the whole semester.”

“I’m glad to hear it. They’re lucky to have a lecturer like you,” Yaz smiled timidly.

Joy stared at the planner lying on her desk, hiding the blush on her cheeks. After a few seconds, she looked up. “Thanks, Yaz.”

The younger woman smiled and nodded before focusing back on her work, Joy mirroring her.

After a couple of minutes, Yaz looked up once more. Joy was wearing her glasses, her eyes focused on an academic journal she was reading from front to back.

The older woman ran her delicate hand through her soft hair; Yaz’s breath hitched at the gesture. It was so simple yet incredibly attractive.

“ _Fucking hell, Yaz_ ,” she thought. “ _What are you doing?_ ”

Yaz tried to bring her attention back on her own work, to no avail. Her mind kept going back to the way Joy’s hand looked, but also how she wished it had been her hand in Joy’s hair…

Yaz accidentally let out a very audible groan.

“Yaz? Are you okay?”

She hid her face with her hands in shame, hoping the gesture would make it seem like she was exhausted… or literally anything but what was actually going on through her head. “Can’t focus.”

“Thinking about Martha’s offer?”

Yaz couldn’t believe Joy was offering her the perfect excuse on a silver platter. She gladly took it, grateful that she didn’t have to scramble her already shaken brain to make up some sort of subpar excuse for her strange behaviour.

“You could say that, yeah.”

Joy moved around her desk and sat next to Yaz. “Right. You definitely know yourself and your abilities better than I… Better than _we_ do. Martha and I, I mean,” Joy said. “But you’ve been able to juggle two jobs before and, not to blow my own horn, but I’m pretty positive about the fact I’m a much better boss than Oscar ever was.” Her nose scrunched. “Well, more understanding, that’s for sure.”

Yaz cocked her head, a soft smile forming on her face. “Yeah, definitely.”

“And I can start picking up Alice at school from time to time if it can help you out,” Joy offered.

Yaz straightened herself on her chair. “You know I’m not gonna let you do that, right?”

“And I’m not gonna let you pass this opportunity, Yaz,” Joy insisted. She sighed. “I’d hate for you to pass this opportunity because of me.” Joy was fidgety, her eyes avoiding Yaz.

Yaz softened. “Hey,” she said, stroking her friend’s arm. “Whatever I decide, you don’t need to blame yourself. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Joy’s eyes met hers. She looked scared and hopeful all at once. But underneath all of this, Joy’s trust for Yaz still showed through the infinite layers of emotions those hazel eyes were holding.

“All right,” Yaz said, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m gonna have to go soon but, before I do… Alice’s birthday is coming up. Any gift ideas?”

Joy’s eyes instantly lit up. “Oh my God, Yaz!” The older woman was basically wriggling on her seat. “Do you know what she asked me to get her for her birthday last night?”

Yaz shook her head but smiled at the visible excitement the conversation sparked in Joy. She still felt a tinge of worry about Joy’s strange quietness, but at least now some colours had come back to her cheeks.

“A microscope,” Joy exclaimed with pride. “A _mi-cro-scope_!”

Yaz placed her hand on her heart, giving Joy an understanding smile. “She’s already a little scientist like you,” the young woman grinned. “That’s so cute!”

“Honestly, I might cry,” Joy said, holding her face with both her hands, grinning.

“I’ll try to stick to that theme, then,” Yaz said.

“But you don’t have to get her anything, you know. Just having you around for that sleepover is gonna make her well happy.”

“Yeah?” Yaz looked at her in surprise.

“Are you kidding?” Joy guffawed. “She _adores_ you!”

Yaz giggled. “I can see that, yeah, I’m not clueless! But she’s also turning five, she’d definitely appreciate a gift.”

Joy suddenly stopped laughing, an idea crossing her mind. “Cupcakes.”

“What?” Yaz laughed.

“I was gonna make cupcakes but what if we baked them together? You could get some cute decorations for them, and that could be her gift. I’m sure she’s fine with eating her gift,” Joy said. “She’s my daughter, after all,” she added.

“That’s brilliant,” Yaz smiled. “I’ll try to see if I can find science-related stuff at the shops.”

“Genius, Yaz! Absolute genius!” They high fived, both proud of how things were coming up. “I’ll text you the details for the date and such; there’s still a while to go anyway.”

“Thank you,” Yaz said as she started packing up her things. Once she was done, she sat down once more, facing Joy. “Thank you for being so understanding of… everything.”

A warm smile appeared on the woman’s face. “You’re very welcome, Yaz.”

“Right,” the young woman said, glancing at her watch. “Time to go.”

“See you tonight!”

Yaz waved at her friend before closing the door behind her.

***

Yaz’s first week back at university ended up going exceptionally well, but she was exhausted. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, though. It didn’t stem from tasks she had no interest in pursuing, but from putting all of herself into everything she did simply because she wanted to. She loved every second of it.

Maybe it was less about exhaustion, and more about fulfillment.

She still hadn’t given Martha a definitive answer about the new contract, though. She was absolutely up for it, especially now she was a little more aware of what she was getting herself into, but she also needed to make sure she could manage both her nanny job and this; the last thing she wanted to do was to disappoint Joy.

Part of Yaz knew these thoughts were pointless, and that it didn’t seem possible to disappoint her friend. Yet, she couldn’t help it; she worried constantly about it. Deep down, she knew her worry stemmed from that unspoken crush she was nurturing for the older woman, but the lesser she thought about it, the better she felt.

After Ryan left for work, Yaz sat down to start working on her dissertation. After an hour, sitting in front of her computer and watching the cursor appear and disappear endlessly, she decided to go for a walk. She was starting to get a little restless and airing her mind would definitely help her out.

“Anyway, it’s not like an afternoon off is gonna hurt,” she muttered before leaving her flat.

***

The sun was warm on her cheeks as she made her way across the city streets. She came to a halt in a neighbouring park and sat at a bench facing a small artificial lake. She could hear children playing in the playground behind her, screaming and laughing.

When she was a kid, Yaz could spend hours sitting and looking at a water stream; it was peaceful, and peace was all she longed for back when she was younger. Staring into the water was a source of comfort and coming into contact with it always made her feel like hope was a tangible thing, and not so improbable after all.

The cold water laid in front of her reflected the ambient light, shining like crystal. Yaz took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a few instants and simply enjoying the breeze on her face.

“Is she _seeping_?” She heard a voice whisper nearby.

Yaz opened one eye, almost like a cartoon character getting disturbed during their nap, and looked in the voice’s general direction.

“No, she isn’t,” the same voice answered itself, giggling.

“I thought I’d recognize that voice! Fancy seeing you here, kiddo,” Yaz smiled, shifting on the bench so Alice and Joy had enough space to sit with her if they wanted to.

Alice ran and sat next to Yaz, legs swinging slowly. “Are you sure you weren’t _seeping_ , though?”

Yaz sighed happily. “Nah, I were just enjoying a bit of sun on my face.”

“Yeah,” Alice replied. “It feels nice.” She closed her eyes and grinned, her nose scrunching just like her mother’s.

“Hey,” Yaz said, looking over to Joy. “What are you doing, standing there?”

“I’m trying to get taller,” the older woman replied, stretching her arms upwards.

“Very funny, Mummy,” Alice said sarcastically, eyes still closed.

Joy looked at Yaz in shock. “Is she giving me _attitude_?” She whispered.

Yaz giggled at Joy’s astonished look. The older woman padded to the bench and sat down. “She’s _four_ and she’s giving me _attitude_ ,” she added.

Yaz glanced at Alice, her chin resting in her hand, then looked at Joy. “I can only imagine the level of sass you’ll have to deal with in ten years’ time.”

Joy groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “Please, don’t.”

Yaz laughed loudly and Joy finally stopped hiding her face and looked at her, her laugh lines deepening.

“Anyway, what brings you here today, Yaz?” Joy wondered, leaning her side on the bench to face Yaz.

“Ah, you know,” Yaz said. “Couldn’t get work done, felt like getting a bit of fresh air would help, all that.”

“Oh, yeah. I definitely know,” Joy smiled.

“What about you guys?”

“Oh, you know,” Joy replied. “Just following you,” she tried to say seriously, but broke down in a laughing fit mere seconds later. “No, no. We were both getting a little restless at home, weren’t we?”

Alice nodded, finally opening up her eyes. She looked at her nanny. “Yes, very _ressless_.”

“Well, I can understand that! I was feeling the same,” Yaz explained. “I usually go in the forest by my flat when I feel like this; there’s a stream right in the middle of it and it’s so calming. But it’s not much of a walk and I needed to move these two a little,” she said, swinging her legs, mimicking Alice’s movements.

“I’m happy you didn’t go there because we wouldn’t be with you right now,” Alice replied, laying her head on Yaz’s arm.

Yaz moved her arm gently, squeezing the young girl on her side. “You’re way too sweet to me, you know that?”

For sole answer, Alice giggled and hugged Yaz.

“I’m left out of their hug,” Joy huffed and puffed in mock disappointment.

Yaz whispered something in Alice’s ear before taking her place in the middle of the bench. “Come here, you big baby,” Yaz said, opening her arms to both Joy and Alice.

“Yes,” Joy whispered, barely raising a fist in the air, celebrating her small victory.

Sitting between these two and holding them, Yaz imagined what they looked like from an outsider’s perspective. She felt a pang in her heart when she pictured it in her mind, clear as day.

A family. They looked like a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and giving this story a chance!! Honestly, you guys blow me away on a daily basis. Every single day I have a thought for the comments I get on here; they're always so, sooooooo appreciated! You guys motivate me to get better!  
> I know this chapter isn't exactly eventful (I did say short and sweet, didn't I?), but I can assure you it won't stay like this very long. Life is rarely that simple... :)
> 
> Big thanks to the TCC, and double props to Annabelle for beta-ing!!! 
> 
> As usual, you can find me on Twitter @WHTTAKERMCKNNON :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo!! I'm excited for you guys to read this new installment, I really enjoy it. :) 
> 
> Thanks Annabelle for beta reading!!

When she woke up on her day off from university, Yaz felt the need to break free from that weight on her shoulder. She had put off talking to Martha for a few weeks, now, and the universe was constantly reminding her of it.

She never really bumped into her ex-professor before, but in the past week she had seen her at least three times a day around the university grounds. The more they met, the more awkward Yaz got.

It’s not that she was afraid to talk to Martha; she was actually going to accept the contract and was excited to get started, even. She was avoiding giving her final answer because she was scared of the repercussion it would hold on her life for the foreseeable future. Even though both Martha and Joy had been confident about her abilities, Yaz was haunted by the possibility of her own failure.

But she wasn’t going to let her self-doubt get the best of her. And for that reason, the moment she sat at her desk, she called her ex-professor.

“ _Hello, may I speak with Doctor Jones, please?_ ”

“ _Doctor Jones speaking_ ,” Martha answered. “ _Why are you calling me Doctor Jones, Yasmin?_ ”

“ _I—_ ”

“ _I’m messing with you,_ ” she giggled. “ _I’m assuming you’re calling about the new contract?_ ”

“ _You are assuming correctly,_ ” Yaz said. “ _I’ll be very upfront with you here, Martha. I really, really want to do this._ ” She took a deep breath. “ _But I also really, really want to keep nannying Alice, and I don’t want her to feel like she’s less of a priority now because of this._ ”

“ _That’s comprehensible, Yasmin_.”

“ _I’m not fully sure of how it all happened, but she definitely is a priority in my life. I’ve gotten myself attached to her, and I would hate for her to think that I suddenly care less about her. She wouldn’t understand what’s going on_.”

“ _Like I said the other day, you can absolutely take all the time you need for this. I’m not in a hurry,_ ” Martha said softly. “ _And I think it’s honorable, the way you treat Alice. Joy is lucky to have you_.”

“ _Thank you. Honestly, though, I feel like I’m lucky to have her… well, both of them, really,_ ” Yaz giggled, hoping Martha didn’t make too much of what Yaz had said. The last thing she needed was Martha figuring out her not-so-little crush on Joy.

“ _I’m gonna have to go, now, Yasmin, but I’m really glad you took the time to call me. Should I just send you a digital version of your contract?_ ”

“ _Yes, perfect! Thank you, Martha. Have a nice day_.”

“ _Have a good one, Yasmin_.”

When Yaz hung up, she let out a sigh, the worry of the past few days leaving her body along with it.

She heard steps coming towards her room, and Ryan’s head appeared in the doorframe.

“You good, mate?”

“Hey,” Yaz smiled. “Yeah, I just called my professor to tell her I’m taking the new contract.”

Ryan entered the room and sat at the foot of her bed. “That’s great, Yaz! Are you gonna be okay doing both this and nannying Alice?”

She shrugged. “Honestly, I’ll do my best, but she doesn’t seem too bothered by time right now. I’m sure if it gets too overwhelming, she’ll be understanding about it.”

“Neat,” he said, getting up and walking out of the room. “Things are really falling into place for you, mate. I’m proper proud of you.”

“Ryan!” Yaz quickly got up and hugged him tightly. She was touched by his kind words; her best friend’s approval was, though not necessary, always a nice feeling.

“Look at us, bunch of saps we are,” he giggled, joined by Yaz’s light laugh. “Gotta go to uni. I’ll see you tonight!”

“See ya, Ry!”

She didn’t see much of Ryan now that he was working as a mechanic, but their little chats whenever they were both around at the flat were always pleasant. It made her wish they were both children again and didn’t have to worry about university and work so much.

Now that her mind was a little freer, Yaz got to work. She was building her literature review for her dissertation and was trying to filter through all the articles she had found online to figure out which ones were actually worth spending so much time reading.

She was about halfway through her file when her phone rang, Joy’s name appearing on the screen. Yaz knew Joy to usually be more of a texter, especially while she was at work, so this was quite the surprise. Yaz was excited to hear her voice when she picked up – and she certainly hated herself for allowing herself to even think such a thing.

“ _Hey, Joy!_ ”

“ _Hi, Yaz,_ ” she said, concern tainting her voice. “ _I’m so glad you picked up._ ”

“ _Woah, are you okay?_ ” Even though she had no idea what was going on, Yaz couldn’t help but grow worried, matching the other woman’s tone.

“ _I am, but… God, I feel so bad about this,_ ” she took a deep, shaky breath. “ _Would you mind picking up Alice early? The school just called me; she isn’t feeling well. I’d go myself, but I have a department meeting I can’t postpone,_ ” she sighed, her voice trembling a little. “ _I know today is your one day off from uni, but I can’t—”_

“ _Joy, Joy,_ ” the young woman said with the softest voice possible, cutting her rambling short and trying to make her understand that she didn’t need to explain herself or to feel bad about what she was asking. “ _Please, don’t worry about it. It’s okay! Of course, I’ll pick her up. I’ll leave right now,_ ” she said with a reassuring voice. 

“ _God, I—,_ ” Joy said, stopping herself mid-sentence. “ _Thank you. I owe you one. I’ll be home as soon as that stupid meeting is over._ ”

“ _Don’t worry about it,_ ” she said softly. “ _I’ll see you later._ ”

“ _Thank you,_ ” Joy sniffled. Yaz didn’t comment on the sound, but it broke her heart.

After letting out a heavy sigh, Joy hung up the phone before Yaz could say anything else. The end of the call shook Yaz a little, but it pushed her to action; she packed her things in record time and was out the door faster than Joy and Alice could get through a pack of custard creams.

She would’ve usually walked to pick Alice up, but she figured that if the young girl was unwell, it was better to get there as quickly as humanly possible; taking the bus there would be her best bet.

Luckily for her, her transportation was on time, and she was on the school ground twenty minutes after stepping outside her apartment complex. It appeared to be recess; the place was filled with children running around and screaming.

Her instinct led her back to the room where she had found a broken Alice mere weeks before. There she was, asleep on a yoga mat on the floor while her teacher kept a benevolent eye on her.

“Mr. Chesterton,” Yaz whispered as she sneaked in the room. He waved at her, giving her a weak smile. “Her mum couldn’t make it, she asked me to pick her up. How is she?”

“It looks like a stomach bug, I’m afraid,” he explained. “She’s been complaining about cramps for the past hour, and she’s incredibly pale. I must say she’s unusually quiet, too.”

Yaz couldn’t help but think about Joy’s uncharacteristic paleness and quietness from a few weeks ago. It was, after all, the season for such afflictions. It looked like Alice wasn’t handling it so well, though.

“Yeah, that’s not very typical of her,” Yaz said, offering him a close-lipped smile.

The young nanny walked slowly to where the girl was, crouching next to her. She stroked her arm lightly, trying to wake her up gently. Alice’s eyes fluttered open and took a few seconds to focus on Yaz.

“Yazzy,” the young girl said, her voice weak. “I want Mummy,” she wept.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Yaz reassured, stroking the girl’s hair gently. “She’s stuck at work; she’ll try to come home as soon as she can. How are you feeling?”

Alice cried, not strong enough to give Yaz an answer.

“All right, kiddo,” Yaz said. “I’m gonna take you home, yeah?”

Yaz considered calling Ryan to ask him for a ride, but when she looked at the time, she realized he was definitely still in class. “ _Maybe Clara’s free?_ ” She considered. But then, would she risk having Clara catch whatever Alice was suffering from? It was way too risky. It also meant Yaz was going to carry the child from her school to her home as quickly as possible.

But first, though, she had to dress her up. On any other day, it would’ve been easy; Alice was energetic, but she was actually pretty easy to deal with. With her being so weary, though, it was definitely going to be a challenge.

“Alice,” Yaz whispered. “I’m going to help you put on your coat and your boots, yeah?”

“No,” she whined. “I wanna _say_ ‘ere.”

“Right, that does make sense. You must be really comfy right now,” the young woman said, properly sitting down next to Alice. “But if you stay here, there’s a good chance your friends will catch that bug you have right now. We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

Alice sniffled, but what Yaz had told her seemed to be effective. She tried to get on her feet, her limbs barely strong enough to support herself. With Yaz’s help, she sat on a chair.

“There,” Yaz said, removing Alice’s trainers and putting her boots on. “You can stay here while I put on your coat. Then I’m going to take you in my arms, and we’ll go home. How does that sound?”

“Hm, hm.”

Yaz stopped moving around to retrieve the girl’s belongings to crouch once more in front of her. She couldn’t bear seeing her like this, and her lack of response made it all so much harder to witness. She gave her a comforting peck on the forehead before helping her put on her coat.

The young girl held on tightly to Yaz’s neck as they left the room. She tried to get her to wave goodbye to her teacher, but she was already dozing off on her shoulder.

***

The walk home had been slow and quiet. Once they got to Joy’s place, Yaz sat the young girl on the couch, removing her winter clothes swiftly. She then carried her to her room, where she changed the girl into her pyjamas and laid her to bed, leaving a glass of water on her nightstand.

The house was small, but Yaz couldn’t bring herself to go too far. She wanted to make sure she’d hear Alice if she called out for her. And so, she sat in the hallway and texted Joy to let her know of how her daughter was feeling.

\-----------------------------------------

 _11:23 – **Yaz** :_ Hey. Just got back. She’s in bed xx

 _11:25 – **Joy** :_ How is she?

 _11:25 – **Yaz** :_ Very quiet. Her teacher told me she’s been having cramps for an hour, so it’s probably a stomach bug or something. She slept in my arms the whole walk here, so hopefully a nap will help her feel better.

 _11:29 – **Joy** :_ You carried her the whole way home? God, I’m so useless, I didn’t even think to tell you to take a cab. Would’ve paid for it.  
 _11:30 – **Joy** :_ I’m sorry

 _11:30 – **Yaz** :_ You’re not useless, stop it  
 _11:31 – **Yaz** :_ It’s not a long walk, waiting for a cab would’ve taken more time. All that matters rn is that she gets some rest.

 _11:32 – **Joy** :_ Thank you, Yaz. Fuck honestly I don’t know what I’d do without you.

 _11:33 – **Yaz** :_ You’d do just fine xx stop being so hard on yourself, you’re only human

 _11:34 – **Joy** :_ Logically I KNOW you’re right, but I’m gonna need some time for my heart to comprehend that piece of info

 _11:34 – **Yaz** :_ If your heart needs a reminder once in a while, I’ll be right here xx

 _11:35 – **Joy** :_ You’re incredible, Yaz xx  
 _11:36 – **Joy** :_ If you try to say you’re not, I’ll be here to remind you once in a while too xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz locked her phone, a soft smile on her lips. She shifted on the floor and peeked inside Alice’s room, where she saw the young girl staring right back at her.

“Already up, kiddo?” Yaz said, lifting herself up.

“Is Mummy coming?”

Yaz offered her a sad smile. “She’s still at work, but soon.” 

Alice wiped away a few tears. “’Miss her.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Yaz said, sitting at the end of the bed. “I really miss my mum too when I’m not feeling well.”

“What do you do when it happens?”

Yaz was instantly taken back to the first time she felt unwell after she’d moved to Leeds. Ryan was at work, and she was stuck at their flat by herself. Back then, she wished she could eat her mother’s soup, or at least fall asleep in her arms.

“If I have enough energy, I make myself some of the soup she used to cook for us when we were sick,” Yaz explained. “Afterwards, I usually watch her favourite movie, wrapped like a burrito in my favourite blanket,” she smiled.

“Sounds nice,” Alice said, her fists rubbing her tired eyes. “Can we watch a movie?” Her voice was still weak, but her eyes were hopeful.

Yaz smiled. “Of course, we can.” She got up and lifted the young girl in her arms, carrying her to the sitting room. “Right, what should we watch?”

“Mummy’s favourite movie,” Alice smiled.

“Which one is it, sweetheart?”

Alice laughed lightly. “It’s The Goonies.”

“ _Duh_ ,” Yaz thought, smiling at the memory of Alice and her playing Goonies in the backyard slide. “ _Couldn’t be anything else_.” She put the film in the DVD player and walked back to the couch.

Alice was already wrapped in a blanket that had been discarded there, her eyes a little glassy. The second her nanny was sitting next to her, she lied down on the couch, her head falling on Yaz’s lap.

“If you need anything, you tell me, yeah?” Yaz said as she pressed play.

“Yeah,” Alice replied softly. After a moment, she let out a happy sigh. “You’re comfy like Mummy.”

Yaz closed her eyes, letting the words sink in. When she looked down, Alice was focused on the movie, giggling at the Goonies’ antics. Yaz was relieved Alice wasn’t having more of a fit about not having her mother with her. Between that and the way the young girl had compared her with Joy, it felt like a blessing.

Every little thing Alice did or said was leaving a permanent mark on her. The more open Alice was with her, the more Yaz was growing attached to the child. It felt as though an endless flow of love existed between the two of them; something Yaz had a hard time rationalizing.

Noticing Alice was reacting less and less to the movie, Yaz stroked her hair gently as she stared at the screen. After a moment, the young girl’s breath evened out.

The movie had been playing for about an hour when the front door opened up gently, Joy tiptoeing inside her house. Yaz looked over and gave her a warm smile. The older woman, still wearing her coat, approached them to give her daughter a kiss on the head. She was fast asleep, though, and didn’t budge at the contact.

“Wow, she’s _out_ out,” Joy whispered. The woman took a moment to look at the sight playing in front of her: her daughter and her friend, all bundled up on the couch. Her eyes softened almost instantly. She then looked at the television and got lost in the movie for a few seconds. “The Goonies, huh?” She smirked.

“Yeah, she was missing you,” Yaz replied, a sad smile on her face.

Joy removed her coat, dropping it next to her on the couch as she sat to Yaz’s side. She extended her arm to stroke her daughter’s hair. “She shouldn’t miss me when she’s sick,” she sighed. “I should’ve been the one to be here with her.”

“Joy,” Yaz whispered, her pinkie brushing her friend’s hand. “You can’t _always_ be here. It was bound to happen at some point. She won’t love you less because you were at work today, I promise.”

Joy let her forehead fall on Yaz’s shoulder. She took a deep breath but couldn’t stop the sob that came out of her mouth, even though she tried to trap the sound with her hand before it could make itself known.

“Oh, Joy.” Yaz turned to her slowly, trying not to disturb the sleeping child on her lap. She held her close, one hand smoothing her hair while the other supported her back. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” she repeated softly.

Joy whimpered, trying to stay as quiet as she could so she didn’t disturb her daughter. “I’m not good enough. I’m not enough.”

“You’re doing amazing,” Yaz whispered in her ear softly. “You’re amazing.”

It hurt Yaz’s soul to see Joy so vulnerable, not unlike that day she had offered her the nanny position. But this time, it felt deeper. It wasn’t about Joy needing help; it was about her friend second-guessing herself in her own ability to be a parent.

Joy broke away from the embrace to try and wipe away the tears on her cheeks, but her hands fell on her lap. She looked exhausted and somewhat powerless. Her forehead rested on Yaz’s, and they stared into each other’s eyes for a little while.

Joy’s eyes looked golden, as if they held rays of sunshine. They looked like those rays that came right after a storm, a sign of hope.

Yaz was barely aware of her surroundings, her soul completely entranced by the Sun rising up in her friend’s eyes. She didn’t know which one of them had moved their head but, suddenly, their noses were touching, too. They were so close.

“ _Too close_ ,” Yaz thought. She swiftly moved her head away, looking at the TV screen while she tried to recover.

“I’m—,” Joy started.

“Mummy?” Alice’s weak voice erupted out of the blue, throwing water on a barely lit fire.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Joy said, her hand stroking her daughter’s cheek.

“You’re really here,” Alice smiled for an instant, before she noticed her mother’s features. “Mummy, why do you look sad?”

The older woman sighed, trying to keep her breathing in check. “I just missed you.”

Alice gave her an understanding smile. “I missed you too, but Yazzy told me you were gonna be here once you were not _struck_ at work, and she was right.”

Joy looked up to Yaz, a soft smile on her lips. “At this point I’m fairly certain Yaz simply cannot be wrong.”

Yaz giggled. She hoped Joy was right but, in truth, the young woman knew for a fact that she was wrong about some things. “ _At least one_ ,” she thought, considering the growing warmth in her chest every time Joy smiled at her.

Her train of thought was broken by her own stomach rumbling very loudly.

“Yazzy, I heard your tummy,” Alice giggled. “It’s so loud, it sounds like a _monsser_.”

“Yaz, have you not eaten since you guys got here?” Joy looked at her with wide eyes. Yaz shook her head bashfully. “Oh my God!”

The older woman ran to the kitchen, and all Yaz could hear were cupboards opening and closing cacophonously.

“I’m fine, Joy!”

Joy walked back to the sitting room and just stood a few metres away from Yaz and Alice, staring at her friend with an uncharacteristic neutral expression. She stood like that for a few seconds, as if she was waiting for Yaz to say something. “No, you’re not,” she said, turning back to the kitchen.

Yaz laughed at the strange scene. “You sound like my mum,” Yaz screamed, laughing a little harder.

She heard steps coming quickly in the sitting room’s direction, and there was Joy once more, staring at her. This time, though, with the addition of a cocked eyebrow.

“It’s a compliment?” Yaz tried.

Joy turned away, sighing exaggeratedly. “I sound like Yaz’s mum now.”

“It’s Najia, by the way.”

“Najia?” Joy looked back, visibly unsettled by what Yaz had just said. “Are you telling me your name is _Najia_?”

Yaz guffawed. “No, you dummy! My _mum’s_ name is Najia!”

“Oh, right!” She exclaimed, her nose scrunched in understanding. “Yaz’s mum has a name, and it’s Najia,” she muttered as she made her way back to the kitchen.

At this rate, it would take an eternity for Yaz to eat something for lunch. For all she knew, maybe Joy had completely forgotten what they were talking about; Yaz would probably need to go help her in the kitchen, anyway.

But she wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world… in the Universe, even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone felt bad for Joy? Because I sure did! :( She deserves a big hug (and something else but... :D).
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll see you next week and, in the meantime, if you ever wanna have a chat about these three (or literally anything else lmao), you can find me @WHTTAKERMCKNNON on Twitter xx


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Some of you may be aware of this, but this week's chapter has a very special place in my heart. The idea for this whole story sparked from this very chapter, and I'm BEYOND excited for you to read it! 
> 
> If you guys wanna get in the mood for this chapter, I strongly recommend you give a listen to The Cinematic Orchestra's album 'Ma Fleur' (especially That Home and To Build a Home) while you're reading the first part of the chapter. It's what I listened to while writing this installment... :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The day Alice had been waiting forever for was here at last: Yaz was finally sleeping over for her birthday. She was actually turning five in a couple of days, but since Joy was very adamant on the ‘no sleepover on a weekday’ rule, it was a compromise Alice was happy to make – especially as she didn’t have to wait for the weekend _after_ her birthday.

_______

_“Mummy,” Alice said. “We really don’t have to wait after my birthday.”_

_“Sweetheart,” Joy giggled. “Your birthday is on a Tuesday, and we could have that sleepover on Friday or Saturday. It’s not much longer of a wait.”_

_“Maybe,” Alice argued. “But the Saturday before is closer to my birthday, the Saturday after is soooooo far.”_

_Ian had taught them the days of the week a few weeks before they had this conversation, and the young girl was making very good use of her newfound knowledge._

_Joy smirked. “You really are outsmarting me,” she muttered. “The Saturday before is fine. Do you reckon, Yaz?”_

_“Sounds perfect to me,” Yaz smiled to Joy before turning to Alice and winking at her._

_Joy looked at her in shock. “Did you help her prepare her argument?” Her voice raised a little in surprise._

_Alice jumped on Yaz’s lap, both of them laughing loudly at Joy’s expression._

_______

Yaz had put all the cupcakes accessories and decorations in a big, yellow gift bag. On it, she drew a dozen stars of all sizes with a dark blue marker and wrote the young girl’s name in her fanciest penmanship. She completed the packing with night blue tissue paper to match her drawings.

She had packed everything she would need for their sleepover, with extra snacks and beverages she knew both mother and daughter would appreciate – it obviously included custard creams and hot chocolate, but also crisps, and a gigantic mixed bag of candies Yaz had picked herself at the convenience store.

At around 4 in the afternoon, Yaz made her way to Joy’s. She knew John, Rose and the twins were stopping by in the morning to have a copious breakfast with the birthday girl, and Yaz wanted to make sure that they had plenty of time together without her intruding. 

“Ry!” Yaz screamed before leaving the flat. “You remember I’m not sleeping here tonight, right?”

The young man walked out of his room, removing his gaming headset as he made his way towards his friend and roommate. “Uh? All I heard was something about you sleeping here… You know you live here, right?” He giggled.

“Ah, funny Ry!” She pulled a face at him. “I said I’m not sleeping here, it’s Alice’s birthday sleepover. I’ve told you about that, didn’t I?”

He looked at her for a moment, searching his mind for some trace of memory relating to that subject. “Oh! Yeah, yeah, you did,” he smiled bashfully. “Sorry, I forgot about that for a moment.”

“Don’t worry about it, Ryan,” she smiled. “Any plans for the night?”

“Gonna play Overwatch with Tibo,” he smiled.

“Yeah? Tell him I say hi!” She grinned. “All right, I’ve got to head out now if I don’t wanna make Alice wait too long.”

Ryan laughed at that. “’Course. Have fun, _Yazzy_.”

Yaz smiled to herself. That nickname had a whole new meaning, now. It almost sounded like music to her ears.

“See? The nickname isn’t even bothering me anymore,” she smirked, her hand on the doorknob.

“Wow. That kid truly changed you.”

“Yeah,” Yaz sighed. “Okay, bye now! For real!”

“Bye, Yaz,” she heard Ryan say as she closed the door behind her.

She had a spring to her step, the gift bag bouncing on her thigh as she made her way down the staircase.

The second she stepped out of the building, she wished she had worn an extra layer; the bitter cold of the February evening was hitting her whole body fiercely. She started speed walking to her destination, hoping it would warm her up a little. 

As she walked, she couldn’t help but think back to the road they had traveled to get where they were, now. The memory of Alice asking her to sleepover on the first day she looked after her brought a warm smile to her face.

It had been so easy from the beginning. The girl had warmed up to her instantly, all thanks to a hot drink and shared biscuits in a place that a part of her still hated a little. But Yaz couldn’t bring herself to think back of that dreaded shop and only feel hatred for its owner; she was so grateful that it had helped her get closer to Joy and Alice. Oftentimes, she wondered where she would be now if she hadn’t been working that night. The mere thought made her shudder.

When she reached the end of Joy’s road, Yaz decided to sprint to her friend’s house, hoping to escape the cold quickly.

The first thing she noticed once she got there was the missing car in the driveway.

“That’s weird,” Yaz muttered as she walked to the front door.

The young woman knocked, and the door was wide open only moments later. She was greeted by John… Well, ‘greeted’ wasn’t exactly the way to put it and it definitely took her by surprise.

“Oh, Yaz,” he said, his face contorted in what looked like worry. “Hi.”

“Hi, John,” Yaz said, unsure what to make of his tone and expression. “Is every—”

“Sorry, yeah,” he started. “Feeling a bit… Wibbly wobbly. Huh, right. Joy did say you were coming over. The thing is…”

“Do you want me to come back later?” Yaz asked, as John took a deep breath.

Yaz didn’t like what was unfolding in front of her at all. Neither Joy, nor Alice were to be seen which, in itself, made absolutely no sense, especially not today. Yaz had always imagined Alice running up to her, screaming about her birthday; the radio silence on both hers and her mother’s part was not only disorienting, but very worrying. Yaz felt tears come up to her eyes, but she stayed focused on the man standing in front of her as a way to keep control of her emotions. They were all right, surely… Right?

“What’s wrong, John? You’re scaring me,” her voice was unusually stern. She wasn’t asking for an answer, she was demanding it.

“Alice ran away. Joy is looking for her right now.”

It felt like her heart stopped beating and got charged to double speed all at once.

“Take this,” she handed him her bag and Alice’s gift and made sure he added her phone number to his contact list. “Call me if you hear anything.”

And she ran.

She ran as fast as she physically could. Alice’s face was haunting her mind, and it pushed Yaz to extremes she had never imagined she had the ability to reach. The pavement barely came in contact with her feet as she made her way to—

“Where am I even going?” She said, holding her face in her hands as she tried – and failed – to refrain a scream. “Fuck!”

Yaz felt absolutely hopeless and had no idea what to do. She couldn’t even bring herself to imagine what had brought Alice to act like this; it was so unlike her. The more Yaz tried to make sense of it, the less sense it made.

Yaz’s heart had broken when she saw Alice’s virus-induced weariness from a couple weeks before. How naive of her! But now, her naivety felt like a repeated punch in the guts. Had she missed the signs? Could she have done something to prevent this from ever happening?

Her brain played a series of heart wrenching endings where she was rendered helpless and powerless. On and on, Yaz pictured herself failing the girl she had grown to love and who loved her right back.

She searched her mind for a clue, something that could – _should_ – have tipped her off about this; something that could take her to Alice.

Alice.

Safe and sound.

She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, and it felt like her inaction was already her biggest treason to the child’s well-being. She had to move. She had to try.

And so, she ran. She ran around the park, screaming the girl’s name as she looked in the tiniest of hiding places in the playground. Passers-by gave her strange looks, while others watched her with pity in their eyes. But Alice was nowhere to be found. She stopped by the artificial lake, and she hoped to all the gods and the stars above that she hadn’t ventured anywhere near it.

Yaz felt a level of restlessness she hadn’t felt in an excruciatingly long time. The way her emotions were at arms with each other reminded her of a time when she was constantly nervous and on the edge of breaking apart. Back when she, too, had decided to run away.

And then, it came to her. It fell on her like a ton of bricks.

She had no idea what had happened to Alice that prompted her to run, but Yaz knew very well what that kind of running was about. It was all about fear and despair. It was about finding peace and quiet.

She trusted her instinct, and she ran. For the first time in so long, she ran, but not to go away. She ran to come home.

She ran all the way she had walked only minutes ago. She passed her building, and countless others. They all looked the same, but her eyes did not once linger on them. She ran with a purpose.

Her throat was burning and her breath hitching once her run finally came to an end, but she soldiered on. She walked slowly in the forest by her flat, a place that brought her inner peace and gave her the space she needed to quiet down her brain. She tried not to make too much noise so as to not scare the young girl she deeply wished she’d find there.

This place usually had an instant effect on Yaz’s mood. This once, though, her mind couldn’t stop whirling. She couldn’t stop thinking about the lake in the park, and the stream that laid at the center of the forest she was in. Yet, she kept marching on.

Her mind switched from Alice’s face to Joy’s. She could picture the older woman’s smile breaking, to never be seen again. It felt like watching a horror film, courtesy of her own heartbroken and worried brain.

Once she got closer to the stream, she could hear it flow gently, peaceful as ever. Yet, it couldn’t calm the storm raging inside her.

And then, she heard the most miraculous sound she'd ever had the chance to hear: a child’s whimpers. In any other context, she wouldn’t have smiled, but just this once, she allowed herself to. If she could hear a sound, it meant the impossible was still possible. It meant that all hope wasn’t lost.

She tiptoed her way to the sound and, finally, she felt like she was coming home.

Alice was sitting there, by the stream, safe and sound.

“Alice,” Yaz whispered softly. “It’s me. It’s Yazzy.”

The girl turned around, their eyes locking instantly. From the short distance that separated them, Yaz could see her bottom lip tremble.

“Yazzy,” Alice sobbed.

The girl curled herself in a fetal position on the cold ground, her whole body shaking – either because of the cold or some kind of emotional shock.

Yaz ran to her, unzipping her coat as she did so, and covered the girl with it the instant she reached her.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay,” the young woman said, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

Alice looked so small, lying on the ground, her emotions taking their toll on her. Yaz did all she could do in that moment and cradled her, keeping the girl close to her body and hoping they’d be able to stay warm that way.

Yaz wanted to inform Joy that her daughter was safe and sound, but she didn’t want to distress the young girl more than she already was. She considered her options quickly: she could call Joy and possibly have Alice run away again, or she could text the young mother without Alice being really aware of it. The choice was simple.

Before typing anything, she shared her location with Joy via the messaging application. She quickly typed her text: “I found her safe but shaken. Shared location. Trying to calm her down,” it read. She didn’t bother looking at Joy’s reply; she had to make sure Alice was okay first and foremost.

“Alice,” Yaz said softly. “Are you hurting anywhere?”

“My heart,” the child sobbed, breaking Yaz’s heart some more.

“Oh, sweetheart,” the young woman said, stroking Alice’s hair. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Alice sniffled, trying to regain some control over her breathing. She was holding onto Sophie the doll tightly, clinging onto it and almost sharing both her pain and sadness with the poor inanimate object.

“M—Mummy is replacing me. She doesn’t love me anymore,” she cried.

Yaz could see the physical effect it had on Alice to say ‘Mummy,’ and she was worried that, out of anyone, Joy had caused her daughter so much distress. It made even less sense than Alice running away did. There was a piece of information missing. There had to be.

“What do you mean, sweetheart? Do you think you can explain why you’re saying that? I’m not sure I understand what’s happening.”

“Mum—Mummy is…” Alice closed her eyes, trying to focus on the word she wanted to say but couldn’t remember how. “ _Pegnant_.”

It felt like someone had just punched Yaz and then thrown her in that ice cold lake in the park.

“Do you mean _pregnant_ , sweetheart?”

Alice considered the proposition for a moment. “Yes,” she nodded, her eyes filling up with tears once more.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Yaz thought, her own eyes tearing up. But she couldn’t let herself go through her own emotions. Alice needed support, and Yaz was the only person capable of providing it for her in that moment.

"Sweetheart,” Yaz took a deep breath. “Your mum isn’t going to replace you with a new baby. You know why?”

“Why?” The child sniffled.

“There’s something amazing about a mummy’s heart. It’s bigger on the inside, and it can hold so much love,” Yaz mused. “And especially your mum. She has a very special heart,” Yaz smiled. “She won’t love you less when the baby is here, I think she might love you even more. The both of you,” Yaz grinned as her heart broke in thousands of tiny pieces.

The image of Joy, Alice, a baby, and the faceless woman Joy had decided to settle down with haunted her mind. She shook it off, focusing back on the child in her arms.

“You think so?” Alice’s eyes were hopeful again.

“Alice,” she smiled. “I _know_ so. And I know something else,” she teased.

"What?" The girl stared at her with wide eyes.

“You’re going to be an incredible big sister, kiddo,” she said, grinning. “It’s one of the best things to be in the world. I told you about my little sister, yeah?”

Alice nodded, a shy smile appearing on her face.

“You’re lucky. You’re old enough that you’ll be able to help your mum.”

Alice was grinning, but it was a short-lived one. “Mummy is going to be sad and _cwoss_ with me, now.” 

Yaz looked at her seriously, but kindly. “Well, it’s definitely something you shouldn’t do again. But if I can be honest with you, Alice, I did something similar when I were younger.”

“You did?”

Yaz nodded, much to Alice’s surprise. “When I came back home, I decided I was going to communicate, to talk with my family whenever I felt like running away, so they could help me feel better. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” she smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind the girl’s ear.

“Okay, Yazzy. I understand.” She hugged her nanny tightly.

“What do you think about going to find Mummy and apologizing?”

“And c _ommummucate_.”

Yaz chuckled softly. The girl handed Yaz her doll and held herself onto her nanny’s neck, allowing Yaz to get herself up as she held her. “Right. Comfy?”

“Yeah.”

Before they left the forest, Yaz had a quick look at her phone.

\-----------------------------------------

 _16:57 – **Joy** :_ I don’t know what to say right now other than thank you. I’m on my way, please tell her I love her and I’m not mad at her. I’ll wait for you guys.  
_17:09 – **Joy** :_ Just got here. I’m right outside the forest. Thank you.  
_17:11 – **Joy** :_ Let me know if you need anything.

 _17:23 – **Yaz** :_ On our way.

\-----------------------------------------

As soon as she started walking, Yaz mourned the comfort of her coat, which was still resting on Alice’s shoulders.  But warmth filled her heart when she saw Joy, biting her bottom lip in worry as she waited for them. The look she gave them when she saw them walk towards her was one of pure relief, a sob leaving her.

“Alice!” She ran towards them. She embraced her daughter, even though she was still in Yaz’s arms. She kissed the top of the child’s head, and stayed there for a little while, sobbing.

The young girl turned around, holding out her arms for her mother, who gladly accepted the embrace. Yaz let her go and stood there, Sophie in her hands, as she looked fondly at them. Then, she remembered.

Joy was pregnant. She was having a baby. And Yaz was stuck with an ever-growing crush.

“ _God job, Yaz. Fucking splendid_ ,” Yaz cursed herself. “ _You’re not falling for the straight friend, now. You’re falling for the pregnant friend_.”

Her train of thought was interrupted by Alice’s voice saying her name.

“Yazzy told me you’d always love me no matter what, and that I’ll be a great big sister,” she heard Alice say.

Yaz looked up, giving the young girl a tight-lipped smile.

“And she’s right, sweetheart,” Joy said, offering a tender glance to the young woman. Yaz’s heart skipped a beat at the view. “Oh my God, Yaz! Your coat!” Joy panicked.

“It’s fine,” Yaz reassured. “I can just go warm up in my flat. I’ll pick it up on Monday.”

Joy cocked her head slightly before looking down, and Alice glanced at her with disappointment.

“But it’s sleepover night, Yazzy,” the girl frowned.

Yaz mimicked Joy’s movement, her eyes falling to her feet. “I don’t know, kiddo,” she said. “It would only be fair for you guys to stay together as a family after all this. It can wait.”

Alice wriggled in her mother’s arms, making it clear that she wanted to go to Yaz. Joy put her to the ground, and the child ran to her nanny, albeit awkwardly, with Yaz’s big coat on her shoulders. “You _are_ family, Yazzy,” she said, hands on her hips and a cross look on her face.

Yaz laughed softly, not really believing the girl’s words. “You’re sweet kiddo, but—”

“She’s right,” Joy offered simply. “I get it if you don’t feel like it after this, but—”

“You sure?” Yaz was bewildered.

“Absolutely,” the older woman smirked.

Alice squealed. “Can we go home, Mummy?”

The mother looked down and smiled. “That’s a very good plan. Do you wanna stop by your flat to pick up a coat or something, Yaz? Oh, wait, nevermind,” Joy rambled, removing her own coat. “Take this. It’s gonna warm you up on the way home. I’ll put yours in the wash once we get there.”

“Joy, I’m fine! Keep it on,” Yaz said. “Please.”

Joy squinted her eyes at her, handing her the coat. “Yaz.”

“Joy,” the younger woman smirked as she pushed the coat away.

“You’re gonna catch a cold, Yaz.”

Yaz sighed in defeat; there was no way she was going to win that battle. “Okay, fine! Thank you.”

“No, Yaz,” Joy said, staring right into her eyes. “Thank you.” The older woman launched herself at Yaz, holding her friend firmly in her arms. “I owe you everything,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “You have no idea.”

The older woman pressed her lips on Yaz’s cheek, and the younger woman instantly felt herself blush.

“Hey,” Yaz said, her fingers brushing Joy’s. “Congrats,” she smiled as honestly as she could.

She was incredibly happy for her friend. How could she not be? Joy was an incredible mother, and the fact another child would get to experience such warmth and love from her was a blessing in and of itself. But today’s news sadly meant they’d always simply be friends, and nothing more. Joy had found someone to expand her family with, and Yaz had no intention of interfering. 

Joy smiled bashfully before looking at her feet. “You’re sweet. Thanks, Yaz.”

“Mummy!” Alice said expectantly.

“Right, home! _Allons-y_!” She exclaimed, taking her daughter’s hand in hers and leading the girl to her car, closely followed by Yaz.

Yaz glanced at Joy as she drove them around town. Her hands were drumming off-beat on the steering wheel, and she seemed nervous. She had every right to be restless. How could she be calm after the day she had?

When they got home, Joy carried her daughter to the front door, so she didn’t fall face first on the pavement while she still wore Yaz’s coat. Joy only had eyes for her daughter, kissing her forehead, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears. Before they reached the door, Yaz jogged there and unlocked it, allowing them to enter the house.

They were greeted by silence; John had probably gone home to update his wife and children on the situation. Yaz saw the yellow gift bag on the counter and smiled.

***

The three of them had stuffed up on pizza and chips at Alice’s demand. It almost felt like things were normal, with Alice smiling and giggling throughout dinner, her mother cracking a joke and pulling faces to the both of them.

Yaz tried to ignore the worry that kept growing deep in her heart; sooner or later, she’d lose this. She pushed it at the back of her mind to allow herself to fully enjoy her time with these two while it lasted.

“Mummy,” Alice said. “What’s in the bag?” She pointed at Yaz’s gift on the counter.

“Oh! Good question, sweetheart. I don’t know,” she grinned in Yaz’s direction. “Do you know what it could be, Yaz?”

“I reckon you’re gonna have to open it, Alice,” Yaz smiled.

“Yeah?” The young girl’s excitement was almost palpable, her eyes shining brightly.

“Of course!” Yaz giggled. “I’ll go get it for you, just a sec.”

After Yaz dropped the gift bag in front of Alice, the young girl glanced at her mother, as if she was waiting for her approval. She nodded, prompting Alice to action.

“What’s that?” Alice said, taking one of the items out of the bag, her nose scrunched.

“That’s food colouring, kiddo.”

“Okay,” she said, putting it on the table and scrambling in the bag some more. “And what’s this?”

“That’s vanilla icing.”

Alice removed all the tissue paper that was left in the bag and put her whole head in it. “Why’s it all _beeking_ stuff?”

Joy and Yaz laughed hard.

“It’s _baking_ , kiddo,” Yaz giggled.

“How would you like to bake your own cupcakes for your birthday, sweetheart?” Joy rested her head on her hand, looking softly at her daughter.

“Cupcakes!” Alice screamed as she ran around the dining table, both her mother and nanny in stitches as they watched her. 

***

While the cupcakes were in the oven, the three of them did the washing up, Joy washing the dishes, Alice drying everything to the best of her abilities – often with her nanny’s help – and Yaz putting everything away.

It was a good thing to channel Alice’s excitement into something while they waited for the best part about cupcakes: decorating them. Yaz couldn’t help but think about the fact that the young girl was growing up, and it was a good thing to show her how to help around the house. She was going to be a big sister, after all.

And there she was, thinking about the changes today was going to bring in their lives. She had gotten used to her own wandering into ‘Joy territory,’ but now she was facing a whole new universe she was actually afraid to discover; a universe that would, in the end, force her to walk away.

But there was no point in thinking about that now, even though her mind was always going back there.

When the oven’s timer finally rang, both Alice and Joy squealed with excitement. The older woman cautiously took the cupcake pans out of there, allowing them to cool off for a few minutes.

And then, the cupcake extravaganza began. They mixed food coloring with vanilla icing, creating a rainbow’s worth of makeshift icing dispensers. Sprinkles were passed from one to another, icing covering little fingers, cheeks and noses.

After half an hour, they had a dozen of uniquely decorated cupcakes, all of them sporting a candle.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Alice,” Joy and Yaz sang, grinning. “Happy birthday to you!”

“Thank you!” Alice shouted before taking a deep breath to blow off her candles.

“Wait,” Joy said. “You have to make a wish before blowing off your candles, yeah?”

Alice smiled. “I want—“

“No!” Yaz and Joy screamed.

“You can’t tell us, sweetheart! It has to be a secret for it to happen,” her mother explained.

“Okay,” she glanced at them mischievously, closed her eyes and blew off all the candles in one blow.

***

According to both Yaz and Joy, a sleepover wasn’t complete without a blanket fort, and Alice was obviously thrilled with the idea.

Joy retrieved the massive inflatable mattress they usually used in the treehouse and blew it up in the middle of the sitting room. Instead of using sleeping bags, the older woman thought it would be much more comfortable to sleep in actual sheets, and so she quickly made the bed and dropped a ton of pillows on it for comfort purposes.

“Do you think that’s enough pillows, Joy?” Yaz giggled.

“It’s never enough pillows,” Joy argued, throwing a last one on the little mount she had created on the mattress.

The three of them then built the fort around and over the mattress, hanging bed sheets using everything they could find in the house.

“And those are for the _vibes_ ,” Joy said, nose scrunching at her last word; she really thought she had said something hilarious, but she was simply referring to fairy lights.

Once their amazing work of architecture was done, the three of them took a few steps back and admired their creation.

“Good work, team,” Yaz said, offering high fives to mother and daughter.

“That is ace, you guys,” Joy grinned.

“I’m going in!”

“Woah, there,” Joy said, stopping her daughter. “Pyjamas would be much comfier before going in.”

Alice nodded and zoomed to her room and quickly came back wearing a dark blue onesie.

“Okay, now I’m jealous,” Yaz said, commenting on the girl’s outfit. “I wish I looked that good in a onesie.”

Alice giggled and plunged inside the fort. “It’s so comfy!”

Joy giggled. “Right,” she looked at Yaz. “Did you bring PJs?”

“Sure did!”

“Amazing. Right, you go get changed in the bathroom,” she stopped herself, lowering her voice. “I’m gonna go get her gift in my room.”

Yaz smiled and nodded before taking her bag and heading to the bathroom. She quickly changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt and tied her hair in a messy bun. She didn’t look fancy in any way, but at least she was comfortable.

When she exited the room, she saw the light of Joy’s room was still on, her door closed. She tiptoed there and knocked softly.

“Yeah?” Joy whispered.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, just close the door behind you.”

Her bag on her shoulder, she swiftly opened and closed the door behind her. She turned around and found Joy retrieving Alice’s gift from under her bed.

She was wearing boxer shorts with cats on them, which looked adorable on her.

There was just one slight problem. Her shirt was apparently missing; she was only wearing a bra.

“Huh, Joy?”

“Yeah?” The older woman stood up and looked at her, clearly unaware of Yaz’s discomfort.

Yaz’s glance dropped lower for a second and went straight to Joy’s eyes. “You’re not wearing a shirt, Joy. I could’ve waited, you know?”

“Am I not?” She said, looking down. She looked up, panic in her eyes, using Alice’s gift as a shield. “I’m sorry, Yaz! My brain’s gone out the window.” Her face was tomato-like.

“Don’t worry,” Yaz looked at her feet, scratching her neck while Joy ran around the room to find a shirt.

“S’okay, now.”

Yaz looked up to find her friend wearing a loose Goonies shirt. She grinned.

“So—”

“Right, sorry,” Yaz said. “Were just wondering if I should make us all hot chocolate to drink with the cupcakes.”

“Brilliant idea!” Joy said, awkwardness tainting her otherwise excited tone. “I’ll follow you to the kitchen, I think. I’ll help. Yeah, good idea,” she rambled, passing Yaz and opening the door.

Yaz quickly followed her, dumbfounded by what she had seen, and prepared the drinks while Joy put a few cupcakes on a plate. When she – finally! – saw them enter the fort, Alice clapped with excitement.

“Another gift, Mummy?”

“Yes,” she said, kissing the top of the girl’s head. “This one is a little special.”

Alice unwrapped it in an instant and found the one thing she had asked for her fifth birthday.

“A _micoscopse_!” She embraced her mother. “Thank you, Mummy!”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart,” she said, kissing her cheek. “I was gonna wait for your actual birthday to give it to you, but I was way too excited about it,” she ruffled her hair.

“That’s okay, I’m gonna have more time to play with it!”

“That’s right,” Joy smiled. “So, I was thinking we could watch a movie before we go to bed, what do you think?”

“Frozen,” Alice immediately suggested, a wide grin plastered on her face.

“Yeah?” Joy wondered.

Alice nodded. “Elsa is Anna’s big sister. I need to _sudy_ how to be a good big sister,” she said matter-of-factly.

Yaz had to look away for a moment to keep some kind of control over her emotions, because what Alice had said truly went straight to her heart. She couldn’t believe how mature and open she was for such a young child.

“The baby’s gonna be so lucky to have you,” Joy said, holding her daughter and covering her forehead in kisses.

Yaz finally dared to look at them. They looked adorable. After what had happened earlier, it was heartwarming to see both mother and daughter be themselves again. As she paid more attention, Yaz noticed how Alice was tugging at Joy’s shirt, allowing her to see the tiniest bulge of her friend’s stomach. It suddenly felt a little too real. She took a deep breath.

“Yazzy, are you okay?” Alice asked, worry clouding her eyes.

“Of course, kiddo. You guys are just way too cute for me to handle,” she said, pulling a face. “I’m gonna go set up the movie, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Alice grinned.

It was the perfect excuse to take a breather. She took a good moment to find the movie and insert it in the player, trying to keep her emotions in check. But not really knowing what emotions she was feeling meant that it was almost impossible to make sense of everything and anything.

When she reentered the fort, mother and daughter were both lying down at opposite sides of the mattress.

“Birthday girl decided you’re sleeping in the middle,” Joy grinned.

“Did you?”

The nanny looked at Alice, who was sipping her hot chocolate innocently. Yaz obliged and laid down between the two of them and, mere seconds later, they launched themselves at her, giving her a big hug.

“What’s that for?” Yaz giggled, holding them back.

“Thanks for saving me, Mu—Yazzy,” Alice said, kissing her nanny’s cheek. “And thanks for the cupcakes, it was fun… and really good!” She giggled.

Yaz’s heart stopped. Did she hear that right? Had Alice almost slipped up when saying her name? She felt like her chest was expanding some more, it was bound to implode sooner or later. 

“Of course, kiddo. I’ll always be here when you need me. Promise,” Yaz said, kissing her forehead.

She glanced back at Joy who had removed herself from the group embrace to take a proper look at the two of them. She looked serene.

“Thank you,” the older woman mouthed, a stray tear running down her cheek.

Yaz opened her free arm up to her, and Joy squeezed herself onto Yaz’s body, resting her head in the crook of her arm. The younger woman’s breath hitched, but she couldn’t help but appreciate the warmth she felt, bundled in a blanket fort with these two. It felt right and comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooooooo, yup, yup. No big deal I guess... right? Honestly though, I'm so glad the cat is finally out of the bag! When I started writing this story I was SO excited about writing this chapter, and the second I was done writing it I was basically counting the days until I could post it. Also... the perfection of it being the 13th chapter! WHEW!
> 
> I really hope you liked this and that you like where this story is going. There's still a lot in store for them :)
> 
> By the way, the wonderful @TlM3LORDE on Twitter drew Joy, Alice and Yazzy!!! Definitely go and have a look, it's so cute. And please go give them some love, their art is amazing!!!
> 
> And, as usual, thanks Annabelle for beta reading!! And thanks to the TCC for being as hyped about this bit of the story as I am. I'm not sure I would've start writing it if you guys hadn't been so supportive from the start. xx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!IMPORTANT!!! CW: mention of terminal illness, mention of miscarriage
> 
> After the last chapter, I figured you guys would appreciate a mid-week update since I left you guys with MANY questions. This will certain answer some of them.
> 
> Also, thank you for all your comments! You guys really push me to new levels and, without even realize me, you challenge me. Thank you so, so much!

The tone rang once, twice, thrice…

“ _Hiya Yaz! Wasn’t expecting your call on a Monday morning. Is everything all right?_ ”

“ _Hey Joy_ ,” Yaz coughed. “ _Sorry._ ” Her voice was weak.

“ _I told you you’d be sick, Yaz,_ ” Joy sighed.

“ _I know_ ,” the young woman whined. “ _I’m suffering the consequences of my actions, now. But I really don’t think I should pick up Alice after school, I’m sorry_.”

“ _Of course, Yaz. Don’t be sorry_ ,” Joy said, empathically. “ _Please get plenty of rest! And if you can’t make it in the next few days, that’s fine, too_.”

“ _Are you sure?_ ”

Yaz felt like she was throwing her friend under the bus, but she also knew that if she were to look after Alice, she was putting both the young girl and her mother at risk of catching whatever she had. What if Joy caught it and it harmed her or the baby in any way? Yaz wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

“ _Yaz_ ,” Joy said softly. “ _You’ve been absolutely perfect – more than perfect, even – for how many months, now? Don’t worry_.”

Yaz sneezed, making Joy giggle. “ _Thanks, Joy_ ,” the young girl said. “ _I’ll update you later today_.”

“ _Perfect. Take care, Yaz_.”

“ _Have a nice day, Joy_.”

“ _Bye_ ,” Joy said softly before hanging up.

Yaz locked her phone, discarding it on her bedside table before crashing back on her mattress, shivering under the cover. After a few minutes, she dozed off, managing to get a couple hours of sleep.

She woke up with a start, her dreams haunted with robots trying to invade the planet. She tossed and turned in her bed trying to get back to sleep, feeling hot and cold all at once… After a while, she got tired of it and moved to the sitting room, where she found her roommate playing his favourite solo adventure game.

“Hi Yaz,” he said, staring at the television screen. He paused his game and looked at her when her answer never came. “I hope you won’t mind me saying this, Yaz but… You look a little…” He hesitated to speak his thoughts, as one would in that situation; they had been friends forever, but it was still a little awkward to tell someone they looked awful.

“You can say it, Ry,” she giggled weakly.

“Huh, I think the way I’d put it is… ‘rough’?”

Yaz laughed. “Yeah, definitely,” she sighed.

Ryan dropped his controller on the coffee table to give Yaz his full attention, sensing there was something unsaid about his friend’s state.

“What’s up?” He wasn’t a man of many words, but he had the best ears in Sheffield _and_ Leeds.

Yaz looked at him, a fake reassuring smile on her face. “Nothing, just caught a cold, that’s all.”

“Yaz,” he said firmly. “I know you.”

She sank into the couch, holding her knees close to her chest. “Can you pass me the blanket, please?”

“Yaz,” he insisted, passing her the comforting piece of fabric.

“She’s pregnant.”

He looked oblivious for a moment, but when she finally looked at him, he knew.

“Oh.”

Yaz did the only thing she felt capable of doing: she hid her face in the blanket and finally allowed herself to cry. She felt Ryan’s strong arms around her frail shoulders. He moved her around so he could hold her properly, allowing her to cry on his shoulder.

“How do you even know who I’m talking about?” She sobbed.

“Mate, I just told you I know you, yeah?” He spoke softly as he rubbed her back in comfort.

“Am I that obvious?” She felt desperate.

What if Joy had realized Yaz had a crush on her and simply brushed it off? It would be the right way to deal with this, certainly. It didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“I’m not sure, to be honest,” he answered. “I haven’t seen you around her much, so I don’t know if she’d know, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Yaz sighed loudly, lifting her head up from his shoulder to look at him. She sniffled.

“You’re the strongest person I know, Yaz. Don’t be too hard on yourself but, also, allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling.”

Yaz stared at him for a few seconds. “Woah,” she smirked. “You got all emotional there, mate.”

“Yaz, come on!” He laughed, giving her a little punch on the shoulder. “Just trying to be nice.”

“Thank you,” she hugged him. She broke the embrace, finally willing to open up a little more. Maybe allowing herself to feel her emotions would start here. “I just… I don’t know, it feels like I just got crushed by reality. Does that even make sense? I’m happy for her, of course I am,” she rambled. “But it feels like I’m losing them a little more each day, until— until—”

“Take your time, Yaz.”

She took a deep breath. “Until the _baby_ is here,” she said, the word she was so afraid to say finally slipping off her tongue. “I care about them so much, Ry.”

“That’s fairly obvious, Yaz. And from the way things are going, I’d say they both really appreciate you, too.”

“But that’s the thing! I don’t wanna lose them,” she realized. “The crush will pass. It has to. I’d rather have them in my life than not at all. Guess I’ll just have to live with that.”

He stroked her arm gently. “It’s definitely gonna change the vibe you guys have. I’m assuming Joy has a boyfriend that’s going to move in at some point –”

“She’s gay,” Yaz said.

“How come you didn’t think to mention that to me, Yaz? Oh my God.”

She felt her face flush. “I don’t know, I think I was trying to forget about it. Didn’t want to entertain the crush, you know?” She considered the situation for an instant. “Do you know what the worst thing about this whole thing is?”

Ryan shook his head, his eyes focused on Yaz.

“My instinctive reaction wasn’t happiness for my friend. My mind went straight to a possibly non-existent woman. Joy does a perfect job raising Alice alone, she doesn’t need someone else. Yet…”

Yaz cursed herself and her thoughts. She was overjoyed for her friend, but she hated the fact that her mind had betrayed her own values.

“Yet, your mind went there,” Ryan added. Yaz nodded, shame clouding her eyes. “Don’t beat yourself up over this, Yaz. You feel strongly about her, but feelings and reactions are rarely rational.”

Yaz rested her head on her friend’s shoulder, and he stroked her hair gently.

“It almost feels like an intrusive thought. As if the _only_ logical explanation would be for her to be with someone to have another child, but I _know_ it isn’t! I’m just—”

She stopped herself before she could finish her sentence, but only because she didn’t know _what_ she was. Worried? Scared? Jealous?

“Yaz,” Ryan sighed. “You’ve been through a lot. These things that happened in school changed you, even though it happened a long time ago. They made you the person you are today, but that means both the good and the bad. What Izzy did to you can’t be helping, right now.”

Yaz closed her eyes and took a deep breath. All those years ago, she had been true to herself, and not only had her friend Izzy walked away, but she had also turned most of the school against her. Ryan was one of the few people who had stuck by Yaz’s side.

But this was different. Joy wouldn’t push Yaz away or turn the world against her. She was incapable of such hateful actions. This was all Yaz’s creation; past trauma twisting reality into something it wasn’t.

“I’m scared of rejection,” Yaz realized. “Of not being enough.”

That other woman Yaz had imagined, on Saturday, was the image of her own fear. She was everything Yaz wasn’t. Which also meant there was a hint of jealousy hidden in Yaz’s reaction, but she pushed that away. There was no use of being jealous of someone who either didn’t exist or, if they did, made her friend happy. 

“I’m no psychologist, but it sure sounds like it, mate,” Ryan said, squeezing Yaz to his side. “Don’t think about it too much, though. It won’t do you any good.”

Yaz leaned into her best friend’s embrace for a moment, enjoying his presence by her side when she needed him most.

“Do you reckon you’re gonna be the baby’s nanny eventually? That’s something fun to look forward to,” Ryan considered.

Yaz hadn’t really considered it, as she was too busy stuck in her own thoughts spiraling. “You’re right. Thanks, Ry.”

“Always for my Yazzy,” he winked. “All right,” he said, looking at his phone. “I gotta go to work. But call me if you need anything, yeah?”

She nodded, resting her head on the couch. She heard him run around the apartment, getting changed and preparing his stuff to leave for the day. In the meantime, she switched the television channel from the video gaming console to something more appropriate: Netflix. She scrolled through the library, trying to find something to watch that wouldn’t involve any brainpower. Her choice settled on some random comedy she knew she was going to fall asleep to.

She was about to doze off again when Ryan entered the sitting room again to let her know he was off.

“Have a nice day, Ry.”

“You too, Yaz. Get some rest. You had a good cry, but you still look a little sick, mate.”

“Oi!”

“Bye!” He giggled.

She heard Ryan leave but, only a few minutes later, he was back. The lock turned, and she could hear him speak quietly to someone. Knowing her best friend, he probably had received a call from a friend as he left the building and had run back inside for some reason. Why wasn’t he actually entering the flat, though?

She propped herself on the couch, trying to get a look at what he was doing. She could see his phone in his hand. Who was he talking to, if he wasn’t on the phone?

“She’s inside,” she heard him say quietly. “She should be awake.”

Her brows knitted at his words. She didn’t know who was visiting her right now, but she wasn’t in the mood to see anyone but the characters from that dumb comedy she had intended on watching. To say she was annoyed at the situation was an understatement. She closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, which inadvertently evolved into a coughing fit.

“Are you sure it’s all right?” She heard another voice say. The voice was so soft Yaz had trouble understanding the words.

“She’ll be proper happy to see you,” her roommate said.

“ _Oh, come on Ryan_ ,” she thought.

“I’ll leave you two to it. Bye, Joy.”

Yaz’s eyes opened in shock. She turned her head to the entrance quickly – a little too quickly, perhaps, for the room started spinning around her. She had to focus on a point on the floor to make it stop.

“Hi, Yaz,” Joy said softly.

Yaz felt her heart skip a beat. Her friend’s glance on her was warm and just as soft as her voice, if not more.

But worry quickly kicked in.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Yaz said, hiding her mouth and nose with her blanket. “I don’t want you to catch whatever I have. It’s nasty.”

“I figured you’d say that,” the older woman said, ruffling into her bag for something. She took out a chirurgical mask from it. “Came prepared,” she grinned, before putting the mask on. Yaz mourned the sight of her friend’s smile a little. “Plus, it’s likely a cold, I’d be fine even without that thing on.”

“You would, but…” Yaz said, eyes dropping to the other woman’s stomach.

Joy looked clueless for a millisecond. “Oh! Yeah, this one would be fine too,” she said, her hand resting there for a little while.

“Are you sure?” Yaz said, slowly putting down the blanket.

“Yaz,” Joy giggled. “I’m not… Okay, I’m a _little_ reckless, but not enough to risk my life or my children’s. Which is why I’m gonna keep the mask on just in case you’ve contracted some kind of weird virus, but I doubt it.”

_Children_. Wow, that felt strange.

“Right, yeah. Sorry,” the younger woman said, her eyes dropping to the ground.

“Don’t be,” Joy smiled. “I brought you soup. Should I put it in the fridge? Unless you want to eat some now?”

Yaz smiled weakly. “You’re perfect, oh my days. I’m not really hungry right now, if that’s all right.”

“Of course, that’s all right, Yaz!” She said as she put the comfort food in the refrigerator. “Alice told me how your mum’s soup helps you when you’re not well. Figured mine would be decent enough,” she smirked.

“Thank you,” Yaz said. She got up from her seat and slowly padded her way to the kitchen. “I’m sure it’s gonna be just as comforting. All mum’s soups are,” she smiled.

“Oh, and I have this. Express art commission from this morning,” Joy said, handing Yaz a piece of paper. On it was a drawing of Alice, Yaz and Joy, with an arrow pointing at Joy’s belly, the word ‘baby’ written in all caps – Yaz assumed Alice had gotten her mother’s help there.

Yaz couldn’t help but notice that, this time, Alice wasn’t standing in the middle of the picture, but Yaz was. And while Alice had drawn herself happy, both her arms in the air in celebration, she had also drawn her mother and nanny a little closer to each other, holding hands.

“That’s sweet. I’ll have to thank her once I feel better,” Yaz smiled.

Joy approached Yaz cautiously to have a look. “Very sweet, yes. She has an eye for detail.”

Yaz’s heart stopped for a second, and she stared back at their drawn selves and their clasped hands. Alice did have an eye for detail – details that didn’t exist for the most part.

Yaz took the picture and put it on her refrigerator door, next to a photograph of Ryan and herself.

She looked at her friend for a few moments. “Joy,” Yaz said. “Aren’t you meant to be at work?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I got some work done this morning at home but, honestly? I’m exhausted from this weekend.”

Yaz gave her an understanding look, her mind going back to her own panic from Saturday afternoon. Even if Joy hadn’t contracted a cold following the events of the weekend, she had been through some very intense emotional turmoil.

“Of course, you are.”

“I’m glad you stayed over, though,” she said. “It really helped the both of us move onto something a little brighter.”

“I’m glad I could help in any way,” Yaz smiled. “How are you feeling, today?”

Joy took a deep breath. Her facial expressions were hard to read now that she was wearing that damned mask, but Yaz could sense the other woman was smiling, somehow.

“You did more than help, Yaz. Trust me,” she stated matter-of-factly. “And I’d say I’m much better than you from the looks of it,” she giggled.

“Oi! Why is everyone having a go at me today?” She whined. “I’m a sick little thing, don’t laugh at me!”

“Sorry,” Joy apologized, her voice light and cheerful.

Yaz led them to the sitting room, as she suddenly felt a little weak and wanted to sit comfortably, Joy taking a seat next to her.

“But, honestly, though? How are you, Joy?”

The older woman sighed. “Still a little shaken. What happened made me reconsider all my life choices in a matter of hours, and then it flipped around again when I saw you guys come out of the forest together. It felt like things would always be okay. I can’t really explain it.”

Yaz’s breath hitched. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Joy chuckled. “I get a little sappy when, you know,” she said, pointing around her belly.

Yaz smiled. “That was a surprise, I must say,” she dared.

“Yeah,” Joy answered, her head cocked. “I didn’t tell a soul, even though I really wanted to. Especially after the insemination appointment! I went crazy and bought that stupid pasta maker to occupy my mind with something else. Didn’t wanna go ‘hey guys, I’m trying to have another baby’ for it to end up not working.”

Yaz certainly remembered the pasta maker and the whole adventure that had followed Joy’s impulsive purchase.

“Wait… So you were…” Yaz tried to make sense of that revelation.

“If you wanna get technical, I wasn’t _officially_ pregnant yet, since it had just happened. Found out I was not long after the holidays.”

The younger woman looked at her friend closely. Things had been changing right in front of her eyes, and she had barely noticed.

“You should’ve told someone,” Yaz said softly. “I can’t imagine if it hadn’t worked out, what you would’ve gone through all by yourself.” 

“That’s a fair point,” Joy looked at her hands resting on her lap. “But it’s what happened before Alice, and it broke my heart a little every time. Having to repeat to people that we tried, and it didn’t work. A few times, River and I thought we were pregnant, and in the end, the baby wouldn’t stick around long enough.”

Yaz was surprised to find Joy’s eyes didn’t contain sadness, but nostalgia.

“I’m sorry to hear it, Joy,” Yaz said softly. “Really.”

“Thank you,” she sighed. “You know what’s crazy? I keep telling Alice that River was excited to meet her before she was born, but she never actually _knew_ Alice existed. I found out I was pregnant a few days after she passed away, actually.”

“Joy,” Yaz whispered. “I’m so sorry. That must’ve been horrible.” Yaz wished she could hug the woman sitting next to her.

“God, I really am turning into a right sap,” she said as she wiped away a few tears. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Yaz said. She waited an instant, a question burning her lips. “Can I ask you something?”

“How she died?”

Yaz nodded in reply, her glance dropping to her own hands in shame. “If you don’t mind, of course, I wouldn’t want you to—”

“Don’t worry, Yaz. It’s not so deep a wound anymore. It’s always there, but that grief is something I’ve learned to live with. I can talk about it.” Joy took a deep breath. “So, at first, she wanted to have the baby. She was a little older than me, but she was also afraid of missing out on that experience. So, we decided she was having the first, and I was having the second one. And maybe a third, who knows. We were dreaming big,” she explained wistfully.

Yaz nodded, encouraging Joy to keep telling her story.

“It was a perfect plan, really. Except the doctor found some anomaly in her uterus during our first exam.”

“Oh, no,” Yaz’s hand flew to her mouth.

“Yeah,” Joy sighed. “Cancer.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry you guys had to go through that,” she coughed. “If I didn’t have that stupid cold, I’d hug you.”

“I’m feeling the spiritual hug in your eyes alone, Yaz,” the older woman said, her voice warm and grateful. “It might sound a little selfish, but we decided to change our plan and try with me. Because _what if_ she’d end up being okay, and we’d get to raise our baby together, you know? We couldn’t miss out on that,” she looked down.

“It’s not selfish. You had every right to be hopeful, it’s what makes life worth living,” Yaz offered a supporting smile. “What happened is awful, though. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“But I wouldn’t trade Alice for anything in the world. She arrived in my life for a reason; I’m convinced she saved me,” she sighed wistfully. “And this one,” she said, rubbing her stomach. “Again, nowhere near the perfect situation, but it was now or never,” she laughed.

“ _What does she mean by that?_ ” Yaz wondered.

But she couldn’t ask. She _wouldn’t_ ask. If Joy felt the need to explain things further, Yaz would be there for her, but she wouldn’t pry.

“I owe it to you, Yaz,” Joy said, staring at her friends, stars shining in her eyes.

“Me?” She pointed at her chest, in shock.

“You showed me that I can do this. That there’s always a way to make things work.” She sighed and giggled. “And that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.” Yaz looked at her with wide eyes. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s like I finally found the balance I’ve been looking for my whole life when you first came into my home.”

“I’ve shown you all that?”

The young woman couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was breathless. Each day she passed with Joy and Alice, Yaz felt like she was learning more about herself and the world. To think that she had a fraction of that impact on Joy was absolutely flabbergasting, but also extremely gratifying.

“You did,” Joy laughed. “You look so surprised!”

“Surprised and honored, if I can be honest with you.”

Joy cocked her head and looked at her fondly. “I’m glad I met you when I did, Yaz. I would’ve missed out on so many things,” she said, her eyes watery.

“You can’t get all emotional on me while I’m sick and can’t comfort you,” Yaz said. “It’s not fair!”

Joy held out a hand in Yaz’s direction. “We can both wash our hands, though.”

Yaz walked to the kitchen sink and washed her hands thoroughly, giggling. She went back to her spot on the couch and took Joy’s hand in hers. Its softness was most welcomed; it was both comforting and grounding.

“Thanks,” Yaz said. “For being in my life, and for coming over today.”

“I have a duty of care,” Joy said. “It’s my fault if you got sick, after all.” She looked at the floor, her mind certainly going back to what had happened a couple of days prior. “If she hadn’t run away—”

“Joy, don’t. It’s fine; if anything, I’m glad I caught a cold. At least Alice is safe and sound, yeah?” She squeezed Joy’s hand a little tighter.

“Yeah.”

They looked at each other for a little while, a comfortable silence hanging between the two of them. Yaz was trying to fight her slumber, her eyes fluttering close as soon as she opened them again. Eventually, she felt Joy lead her on her lap, where she fell asleep, Joy’s delicate hands stroking her hair softly. The older woman slowly dozed off as well, her fingers tangled in brown locks.

***

Yaz came back to consciousness but allowed herself to stay where she was for a few more moments, eyes closed, leaning into the warmth that was surrounding her. She could feel slim fingers, now resting on her shoulder, a thumb rubbing her skin gently.

The younger woman could hear Joy’s even breath, like wind flowing all around her. She finally opened her eyes, slowly breaking away from their slumberish embrace.

Joy stirred awake, her sleepy eyes falling on Yaz. “Hiya, sleepyhead.”

Yaz laughed softly. “Hey there.”

“You look a little better,” Joy commented as she stretched her arms.

Yaz rubbed the last of her slumber off her eyes. “Definitely do. That was a good nap,” she smiled. “I think I’m gonna try that soup of yours. Would you like some?”

“I’m not one to say no to soup,” she answered. “You stay here. I’ll be right back.”

“Joy,” Yaz argued, getting up from her seat and following her slowly. “I’m fine!”

Joy glanced back. “If you’re fine, go sit at the table,” she said, washing her hands before touching anything else as a precaution.

She quickly served two bowls of soup, heating one of them in the microwave and cautiously bringing the fuming liquid to Yaz. The younger woman watched her every movement, and noticed a frown appearing on Joy’s face.

The furrowed brows changed into wide eyes and raised eyebrows, and Yaz only saw Joy running back to the kitchen without explanation. She could hear the rumble of drawers and cupboards and, not long after, Joy was back with spoons for the both of them.

Once Joy was sitting at the table, her own bowl of boiling soup in front of her, she removed her mask cautiously.

“Where did you get that, by the way?” Yaz said, pointing at the piece of facial protection.

“I stole a few from one of the labs at uni on my way back from dropping off Alice,” she grinned.

Yaz nodded in understanding. She then plunged her spoon in the bowl, excited to try one of the few recipes Joy was actually confident enough to cook herself. She glanced back at her friend as she was about to put the utensil in her mouth. The other woman was staring expectantly at her. Yaz smirked before taking a mouthful.

“Why ‘you looking at me like that?” Yaz giggled once her first bite was consumed.

Joy looked excited, but also slightly nervous.

“Do you like it?” The older woman asked.

“Joy, I love it!” Yaz smiled earnestly. “It’s really, really good.”

Joy let out a relieved sigh. “I were proper worried!”

“You’re cute,” Yaz let out.

When she realized what she had said – that feverish brain of hers had no sense of boundaries, apparently – she stopped moving. Her spoon was halfway to her mouth, her hand shaking almost imperceptibly. She dared to look at her friend.

“I—I mean, you know, it’s cute you’re so worried about me liking your soup. Endearing. Yeah, that’s the word. You know what I mean,” Yaz rambled.

The other woman’s face was flushed. “Yeah, I… yeah,” she stuttered.

Joy was _not_ the type of person to stutter, no matter the circumstances. Even at her most vulnerable, she always presented herself as someone who was in complete control of the way she expressed herself. Seeing her like this was, if slightly disorienting, endearing. She was allowing herself to be vulnerable in new ways, or so it seemed.

The both of them went back to eating in silence, quickly glancing at each other when the other wasn’t looking.

Once they were done, Joy cleaned up and washed the dishes – to Yaz’s annoyance.

“I could’ve washed it up later,” Yaz argued.

“Why wait ‘til later when I can do it now?” Joy turned around, grinning.

Her friend sounded way too happy about doing the washing up. Of course, Joy wasn’t one to whine about these things – she preferred to clean up rather than cook, on a general basis – but her enthusiasm was still a bit much, all things considered.

“Why are you looking so smug?” Yaz wondered.

Her friend gave her a huge, toothy smile. A very _mask-less_ smile. Yaz looked down on the table and saw Joy’s face mask discarded where she was sitting only moments ago.

“Ugh! I can’t even come closer to help you. You’re doing this on purpose.”

“Am I?” She smirked.

“I hate you,” Yaz whined.

“No, you don’t,” the older woman said as she washed one of the bowls.

“ _No, I don’t_ ,” Yaz thought.

Yaz wouldn’t give her the satisfaction to be right – even though she certainly was, – and so she offered her friend a loud, exaggerated sigh, prompting her friend’s guffaws.

“You poor thing, not allowed to do the washing up,” Joy giggled.

In the end, Yaz did what she was told and stayed away, chatting with Joy while the woman did her dirty work, quite literally. But, even with the physical distance between them, their conversation flowed naturally, banter stronger than ever.

“So,” Joy said, as she emptied the sink. “I’ve got an offer for you.”

Yaz frowned slightly. Joy sounded very serious, all of a sudden.

“What is it? Should I worry?” Yaz asked.

Her last question was a joke for the most part, but deep down there was a tiny bit of truth lingering in her inquiry.

“Are you busy during the Easter holiday?”

“Huh, not that I know of. Why?”

Joy smiled as she dried her hands. “John and I own this cottage in the Lake District, and I was going to go with Alice, for like a week or so during the holiday. I were wondering if you’d maybe like to come with us?”

The older woman’s gaze fell on Yaz, whose face was frozen in a state of surprise. Joy smiled.

“Not to nanny, or anything,” Joy added, hanging back the cloth she was holding. “Kind of my way to thank you for what you’re doing for us, really.”

Joy did _not_ need to thank her. She was already paying her more than minimum wage and was basically feeding the younger woman on a daily basis – even though Yaz was the one who usually had to do the cooking, she was still using the content of Joy’s fridge.

The money and the food didn’t really matter, though. Because Joy had offered Yaz her friendship. To Yaz, that was the best show of gratitude she could’ve hoped for.

“You do realize you pay me, right?” Yaz chuckled. “You don’t have to do this. I know you’re thankful.”

“Yeah, I know,” Joy replied, smiling bashfully. “Thought it would be nice to get out of here a little. The three of us, together,” she explained, her gaze evasive. “John, Rose and the twins are coming over on Easter for dinner, but we’ll have the place to ourselves otherwise.”

“It’s nice of them to let you have it for the whole week!”

“I’m just really lucky, to be honest with you! Rose’s mum lives in London and they always stay there the week before Easter,” the blonde explained. “I can’t wait for you to see the place, it’s beautiful. And the view is absolutely incredible!”

Joy’s eyes lit up as she talked, and Yaz could almost picture the view through her eyes. Or maybe Joy’s eyes were what she imagined to be an incredible view.

But then, Joy looked at her for a few instants, her glance dropping to the ground mere seconds later.

“If you don’t want to come, it’s fine, though,” she mumbled.

Yaz had a split-second to make a decision. Of course, she wanted to go. But she couldn’t help but dread the fact spending a whole week with Joy wouldn’t do her any good. She could feel herself slipping deeper into her feelings for the other woman.

But the way Joy’s eyes dropped lit up Yaz’s hopes. She would risk her own well-being if it meant her friend was happy.

“Sure. I’ll come,” Yaz smiled genuinely.

“ _I’m_ so _going to regret this later_ ,” she thought.

Joy’s face lightened up once more. “Brilliant! Oh, Alice is gonna be so happy.”

Yaz’s smile turned into a grin. It was heartwarming to picture Alice’s reaction to the news. Their upcoming holiday would definitely be the subject of many conversations, and Yaz couldn’t wait. The girl’s keenness was contagious.

Joy looked at her watch and reluctantly made her way to the entrance.

“I better be off. Otherwise, I’ll forget to pick Alice up.”

Was she implying she lost track of time when she was spending time with Yaz? The younger woman could feel her cheeks flush – at least she could blame the fever for it.

“Wouldn’t want that, would we?” Yaz chuckled. “Thanks for coming over. It was nice.”

Joy put her beanie on and smiled at her. “It really was, Yaz.”

They wished each other a good evening, Joy reminding Yaz to update her on her health in the morning. The way she worried for her wasn’t lost on Yaz and, truth be told, she enjoyed the attention.

“Will do, Doc,” the younger woman smirked.

“I’ll accept the nickname. Just this once, though,” Joy giggled. “Don’t forget to drink plenty of water. Bye, Yaz!”

“Bye!” She waved her off as her friend closed the door.

***

The rest of the day had flowed quickly, with Yaz taking a few short naps while watching a random sitcom. She later had been joined by Ryan, who looked very happy with himself about letting Joy into the flat. Yaz couldn’t be mad at him, though. The two of them definitely needed some time alone. And, even though things were far from perfect, between her conversations with both her roommate and Joy, she felt like she understood the situation a little better.

There were still bits and pieces of information missing, but at least now things made some kind of sense. Joy was ready to have another baby and made the leap, even though it was “nowhere near the perfect situation.” Joy’s voice was replaying at the back of her mind as she analyzed what it could mean, but she quickly gave up. She was way too exhausted to come up with an explanation, and Joy had every right to explain the situation in her own terms.

Yaz was about to turn off the lights and try to get some sleep when her phone buzzed.

\-----------------------------------------

_20:47 – **Joy** :_ Just letting you know Alice is already planning our week at the cottage. Involves a lot of baking and moves.  
 _20:47 – **Joy** :_ MOVIES* not moves. Tired, sorry xx

_20:48 – **Yaz** :_ Are you sure you’re not the one planning rn? xx

_20:48 – **Joy** :_ Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii >:(

_20:49 – **Yaz** :_ Ohhh! Love the lil angry eyebrows xx  
 _20:50 – **Yaz** :_ Look at you go, Emoji Queen ;)

_20:50 – **Joy** :_ Are you mocking me, YAZZY  
 _20:50 – **Joy** :_ ?????? >:(

_20:51 – **Yaz** :_ Absolutely not <:)  
 _20:51 – **Yaz** :_ Look, mine is wearing a hat

_20:52 – **Joy** :_ <:D  
 _20:56 – **Joy** :_ Speaking of funny hats… When’s your birthday?

_20:57 – **Yaz** :_ WOW!!! That was smooth! July 16th. You?

_20:58 – **Joy** :_ April 2nd. I was always gutted my birthday wasn’t on April’s Fool.  
 _20:59 – **Joy** :_ Hence the angry eyebrows >:(

_21:00 – **Yaz** :_ Wait a sec… When are we going to the cottage?

_21:02 – **Joy** :_ March 30th to April 6th, why?  
 _21:03 – **Joy** :_ Oh. Nevermind. Gotcha. Me and my big mouth >:(((((

_21:04 – **Yaz** :_ Cottage birthday party!!!! <:D

_21:05 – **Joy** :_ Or… not?

_21:06 – **Yaz** :_ I don’t mean an ACTUAL party.  
 _21:06 – **Yaz** :_ I meant cake. Which is basically what Alice is planning for us anyway

_21:07 – **Joy** :_ I like the sound of that xx

_21:08 – **Yaz** :_ Figured you would xx

_21:08 – **Joy** :_ Are you calling me predictable?

_21:09 – **Yaz** :_ LOL! Not predictable but… okay, maybe a little?

_21:09 – **Joy** :_ I just know what I like xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz sighed. “You definitely do,” she muttered.

\-----------------------------------------

_21:12 – **Joy** :_ How are you feeling, btw?

_21:13 – **Yaz** :_ A little better. Ate some more soup for dinner, it’s working a charm xx

_21:13 – **Joy** :_ Glad to hear it xx  
 _21:14 – **Joy** :_ Well, read it. Can’t hear it, technically speaking since, ya know… texting. Not talking.  
 _21:14 – **Joy** : _Is it still “technically speaking” if I’m writing it?  
 _21:15 – **Joy** : _Okay, I’m annoying myself. I’ll shut up xx  
 _21:15 – **Joy** :_ Get some rest now, you need it. Goodnight xxx

_21:16 – **Yaz** :_ Joy, please go to bed too LOL  
 _21:16 – **Yaz** :_ Of course, I say this with the utmost respect for you and your very important questions!!  
 _21:16 – **Yaz** :_ Goodnight xxx

_21:17 – **Joy** :_ The struggles of being a genius xxx

_21:18 – **Yaz** :_ Oh! Humble, are we? ;)

_21:18 – **Joy** :_ The humblest of them all ;)  
 _21:19 – **Joy** :_ Okay, now I’ll shut up. We both need some rest. Nighty-night, Yazzy xxx

_21:20 – **Yaz** :_ Night, Dr. Genius xxx

\-----------------------------------------

Warmth invaded her body and soul and, just like that, Yasmin Khan fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone wants to try Joy's soup? :D I don't know about you, but I'm excited about their little holiday at the cottage.   
> <:))))))))))))
> 
> I don't think I'll be able to post twice a week all the time simply because I'm not done writing the whole thing yet, but once in a while when it feels needed/right, I may indulge! :D 
> 
> Thanks Annabelle for beta reading again! And thank you all, I hope you enjoyed this one and that it clarified a few lil things xx


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Our girls aren't going to the cottage just yet, but soon! In the meantime, playdates and pakora! 
> 
> Enjoy xx

Yaz was waiting for Alice by the school gates. The both of them had plans for the rest of the afternoon: the young girl was going on a playdate with her friend Anthony. Joy had texted her about it a few days prior, and Alice had made sure to remind Yaz about it at least twenty times before she left their house the previous night.

Luckily for them, by some sort of miracle, it was a warm March afternoon. It had been raining for the past few days, but the sun was now shining brightly again. It was the perfect weather to spend some time at the playground.

“Yazzy!” A child’s voice erupted, quickly followed by a little human trying to attach herself to Yaz’s torso.

“Hiya, kiddo,” the nanny replied, Alice resting on her hip. “How was your day?”

“Really, really good,” Alice grinned. “Ian showed us how to write our names.”

The young girl was smiling proudly, and Yaz’s heart melted. There was a sense of fulfillment accompanying every new skill, and every piece of information the girl was acquiring. Alice was proving herself to be a patient and curious child, and hopefully she would remain so for the years to come; it would make her time in school a lot more enjoyable.

“Did he? You’ll have to show me and your mum when we get home,” Yaz smiled warmly.

She put Alice down when, from the corner of her eye, Yaz noticed a boy running towards them.

“Al,” the boy said, trying to catch his breath. “You didn’t forget our playdate, right?”

“Nah,” the young girl giggled. “Where’s your mummy?”

“I’m coming,” a tall redhead shouted, speed walking towards them.

Yaz was under the impression she had met the woman before but couldn’t remember where or when.

“Yaz, right?” Yaz noticed the thick Scottish accent, which sparked a memory in her. “I’m Amy, we’ve met—”

“At the pub! Right, yeah. I remember you,” Yaz smiled. “Nice to see you again.”

“Likewise, Yaz,” Amy smirked. “Shall we?”

All four of them made their way to the park. Alice and Anthony were running in front of the two women. It sounded like they were already in the middle of a story of their own. Meanwhile, Yaz and Amy walked in a comfortable silence.

Once they reached their destination, the kids took over the slide; luckily, the place was virtually empty, meaning they could do as they pleased around the playground. They ran around and screamed happily, bringing a smile to the young nanny’s face. Amy and her took a seat at a bench. They could see the playground perfectly and were close enough to intervene if anything happened.

The younger woman was usually shy, but seeing as she was about to spend the rest of her afternoon with Amy, she thought properly breaking the ice couldn’t hurt.

“So, Amy,” Yaz cleared her throat. “What do you do?”

“I’m a writer,” the redhead smirked. Yaz looked at her with wondering eyes. “Don’t be so surprised!”

Yaz smiled bashfully. “What’s that like? I always felt being a writer must be like traveling to another world every day.”

Deep down, Yaz had always wished she had what it took to be a writer. Throughout her childhood, she created stories to escape her own universe and find comfort someplace else. As she grew older, she realized that her creativity wasn’t as fruitful as she hoped it was. Once she finally accepted the fact she was no Stephen King, she moved onto psychology. In the end, life had guided her in the right path. But once in a while she still caught herself in a daydream and, without fail, she’d wish she had the ability to expand it into thousands of pages. 

Amy laughed loudly. “I wish! It’s mostly sitting in front of a computer screen for hours on end,” she winked. “But, God, I do love it.”

Yaz gave her an understanding smile.

“Anyway,” Amy said. “What’s working for Pixie like?”

Yaz looked back at her, incomprehension printed on her face. “Who?”

The redhead’s eyebrows raised, a smirk appearing on her face. “Joy. Pixie.”

The younger woman’s face lit up. “Pixie?” She guffawed as Amy smiled and nodded. “Why?” Her face contorted with laughter.

“She got a pixie cut in college. It looked amazing on her! The nickname stuck around longer than the cut itself, though,” she explained. “Well, _I_ made sure the nickname stuck around,” Amy smirked.

Yaz giggled. “Pixie,” she muttered, a smile plastered on her face.

“Seriously, though,” Amy turned to her, offering her a kind smile. “What’s it like? She’s not too hard on you, is she?”

“Are you kidding? Can Joy really be hard on someone?” Yaz grinned.

Obviously, working for Joy was incredible. She was everything Yaz looked for in a boss, and more. Maybe what made it so enjoyable was the fact that Joy was actually far from being Yaz’s boss. And she was more than just a friend; she was a whole support system.

Joy was a light in the dark, and a rainbow after the rain. Every single time their eyes met, it felt like coming home…

“ _Shut it, Yaz_ ,” she blocked the thoughts from intruding further. She couldn’t allow her every waking moment to be haunted by those hazel eyes and the warmest smile in the universe.

“I mean,” Amy said. “She could force you to eat her food. Did she ever make you her special mac and cheese? Let me tell you, I’ve had my fair share of it; we were flat mates in college. Torture.”

“I can’t say I’ve tried it yet, no,” Yaz smirked. “She’s getting better, though. We made fresh pasta the other day.”

Amy looked back at her with amazement. “‘We’ as… you _both_ made them?”

“Yeah, with Alice.”

The older woman’s eyes shifted from surprise to tenderness, to Yaz’s dismay. “You’re having a good influence on her, Yaz.”

“You sound like you’re talking about a careless teenager,” the younger woman giggled.

“If you ask me, I’d say that’s a pretty accurate description of Joy.” She looked at Yaz with a mischievous grin.

Two smiley kids came running towards them mere seconds later. They had played together for a while and enjoyed themselves very much, but they were ready to head home. Anthony was getting a little cold, and Alice was eager to see her mother and tell her all about her day.

Before they went their separate ways, Amy placed a hand on Yaz’s shoulder and offered her a genuine smile.

“I had a nice chat with you, Yaz. Say hi to Pixie from me,” Amy grinned.

“I certainly will,” the nanny grinned.

The kids hugged as they waved each other goodbye before heading in opposite directions, Alice grabbing Yaz’s hand.

The young girl was uncharacteristically silent for most of the walk home. Her nanny looked down a few times and noticed how deep in her thoughts she seemed. Yaz knew for a fact she wasn’t this way when she picked her up from school. What had happened? Had Anthony been mean to her?

As if on cue, Alice finally said something. It was reassuring.

“Yazzy, do you remember that story Mummy and you read to me the other day? The one with the princesses?” She asked, swinging their joint hands as they walked.

“ _The other day_ ,” Yaz thought, a smile appearing on her face. In reality, it had been months. Time had no meaning in a child’s mind, especially not for memories they kept close to their heart.

“Of course, I remember, kiddo. Why do you ask?”

“I think you should be my mummy’s princess,” she replied simply.

For a split second, Yaz’s heart stopped beating. She looked down, straight into Alice’s hazel eyes. “ _God, she looks like her mum_.” She looked straight up again, trying to focus on the horizon laid in front of her, her pace quickening slightly. “ _What do I say?_ ”

Yaz had never even considered that Alice would get attached to her to an extent she would wish for her nanny to become something more in her life – and in her mother’s. For anyone else, these words would’ve been a cute thing said by a five-year-old, nothing more. But for Yaz, it added an unbearable weight on her shoulders; the heaviness of what it meant to inevitably disappoint Alice.

Because, in the end, it would happen. The fact Alice had grown attached to Yaz didn’t mean Joy’s heart was leaning in that direction. In the event that the older woman was, in fact, feeling the same way, would they make it work? The statistics were clear: ending up together didn’t mean happily ever after. With two children that were bound to be affected by their mother’s love relationship, Joy needed to think these things through.

Yaz realized that she was getting ahead of herself. She hadn’t even verbalized her thoughts, yet they were overwhelming her.

“Are you excited about going to the cottage in a couple weeks?” Avoiding the subject would have to do, at least for now.

“Yes!” The young girl shouted, enthusiasm taking over her. “Mummy said we could go to the _refigrated_ ice rink.”

“A _refrigerated_ ice rink? That sounds fun,” Yaz smiled. “What else have you got planned for us?”

“I’m not telling,” Alice replied, looking ahead, a little smirk appearing on her face.

“Oh, all right ma’am! I love a good surprise,” she said, unlocking the front door. Yaz noticed that Joy wasn’t home yet, but she would be in an hour at the most. “Alice, do you wanna draw while I get dinner started?”

Alice nodded as she removed her hat and scarf, Yaz quickly coming over to help her with her snowsuit and boots.

Yaz moved over to the kitchen while Alice ran to her room to grab her art supplies. She had made sure the previous day that everything she needed for tonight’s dinner was available. It was finally time for Joy and Alice to try pakora.

The young woman had set up on the kitchen island so she could access everything she needed for her recipe without making too much of a mess – cooking with spices could become a nightmare fairly easily. Yaz was hands deep in pakora batter when Joy got home. Normally, she had a good view of the front door from where she was standing but, when she tried to look up from her task to greet Joy, strands of her hair fell over her eyes. She tried to blow them away, in vain. All she could manage to see was Alice jumping in her mother’s arms. She smiled at the sight – or what she managed to see, really – before getting back to work. 

She heard quiet steps coming in her direction. She raised her head but, once again, her hair was blocking her view. “Hey,” she said, assuming Joy was standing in front of her.

“Hiya,” she heard the older woman giggle. “Do you need help with that?”

Yaz huffed and puffed and, again, she was unsuccessful in her attempt. “Please.”

Even though she couldn’t see, she could feel Joy’s hands come closer and closer to her face and couldn’t help but close her eyes when they finally made contact. Her friend tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, letting her other hand run through her hair, brushing away what was left of it in front of Yaz’s eyes.

Once she knew Joy’s hands were off of her, she dared to open her eyes.

“Thanks,” she smiled bashfully, hoping her hot cheeks would cool off sooner rather than later.

“You looked scared for a second, there. You all right, Yaz?” The older woman cocked her head in worry.

“Oh, yeah,” Yaz replied, nonchalantly. “Wanted to make sure my hair didn’t _actually_ get in my eyes, you know?”

“Right,” Joy smiled. “That’s never fun.”

The older woman removed her coat and hung it by the front door, kissing her daughter’s head on her way back to the kitchen.

“What are you making, then?” Joy asked, her slender fingers scratching her belly, her hand mindlessly resting there.

Yaz remembered that night, in the blanket fort, where she had noticed the slight bulge of Joy’s stomach and panicked. She had grown accustomed to it now that this new reality had sunken in. It was hard for Yaz to fully register the evolution, considering she was in Joy’s company almost daily. But once in a while, she’d get a good look at her and see just how fast things were going along; how quickly this little bundle of cells would evolve into a living, breathing, and loving human being.

“Yaz?” Worried hazel eyes stared deep into her own.

“Sorry,” Yaz said, looking back down at the batter in front of her. “Zoned out.”

“I was just wondering what you were cooking,” Joy repeated

“It’s pakora,” she smiled.

“Oh!” The older woman grinned. “That’s exciting! I love trying new things!”

“I’m glad! I hope you’ll enjoy it,” Yaz said. “Both of you,” she added, looking at Alice, who was still busy drawing and couldn’t care less about their conversation. Both women smiled.

“Do you need help?”

Yaz looked at her with surprise. “ _You_ want to help me _cook_? Are you ill, Joy? Or was Amy actually right about me being a good influence,” Yaz giggled.

“Oi!” She leaned on the kitchen island, facing Yaz. “What else did she say?” Yaz looked up to see Joy’s eyes squinting in her direction.

“Nothing… _Pixie_ ,” Yaz smirked.

Joy looked at her with her mouth wide open, in shock. After a short instant, her lips formed a line, and her brows furrowed slightly.

“I’m going to dropkick her so hard she’s gonna end up in space,” Joy muttered.

“It’s cute, though,” Yaz giggled. “I kinda wanna see what you look like in a pixie cut, now.”

“It was a short-lived experience for a reason, Yaz,” Joy replied seriously. “Tea?” She asked as she filled the kettle.

“Sure, thanks,” Yaz replied as she poured oil in a pan. “She said you looked good, though.”

“I had that haircut around the time she realized she needed glasses,” Joy looked at her and grinned. “I’m pretty sure that, to this day, she has no idea of what I actually looked like, then. Or what I look like now, I reckon.”

Yaz giggled as she dropped her first pakora in the oily pan. She must have made a bad move, because boiling oil splattered on her hand.

“Ow!” Yaz shouted. “Shit,” she muttered, running to the sink.

Alice looked up at the shout, worried that someone had been badly hurt.

“Stay there, sweetheart,” Joy told her daughter. She quickly made her way to the stove and turned off the heat before going over to Yaz. “Let me,” she said, taking Yaz’s hurt hand in hers.

Yaz’s breath hitched at the touch; she couldn’t tell if it was because of the burn or something deeper.

“Happened to me loads of times,” Joy explained as she held their joint hands under the running water for what felt like an eternity.

Yaz stared at Joy’s soft hands, which were now carefully washing the burn.

“Stay here,” Joy said, running to the bathroom. She came back with a soft cloth, a bottle of aloe vera and a first aid kit.

“Mummy, is Yazzy okay?” The young girl said, approaching the scene cautiously.

Yaz turned over to the five-year-old, granting her a warm smile. “I’m fine, kiddo. Just a little mishap.”

“Yaz,” Joy said. “Do you mind sitting at the dining table for a minute? It’s gonna be much easier to do sitting down.”

Yaz made her way there, Joy following her closely. The older woman dropped her things on the table and sat down inches away from Yaz. She took her friend’s hand in hers once more and applied aloe vera gel on the burnt skin.

“Sorry if it stings,” Joy said as she rubbed the product on Yaz’s hand.

“It’s fine,” Yaz said, staring at their hands once more.

It stinged a little, in reality, but Yaz wasn’t going to complain about it. She had already done enough by ruining dinner thanks to her absentmindedness, Joy didn’t need to hear her whine about her burn.

“Sorry,” Yaz mumbled.

Joy looked up, hazel meeting brown once more. “What are you sorry for?”

“Dunno,” Yaz said, her eyes getting watery. “Feels a bit dramatic. Pakora were meant to be fun and new for you guys.”

“Yaz,” Joy said, her hand slowly reaching Yaz’s jaw, her thumb rubbing her friend’s cheek in an unusual but comforting gesture. “Oh, no. Just put a bunch of aloe vera on your face. My bad,” she said, promptly pulling her hand away after removing the gel from Yaz’s face. She opened the first aid kit on the table, taking gauze out of it. “It’s not dramatic, you know?” Joy said as she started bandaging Yaz’s hand. “These things happen all the time. No need to be sorry.” 

Their eyes met, and Yaz could see Joy’s words were genuine. They smiled at each other.

“Plus,” Joy added as she finished up the bandage. “It’s still gonna be fun and new. Pixie is gonna help you out, Yazzy,” she winked.

Yaz guffawed.

“See! I told you it were gonna be fun,” Joy grinned. “Right, you’re all set. What can I do to help?”

“Are you sure about this?”

Yaz was worried for Joy; she wasn’t exactly the most comfortable person in the kitchen. What if something worse happened?

“’Course I am, Yaz! Come on, let’s get a shift on. I’m hungry,” she grinned, strutting to the kitchen.

***

In the end, they managed to make dinner without further incidents. To Yaz’s surprise, Joy had actually done a pretty good job. Their pakora was perfect.

“Good job, Pixie,” Yaz grinned before taking another bite.

“Thank you, Yazzy,” Joy bowed her head solemnly. “I’m not the best cook, but maybe I’m a decent cook’s assistant.”

“More than decent, I reckon!” 

“It’s really, really, really good,” Alice said, her plate already empty. “Can I have some more, please?”

“Sure, sweetheart,” Joy said as she reached for her daughter’s plate, Yaz mirroring her movement.

“I’ll go, you stay put,” Yaz smiled.

“Yaz, you’re hurt!”

The younger woman didn’t care. Hurt or not, she was going to help around as much as she could. She wasn’t in that much pain, and Joy had already done much more than Yaz expected of her. She took Alice’s plate quickly, pulling it away from Joy’s grasp.

“And you’re pregnant,” Yaz said, pulling a face at her friend as she walked back to the kitchen with Alice’s plate.

“It doesn’t mean I can’t walk, Yaz,” the older woman shouted, a smile on her face.

“May I remind you my hand got burned, not my foot,” Yaz said, waving her bandaged hand, a satisfied grin plastered on her face.

Their eyes met, and Joy rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. Yaz giggled as busied herself filling Alice’s plate once more. “Is this enough, sweetheart?” She asked, walking over and showing the child the content of the plate.

“Perfect,” she grinned. “Thank you, _Mumzy_!”

Yaz stopped dead in her tracks, almost losing balance. The word, so dangerously close to another, more meaningful one, sent her mind reeling. She could feel Joy’s eyes on her, like a little tingle on her neck. “W—”

“You look funny, Yazzy,” Alice said. “Is your hand hurting again?”

She felt like a deer caught in headlights. It was definitely a slip of the tongue – what else could it be? – but she couldn’t help but think back to what Alice had told her earlier. “ _I think you should be my mummy’s princess_ ,” she remembered. Alice had seen right through her, or so it seemed. What about Joy?

“No, my hand is fine, kiddo,” she said, running her unburnt hand through her hair. “Would you like some more as well, Joy?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you,” Joy replied.

She looked just as disoriented as Yaz; her gaze was unfocused, as if she was at the boundary of her physical presence and her own thoughts. Her eyes seemed to show the entirety of her timeline, even moments that had yet to come into fruition.

The two women remained silent while Alice told her mother all about her day. Once her plate was empty again, the girl rummaged through the drawings she had done while they made dinner. She found the ones she was looking for; one for her mother, and one for Yaz, both of them with ‘Alice Smith’ clearly written down in the bottom right corner. The awkwardness hanging in the air dissipated instantly.

“You can write your _full name_ ,” Joy exclaimed, pride bursting through her every pore. “Come here,” she hugged her daughter tightly. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Mummy. I’m proud of me, too.”

“As you should be,” Yaz smiled.

Alice broke off from her mother’s embrace and padded in Yaz’s direction, stopping a few metres away from her nanny. Hope and worry flashed in her eyes, taking the younger woman by surprise.

“Are you proud of me, too?” The young girl asked.

The question took Yaz’s breath away; she had to take a few deep breaths to control the tears that were threatening to fall down. Her glance went to Joy, who smiled warmly in her direction, and back on Alice again. She got up from her seat and made her way to the child, crouching in front of her.

“Of course, I am,” she smiled, tucking a blond lock of hair behind Alice’s ear.

The young girl’s eyes filled with pride and wonder, as if she was mesmerized by the woman facing her.

Yaz wrapped her in her arms and whispered in her ears. “Don’t you ever doubt it, kiddo. I’ll always be proud of you.”

She heard a sniffle and looked up to see Joy wiping her damp cheeks. When their eyes met again, Joy’s gaze was warm on her, like an embrace of its own.

“Sap,” Yaz mouthed, grinning.

Joy gave her a fake offended look, pointing at her bump. Yaz giggled, the older woman joining her, her nose scrunching in the most adorable way.

“Your mum got all emotional because we’re hugging,” Yaz whispered so low that Joy couldn’t hear. “Maybe we should tackle her. Give her some lo— appreciation, yeah?”

“What are you two saying?” Joy asked as she leaned forward, trying to focus on their voices.

“Yeah!” Alice shouted, running towards her mother and jumping on her lap, hugging her fiercely.

Yaz followed her, hugging her friend from behind. “Look at that, we’re hugging the sap away,” she smiled.

“Oi! I couldn’t help it, you were adorable.” Joy looked over in Yaz’s direction, their noses almost colliding. “Whew! No broken noses today,” she giggled.

Yaz moved her face slightly to the left, just enough to avoid their faces from touching, or to make sure Joy’s perfume wouldn’t affect her senses any more than necessary.

“I don’t know _how_ or _why_ we end up almost breaking each other’s nose on a weekly basis, but it’s becoming a real problem,” Yaz smiled.

“Right?” Joy giggled. Her laughter faded away and she sighed happily. “Thank you, Yaz,” she whispered.

“Why?”

“For being the best role model I could’ve hoped for for my daughter,” she said. “And this one, too,” she added, her hand resting on her bump.

Yaz looked at her, tears filling her eyes. “You’re gonna make me cry, mate.”

Joy grinned. “Now who’s the sap, huh?”

Yaz looked at her in shock, prompting Joy’s guffaws.

***

“Why do you wanna start packing now, Alice?” Joy sighed, sitting on the edge of her daughter’s bed. “We still have a whole week and a half to go through before we leave.”

“Because I’m _ecited_ about it!” She said, taking out a pair of pyjama trousers from a drawer. “This?”

“If you intend on getting some sleep, PJs are definitely a solid plan,” Yaz smiled. “Don’t forget the shirt, though.”

Alice frowned, searching her room for the missing pyjama top.

Yaz joined her friend at the edge of the bed, where they both looked at the child running around her room, making a mess of her cupboards. It brought a smile to the nanny’s face.

“You don’t have to stay,” Joy whispered.

“Nah, it’s fine. She’s hyping me up about it,” she smiled. “Unless you want me to leave?”

Joy’s eyes widened at Yaz’s suggestion. “No, no,” she replied a little too quickly. “I just meant that, if you want to go home and rest, or work, or, I don’t know,” she rambled. “My thoughts aren’t making sense, sorry,” she smiled sheepishly.

“You’re fine,” Yaz said, gently nudging at her. 

“Should I bring this?”

The two women turned their heads to Alice, who was holding her Kung Fu Panda costume.

“Yes,” Joy said.

“No,” Yaz said.

Both women looked at each other. “What?” They both shouted in sync.

“What if we watch Kung Fu Panda?” Joy whined. “It’s not the same without the costume.”

“Have you seen the size of the head? We’re gonna need an extra bag just for it,” Yaz laughed.

Joy glanced to the ceiling, her pout channeling one of a child. “She’d wear it on the way there for sure,” she muttered.

Yaz looked at her in amazement. “You’re serious!”

“Stay here,” Joy said, running out the door.

Yaz shook her head in bewilderment. “Do you really want to wear that at the cottage, kiddo?”

Instead of replying, Alice put the panda head on and nodded. Yaz held her face in her hands, her giggles making her shoulders shake violently. When she heard a muted cheer, she looked up – only to see Joy was back in the room, wearing her very own Kung Fu Panda costume in its full glory.

The two of them started dancing and jumping around, the small available space being no bother to them.

Yaz guffawed at the sight; she laughed so hard she couldn’t catch her breath. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she threw herself on the bed, holding her stomach as she kept laughing, tears streaming down her face.

Mother and daughter removed their panda heads and high fived, both proud of their achievement.

“Shall we bring them, Yazzy?” Joy smirked.

“Please do!” Yaz shouted as she laughed. “I think I’m gonna go buy myself one,” she muttered, wiping her laughter-induced tears away. 

Joy and Alice discarded their accessories on the ground and threw themselves on the bed with Yaz. If their holiday together was anything remotely close to this, it was going to be incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know why Amy and Rory's kid is called Anthony? 😌
> 
> Also... MUMZY??? ALICE, SWEETIE! 
> 
> Fun fact, when I realized I didn't write a Halloween chapter (shame on me, I know!), I was sad I couldn't include the infamous Kung Fu Panda costume so... that bit at the end happened :) I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR!!!! Can I just switch life with Yaz? Why isn't Joy a real person? UGHHHHH 
> 
> Thanks Annabelle (and the whole TCC, really) for beta reading! I love that I can send huge paragraphs from the fic in the chat and you guys make sure I don't humiliate myself with my late-night rewrites xx Big thanks to Annabelle for the nickname idea; PIXIE FTW 
> 
> P.S.: "I’m going to dropkick her so hard she’s gonna end up in space" is my favourite thing I wrote, like, ever.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COTTAAAAAGE!! COTTAGE COTTAGE COTTAGE!!!!!!!
> 
> I split their week-long holiday on two chapters; this one and the next. One today, one Sunday! YAYYYY!!! I don't think I'll be able to post twice a week for a while after that, I'm falling behind a bit on the writing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one!! :D

The ride to the cottage had been fairly uneventful. Yaz had never had the occasion to go so far up north, so she took in the view as Joy drove them to the Lake District. Once in a while, she’d take a glance in the backseat to have a look at Alice, who was fast asleep, her head resting on her mother’s Kung Fu Panda head.

“ _At least she isn’t wearing it_ ,” Yaz thought, a smile on her face.

Joy parked her car in front of an old stone cottage; it looked like it was straight out of a fairytale. Yaz stared for a moment, in awe of her home for the holiday.

“It’s pretty ace, right?” Joy smirked.

Yaz looked at her friend. “It’s not just ace, Joy. It’s beautiful.”

The older woman sighed happily. “Yeah.”

Joy turned around to watch Alice, who was still sleeping in the backseat.

“Wakey, wakey, sweetheart,” Joy whispered, stroking Alice’s leg softly. “We’re here.”

After a short moment, the girl stirred awake and smiled at the two women sitting at the front of the car.

With Alice’s help, they unloaded the trunk of the car. They left early enough that they had most of the day to look forward to, which wasn’t lost on Yaz. She intended on making the most of her time at the cottage, whether by visiting its surroundings or simply by enjoying the view with a cup of tea.

The young woman was instantly charmed when she stepped inside the cottage. The decoration was warm and inviting, the rural atmosphere lending itself well to the place and transporting Yaz to another universe, or so it seemed.

The family house was a lot more spacious than she expected, too. There were three rooms upstairs, where they dropped their bags, before going back to the open area that was the ground floor. Yaz noticed a magnificent handmade woodwork dining table looking out a bay window with a view of the lake.

“My great-great-grandfather made it,” Joy explained.

“It’s beautiful,” Yaz sighed happily. “This whole place is beautiful.” She looked around the room and marveled at every little detail that caught her gaze.

“Mummy,” Alice interjected. “Can we go see the duckies by the lake?” 

Joy giggled. Her daughter’s nose was pressed on the bay window as she looked at the birds outside. The older woman went to the kitchen and quickly came back with a small bag of bird food. Alice turned around and squealed, knowing this was her mother’s way to approve.

“Don’t scream outside, though,” Yaz noted. “Wouldn’t want to scare the ducks away, would we?”

“Right,” the child whispered. “I’ll be extra quiet.”

They spent the rest of their morning feeding Alice’s _duckies_ , Joy managing to snap a few photographs of her daughter with them. Yaz, to her greatest pleasure, was able to take a picture _and_ a video of Joy running away from the biggest duck of the group, who appeared to be a lot more interested in the custard creams in her coat pocket.

“Yaz! Stop laughing and help me!” She shouted, running around the backyard.

Yaz was giggling, busy filming the scene. “Wait!”

“I’m not letting them have my biscuits, Yaz! I brought them perfectly good food,” Joy whined. “No!” She tried disciplining the duck, to no avail.

Yaz walked in her friend’s direction, shooing the bird away. When it didn’t move, she tried running towards it. Finally, it decided to run back to its family.

“That took you long enough,” Joy groaned.

“You’ll thank me when you see the video,” the younger woman grinned.

“Oi!”

***

Yaz wanted to see more of the area and, with the weather being nice and warm, she mentioned to Joy that she’d leave for a few hours in the afternoon to go for a hike. 

“We’ll come with you,” Joy suggested, grinning. “Love a hike, me.”

“You sure? If you want to get some rest, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re talking to an ex-backpacker, a world traveler, and a nature enthusiast. I am not going to pass a hike offer,” she grinned, but it faltered quickly. “Wait. Unless you _don’t_ want us to come with you? It’s fine if you wanna be alone, really.”

Yaz cocked her head and smiled softly. She loved how thoughtful Joy was. “Of course, I want you guys to come with me. Just don’t want you to get exhausted, is all.”

Joy rolled her eyes and sighed deeply; a sight Yaz had seen plenty of times in the past month. The slightest mention of her worrying about Joy’s wellbeing was always met with that same expression. Deep down, though, Yaz knew Joy was grateful for it. She just didn’t like showing it.

“I’m pregnant, I’m—”

“Not gonna break,” Yaz finished her sentence, smiling. “I know.”

The older woman looked carefully at her friend, staying silent for a little while. “Were you always such a worrier and I’ve never noticed?”

She was, and Yaz knew that for a fact. But she had never been so vocal about her worries before, especially when it concerned someone else. She tended to worry from a distance, trying to prevent harm without anyone noticing. With Joy and Alice – but especially with Joy _now_ – things had taken a new, unforeseen turn.

“I guess so,” Yaz replied simply.

Joy scratched her bump, a reflective glance on Yaz, and shrugged before leaving the room to get lunch ready.

“Sandwiches okay, guys?”

Yaz nodded, and Alice screamed “Yeah!” from the sitting room.

Even though she wasn’t there to look after her, Yaz had the urge to go see if Alice was doing okay. She padded to the couch where the young girl was sitting and took a seat next to her. The young girl turned to her and smiled brightly.

“Hi, Yazzy.”

“Hey, kiddo. What are you up to?”

“Just thinking.”

It took the young woman by surprise. “Thinking? About what?”

“Many things,” she mused. “I wanted to build a snowman, but the snow is all gone.”

“Yeah,” Yaz said, looking out the window. “That’s a bit of a bummer, innit?”

“Yeah,” the child sighed.

“But you know what we’re gonna do later?” Yaz nudged at Alice, trying to bring her bright smile back on her face. “We’re going hiking!”

“What’s _yiking_?” Alice looked at her, her curiosity taking over her.

“ _Hiking_ , not _yiking_!” Yaz smiled. “ _Yiking_ sounds much funnier, though.” The young girl giggled and nodded. “It’s like going for a long walk in the woods or climbing a mountain.”

“Like… Really, really, really big mountains?” Alice stretched her arms, gesturing the impossibly gigantic peak she pictured in her mind.

“No, not that big! Whew! Wouldn’t be able to climb such a big mountain,” Yaz giggled.

“Me neither,” Alice smiled. “Can we go now?”

“We have to eat, first. If not, we’re all going to faint and tumble down the mountain,” she said, making an exaggerated shocked face.

“That would be bad.”

“Very.”

Alice criss crossed her legs and faced Yaz, who leaned on the couch, facing the girl as well.

“Yazzy.”

“Alice.”

“I love you, very, very much. Bigger than a big mountain.”

Yaz bit her bottom lip, hoping it would help her to keep it cool.

“Bigger than a big mountain, really?”

The young girl nodded fiercely.

“That’s a lot of love. But you know what?”

The girl’s eyes sparkled with happiness and expectations. “What?” 

“I love you too. I love you bigger than…”

Her finger was on her chin and her eyes were squinted. Her thinking process was making Alice laugh very, very loudly.

“Bigger than what?”

“Bigger than your laugh when I tickle you,” Yaz said before her slender fingers tickled the girl, bringing out squeals and screams. 

“Mummy! Help!” The girl giggled. “Tickle Yazzy!”

Yaz kept going. They had a safe word for tickling sessions: ‘stop.’ The fact Alice hadn’t used it meant she was comfortable. It also probably meant that she was looking forward for her mother to come and save her. Sweet vengeance.

The young woman was unaware that Joy had actually answered to her daughter’s call. She stood behind Yaz, towering over her. When Alice’s laugh turned into an almost diabolical one, Yaz turned around, but it was already too late – she was already Joy’s victim.

“No! Why?” Yaz giggled as she ended up lying on the couch, both Alice and Joy over her. “I’m begging! Mercy!”

“Nuh-uh,” Alice smiled. “No _messy_ for you.”

“You just told me you love me!” Yaz shouted through her own laughter.

Joy guffawed. “Ooh! How the tables have turned!”

Yaz locked eyes with Joy, who was clearly finding some sort of satisfaction in seeing Yaz like this – vulnerable, at their mercy, and unable to stop laughing.

After a few minutes, Joy was the one to put an end to Yaz’s suffering.

“All right, stop!” She laughed. “Lunch is ready. Unless you’d rather skip the hike for some more tickling, Yaz?”

The younger woman sighed in relief when she was finally released from Alice’s grasp. “No, no. Hiking is fine. Please?”

***

Joy, Alice and Yaz had managed to climb up the smallest peak of the area within a few hours, taking a few breaks once in a while to take in the view or watch wild animals.

At one point, Alice had almost stepped on a salamander. After her initial worry about hurting it, she calmed down enough to take it out of harm’s way. She pushed the small animal on a leaf – “He can snack on it later,” she claimed – and transported it on the side of the tracks.

Once they reached the summit, it was almost dinner time. Luckily, Joy being herself, she had plenty of snacks in her backpack. Alice sat on the ground, looking around as she enjoyed her apple slices.

Joy was standing next to Yaz, searching her bag for more food. “So, I’ve got custard creams – obviously. Got granola bars, a few apples, and–,” she stopped herself mid-sentence, frowning. “Why do I have a whole pack of noodles?” She took the item out of her bag and looked at it for a little while.

“Interesting cravings, Joy,” Yaz smirked.

“Oi! I’ll have you know I barely have cravings.”

“That’s because your not-pregnant self actually eats uncooked fresh pasta, mate. Doesn’t get weirder than that.”

Joy looked puzzled for a moment, until she remembered the incident. “Oh, yeah. I do have weird eating habits, don’t I?”

Yaz’s eyebrows raised in approval.

“Right,” Joy smiled shyly before throwing back the noodles in her bag. “I’m guessing granola bar for you?”

“You know me so well,” Yaz giggled, catching the snack mid-air. She munched on it as she walked around the summit, fully embracing the scenery.

From where she stood, the young woman could see a couple of lakes flowing in the distance. The sun was setting, slowly painting the sky in a thousand shades of oranges, purples and blues. If only they had planned a meal, she would’ve offered them to stay there until the sun was completely out, so they could look at the stars above them together.

She turned around and, just as she did, Joy turned to her. It felt like the sun had decided to use all of its remaining energy to follow the older woman, lighting her up. Somehow, it felt like the sun was _on_ her as well as _within_ her. A tender smile appeared on Joy’s lips when their eyes met. Yaz, looked down, a sheepish smile across her face. She was suddenly intimidated by her friend’s beauty.

“ _Great, the week is only starting_ ,” she thought.

Alice jumped to her feet and padded in Yaz’s direction to have a look at the view.

“Everything looks tiny,” the young girl said.

“It’s because we’re so high up,” Yaz explained. “Do you wanna have a better view?”

“Yeah,” Alice smiled brightly in her direction.

Swiftly, Yaz lifted her up on her shoulders, where the young girl had an incredible view of the area.

“Wow!”

Unbeknownst to the both of them, Joy snapped a picture; Yaz was pointing at something in the distance, and both of Alice’s arms were up in the air, as if she was celebrating her ascension to become the new queen of the hill.

***

The three of them were absolutely exhausted when they got back to the cottage, neither Joy nor Yaz feeling like cooking. What better way to celebrate their first night at the cottage than to have campfire hot dogs, anyway?

“S’mores!” Joy exclaimed. “We can make ‘em for dessert.”

“What’s _smorzes_?” Alice looked at her mother as she blew on her – very hot – hot dog.

Yaz stared at her friend, dumbfounded by what she had just heard.

“Joy, your daughter – _your daughter_ ,” she insisted on the words, “never had s’mores?”

The older woman sighed. “The opportunity never came up.”

“What is a _smorzes_?” Alice’s voice raised, a reminder that she had yet to know what the two adults around the campfire were talking about.

Joy took a bite of her hot dog, proceeding to burn her tongue, her hands flapping around as she tried to explain through the pain. Yaz hid her giggle, staring at her struggling friend. When she eventually managed to swallow her burning mouthful, she gave her daughter the long-awaited explanation she deserved.

“Sweetheart, a s’more is a roasted marshmallow and a piece of chocolate, all squished into two graham crackers,” she grinned at the young girl, whose eyes were lit up, hot dog forgotten. “It’s not just a delicacy, it’s a lifestyle, it’s—”

“Bit much, innit?” Yaz smiled.

“Is it, though?”

Like mother, like daughter, as they say. Alice ate her hot dog quickly, waiting expectantly for her mother and nanny to finish up so they could move on to the best part of the evening – or the day, even – dessert.

“Hurry,” the young girl whispered, eyeing the bag of marshmallows.

Joy and Yaz shared a knowing glance. Quickly enough, the two of them were helping Alice out with her very first s’more.

“Okay, that’s perfect,” Yaz commented on Alice’s marshmallow roasting technique. “You don’t want it to burn, just want it to get a little golden.”

Alice padded away from the fire, holding her tree branch at arms’ length. She approached the sweet from her mother.

“Come closer,” Joy smiled. Alice walked in her mother’s direction, still holding the branch as further of herself as she could. “Wait, don’t poke me with it! Alice!”

And there they were, recreating the scene with the duck from that morning. Except, this time, Joy was running away from her daughter’s marshmallow.

“Alice,” Yaz giggled. “It won’t be as good if the marshmallow cools off.”

Joy turned to her, offended. “Are you implying her s’more is more important than her not poking me?”

Yaz looked away, smirking to herself.

“Yaz is right, though.” Joy looked at her daughter and took the marshmallow from the branch, eating it in one gulp. “We’ll roast you a new one, it’s gonna be much better,” she grinned.

“I’m sorry I tried to poke you,” Alice said, head hanging low.

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Joy smiled. She sat back on her seat, inviting her daughter on her lap. “I know it was all in good fun. We just need to be cautious, don’t we? Plus, your first s’more needs to be perfect. Can’t have you eat a cold marshmallow. Bleh.”

Alice smiled, kissing her mother’s cheek. “I love you, Mummy.” While they cuddled, Joy busied herself, roasting another marshmallow for the five-year-old.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” she kissed her daughter’s temple.

An hour later and many, many s’mores consumed by the three of them, Alice was dozing off on her mother’s lap. The older woman was stroking her hair gently, kissing the top of her head once in a while as she gazed at the stars.

Yaz’s glance shot up to the sky as well. She found comfort in the infinity of things, and in knowing they were only small details of nothingness in the grand scheme of the universe. Yet, there they were. And, for the young woman, the fact that their presence made little difference to the stars above was of no importance to her, because she knew that these two – these three, really – were all that really mattered to her. Maybe infinity was right here, right now, in the little things they did that made life worthwhile.

“Can I ask you something?” Yaz asked, taking her eyes off the stars.

“Sure,” Joy turned to her friend, a soft smile on her face.

“How did you end up with a cottage like this?”

“It’s been in our family for years,” the older woman explained, her chin resting on her daughter’s head. “Got passed down to John and I from our parents when they passed away.”

Yaz looked down, a little ashamed she’d brought it up. “I’m sorry.”

“S’fine, Yaz,” Joy smiled, reaching for her friend’s hand and squeezing it. “It’s sad, but it makes life what it is, you know?”

“Yeah. Losing people is part of what makes each moment with them so special.”

Joy looked at Yaz with wonderment in her eyes. She almost seemed surprised.

By the time their campfire faded to nothingness, Alice stirred awake, cutting their conversation short.

“There you are, sleepy head,” Joy whispered. “I’m gonna take you to bed, yeah?”

“Can Yazzy come with us?”

The older woman looked to her friend; her warm, inviting smile made it impossible for Yaz to refuse. Not that she would have, of course.

Nodding, Yaz got up from her chair and offered Joy to carry Alice inside. Now almost 17 weeks pregnant, Joy’s back was already starting to get quite painful at times, especially at the end of a long day like the one they had. It was manageable, but the younger woman tried to help as much as she could. Alice was small but could definitely be a dead weight when she was sleeping, so Yaz knew the mom-to-be would be grateful for the help. It also meant Joy was the one to bring back the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate inside – much to her taste buds’ pleasure.

***

In the blink of an eye, it was Friday, which also happened to be Joy’s birthday. Yaz hadn’t forgotten about it, it was quite the opposite, actually. She approached the situation much like she had with Alice’s birthday; instead of getting Joy a material gift, she opted for something much more meaningful: a mouthwatering breakfast and, for dinner, a good meal and an even better dessert. She had prepared them in advance, before leaving for the cottage, and hid everything in the refrigerator. All she needed to do was to cook them. And Joy being, well, Joy, she had barely noticed Yaz’s gift was hiding in plain sight.

Yaz was up earlier than she had planned but was met with a sight she had not expected: it had snowed during the night. _A lot_. A small smile appeared on her face, her thoughts going to Alice; the young girl would definitely be ecstatic about it.

Yaz made her way downstairs. The cottage was silent, peaceful. She sat at the massive dining table, taking a seat facing the bay window; the young woman wanted to remember every single detail of the landscape, the snow making it somehow even more magical.

Yaz heard tiny feet run down the stairs, followed by a gasp.

“It snowed?” Alice asked, running to the bay window.

“Yeah, kiddo! Are you happy?”

The young girl turned to her nanny, a wide smile on her face. “We can build a snowman!”

Yaz giggled. Alice, whose excitement wasn’t matching the fact she had just woken up, ran to Yaz, jumping on her lap. She hugged her nanny tightly and, by doing so, transferred some of her excitement to the young woman. Yaz kissed the top of her head, touched by the early morning wave of affection coming her way.

“I love you, Mummy.”

Yaz looked up, searching for Joy in the room. The woman was nowhere to be seen, which was both reassuring and worrying, somehow. This wasn’t only a slip of the tongue; it was the entirety of a title Yaz wasn’t worthy of.

“Alice?” Yaz said softly.

The young girl looked up, her bright smile fading away as soon as her eyes fell on the woman.

“I know you didn’t mean it, but you called me Mummy. I’m—”

“You’re Yazzy.” Alice’s eyes filled with tears. “I know you’re not Mummy. I don’t know why my mouth said Mummy instead of Yazzy.”

“Sweetheart,” Yaz whispered, stroking the girl’s hair. “It’s okay. It happens to all of us. My friend Ryan called our teacher Mum, once. And the teacher was a man about twice my size _now_ , can you imagine?” She gave the girl an understanding smile, hoping it would stop the tears from falling down.

It seemed to work, for Alice quickly asked for Yaz’s help with breakfast, unshed tears slowly drying off. Yaz had planned to make crepes for the little family, knowing it would please both Joy and Alice – and herself, if she was being honest.

“I love crepes.” Alice’s usual grin was back.

As she prepared the first few crepes, the young woman stole a few glances in the girl’s direction. The fact she wrongfully called her ‘Mummy’ didn’t hurt as much as the fact that Yaz actually wished she didn’t need to correct her about it.

And that thought was somehow both the sweetest and scariest thing that had ever crossed her mind. It seemed that both her mind and heart were going through mixed feelings, antitheses of emotions battling inside and out.

Alice was sitting at the table, her feet dangling from her seat as she waited for her second crepe, when her mother finally made her way downstairs. Her hair was disheveled, and she somehow looked prettier than ever. She rubbed the last of her sleep from her eyes before putting on her glasses, just in time to take a good look at the view outside the window.

“It _snowed_?” She shouted, in shock.

Yaz giggled at the contrast between Joy’s reaction and her daughter’s.

“Yeah!” Alice squealed.

“Oh my God,” the older woman muttered, padding to the kitchen. She passed Yaz, who was handing Alice her second serving. “Ah! Thought it smelled like crepes in here,” Joy grinned, approaching her face from the stove, another crepe on the way.

The younger woman giggled, pushing her friend away to flip the crepe. “You go sit down, I’ll be right here with your breakfast, birthday girl.”

Alice gasped at the words. “Happy birthday, Mummy!” The girl ran to her mother, giving her a sweet, sticky kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” She took her daughter’s hand, guiding her back to the table.

“How old are you, Mummy?”

“Very,” Joy deadpanned. “Just kidding, sweetheart. I’m 32.”

“Yeah. Very old,” Alice whispered.

“Oi! I heard that, young lady!”

Mother and daughter shared a look, both giggling and sharing that same nose scrunch of theirs. Quickly enough, Yaz met them with crepes for both herself and Joy, much to the latter’s delight.

“Happy birthday,” Yaz smiled, setting the plate in front of her friend.

“I know it’s not the first time I say this, Yaz, but you’re an absolute godsend. Thank you!” She sniffed the content of her plate very audibly, prompting her daughter’s laughter.

“You’re funny, Mummy.”

“Am I? I’m only appreciating the perfect dose of sugar laying in front of me. Oh, wait,” she said, adding a very generous amount of maple syrup on her crepe. “ _This_ is the perfect dose of sugar.”

Alice giggled and Yaz rolled her eyes affectionately.

***

Yaz had brought her laptop and some books, hoping to get some work done on her dissertation. It felt like the perfect day to do so; Alice had insisted on going outside to play in the snow and Joy, though her reaction had been a little apprehensive, was more than happy to get some fresh air and play with her daughter. And so, all alone in the cottage, Yaz decided to get to work.

She made the mistake of taking a seat facing the window. She could see the two of them running around, making angels in the snow. Her eyes kept falling on Joy and her rosy cheeks.

“Fuck it,” Yaz muttered, throwing all her work in her bag.

She quickly put her coat and boots on, and ran outside. The sound of the door slamming shut got Alice to squeal, eliciting a grin from Joy.

“Done already?” Joy wondered, adjusting her hat over her ears.

“I was getting jealous of you guys. Plus, it’s a holiday, innit?”

The three of them ended up spending the whole afternoon outside, making snowmen and snow forts. Things quickly took a war-like turn when Joy decided to throw a snowball in Yaz’s direction, both women trying to recruit Alice in their ranks.

To Yaz’s dismay, the child decided to fight for the woman of the hour, who also happened to use her condition as a persuasion tool.

“Alice, I need your help. It’s harder for me to run around because of the baby,” she said, a devilish grin in Yaz’s direction.

“Oi! You keep saying you’re not gonna break!”

“Alice, please?”

Yaz had been defeated on multiple occasions by the mother and daughter duo, the remains of her fort used as ammunition in their final battle. They had played outside for hours, but now Yaz could barely feel her toes.

“Okay, you win!” She stood up, arms in the air. “I’m cold.”

Once they reached the warmth of the cottage, the three of them bundled up on the sofa, the scent of burning hot chocolate filling up the air. They watched Tarzan, one of the few Disney movies Alice had yet to see, and one she had put on her planning list for the cottage. It also happened to be one of Joy’s favourite animated movies, and she was more than happy to watch it on her birthday.

“That’s a very little baby,” Alice commented when Tarzan first was on screen.

“It is,” Joy smiled warmly.

“Like the one in here, Mummy?” She poked at Joy’s bump softly.

The older woman brought her daughter a little closer to her side, taking her small hand in hers.

“This baby is a little smaller, though. See my hand?” Joy opened her hand, her palm on Alice’s. “The baby is roughly that size, apparently.”

Alice took hold of her mother’s hand with both of hers, bringing it closer to her face. 

“Tarzan is much bigger than that,” she said matter-of-factly, inducing her mother’s and nanny’s laughter.

The film was almost over when Yaz abandoned them to get dinner ready. She had decided to make pakora again; it was a safe bet for both Joy and Alice, who adored the dish when they first tried it. For dessert, she had prepared chocolate fondant batter, which she only had to pop in the oven for a few minutes.

***

Dinner had been a success. For one, Yaz had managed not to burn herself again. But she was especially proud of herself for actually managing to get Joy to fall completely silent at the taste of her chocolate fondant. She knew Joy loved sugar, but she was pleased to learn there was a god-tier level of appreciation that involved her friend’s speechlessness, and that few had managed to reach it.

“Yaz, I don’t think you understand,” Joy said, hours later, after they put Alice to bed. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“There’s enough batter for a couple more, you know.”

“Why are you only telling me this _now_?” The older woman stared at her friend, her right hand rubbing her belly. “I think the baby would like one, too.”

Yaz guffawed. “You don’t need to use the baby excuse on me, mate. If you want one, I’m making myself another one as well.”

“Please!” Joy grinned, nose scrunching in delight.

With their fondants in hand, the two of them sat in front of the television, watching some random program they really couldn’t be bothered about. It had been another exhausting day, and it was nice to wind down a little. It was nice to enjoy each other’s company, too.

“Yaz?”

The younger woman’s mouth was full of the chocolate delicacy. If she even attempted to say a word, she would look impolite at best. “Hmm?”

“Finish your bite,” Joy laughed. “I can wait.”

Yaz smiled, trying to chew and swallow quickly. “Okay, done.”

“Maybe this is gonna sound weird, I don’t know…”

Yaz looked at her, her mind going a hundred miles per hour. What did she want to say?

“I was wondering if you could come with me to my next ultrasound?”

Yaz stared at her, blinking once, twice. That was definitely not what she was expecting to hear at all.

Joy groaned, disapproving of herself. “It _is_ weird, innit?”

“No, no,” Yaz comforted, finally coming back to her senses. “Not weird. Unexpected.”

“Yeah,” Joy giggled shyly. “It’s my second routine scan. It’s the one where you find out the sex, but also the one you find out if there are any… problems,” she looked down, her frown line getting deeper. “I’m nervous about it.”

Yaz looked at Joy closely. She was fidgety and biting her bottom lip so fiercely it looked like it was about to draw blood.

“Hey,” Yaz said, taking her friend’s hands in hers. “Of course, I’ll come. Just let me know when and where.”

Joy looked up, her worries pushed away momentarily by a grateful smile. “Thank you, Yaz. It’s one of those things I didn’t really think through long enough before getting myself inseminated.”

It took a moment for Yaz to comprehend the extent of what Joy had said but, when she did, it felt the world had fallen back on its axis. If Joy had no one to go to the ultrasound with, if that was something she hadn’t really taken the time to consider…

“ _She’s having this baby alone. Again_ ,” Yaz thought.

A phone rang, surprising both women.

“It’s Rose,” Joy said, looking at her phone.

“Take it.”

The older woman put her empty fondant plate on the coffee table before accepting the call.

 _“Hiya, Rose!_ ” She greeted her friend on the other end of the line. “ _You are? All right, the twins’ beds are ready in the kids’ room and— oh, crap. Wait._ ”

She put the phone away before turning to Yaz. “Huh, I know I knew my brother and Rose were coming with the kids, but I kind of forgot to consider the fact they need a bed.”

Yaz guffawed. That was such an incredibly Joy thing to do.

“That’s all right! I can take the couch for a few days.”

“Yaz, I’m not letting you do that to your poor back.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re thinking of sleeping on the couch,” Yaz sighed.

“Absolutely not!” Joy looked at her with wide eyes. “Oh, no. I’m about to forget Rose.”

She put the phone back on her ear, hoping her friend and sister-in-law hadn’t hung up.

“ _Huh, Rose?_ ” Her eyes lit up when she heard her friend’s voice. “ _It’s fine, we’ll figure something out. Worst case scenario, I’m gonna be in Alice’s bed for a few nights. See ya!_ ”

The younger woman looked at her friend, shaking her head in despair. “I’m not letting you sleep in Alice’s tiny bed, you crazy woman. We can just share, you know?”

The words came out of her mouth before her brain even registered the idea.

“Brilliant plan,” Joy grinned. “Maybe I should move around my stuff now, though. They were just leaving London, so they’ll get here pretty late.”

Yaz nodded, dumbfounded. “Right, yeah. Need help?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine!” She got up the couch, stretching her arms. “Think I’ll get myself to bed sooner rather than later, if you don’t mind. All that food is making me sleepy.”

“Same,” Yaz smiled, taking their plates to the sink. “You go ahead and get ready. I’ll be right up.”

“Sleepover at Yaz’s! Well, not really at Yaz’s,” Joy muttered as she made her way up the stairs, making Yaz smile softly.

***

The two women were side by side in the double bed, Joy reading a book and Yaz scrolling mindlessly on her phone. Once in a while, Yaz would glance in the other woman’s direction and watch her facial reactions to what she was reading. They were always intense, and very telling of her emotions.

At times, Yaz’s stare would go a little lower, following Joy’s hand on her bump. She was rubbing it softly, as if she was trying to soothe the baby.

“Can you feel the baby move already?”

Joy looked up from her book, a little taken aback by her friend’s question. “Yes. Well, kind of. It’s more of a flutter, really,” she explained.

Yaz nodded. She put her phone on the nightstand, turning off her lamp before lying down under the covers, feeling a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting her.

“Want me to turn off the lights?”

“You’re fine,” Yaz smiled. “You can read for as long as you want, I don’t mind the light.”

“Thanks,” Joy whispered, focusing back on her book. “Night, Yaz.”

“Night, Joy.”

Yaz turned her back to Joy and hoped she would fall asleep before her friend decided to switch off her light and join her under the covers.

Of course, the universe was against Yaz once more, and it didn’t take long for Joy to yawn loudly and admit defeat against her own tiredness.

“Are you sleeping, Yaz?” Joy whispered. She sounded like a teenager, trying to gossip with her friends during a sleepover.

Yaz turned around to face her, giggling. “What’s up?”

“Thanks for coming with me to the ultrasound.” Yaz felt a warm, grateful hand slowly reach for hers under the covers. “Means a lot.”

Yaz’s thumb rubbed Joy’s hand in the hope the gesture would bring her some sort of comfort.

“Of course, Joy. If you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask,” Yaz smiled.

In an incredible, surprising turn of event, Joy filled the space between the two of them by taking Yaz in for a hug – or more of a cuddle, really.

The younger woman’s breath hitched, and she couldn’t shake off the impression that she had heard a similar change of rhythm in Joy’s breathing as well.

They stayed like this for a while; Yaz, rubbing Joy’s back and Joy, holding onto Yaz as if she was the source of all life. But the source of all life was right there, between the two of them; growing every day, making its presence known, making the world fall back on its axis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYYYY! Sleepover in Yaz's bed!!!! I know right now you're cursing me because HOW ON EARTH HAVEN'T THEY KISSED YET??? But I promise you it's all worth it!
> 
> Many thanks to Annabelle for beta reading, and thank you all so much for reading and sticking around for the slowest burn known to mankind (SORRY)! If you ever wanna chat, you can find me on Twitter @shedlifeskillz (I'm fully embracing the Adult Life Skills vibe I have going on rn 😌)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before anything else, I have to say a big THANK YOUUUUUU to Annabelle for this chapter!! She gave me a fun idea that I used (gotta love a lil cheeky John :D), so she deserves a virtual round of applause! 
> 
> So, this is the end of the holiday at the cottage! I hope you enjoy xx
> 
> P.S.: I have a Spotify playlist for this fic right here https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5YeQZrdIxHRXFtdRED7Pom?si=fChxDQz6SU2lQ4SR2Cw4Wg, if you ever feel like giving it a listen! :)

On Easter morning, Yaz stirred awake much later than usual. They had gone to bed fairly late the previous night, so late it had in fact been early in the morning. Herself and Joy had stayed up with John and Rose, enjoying the warmth of the campfire for hours, telling stories and recalling childhood adventures the siblings had lived around the lake, many moons ago.

Yaz’s eyes fluttered open, her glance falling on Joy. The older woman’s eyes, almost green in the morning light, were staring right back at her, diving into her soul.

“Morning, Yaz,” Joy smiled softly.

“Morning,” the younger woman yawned, prompting Joy’s laughter.

“I’m never going to bed that late ever again.”

“God, same. I’m getting too old for this.”

“You tell me,” Joy guffawed. “Pretty sure I’ve been born too old for this, God!”

Yaz sat on the bed, taking a look outside the window. It was, once again, a beautiful day. The kids had insisted on going ice skating, so the nice weather was more than welcome for the group activity.

“How do you look so flawless in the morning, Yaz?”

Yaz’s head turned in Joy’s direction, her friend’s compliment eliciting the shiest of smiles from her. Joy was lying on her side, her head propped up and leaning on her fist. Her cheeks were a soft shade of pink. She looked beautiful, despite her disheveled hair. Or maybe thanks to it. Joy’s beauty emanated from everything and everywhere all at once, inside and out blending into one absolutely incredible being.

“Look who’s talking,” Yaz giggled.

“What do you mean? I look like a mad scientist.”

Yaz smirked. “I mean, you kind of _are_ a mad scientist.”

Joy let herself fall on her back, a deep laugh leaving her. Both her hands fell on her stomach as she laughed. Yaz followed her, lying back under the covers once more and turning towards her friend.

“For real, though. You do look pretty,” Yaz tempted, regretting it almost immediately. Joy looked at her, a serious face replacing her laughter lines.

“Thanks,” Joy sighed. “Means a lot. More than you can imagine.”

The sound of the backyard door being slammed shut made them jump. They looked at each other tentatively before slowly turning around towards their bedroom door, eyes and ears trying to make sense of the situation downstairs. It felt as if the cottage was now completely silent.

“Should we go check?” Yaz whispered.

“It can wait another minute or two… or twenty,” Joy replied, sinking into her pillow and covering her nose with the bed quilt.

“Love the way you think.”

***

The group left the cottage for the ice rink as soon as they had eaten lunch. The three very excited children were so keen on spending as much time as they could there that they got a head start, sprinting to the park. The twins, both a little taller and quicker than Alice, led the race.

Eventually, Joy’s daughter decided to stop running, claiming she didn’t want to tire her legs before she got to skate. She waited for her mother and nanny to make their way to her and walked with them instead, taking their hands in hers. John and Rose, who were a few steps ahead, looked at the little group and shared a knowing glance.

Once they got to the park, they all entered a small shack, where they busied themselves putting on their skates. Yaz quickly offered to help Alice with hers. The young girl could tie her shoes easily, now, but ice skates needed a tighter hold so her calves were supported well enough.

Yaz didn’t say it, but she offered so Joy didn’t have to do it. Of course, Joy was capable of crouching and tying her daughter’s skates, but Yaz made it her duty to make things easier for her friend. Their eyes met as she was tying Alice’s second skate, a grateful smile on Joy’s face.

John, Rose and the twins exited the shack as soon as they were ready, their children growing warm and restless inside, leaving Joy and Alice to wait for Yaz. She was quickly done, though; she was a lot more subtle about it, but she shared the kids’ excitement about their afternoon at the rink. She wanted to make the most of it.

She quickly got on her feet – or her blades, rather – helping both Alice and Joy up.

“Are you both good to walk to the rink?”

“I’ll be fine,” Joy replied. “Sweetheart, are you okay to walk or would you rather hold Mummy’s hand?”

The child looked up at the two women, smiling. “Can you both hold my hands? Just in case,” she grinned.

Joy and Yaz shared a glance, both nodding at the girl. She squealed and took hold of their hands, balancing herself off of them. They quickly reached the rink, but once they faced the entrance, Alice froze.

“You’re gonna be fine, sweetheart. We’ll both hold you,” Joy smiled, squeezing her daughter’s hand. She looked at Yaz. “It’s her first time.”

“Is it?” The younger woman looked in Alice’s direction, who simply nodded in reply. “Well, your mum’s right. We’ll help. And you wanna know a little secret?”

“What?” Alice looked up, worry still clouding her eyes.

“I used to play ice hockey in secondary school. I’d say I’m pretty decent on skates,” she grinned.

The revelation seemed to surprise Joy, who audibly gasped at the younger woman.

“Did you hear that, sweetheart?” Joy grinned at Alice, who now appeared to be a little more comfortable at the thought of stepping on the ice.

Yaz let go of the child’s hand and stepped on the ice. She spun around and flexed her knees a little, holding out both hands in front of herself, ready for Alice to join her. Joy moved behind her daughter, holding one of her hands while she steadied her back with her free hand.

“Okay, Alice. I know it can be scary, but we’ll both be with you,” Yaz said. “You can hold both my hands, and I’ll pull you slowly on the ice so you can get a feel of it, and Mummy will stay really close to us in case anything happens. What do you think?”

The young girl bit her lip in worry. “I think it’s okay, Yazzy. I trust you.”

Joy’s eyes softened, and for a moment it felt like Yaz’s heart was squeezed by her emotions, if that was even possible. And when Alice’s hands finally grasped her, Yaz felt a type of pride she had never felt before.

“Okay, last helmet check,” Yaz said, knocking on Alice’s piece of protection, eliciting laughter from both the child and her mother. “Solid.”

She held on the young girl’s hands tightly, making sure she stayed upright as she tentatively moved her skates on the slippery surface.

“The best way to start doing this, Alice, is to march. Like this,” Yaz said as she showed Alice what to do. “Little, but strong steps.”

“But that’s not what Liam and Anna are doing,” she said, watching her cousins’ technique.

“That’s because it’s not their first time,” Yaz explained. “Once you’re comfortable with the marching, you can start gliding like they do. You need to find your balance, first.”

“And it’s okay to fall, too,” Joy reminded her daughter. “If that happens, try to fall on your side.”

“You won’t catch me?” The child’s voice trembled, her eyes searching for a way out.

“We’ll do our best to, always,” Yaz smiled.

At the same time, Joy rested her hand on Alice’s back, reminding her she was right there with her. Her eyes met Yaz’s, who smiled at her softly.

Uncertainty slowly fading away, Alice started marching while Yaz slowly pulled her around the rink. Joy stayed close by, smiling tenderly at the sight.

Alice’s balance failed her twice, but both women were an efficient team, with Yaz holding her while Joy stabilized her. Soon enough, Alice started gliding by herself, unconsciously.

“Wow, look at you go!” Yaz exclaimed. “You’re a natural.”

Alice giggled, her nose scrunching in delight.

After a little while, Alice noticed a family with a young child of their own; the other youngster was holding both of his parents’ hands as they skated side by side. The five-year-old suddenly felt confident enough in her abilities to recreate the same thing with her mother and nanny.

“Can we do like them?” Alice said, her eyes following the family.

“I don’t see why not,” Joy smiled, her eyes falling on the other woman.

“Okie dokie, kiddo,” Yaz smiled. “Joy, can you come over here and take her hand.”

“Sure thing, Yaz.”

Joy’s gloved hand brushed against Yaz’s as Alice’s one switched from one to the other, sparking a jolt in the younger woman. She was happy holding the child’s hand but longed to hold her mother’s. She shivered at the thought, cursing herself for it.

The three of them glided around the rink, Alice’s skills getting stronger with every lap. After an hour, she tentatively let go of the women’s hands and tried to go the distance by herself. After a few metres, she fell – on her side, like her mother had told her.

Joy gasped, quickly meeting her daughter where she had fallen. The young child was laughing, an instant reassurance for her mother. Yaz got to her side swiftly, her braking technique surprising the child.

“You made snow when you stopped, Yazzy,” Alice commented as her mother and nanny helped her to her feet.

“I did,” Yaz chuckled.

“Can you show me how?”

Yaz smiled. “I think that’s gonna be a lesson for another time, kiddo. It took me a while to figure it out, and I have a feeling it’s gonna be much easier to show you how to do it with a hockey stick and a puck,” she winked.

When her glance met Joy’s, Yaz realized she had inadvertently offered herself for skating lessons. And she couldn’t be happier about it.

***

John and Rose had offered to prepare Easter dinner: the family’s traditional beef roast. Yaz and Joy felt bad about letting them do all the work so, in the end, the four of them ended up in the kitchen, trying to produce something decent. Joy was undoubtedly the weak player of their little cooking team, but she did her best – and she had Yaz by her side to help her.

Yaz and the Smiths all sat around the table for dinner, all helping themselves to the roast in the middle. The kids asked their parents for help and, quickly enough, all of them went silent, busy eating the content of their plates.

The younger woman looked around the table, looking at each and every member of that family that gladly accepted her as one of their own for yet another holiday. Another one she didn’t celebrate, too. It felt strange to be there, celebrating something she knew little about. Yet, it felt nice to be surrounded with people on a special occasion, sharing a meal that was cooked especially that shared moment in time.

Her breath hitched when she realized that she felt like she was a part of that family, in some ways. The rhythm of her breathing suddenly shifted, getting quicker and quicker.

“Will you excuse me? Need to go to the loo,” Yaz said, getting up from her seat and making her way upstairs.

She softly locked the door behind her before taking a long look at herself in the mirror.

“ _They aren’t family, Khan_ ,” she thought. “ _Friends. Not family_.”

She splashed some cold water on her face. She knew it wouldn’t change a thing. Ice was the only form of water cold enough to stop her train of thought, simply because if someone threw a massive block of ice at her, the impact would knock her out. She sighed deeply.

Someone knocked at the door. “Yaz?”

The young woman recognized Rose’s voice on the other side of the door.

“Yeah?” She tried to sound confident, but it somehow worried her that, of all people around that table, Rose had come for her.

“Once you’re done, can I come in? Got something to ask you.”

Yaz frowned and, her curiosity getting the best of her, she quickly opened the door.

“Okay, quick. They think I’m in my room,” Rose said. “God, I’m glad I got you alone, for once,” she giggled. “Joy’s baby shower. I need help. You in?”

The younger woman hadn’t seen it coming at all. Much like Joy’s pregnancy, really. “I, huh—”

“Please?” Rose looked at her with wide, puppy-like eyes.

Of course, Yaz couldn’t say no. She cared about Joy so much and, being such a constant part of the woman’s day-to-day life, it would be a disservice to Rose not to take part.

“I’m in,” Yaz smiled. They quickly exchanged phone numbers before heading back downstairs. They came back to the dining table talking about Yaz’s dissertation, trying to avoid Joy’s suspicion.

They came back to the Smith siblings discussing the rest of the evening.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna spend the night?” Joy asked as she stuffed her mouth with mashed potatoes.

“Nah, I have to be at work tomorrow afternoon. I don’t wanna risk getting stuck in traffic,” John said. “Lucky as I am, we’d leave at 6am and I’d still manage to get to work late.”

Joy’s nose scrunched. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Daddy?” Anna said, using her best doe eyes on her father.

“Ooh, that looks like someone trying to ask a favour,” he grinned.

“Since we don’t have school tomorrow, do you think Alice could sleepover?”

John looked at his wife, who smiled and nodded, and then at his sister, who shrugged as she laughed softly. He looked back at his daughter, who was now surrounded by both her brother and cousin.

“Are you all ganging up on me?” John wondered, eyes wide and mouth agape.

The three children nodded in sync, and laughter erupted from all corners of the room.

“Only if aunty Joy is okay with it.”

The three pair of eyes fell on Joy, who grinned at the sight.

“Will you be good with uncle John and aunty Rose, Alice?”

The young girl nodded vigorously. “Yes! I promise!” She ran to her mother, jumping on her lap and hugging her tightly. “Please, please, please!”

Joy stroked her daughter’s hair and kissed her forehead. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“It’s only one night, Mummy.”

Joy looked at her daughter, tenderness in her eyes. “Maybe, but I’m used to having you around _all the time_ ,” she said, insisting on the words as she pulled a funny face, making Alice laugh.

***

Once they had cleaned the dishes, the family of four – and their nightly addition – were on their way out. John stood by the door with his kids and wife while Alice was biding goodnights to her mother and nanny.

“You kids behave yourselves, yeah?” John said, grinning at his sister. With Alice’s small Frozen backpack hanging from his shoulder, it was quite a sight.

Joy squinted her eyes at him, while Yaz laughed a little awkwardly at the unsaid things behind John’s words.

“Slinky, you’re so lucky I’m pregnant. Otherwise, I _would_ tackle you to the ground,” Joy said matter-of-factly.

“And you know she’d take you down in no time,” Rose laughed, offering her hand to her niece, who gladly took it.

John looked at his wife, clearly taking offense of her words. She giggled at his reaction, planting a kiss on his cheek. He smiled dumbly.

Yaz looked at them and couldn’t help but be jealous at the apparent simplicity of their relationship. They were perfect for each other.

“If anything happens, just call me. I’ll come home,” Joy whispered to her brother, making sure her daughter couldn’t hear her.

“What about Yaz?”

“She can walk,” Joy grinned.

Yaz’s head turned in Joy’s direction. “Oi!”

“I’ll pick her up in the morning, I guess?” The older woman said, rolling her eyes in jest. “All right. You guys go, it’s getting late. The twins are basically sleeping already,” she giggled.

“No, we’re not,” Liam claimed. His head was resting on the wall behind him and his eyes were closed.

“Yeah, we’re off,” Rose smiled. “Bye, Joy! See ya, Yaz. It was nice having you around.”

“Well, it was very nice to hang out with you guys again. Safe travels,” Yaz nodded in Rose’s direction. Her eyes fell on Alice, who was leaning on her aunt’s side. “Bye, Alice,” she said softly.

“Love you, Mummy and Yazzy,” Alice said as they exited the cottage.

“Love you,” the two women said in sync as they closed the door. They shared a look, as if they were suddenly aware of an unknown energy flowing between them.

It was still fairly early in the evening, especially considering they had woken up later than usual. The two of them decided to lounge in the sitting room for a little while, watching one of those classical movies that always played on television during Easter time, no matter the time of the day. 

“Feels weird to be alone,” Yaz commented, daring a look in Joy’s direction.

Joy looked at her friend and nodded, a small smile on her lips. “It does, doesn’t it?”

The two of them looked back at the TV screen. They tried their best to get into whatever that movie was, in vain.

“Can we please watch something else?” Joy sighed.

Yaz laughed. “I was hoping you’d say that!”

They zapped through the channels but, somehow, every single channel’s programming was extremely Easter-oriented. Joy was getting a little restless.

By some sort of miracle, she found a channel that was showing reruns of the latest season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, to both women’s satisfaction. The two of them stayed there, in silence, laughing at the characters’ banter.

From the corner of her eyes, Yaz noticed Joy shifted in her seat multiple times, stretching her back as she did. When she heard her friend sigh deeply, she allowed herself to get a good look at her.

Joy’s elbows were resting on her lap, her palms pressed on her eyes.

“Joy?” Yaz said softly. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” the older woman replied in a shaky breath.

Yaz shifted a little closer to her. This was unlike anything she had seen before coming from Joy, and she wanted to make sure she was all right, but she also didn’t want to make her even more uncomfortable.

“I can’t—” Joy stopped herself mid-sentence, taking a deep breath. “God, I’m sorry. This is stupid, I’m just gonna go to bed,” Joy said as she got up from the couch.

Yaz was quick, though, and she caught the woman’s hand just in time. “Wait,” she said softly. “Talk to me, Joy.”

Joy’s glance was elusive, but Yaz quickly realized why. Joy looked like she was about to cry. It hurt to see her friend like this, and it hurt even more that she had no idea why it was happening, or how to help her.

“Sit down, Joy. Please.”

Joy slumped down on the couch, her head falling almost instantly on Yaz’s shoulder. The younger woman held her closer, trying to bring comfort to her friend.

“I’m never gonna get that,” Joy sobbed.

“I’m sorry, Joy, but what are you talking about?”

“I’m going to end up alone to raise my two kids. Amy has Jake, and I’m alone,” she cried.

It took a moment for Yaz to take in what Joy was implying and to try and find the right words to say to make her feel better. Yaz knew Joy wouldn’t end up alone; how could she? She was simply the most amazing person Yaz had ever had the chance to meet, and anyone would be lucky to spend the rest of their lives with her. Her as well as her children, for that matter.

But how could she tell her all that without confessing her secret? The stakes were too high, and Yaz couldn’t mess it up. Too many hearts were involved in the equation.

“You’re not going to end up alone, Joy,” Yaz attempted.

Joy sniffed in Yaz’s arms. “I feel worthless. I feel ugly,” she broke their embrace and got up from the couch, pointing her bump with both of her hands. “It doesn’t feel like I’m living in my own body anymore! And—” She sobbed.

Yaz wanted to get up and hug her, but she felt like her friend needed that space to make sense of her emotions.

“I feel like I cursed myself into a lonely life. Not completely lonely because I’ll have them with me. The kids, I mean,” she explained. “I know what I’m saying doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop thinking about it. And you know what’s worse? I was just getting ready to consider dating again, and I got myself pregnant. Literally,” she scoffed. “And now who’s gonna date _that_?” She sighed, throwing herself on the couch once more.

This woman would never cease to surprise Yaz, it seemed. She didn’t know what to think, or what to tell her. There was so much going on in her head and she could barely manage to make sense of her own thoughts anymore.

But Joy needed comfort, and that was exactly what Yaz was going to offer her.

“Look,” Yaz said calmly. “I can’t understand what you’re feeling right now, but I’ll try to give you my outsider’s point of view on this.”

Joy looked at her, and then at her fidgety hands. Yaz took hold of them, stroking them softly.

“First of all, you’re not worthless, nor ugly. If you want my honest opinion, it’s quite the opposite, actually,” she smiled.

Yaz couldn’t believe she was allowing herself to say these words out loud, but it was her duty to make Joy feel better. If she had to thread on that dangerous line that guarded her secret, then she would gladly do it in a heartbeat.

“Anyone would be lucky to date you, Joy. Pregnant or not. I honestly thought you were—”

Yaz cut herself mid-sentence. “ _I honestly thought you were with someone_ ,” she finished in her head.

“What if I never meet the right person? Or the right person doesn’t see me that way?” Joy was looking at their joint hands, avoiding Yaz’s eyes. “What if I end up being a shitty mum later in life because I’m a sad, lonely mess?”

“Look at me, Joy,” Yaz whispered softly. When her friend finally looked up, she kept going. “I promise you this: I’ll tell you you’re an incredible mum every day until you find the right person for you and your family. You deserve it, and I know you’ll find her.” It hurt Yaz to say those words, but Joy needed to hear them. Who was she to refuse them to her? In that moment, her self-defense mechanism seemed to end where her role as Joy’s support system started. “And I’ll even tell you you’re beautiful, too, because someone should say it,” she added, tucking a strand of hair behind Joy’s ear before gently cupping her friend’s cheek.

Joy leaned into the touch, closing her eyes as she did. When she opened her eyes again, they were bloodshot, but still managed to share all the gratitude the older woman felt toward her friend. She took Yaz’s hand away from her cheek, kissing her knuckles.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life, Yaz.”

“You don’t need to deserve me, Joy,” Yaz said, holding onto her friend’s hand. “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Joy let go of Yaz’s hand to hug the younger woman tightly.

“Thank you.”

They stayed like that for a little while, until they shifted around to keep watching television. Joy was both physically and psychologically exhausted, and Yaz was her source of comfort. She was holding onto Yaz’s middle as she rested her head in the crook of her arm, the younger woman’s left hand tracing patterns on arm as she held her. 

Soon enough, Joy’s head felt a little heavier on Yaz. She watched the other woman as she slept in her arms, and squeezed her a little closer. A faint smile appeared on Joy’s face, unbeknownst to Yaz, who had focused her attention back on the television.

Yaz eventually got sleepy as well, so she reluctantly woke up her friend, who stirred awake in her arms.

“Hiya,” Joy yawned. “Sorry about that.”

“No worries. Just thought you might enjoy sleeping in your bed.”

“You’re comfy, though,” the older woman smirked. “That were a proper good nap.”

“Am I, now? Maybe I was a mattress in a past life.”

Joy laughed softly at Yaz’s ridiculous joke. “My rubbish sense of humor is rubbing off on you, Yaz.”

Yaz giggled at Joy’s word but guffawed at her truly sorry facial expression. She looked like a kid who had been caught drawing on a wall: happy about it, but sorry they were the only possible culprit.

“All jokes aside, though, I think I’ve gotten used to those little sleepovers in the past few days. Do you think—”

“Of course, we can have another sleepover. Especially if it makes you feel better,” Yaz smiled, stroking Joy’s arm softly.

“ _Shut up, Yaz_ ,” the younger woman thought. “ _You’re overdoing it_.”

***

The next morning, the two women made sure the cottage was clean, washing all bedsheets and going around every room to make sure they didn’t leave any forgotten items behind. They managed to leave later that morning.

After she helped Joy to put everything back in the back of the car, Yaz took one last look at the cottage and the view surrounding it. A simple wish formed deep inside of her; she hoped she would be back there, with the little family that had settled into her heart as if it was their new home.

The ride to and from the cottage was a relatively short one – a few hours at the most, if traffic was bad. Yet, about halfway to Leeds, they decided to make a pit stop.

“I’m starving,” Joy blurted as she parked her car in front of the first pub she saw in the village they had just entered.

“A pub, Joy? Really?”

“They serve food, don’t they?” She quickly turned off the ignition, making her way inside the establishment, Yaz in tow.

The two of them sat at a booth, one facing the other. Joy was looking at the menu with attention while Yaz was looking outside the window, watching the locals go about their day.

Her mind wandered off to the past week, and the absolute blast it had been. She had no idea how it was possible, but she felt even closer to both Joy and Alice, and now the rest of their family as well. She thought about Rose and the shower they were going to organize for Joy, and she felt a sense of pride in that; in a matter of months, she had proved herself to be worthy enough for such a task.

Then, Yaz’s thoughts went to the previous evening. Seeing Joy so insecure about herself and the future was no ordinary feat. The younger woman wished she could allow herself to be upfront about her feelings. Even if Joy didn’t see her as anything but a friend, at least she would get some sort of confidence boost out of it.

But being honest meant risking their friendship and, in the long run, breaking Alice’s heart. Yaz had promised Alice she would always be there for her, and she couldn’t even bring herself to imagine the hurt in the child’s eyes if she were to break her words.

And then, there was Joy… She had been through so much in her life, and barely showed it. How could she jeopardize her wellbeing, all because of a silly crush? Joy would find the right woman for her, eventually. Yaz simply had to be a good friend and remind her of that fact.

“Yaz?”

The younger woman jumped out of her daydreams, looking at her friend. The landlady was waiting for Yaz to order.

“I’ll have, err… the lasagne, please.”

“All right, ladies. Coming right up,” the woman smiled warmly before leaving them once again.

Yaz looked outside the window once more, making sure she paid attention to her surroundings.

“Are you okay, Yaz?”

Joy sounded worried and, when their eyes met, Yaz could feel that worry fall upon her through those deep hazel eyes.

“I’m good. Just thinking, is all,” Yaz smiled.

“Don’t think so hard, your brain will burn,” Joy took a sip of water through her giggles. “What’s on your mind?”

“ _You_ ,” Yaz thought. She shrugged, providing her friend with a disappointing answer, but an answer, nonetheless.

“Yaz?”

“Just thinking about going back to reality,” Yaz lied.

Joy smiled warmly, much to Yaz’s relief.

A few moments later, their food was on their table. Joy’s exaggerated squeal at the view of their food coming up had scared the landlady, and both women were in stitches when she left their table again. The both of them, famished, devoured the content of their plates in minutes, and were on the road again.

An hour later, Joy stopped her car in front of Yaz’s building.

“There you go,” Joy smiled. “Home.”

“Thanks, Joy.”

Yaz got out of the car to take her bag, Joy following her as she did.

“Do you need help, Yaz?”

“I’m fine. I’ve just got one bag; I can definitely manage.”

Joy nodded and looked at her feet, scratching her neck as she did. She looked intimidated, somehow.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Yaz offered a tight-lipped smile.

“Can’t wait,” Joy smirked.

The younger woman waved her goodbye before making her way to her flat. She didn’t look back and walked as quickly as she could so she could finally reach the inside of the building.

When she closed her flat door behind her, she leaned on it, tears threatening to burst down. She let herself slide down slowly, the floor claiming her.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T HATE MEEEEEEEEEE! (But really, though, can you REALLY hate me? They went ice skating! ICE SKATING!)
> 
> I know you probably have loads of questions right now. You're probably screaming, actually (or not? I don't know if it's scream worthy). Once again, next week will answer most of your questions... Maybe not your questions about Joy's B99 cry sesh. She's just a mess, y'all. But I AM excited to write her POV in an eventual companion fic to this! ;) Can't wait to write her side to this story so she can tell y'all why the F she hasn't kissed Yaz yet. JOY WYD???  
> (I do realize I sound crazy but, when I tell you these characters write themselves, I'm not kidding. They just won't kiss these two dumb gays.)
> 
> I wish you all a lovely week and, again, thanks for sticking around. You're the best!!! I love your feedback and your enthusiasm, you guys bring me so much joy (AH!) xx


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIYA!!! So, this is a long one. Twice as long as the other chapters if my memory is correct (whoops). Also, the first version of this was beta'd (thanks Annabelle!) but I worked on it a whole lot since... I apologize if you find typos and sentences that don't make sense! I'm not a native English-speaker, so that's bound to happen from time to time. Please DM me on Twitter (@shedlifeskillz) if you notice things that need to be changed!! 🥺
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy! xx

It had been almost two weeks since they had returned from the cottage, and Yaz was still exhausted. Physically, emotionally; everything felt overwhelming. It was Friday afternoon, and she was on her way to pick Alice up from school. As she walked, she reminded herself of the promise she made to herself after Joy had dropped her off after their holiday: she was going to keep their hearts safe. She wasn’t staying around for dinner and was going home as soon as Joy was back from work, end of discussion.

The second she had stepped into her flat after that week at the cottage, the young woman crumbled down. She had spent a lovely week, but the ride home had thrown her off – something she had managed to do all by herself. She finally reached her breaking point. Everything had suddenly been too much. She was feeling too much, seeing too much, hoping too much… It felt like the little control she had over her life was about to slip through her fingers.

And that crush, that stupid, useless crush she had on one of her best friends… She felt it shifting, too. It was louder than ever, and it was haunting her every waking moment as well as all her dreams and nightmares.

When she stepped inside her flat that Monday afternoon, she was left alone with her heart and her ever-expanding feelings, like open wounds left to be carefully mended and looked after. Ryan was in Sheffield for another day or so, and the one person she knew was home was the source of all her worries.

She ended up calling Bill, who had come to her rescue with Clara.

_______

_“Yaz,” Bill whispered when she saw her friend’s puffy eyes. “What happened?”_

_“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” Yaz said, exhausted from all the crying._

_The young couple entered the flat, Clara closing the door behind her. Yaz padded back to her couch, where she had spent the past half-hour waiting for her friends, staring right at the emptiness of the turned off television._

_Her friends sat by her side, looking at her attentively. Clara rubbed her hand on Yaz’s back, while Bill slowly guided the woman’s head on her shoulder._

_“I can’t do this,” Yaz said breathlessly._

_“What do you mean, Yaz?” Clara’s voice was soft and understanding, even though nothing of the situation made sense to either of them._

_“I can’t keep seeing Joy every day. It’s driving me crazy.”_

_“What happened at the cottage, Yaz?” Bill dared._

_Yaz took a deep breath, and went over every single moment that had led her to this. How comfortable she was, sharing the same space with Joy for a whole week, and how right it felt to teach Alice how to ice skate together. She told them about Joy’s breakdown, and the underlying insecurities she was too proud to show the world._

_“Yaz,” Bill said calmly. “You did a great job at reassuring her. But none of this explains why you’re so upset right now.”_

_Yaz sobbed. She tried to speak, but couldn’t say the words._

_“Yaz?” Bill whispered. “Are you—"_

_Sobs became heartbroken howls, tears flowing down the young woman’s face. Her friend didn’t need to say the words, Yaz knew what she was going to ask._

_Are you in love with her?_

_Of course. How could she not be? She had fallen for her in those early days spent drinking hot chocolate and sharing custard creams. She had been falling all this time. It had been so long; excruciatingly slow. She had finally reached the ground, and no one was down there to catch her._

_“Oh, Yaz,” Clara whispered, holding on her friend as tightly as she could. She shared a worried look with her girlfriend._

_“It feels like I have a family of my own. It feels like I’m one of them. I shouldn’t feel like this, because I’m not! I’m a nanny. A friend. But nothing more. And I can’t tell her any of this. It would ruin everything.”_

_“You can’t ruin your mental health over this, though,” Bill commented._

_Yaz scoffed at her friend. “I’m not.”_

_“Don’t do this, Yaz. Don’t try to undermine what you’re feeling.”_

_The young woman looked at Bill, then at Clara, taking a deep breath._

_“I need to stop hanging out with her,” her voice broke as she uttered the words._

_______

Yaz barely took notice of her surroundings as she walked to Alice’s school. She got there, but she could barely remember leaving her flat. She felt the weight of a child jumping in her arms, and she mindlessly held her up, carrying her outside of the school ground.

Yaz had to do what was right for that little one, the young girl who had stumbled in her life with a bright smile and a pack of custard creams. Alice didn’t deserve to be hurt by what was going on inside Yaz’s mind and heart.

“You didn’t say ‘hi’ to me, Yazzy,” Alice noticed as her nanny put her down.

“I didn’t? I’m sorry, kiddo. Hello,” she tried her best to smile at the girl. “How was your day?”

Alice gave her a side glance, but let her nanny’s strange behaviour slide. “We got to play outside a lot because the weather is so nice and warm. It was really fun!”

“That’s great!”

For the first time ever since she had met her, Yaz had a hard time connecting with Alice. In many ways, it felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. She was simply watching herself give so very little energy to the child who was holding her hand, the child who only wanted Yaz’s love and pride.

_______

_“You still have to look after Alice, don’t you?” Clara wondered. “I’m not sure cutting Joy off from your life will actually work.”_

_Yaz sighed. “Is there anything else I can do? Please enlighten me, because I can’t see it.”_

_“I don’t know why you’re so convinced you’re gonna ruin everything if you talk to her about this,” Bill comforted. “She clearly cares about you. It wouldn’t change a thing.”_

_“But it would,” Yaz sobbed. “I can’t just tell her that I— I care about her. She has her kids to think about, their future, their happiness. If I speak, I risk all of this… All because I can’t think straight when I look at her.”_

_“I mean… Can one_ really _think straight when they look at Joy?” Bill giggled, earning a stern look from her girlfriend. “Oh, come on! Humor alleviates tension, babe.”_

_“You sweet dumbass,” Clara smiled fondly._

_______

Again, Yaz had barely noticed the road they traveled to get to Joy’s place, and was surprised by the sight of the house.

As soon as Alice was let inside the house, she ran to her room, picking up her crafting supplies. Yaz was worried the girl was going to ask her to go play in the backyard, and was somehow comforted by the fact she didn’t need to engage any more than necessary. It was so unlike herself to think like this, but she couldn’t stop these thoughts from appearing and lingering on. She prepared a snack for the two of them and took a seat facing the girl at the dining table to work on her dissertation.

Time was passing ever so slowly. Yaz stared at her computer screen, the flashing cursor a steady reminder that neither her mind nor her heart were into it.

She looked up from her screen and watched Alice draw, the tip of her tongue out as she focused on her creation. Yaz could only see part of the picture, but she could clearly see she had drawn the two of them on an ice rink. Alice from the picture had a hockey stick in hand.

“What colour was your hockey stick in secondary school, Yazzy?” Alice asked as she dug through her pencil case.

“It was red and black.”

“Great. Thank you, Yazzy,” the girl smiled. “I’ll draw mine the same colours.”

It was almost four in the afternoon when Yaz packed up her stuff and started getting dinner ready. She wasn’t staying over, but she knew Joy would be grateful that she got it started. While she prepared the ingredients for the meal – spaghetti Bolognese – Yaz snickered at herself and the way she couldn’t even stop herself from being helpful, even through her heartache. It was in her nature to help, but sometimes she wished helping herself was more of a priority.

Yaz was putting a pan of water to boil on the stove when she heard the front door opening, her heart instantly pounding louder and faster in her chest.

“Hiya, sweetheart!” Joy said.

Yaz looked up to see Joy kiss her daughter’s cheek before unzipping her coat, revealing her outfit. She was wearing a loose blue jumper with a rainbow on her chest, and a pair of pale blue skinny jeans. Her bump was still showing through the roominess of her top. She was glowing, and the sight made Yaz’s heart swell and break all at once.

The younger woman waved at Joy shyly before putting the pasta in the pan. She tried her best not to look at the older woman, as if one glance at her would make her affliction worse.

_______

_“I’m not saying that’s what I want to do. I’m saying that’s what needs to be done,” Yaz said firmly._

_Bill sighed, raising her eyes to the ceiling in despair. “And what are you gonna do when she asks you what changed? Because she will, Yaz.”_

_“She’s not gonna notice, she has her own stuff to deal with.”_

_“Yaz, mate! You’ve become a part of their daily lives for, what, at least six months now? You really think she won’t realize?”_

_“Do you think it makes me happy, Bill?” Yaz shouted, regretting it instantly. But she couldn’t stop herself, now. “Do you think I got into this wanting to fall for someone who is basically my boss? That I wanted to end up loving her daughter like my own? And the baby,” she scoffed. “Not even livable yet, but I’d still die for that baby. It’s crazy, falling in love with someone who has a family of their own, because you don’t even realize it and one day, you love them all, too. Falling in love with that person means falling in love with everything they are, and everything they will be. All of them,” she sobbed. “Fuck. I love her. I love them.”_

_______

“Yaz,” Joy blurted. “The pasta!”

The pan was about to overflow, Joy had alerted Yaz just in time. What kind of universe was this, with Joy making sure Yaz didn’t make a mess in the kitchen? Everything felt wrong and out of place, even in the little, usual things. Yaz’s breath hitched when she emerged from her own thoughts as she tried to save her friend’s Friday night dinner.

“Sorry,” Yaz mumbled.

Joy got closer, much closer, smelling the scent of Yaz’s concoction. Yaz moved away slightly, an attempt at self-preservation. She mindlessly stirred the pasta as she waited for it to be cooked.

“Your Bolognese smells good.”

“Thanks.”

Joy stared at her intensely, and Yaz completely avoided the hazel eyes resting on her.

“Yaz,” she said. She stayed silent for a short moment, awaiting a reply that never came. “Are you all right?”

The younger woman felt tears pricking her eyes. She knew Joy to be emotionally intelligent, and open to other people’s feelings. It was a lovely quality, especially in a friend, but her attention was definitely the last thing Yaz needed in that moment.

“I’m fine.”

“Yaz,” Joy’s voice was uncharacteristically firm. The younger woman looked up, startled. “Please tell me you’re staying for dinner.”

Joy’s voice broke a little, the disappointment of the past few days making itself known.

Yaz had broken their routine. There were no more shared dinners, no more movie nights and, especially, no more ‘I love you’ after a bedtime story.

But Yaz’s heart was broken, too. She had to make sure she would be able to put it back together, even if it meant walking away from everything that made her a better, happier person.

“I can’t. I’m sorry,” Yaz said, trying to keep control of her breathing.

Yaz heard a sob; a loud one. One that didn’t come from the woman beside her, but from the dining room. Little but thunderous steps made their way to the kitchen, and Yaz’s brown eyes met fiery hazels.

“Why do you hate us, now?” Alice screamed.

_______

_“I don’t want my feelings to hurt other people,” Yaz sighed._

_“You need to be really cautious, Yaz,” Clara said. “Or they just might.”_

_______

Yaz’s breath hitched in pain. In so little time, she had managed to hurt more than just herself.

“I don’t—”

Her words were in vain. Alice ran off to her room, slamming the door shut.

The young woman’s body started shaking, and she felt the need to get out. She _had_ to.

She barely looked back, taking her things and putting on her coat and boots, muttering apologies as she did.

And, just like that, she was out. Without a glance to the woman she loved, or the girl she wished was her own.

And she ran.

Her name was shouted in the distance, but she didn’t bother looking back. All she wanted was to go home. But where was home? She didn’t know anymore. She thought she had found a home with Joy and Alice. With them, Yaz felt whole. She felt like the best version of herself. She felt like she could be _more_ with them at her side.

‘Home is where the heart is,’ or so people said. Then how come Yaz only felt home in a place she had to run away from?

***

Yaz woke up the next morning with a bitter taste in her mouth. It tasted like regrets and disappointment, and the feeling settled inside of her like an unwanted companion to the day ahead.

She padded to the kitchen, where Ryan was searching for a snack in the refrigerator.

“Hey,” Yaz mumbled.

“Hi, Yaz,” he said, offering her a tight-lipped smile. “Feeling a little better?”

“Worse. If that’s even possible.”

The young man looked at his friend, a veil of sadness in his glance. “Do you want me to call off work to stay with you?”

“Absolutely not,” Yaz stared back at him. That man was too sweet for his own good, sometimes. “You go out there and live your life. You don’t have to pay for my mistakes.”

He closed the appliance door, freeing the way so he could hug her. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. You thought it was the right thing to do.”

“What was meant to be the right thing to do then, if that wasn’t it?” She sobbed, holding onto him as she tried to fight back yet another wave of unmanageable sadness.

“The truth is always a good place to start.”

“No,” she said, breaking the hug. “Not now.”

The young woman put the kettle on, avoiding the subject matter. Yet, it haunted her; it crept on her, making sure she couldn’t and wouldn’t stop thinking about the hurt she had caused.

She stared at the kettle as it boiled the water, and even that felt exhausting. The tea reminded her of the custard creams in the cupboard, and the custard creams, well… Everything brought her back to Joy and Alice. She had gotten used to the ghosts of her past, but not so much to the ghosts of her present.

“What if I ruined everything?”

Yaz’s hand fell on the necklace resting on her collarbone, the one she’d been wearing since New Year’s Eve. It was the sun necklace Alice had chosen for her; the same necklace both the child and mother owned and wore proudly every single day. All three of them shared the same sunlight. The clouds in Yaz’s mind were blocking it, but it sure felt like the sun was burning her, nonetheless.

Ryan’s hand rested on her shoulder, and he squeezed it as a way to comfort her.

“I’m sure you haven’t. Just talk to her.”

***

Ryan left for work, leaving Yaz alone with her thoughts and the weight of her regrets building up on her shoulders. And so, Yaz spent her morning and a good part of the afternoon staring at that dreaded blinking cursor on her computer, failing yet again to produce any kind of decent work.

Admitting defeat, she settled on the couch and watched television. She had no idea what was on, but images on the screen were moving. For a while, that had been enough for her.

But then, her eyes drifted away from the images playing in front of her, and the little focus she had retreated to the ones in her mind. She could hear Alice’s disappointed anger, Joy’s stern yet worried voice…

“Dammit, Ry,” Yaz muttered as she got up the couch. “You’re right.”

Maybe Yaz wasn’t ready to speak her truth just yet, but she could at least apologize for upsetting Alice and being distant for the past couple of weeks. Maybe it would make things a little more bearable, especially with Monday coming up quickly.

Yaz’s outfit reflected her inner state: it had been better. She was wearing grey joggers, a black t-shirt, and a loose flannel over it. She had a good look at herself in the mirror, and decided against an outfit change. She was on her way to apologize, not to go on a date.

_Definitely_ not to go on a date.

She put on her jacket and a pair of black Converse, and she was off.

She quickly made her way down to the entrance of the building. She opened the door, looking at her phone as she tried to figure out when the next bus to Joy’s was coming. She collided with someone who had been coming towards her at quite a speed. Yaz almost fell to her back, but the culprit was quick enough and managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

“Oh God! I’m so clumsy! Sorry… Wait, Yaz?” 

Joy. Obviously, the universe was twisted like that. Who else could it have been?

“Wh— Joy?” Yaz slowly removed herself from her friend’s hold. “Hi. Sorry about that.”

“No, no,” Joy shook her head. “My fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Just saw the door opening up and ran.” 

Yaz smiled softly, the woman’s explanation was so typically _her_. “Well, I wasn’t looking either. I…” She took a deep breath. “Do you wanna come up?”

Joy cocked her head, eyes squinting. “Weren’t you just leaving?”

“Yeah. I was on my way to your place, actually.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Great minds, and all that,” Yaz chuckled nervously.

The door had closed behind them as they crashed into each other, so the younger woman allowed them inside, leading Joy to her flat. The two of them were quiet on their way up. Yaz had considered small talk, but she knew their relationship, unrelated to the previous day’s event, was way beyond that. Trying to force a conversation about something that didn’t matter would make things even more awkward than they already were.

“Come in,” Yaz said, opening her flat door.

“Thank you, Yaz.”

Yaz removed her jacket and hanged it in the closet, before extending her hand for Joy’s coat and scarf.

“Alice isn’t with you?”

“Nah,” Joy smiled. “It’s the twins’ birthday, so she’s sleeping over at my brother’s. He did offer me to sleepover too, but…” Joy moved her hand around her bump. “Their sofa isn’t exactly comfy.”

Yaz’s eyes fell on Joy’s stomach, lingering there for a short moment, before going back up. “She’s really getting the hang of that sleepover thing,” Yaz chuckled as she led them to the kitchen. “Tea?”

“Please!”

Joy watched Yaz closely as she prepared their cups of tea. The younger woman was avoiding her gaze, trying to focus on her task to stop herself from overthinking about what she wanted to say. If she thought about it too much, it would sound rehearsed, and the lack of spontaneity would be ground for more questioning than necessary on Joy’s part.

She couldn’t help but worry about Joy’s presence, though. What if this was the end for them? The end of their friendship? Maybe she was coming to tell Yaz not to pick Alice up from school on Monday and that she was now friend-less and job-less.

The younger woman took a deep breath to clear her mind.

While she prepared the drinks, Yaz remembered the custard creams in her cupboard. Biscuits weren’t an apology, but in Joy’s eyes they might have been the next best thing. She handed the pack to Joy, a smirk on her face.

“Custard creams!” The older woman gushed.

Yaz passed Joy, two cups in hand, and her friend quickly followed her, pack of custard creams in hand. Yaz’s anxiety dropped a notch when she saw her friend taking the seat next to her and not in front of her. It felt less like a police interrogation and more like two friends talking, which was exactly what it was, even if Yaz had a hard time seeing it that way.

A short moment passed before Yaz finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry,” Yaz said.

Joy was about to take another biscuit from the pack when Yaz spoke. She slowly withdrew her hand from the pack, hazel staring into brown.

“I don’t see you anymore, Yaz,” she said in a low voice. “Martha told me you’ve been doing loads of work for the lab since we came back from the cottage, but I haven’t seen you there once.”

Joy’s eyes were holding so many emotions at once, but all Yaz could truly feel right now was the woman’s disappointment. The worst of all.

“And you stopped staying over for dinner, out of the blue. Did I do something wrong?” Disappointment transformed into worry and self-consciousness.

“No,” Yaz mumbled. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not you—”

“I swear to God, Yaz, if you say: ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ I’ll make you pick up Alice wearing that Kung Fu Panda suit for a whole year,” Joy deadpanned. 

Yaz giggled, but her smile faded quickly at the meaning Joy’s words held. “Wait… You still want me to look after her after what happened yesterday?”

“Only if you tell me what’s wrong, Yaz.” The older woman’s eyes held gravity like they never had before.

“I—” Yaz took a deep breath, searching her head for some sort of excuse that would make sense while buying her more time before she actually found the strength to tell Joy the truth behind her behaviour. “It’s uni. I’ve been trying to work on my dissertation, but I’m having a hard time... I literally can’t work on it, no matter where I am. I don’t know if I can do this, but I really need to focus on it otherwise I definitely won’t.”

It was all honest worries. She actually doubted her abilities. It didn’t matter the confidence people had in her, there was still an underlying dread about the whole thing, nagging at her constantly. But, deep down, she knew that part of that inability to get work done was all thanks to her busy mind and heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joy’s hand fell on Yaz’s, who fought her instinct to draw it away.

“Not exactly good with, huh, feelings.” She pinched her nose at the subpar explanation she had given Joy. Hopefully, the other woman wouldn’t pry too much.

“Do you know what you need, Yaz?” Joy smirked, munching on another custard cream.

“No, but I feel like you’re about to tell me.”

“Junkyard Golf Club,” Joy shouted, getting up out of her seat with determination.

“Wait, what?”

“What better way to deal with dissertation stress than to go play mini golf?” Joy cocked her head, waiting for an answer that never came. She grinned. “That is correct, Yaz. There is _no_ better way to deal with this. You’re welcome,” she smiled.

The older woman downed the rest of her cup of tea as she walked to the sink, leaving her empty cup there. She ran back to the front door, putting her coat swiftly.

“What, _now_?” Yaz got up in a hurry, as if she didn’t know what to do with herself. “I’m dressed like shit, Joy! Can I at least get changed?”

“Stop that, you look perfect! Hurry up, I’m excited,” she smiled, her eyes a little crazier than usual. Perhaps she needed this as much as Yaz.

***

It was still early enough that the place wasn’t too crowded. When Yaz and Joy got there, they were told they had to wait for twenty minutes before they started their course so they didn’t bump into the previous group.

The employee led them to a sitting area, and Joy looked at their drinks menu. She caught the employee’s attention before they walked away, back to the front desk.

“Do you guys make mocktails, by any chance? Please say yes,” Joy scrunched her nose in pretend despair. 

“We do,” the employee replied with a friendly smile.

“Amazing! You just made my day even better.”

Joy focused her attention back on the menu as Yaz took a good look around her surroundings. It was all so… neon. The music was loud, but not annoyingly so; she had no trouble hearing Joy mutter to herself at every single drink she saw in the menu.

“Oh, wow. There are so many candies… _Bubblegum_? In a _drink_? I need this.”

The younger woman laughed softly at her friend’s antics. She felt a wave of relief crash into her. There was no way to express the gratitude she felt about being there with Joy. It felt incredibly normal, all things considered.

“Do you want anything, Yaz?” Joy passed her the menu.

She looked at every item cautiously, considering her options. “What are you having?”

“ _That_ one,” Joy said, pointing to a cocktail called ‘Hotline Ting.’ “But as a mocktail, for obvious reasons. Well, one _very_ obvious reason,” she smiled.

“No kidding,” Yaz smiled. She looked at the drink’s description. It was the one with bubblegum. “That does sound nice. Might have to join you.”

When the employee came back, they both ordered a mocktail version of the drink, Joy insisting on paying.

“Joy, come on! I can pay for my drink,” Yaz argued.

“I’m aware, Yaz, but I don’t care,” Joy said, sticking her tongue at her.

The two of them quickly got their drinks, as well as a yellow visor and a pair of heart-shaped glasses for Joy. They sat there for a little while, sipping on their impending sugar rush as they waited to be told they could start their game.

“You know,” Joy said in between two sips. “The stakes are much higher today than they were when we went bowling. We don’t have to let Alice win.”

Yaz smiled at the memory. It felt like everything had changed since then, but also not at all.

“We didn’t really let her win, though,” Yaz said. “We just helped her… a lot.”

Joy guffawed. “I’m gonna win this, though.”

“Yeah?” Yaz smirked at her friend. “We’ll see about that.”

“Oh, it’s on.”

Yaz lifted her hand between them, and Joy gladly accepted it, shaking it vigorously.

“May the winner win,” Joy said. “Wait. That doesn’t sound right.”

“I mean, it does make sense to me,” Yaz grinned, cocking an eyebrow. “Since I’m the winner.”

The employee signaled them to come forward to their course. They left their empty drinks there, excited to get the game started. Joy put her glasses and visor on before they started playing. Yaz laughed at the sight.

“What are you laughing at?”

Yaz pointed at her friend’s face. Joy looked clueless, and her facial expression made Yaz laugh harder. So hard that she was holding her stomach with both hands as she tried to stop her laughing fit.

“What are those for?” She guffawed.

“The lights! Look,” Joy said, handing them to her friend.

Yaz looked around the course, and all the lights in sight were now shaped like hearts because of some sort of pattern in the lenses. It almost looked like she was the main character of her own cartoonish world. So blatantly in love that her surroundings were suddenly filled with hearts.

“ _How convenient_ ,” Yaz thought.

She turned to Joy, who was grinning at her. “It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Yaz smiled coyly. “And what’s the visor for?”

“It’s for the style, Yaz. What else would it be for?”

Yaz laughed softly at her friend, handing her back her glasses.

***

To Yaz’s dismay, the game was much harder than she had anticipated. Not only that, but she was playing against a very capable player, who also happened to be thriving on her sugar rush.

“Hole-in-one, Yaz! _Again_!”

The younger woman looked at their score sheet in despair; there was no way she was winning the game. In the end, it didn’t matter, though. It was nice to spend some time alone with Joy. It reminded Yaz that their friendship was worth fighting for, even if it meant fighting with herself and her feelings for the other woman for a while.

Yaz looked at her surroundings, trying to figure out how on Earth Joy had managed a hole-in-one. _Again_.

“Are you really that good or are you just really lucky, mate?”

“A lady doesn’t tell,” Joy removed her glasses and winked exaggeratedly.

Yaz squinted at her. “Give me those stupid glasses, I’m sure they’re helping you, somehow.”

Joy smirked and handed the funky spectacles to Yaz. “I can’t believe you insulted my _love glasses_. Love glasses, Yaz!”

The younger woman rolled her eyes, her expression hidden by the heart-shaped monstrosity she was wearing.

She took her shot and… Missed it.

“Maybe I should’ve mentioned I used to play golf with my dad when I were younger,” Joy grinned.

“Oi! That’s not fair.”

“Want a lesson?”

Not waiting for an answer, Joy placed herself behind Yaz. So close Yaz could feel her bump poking her back. She tried to reach Yaz’s hands, without much success.

“Well, that’s dumb,” Joy giggled. “Sorry, there’s a bump in the way.”

Yaz laughed, her eyes falling to the ground. “It’s fine, no worries. I know you really just wanna win,” Yaz teased.

“Oi! I’m not that bad, Yaz!”

“Nah, I know,” she smiled. “We’ll have to come back in a few months’ time, I suppose.”

“Definitely,” Joy said, mirroring her friend’s expression.

***

After their game, Joy convinced Yaz to come over to her place for dinner. She claimed she didn’t feel like spending the rest of the evening by herself.

“Also, we never really hang out just the two of us,” Joy said. “It’s nice.”

Yaz’s heart leaped in her chest, and she had to shake the smile off her face.

While Joy drove them back home, they talked about nothing in particular, laughing and smiling at each other. When discussing what they should have for dinner, the older woman told Yaz how she hadn’t been able to even _think_ about fish and chips early in her pregnancy, but that she somehow had been craving the dish for a few days.

“I _think_ I dreamed I was having a fish and chips baby last night, but it’s all very vague,” Joy muttered.

“I was gonna suggest we have it for dinner, but now I’m demanding it. Your subconscious is going insane,” Yaz chuckled.

***

“You know,” Joy said, as she drove off the chippy’s parking lot. “I was actually coming to your place for a reason this afternoon and promptly forgot about it. My doctor called me this morning.”

“Did they?” Yaz turned to her, suddenly worried. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah!” Joy said, glancing at her friend at a stop sign. “He had to move my ultrasound appointment. To tomorrow morning,” she pursed her lips.

“That’s exciting,” Yaz said reassuringly.

Now it made sense as to why Joy didn’t want to spend the evening by herself; she was worried about the next morning.

“I know I already asked if you could come with me, and you said you would, but now the appointment was moved, and yesterday made me doubt everything a little. Not about me wanting you to be there, but about you wanting to be there at all,” Joy rambled, losing herself in her own explanation. “I’m not making sense right now, am I? I just wanted to make sure things were okay between us. They are, right?”

“They are okay.”

In many ways, Yaz was lying. But in many ways, she wasn’t. Things were imperfect, but Yaz knew everything would be fine in the end. It felt like she had thrown herself into a paradox, and now she had to untangle the mess she had created. Joy needed her, and it was all that mattered for now.

“So,” Joy said, parking the car in her driveway. “Think you can make it?”

“Of course, Joy,” Yaz smiled.

Joy propelled herself on the younger woman, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you. Thank you so much,” Joy said.

After a little while, they left the car and went inside. Joy had finally crashed from her sugar rush, and was strangely calm. She unlocked the front door, inviting Yaz in.

“Do you mind if we eat in the sitting room?” Joy asked.

“Your house, your rules,” Yaz giggled. “Also, you won the game. I must oblige,” she bowed, prompting Joy’s laughter.

“Then, my first rule of the night is we’re watching Mamma Mia!”

Apparently, even in her post-sugar rush state, Joy had enough energy left in her to sing her way through half of the movie. Fish and chips were quickly discarded on the coffee table, allowing her to move freely. Yaz watched her dance around the room, using chips as microphones. She enjoyed the little show Joy was giving her more than the movie itself. It was nice to see her so carefree. Not that she usually wasn’t, but this felt different. It felt more intimate.

The thought made Yaz shiver.

The moment the first notes of _Dancing Queen_ started, Joy launched herself at Yaz, taking her hands in hers and pulling the younger woman with her. 

“You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life; see that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen,” Joy sang over the movie, moving Yaz’s arms around.

The younger woman chuckled at her friend’s antic, but she refused to sing. Sonya had always made it clear to her that, even if she _liked_ singing, it didn’t mean she _should_.

Joy was completely in the moment. She wasn’t even looking at the screen, but still managed to reproduce the dance featured in the movie perfectly.

“You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen,” Joy sang.

Her eyes seemed to be telling Yaz ‘Come on, dance!’ but Yaz didn’t know the choreography. She swayed in place and smiled, looking at her friend fondly.

“Come on, Yaz!”

“You’re gonna need to show me.”

The characters were now on a pier, and a massive group of people were doing the exact same dance as Joy. If that many people had been able to do it for the movie, surely Yaz could do it too.

“You can dance, you can jive,” Joy sang, pointing at Yaz.

Yaz mirrored her friend’s movements. She felt silly, but she couldn’t care less. It didn’t matter what she looked like or what people would think if they could see her. She was having fun with Joy, and the rest of the world didn’t matter so much in that moment.

In the movie, Meryl Streep’s character pushed her friends in the sea. In Yaz and Joy’s reality, the latter decided to push her friend back on the couch – gently, of course. It took Yaz by surprise, but also made her laugh a lot. So much, in fact, that the two of them were in stitches, unable to pay attention to the movie for a moment.

“Why did you shove me?” Yaz guffawed.

“Donna throws Tanya and Rosie in the water. The couch was the next best thing,” Joy laughed.

Yaz watched, wide-eyed. “I’ll be sure not to watch that movie with you near a water source, then.”

Joy snorted loudly.

“The fact this is your only reply is a little worrying,” Yaz smiled.

“I mean,” Joy said, nose scrunching. “I’m not gonna argue with you. I _would_ worry about me throwing you in the water, too.”

At that, Yaz carefully stared into her friend’s eyes and, while holding eye contact and smirking, shuffled to the opposite side of the couch. Joy frowned, her mouth agape.

“Oi!”

But her annoyance was short-lived, because her attention went right back to the television when _Lay All Your Love on Me_ started playing. She wasn’t dancing around anymore, but she was singing and swaying energetically in her seat. Yaz found her enthusiasm endearing.

“But now it isn't true; now everything is new; and all I've learned has overturned; I beg of you.”

Yaz watched her from the corner of her eye. She really liked Joy’s voice, but the way she sang those lyrics was something else. It made her voice even more powerful. It felt like there was a volcanic eruption deep down Yaz’s body, burning her insides swiftly. The burn was only making itself known by the faint blush on her cheeks.

Or maybe the effect Joy’s voice had on her felt more like a thunderstorm. The words brought little shocks that came like lighting, igniting little fires all over her body.

“I feel a kind of fear; when I don't have you near; unsatisfied, I skip my pride; I beg you dear.”

Yaz’s heart was pounding in her chest. She was staring at the screen, in a way that could only be described as ‘stubborn.’ She absolutely refused to stare into her friend’s eyes, for she knew that if she did, all the little victories she had had during the day would be in vain.

“ _Think about your friendship, Yaz_ ,” she thought.

Yaz quickly left the room to get a glass of cold water to cool herself down. She could feel Joy’s eyes on her, and dared a look back in her direction.

The other woman smiled through her singing. So brightly; so perfectly.

“Want some water?” Yaz asked, pointing at her own glass.

Joy nodded and watched Yaz carefully as she filled a second glass. It was only when she turned away from the sink that Yaz realized Joy was looking at her even more intensely than before. It almost seemed like she was singing _for_ Yaz.

“'Cause everything is new; and everything is you; and all I've learned has overturned; what can I do?”

The younger woman’s heart was still beating fast when she handed Joy her glass. She promptly sat at the other end of the couch again.

Joy cocked her head. Her eyes showed disappointment and incomprehension.

“Just making sure you don’t throw that glass of water at me like it’s sea water,” Yaz deadpanned.

“ _I also feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest_ ,” Yaz thought.

“Yaz, I would never!” Joy exclaimed.

Yaz gave her a doubtful look.

“Okay, maybe I would. But not today!”

“Fair enough,” Yaz said, shuffling back a little closer to Joy. “I trust you.”

“Happy to hear it,” Joy said, nudging Yaz’s side softly.

Exhaustion was finally catching back with Joy. She took a sip of water and sank back in her seat, before resting her head on Yaz’s shoulder.

“Don't go wasting your emotion; lay all your love on me; don't go sharing your devotion; lay all your love on me,” Joy sang softly, almost in a whisper.

Yaz’s breath hitched.

By _Slipping Through My Fingers_ , Joy was asleep. The younger woman paid very little attention to the movie from that moment on. All she cared about was the woman next to her. She secretly wished she had opened up her arms to her so she could rest more comfortably in the crook of her arm. And then, maybe Yaz would’ve allowed herself to stroke Joy’s blond locks mindlessly as she watched the rest of the movie. If only…

All Yaz did was to look at Joy fondly, helplessly.

She looked back to the screen when Pierce Brosnan started singing. _When All Is Said and Done_ had always been one of Yaz’s favourite songs in the movie, even though Pierce’s voice wasn’t usually considered a fan favourite.

“Thanks for all your generous love; and thanks for all the fun; neither you nor I'm to blame; when all is said and done,” Yaz whispered.

The credits rolled shortly after, and Joy was still fast asleep by Yaz’s side. She didn’t want to startle her friend, but she needed to go home. Both of them needed all the rest they could get before the ultrasound appointment.

“Joy,” Yaz said softly, tracing patterns on Joy’s hand, which was conveniently resting on the younger woman’s thigh. “Joy.”

The older woman’s eyes fluttered open, meeting Yaz’s.

“I need to stop doing that,” Joy smiled sheepishly.

Yaz squeezed her hand, but quickly let go of it, self-consciousness taking over her.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you could rest a little. Especially after all those musical numbers you acted out.”

“You’re welcome for that, by the way,” Joy winked.

“Right,” Yaz smiled. “Time to go home.”

Yaz slowly got up from the couch, stretching her arms and back when she got on her feet. She noticed the empty fish and chips containers laying on the coffee table and threw them away in the kitchen bin.

“Thanks,” Joy smiled. The older woman’s glance followed Yaz as she made her way to the front door. “Yaz?”

Yaz stopped mid-movement, only one sleeve of her jacket on. “Yeah?”

Joy slowly padded her way to her. Yaz noticed how uncharacteristically small she looked. It was as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.

“Please stay?” She whispered.

Yaz, surprised by the request, looked at her friend cautiously. Her eyes were filled with hope and worry. She didn’t need to explain, Yaz knew why she was asking that. The two of them had loads of fun today but, deep down, Joy was still nervous about her ultrasound. She didn’t want to be alone.

How could Yaz leave her alone with her anxieties?

And so, the younger woman removed her jacket and hung it back on the hook where it was mere seconds ago. Joy offered her a grateful smile.

“You’re the best, Yaz. Thank you.”

“Of course, Joy,” Yaz said, taking Joy’s hand in hers and squeezing it in comfort. “Just let me text Ry, though. Don’t want him to worry.”

The older woman smiled softly at her and went to her room, switching into more comfortable clothes while Yaz contacted her roommate.

\-----------------------------------------

_21:19 – **Yaz** :_ Hi Ry! Just letting you know I’m not sleeping home. Joy’s scan got moved to tomorrow morning and she’s nervous, she asked me to stay the night. Goodnight! :)

_21:21 – **Ryan** :_ Woah! What a turn of event mate!! Sleep well ;)

_21:22 – **Yaz** :_ Ry, stop it! Nothing funny happening here, trust me. She’s proper worried, I could see it in her eyes the second I said I was going home.

_21:22 – **Ryan** :_ You’re a good friend, Yaz. Really.  
 _21:23 – **Ryan** :_ Don’t forget to take care of yourself, though. You hear me?  
 _21:25 – **Ryan** :_ You read me* same difference innit

_21:25 – **Yaz** :_ Received loud and clear, chief. Night xx

_21:26 – **Ryan** :_ Sleep tight!

\-----------------------------------------

“If you want PJs, I’ve got a bunch in that drawer that should fit you,” Joy said when Yaz met her in the bedroom.

It felt wrong to be in there. Even though she had spent most of her time in that house in the past six months or so, Yaz had rarely entered Joy’s room, let alone took a moment to fully acknowledge the space.

“Nah, I’ll be fine in these, I think,” Yaz replied, pointing at her joggers.

The one advantage of wearing loose and comfortable clothes meant that she was basically already wearing pyjamas.

“Okay,” Joy smiled. “You can borrow some clean clothes in the morning, then.”

“Thank you.”

Yaz walked around the room, finally taking in the space. A few travel pictures as well as travel souvenirs decorated the walls. Joy looked so young in all those pictures; she couldn’t have been older than her mid-twenties. Her hair was a little darker than it was now.

“Are you actually a brunette?”

Joy was sitting at the end of her bed, removing her socks and moving her toes around as she did. “More like very dark blonde. But yeah, it’s all fake,” she said, ruffling her hand through her locks.

Yaz looked back at the picture. “It suited you. You were really pretty,” she mumbled.

She kept looking at the pictures, until she realized what she had said. She turned around faster than she thought humanly possible and quickly took a seat next to her friend.

“Not that you’re not pretty anymore! You still are. Very much so,” Yaz blurted, her heart beating loudly in her chest, resonating in her ears.

Her words echoed the promise she had made Joy at the cottage, and she dared to push the compliment a little further. The older woman was staring at her fidgeting hands on her lap.

“You’re beautiful, Joy.”

Joy lifted her head slowly and looked at Yaz. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but the smile on her face reassured the younger woman; they were happy tears.

“Don’t cry,” the younger woman whispered.

Joy looked up to the ceiling, biting her bottom lip. “Fuck, Yaz,” she launched herself on Yaz, clutching onto her tightly. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Yaz’s breath hitched and squeezed her eyes shut. “Never.”

And that was a promise to the both of them. Whatever happened, Yaz would always be the friend Joy needed.

Joy kissed Yaz’s cheek before sitting on her side of the bed, patting the pillow next to her. Yaz followed suit, and lied on her side, looking at Joy. As soon as her friend turned off her bedside light, Yaz could feel her weight shift on the mattress as she slowly lied down under the covers. She could feel Joy’s warm, minty breath on her face.

A hand found Yaz’s.

“Please talk to me when you feel overwhelmed, Yaz. I’m here for you,” Joy whispered. “And I don’t ever want to feel like I’m losing you again.” 

“Promise,” she squeezed Joy’s hand.

Joy shuffled a little closer to Yaz, who was surprised by her knee coming into contact with Joy’s. She could feel her friend’s need for comfort, as if her anxiety was radiating through the room. Yaz hoped she could appease her friend, if only slightly.

“It’s gonna be okay, Joy,” Yaz murmured. “I know it’s easier said than done, but try and get some rest.”

“I’m scared.”

Joy’s hold was a little tighter on Yaz’s hand, but she didn’t comment on it.

“I know you are,” Yaz said, her thumb rubbing her friend’s hand slowly. “I’ll be with you, whatever happens.”

Yaz let go of the older woman’s hand and, instead, held her in her arms. She heard Joy sigh loudly and shakily in her arms, as if she had tried to stop a sob from escaping her lips. Yaz rubbed her back softly, tracing shapes and letters with her slender fingers.

She traced I love yous and hearts and hid them away with more shapes Joy couldn’t figure out. It didn’t take much more than that for the older woman’s breathing evened out.

Yaz fell asleep hoping the next day would bring good news, because she could manage the weight of her own broken heart, but Joy’s would be unbearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know someone REALLY wanted them to dance soooooo, here's the first time it happens 😇 Dancing KWEENS
> 
> I almost split that chapter in two, but then that would've meant delaying their kiss (SOON I PROMISE), and it also meant like... another cliffhanger? I'm not a monster (I try not to be, at least). 
> 
> Thank you all for reading!! 💙


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This one is a shortie, especially compared to last week's chapter! It also means it's less of a roller coaster of emotions... which is good I guess? The calm before the storm, once again? Who knows. Hmmmmmm 😇
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it 🥺
> 
> Thanks Annabelle for beta reading, you absolute rockstar!!!

Yaz’s eyes fluttered open with the feeble glow of the morning sun against her eyelids. It took her a moment to adjust to her environment and remember how she had gotten there. She was in Joy’s room and, later, they were going to the hospital together for her ultrasound.

Joy wasn’t next to her in bed, but leaning against the window sill, curtain withdrawn slightly as she sipped on her cup of tea.

“Morning,” Yaz said, her voice harsh after her night of sleep.

Joy looked around, giving her a shy but warm smile. “Morning, Yaz. Didn’t wake you up, did I?

“No, you’re fine.”

Yaz looked at her friend for a moment, taking in the sight facing her. The outside light was surrounding Joy like a halo. She looked serene.

“How are you feeling, this morning?” Yaz asked, sitting down on the bed.

“Surprisingly calm,” Joy left her spot by the window to meet Yaz on the bed. “Ask me in an hour, though. Might get a different answer,” she chuckled, taking a sip of tea.

Yaz rested a hand on her friend’s knee, squeezing it a little. “I’m glad you’re feeling okay, at least for now.” She watched her friend carefully. “Can I ask you something?”

“You want clean clothes, is that it?” Joy grinned.

“Well, yes, eventually! But no. I were just wondering… Boy or girl, you think?”

Joy’s breath seemed to hitch for a moment, but her eyes lit up at the words. She rubbed her belly gently, smiling to herself.

“I honestly have no idea,” Joy replied, nose scrunched. “What do you think?”

Yaz stared at Joy cautiously, then glanced down at the hand resting on her stomach. “You know what? Tough call.”

“Doesn’t matter, really. As long as they are healthy and happy, I couldn’t care less.”

Yaz nodded and smiled. “Of course.”

“Right! Clothes. Be right back, fam,” Joy jumped off the bed. “Ooh, no. Never saying that again. Fam. Sounds weird. _Fam_ ,” she muttered, going through her drawers.

Joy handed her a pair of blue trousers and a burgundy t-shirt with a rainbow plastered on the front. It was _such_ a Joy outfit that it made Yaz smile to think she’d wear it for a whole day.

“If you want to take a shower before we leave, feel free to do so.”

“I think I’m fine, thanks!” Yaz took the clothes from Joy’s hands, thanking her before she left to get changed in the toilet.

Once she had put Joy’s clothes on, Yaz looked at herself in the mirror. The clothes fitted her form perfectly, but it felt strange. She looked at her feet. She had seen Joy wear those trousers before; they looked shorter on her. Somehow, having them be at regular length on her made them look wrong.

Joy was leaning on her bedroom door frame when she came out, ready to snap a picture.

“This is amazing,” the older woman grinned. She looked at her phone and laughed even harder.

“Joy,” Yaz whined. “Stop it!”

The offender hid her phone in her pocket as she walked past Yaz, who would’ve loved to see the picture and delete it out of existence.

“Hungry, Yaz?” Joy took out a box of Lucky Charms from the cupboard, leaving it on the kitchen island. “I can’t eat before the scan, but go ahead if you’re hungry. You can have toast if you don’t feel like eating pure sugar.”

“I’m fine, actually,” Yaz lied. “Feels a little unfair to eat while you have to fast. We could always go out for brunch afterwards, if you’d like?”

She knew it would please the older woman and, in all honesty, she was actually starving.

“Have you been reading my mind? I’m in!” Joy grinned.

Yaz was so once again incredibly grateful that things turned out the way they did. She couldn’t help but think about the upcoming appointment, and she would’ve hated for Joy to go by herself. Even if she was feeling better now, things would’ve been different if they hadn’t been able to quickly mend things up between each other. Both events were stressful by themselves; combining them would have felt like hell to the other woman.

***

They were in front of the hospital, and Joy stopped right in front of the entrance, staring at the revolving door like they were hypnotizing her.

“Ask me how I’m feeling, Yaz.”

“Huh, okay. How are you feeling, Joy?” The younger woman asked softly, watching her friend closely.

“Panicked, but excited.” She turned to her friend, wide-eyed and grinning.

Yaz took her hand in hers, tugging her a little closer.

“I’m with you whatever happens, remember.”

Joy lifted their joint hands, kissing Yaz knuckles softly. “Thank you.” She looked at the entrance once more, took a deep breath, and led them inside.

For a good ten minutes, Joy had to fill forms after forms, rendering Yaz’s presence a little useless. She decided to update her flatmate on the situation.

\-----------------------------------------

 _09:08 – **Yaz** :_ Hey Ry! We’re at the hospital :) I’ll text you once I’m on my way home

 _09:09 – **Ryan** :_ Hi! How’s the lady of the hour? Not too worried, I hope?

 _09:09 – **Yaz** :_ A little, but she said she’s feeling better than yesterday. She doesn’t look so worried, too.

 _09:10 – **Ryan** :_ Don’t hate me but… she deffo feels better because you’re with her :))))  
 _09:11 – **Ryan** :_ By that I absolutely mean she liiiiikeeeessss youuuuuuu xxxxxxx

 _09:12 – **Yaz** :_ Too bad you’re on that lease otherwise I’d kick you out mate

 _09:12 – **Ryan** :_ I love you too <3

 _09:13 – **Yaz** :_ I promised myself our friendship is coming first. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.  
 _09:13 – **Yaz** :_ Okay, time to go, we’re going in!! Wish us luck, love you even though you’re the biggest pain in my butt ;)  
 _09:14 – **Yaz** :_ Wish HER luck, I should say. Nothing to do with me

 _09:15 – **Ryan** :_ Good luck!!!!!!!!

\-----------------------------------------

They walked side by side to the ultrasound room, their shoulders brushing against each other. Yaz squeezed her friend’s hand gently, stopping their walk a few metres away from the door. They shared a smile and glances with thousands of meanings hiding into them, and they finally entered the small room where everything would change.

“Hello, ladies! Please come in, don’t be shy,” the obstetrician invited them in with a grin. “Nice to see you again, Joy. I see you’ve brought…” The man looked at Joy, waiting for her to complete the missing pieces of information.

“Yaz! My friend,” Joy replied quickly, smiling in Yaz’s direction.

“Well, hello, Yaz! I’m Doctor Harkness,” he winked at her.

Yaz blushed at his forwardness and turned to Joy, who was hiding a laugh behind her hand.

“Joy, you may lie here,” he said, pointing at the mattress by his screen. “How’s Alice doing?”

Joy did as she was told and invited Yaz to take a seat at the chair by her side.

“She’s doing great! She adores school. You know her, she’s quite the social butterfly,” Joy smiled. “Doctor Harkness was there when Alice was born, actually,” she explained to Yaz.

“Oh, wow!”

In the meantime, Doctor Harkness prepared his sonogram and transducer, that instrument that looked a little too much like a microphone to Yaz’s liking. She was a little worried the doctor would switch into karaoke mode mid-scan... Her friend would definitely join if that were the case.

“Okay, Joy. Shirt is going up, it’s jelly time!”

Joy let out a nervous breath and lifted her shirt. The doctor applied lubricating jelly on her exposed bump, inciting a whimper from the older woman.

“Sorry! Forgot it were gonna be cold for a moment.”

Doctor Harkness gave her a warm smile. “Are you ready, Mummy?”

“I have to be,” Joy sighed, before turning to Yaz. “Thanks for being here.”

The younger woman offered her hand, and Joy gladly took it. She then turned her attention to the sonogram’s screen. Doctor Harkness moved the transducer around her friend’s bulging stomach and, after a few moments, Yaz could make out a shape. The clear, unmistakable shape of a baby.

Soon thereafter, a heartbeat followed suit, its quick pace filling the room and reaching Yaz’s ears. It was the most incredible melody she had ever heard before.

Her mouth agape, she looked at Joy. The other woman was grinning, her eyes filled with tears. Their eyes met, and Yaz felt a tear fall on her cheek. It surprised her, but that surprise was unmatched with the one she felt when Joy wiped the tear away with her free hand.

“You’re a big softie,” Joy laughed through her own happy tears.

“Is it really that surprising?”

“Nah,” Joy smiled, wiping her own cheeks swiftly.

The doctor let them share that emotion, smiling fondly at the two women for a moment before interrupting them.

“Everything is in order,” he said. “Strong heartbeat, everything is where it should be, and at first glance he looks the exact size he should be.”

Yaz squeezed Joy’s hand, who squeezed it right back.

“Wait,” Joy’s eyes wide with surprise, fell back on her doctor. “He?”

The doctor raised his hand to his mouth. “Oh, crap. Did you not wanna know?”

“Yeah, I did!” Joy grinned. “A boy? It’s a boy?” She looked at Doctor Harkness, who nodded slowly, smirking. She then turned to Yaz, who hugged her.

“Congrats, Joy,” she said, kissing her friend’s forehead.

They stayed like that for a moment, foreheads against forehead, happy tears falling.

***

“Brunch with Yaz,” Joy exclaimed, looking at the menu. “Love a good brunch with Yaz!”

The younger woman rolled her eyes affectionately, before looking down at the menu waiting in front of her.

“What are you having? I can just feel it in my bones, you definitely know what you want already,” Yaz chuckled.

Joy took a falsely offended tone. “Am I that predictable?”

Yaz nodded in response, earning a laugh on Joy’s part.

“You’re very right, though. I’m having banana and chocolate crepes,” the older woman smiled proudly. “And maybe a little extra whipped cream on top. It’s a celebratory brunch, after all!”

“It certainly is,” Yaz grinned. “I think I’m gonna have that as well. Minus the whipped cream, though. That’s a little too much for me.”

“Ah! I knew under that whole ‘I know how to cook, please eat your vegetables’ exterior, you had a decent taste for food.”

Yaz, who was taking a sip of water, burst out laughing, barely managing to swallow her gulp without choking on it.

“You say that as if you haven’t been blatantly using my cooking skills to your advantage for half a year,” she wiped a laughter-induced tear away from her eyes as she giggled uncontrollably.

“Yeah,” Joy said, her nose scrunching. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. A good meal is always better when it’s shared with people you love.”

Oops.

“I mean, people that are important to you,” Yaz stammered.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Joy smiled, pink hues tainting her cheeks.

The two of them stayed there for a few hours, talking about nothing in particular, but definitely enjoying each other’s presence. Joy was visibly happy, and her usual glow was nothing compared to the spark in her eyes in that moment. Yaz lost herself in those eyes more than once throughout their brunch, but she had reached a point where she simply couldn’t care less. Her friend was happy and so, she was happy.

“So,” Joy said. “I have to pick Alice up. Do you want to come with?”

Yaz considered her options. If she were to go home now, it meant pushing back the inescapable conversation she needed to have with the girl about Friday evening to the next day. Going, on the other hand, meant intruding their little family cocoon as the older woman told her daughter she was going to be a big sister to a little brother.

But, then again, she had been the one to hold Joy’s hand during that fateful reveal. Surely, her presence wouldn’t be such a problem?

“I feel like I should, after what happened on Friday. Only if you’re okay with me being there, though.”

Joy cocked her head, eyes uncertain.

“I mean, when you tell her about the baby. Unless you’re not telling her just yet?”

“Oh, right!” Joy smiled in the waiter’s direction before giving Yaz her full attention once more. “Why would I mind?”

“I don’t know,” Yaz muttered. “It’s kind of a, huh, a family thing. Innit?”

The waiter appeared next to them as Yaz said that. Quickly, Joy prepared herself to pay for both their food.

“No, Joy!” She took hold of her friend’s hand, effectively stopping her from going through her wallet.

“Come on, Yaz!”

“You paid at the mini golf, it’s my turn,” Yaz said, letting go of her friend’s hand to give her card to the waiter.

Joy shook her head, smirking. Yaz looked at her for a moment, unsure of why she was reacting that way.

“What?”

“We sound like a couple on a first date.”

Yaz stared at her, her facial expression somewhere between shock and amusement. She knew Joy was right and, surprisingly enough, instead of scaring her away, it made Yaz smile.

She didn’t know if she was smiling at the irony of the situation or thanks to her own, legitimate happiness, but she smiled, nonetheless.

***

Yaz recognized John and Rose’s neighbourhood and her heartbeat sped up, her palms getting sweatier by the second.

“I can feel your stress from here, Yaz,” Joy said, eyes focused on the road. “You’re gonna be okay. I’ll be with you.”

Yaz smiled at Joy’s words, echoing her own from the previous night, when Joy was anxious about her scan. Hopefully, they were each other’s good luck charm, and her conversation with Alice would go just as well as the appointment from earlier.

It wasn’t too long after that when they stepped on John and Rose’s front porch, and Joy knocked softly on the door.

“Come in!” Yaz heard John’s voice shouting at them from inside the house.

The older woman entered the house, Yaz in tow. If Yaz could’ve made herself disappear before going in, she certainly would have. She knew things would be okay and trusted Joy’s judgement about her daughter more than anything or anyone else. Still, she felt awful about what had happened with the young girl. She had failed her, quite simply. Even if Alice could forgive her, Yaz wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive herself for letting her own heartache affect the child.

John came to the door to greet them. While he hugged his sister tightly, Rose appeared from the sitting room, all smiles and giggles.

“Hi, guys!” Rose greeted them. She squeezed Yaz’s arm softly.

“Look at you, Joy,” John grinned, both hands pointing at his sister’s bump. “Almost done!”

“More like halfway there,” Joy replied, lips pursed.

“You look gorgeous, mate,” Rose said, pushing her husband away to hug Joy.

Yaz heard children screaming in one of the rooms, and her nerves peaked again. She was aware that Joy was talking to her brother and her sister-in-law, but she couldn’t focus on their conversation, let alone engage with it. All she could think about was Alice’s sobs and screams.

_“Why do you hate us now?”_

Yaz let out a shaky breath when she saw the twins come out of the room, followed closely by a smiley Alice. When the girl noticed her mother was accompanied, her smile faltered.

Joy’s hand rested on the small of Yaz’s back.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Joy said softly, her eyes on Alice. “How are you feeling?”

Alice didn’t dare to approach her mother; Yaz knew her presence was unwanted on the child’s part. She saw Alice look down at her feet, avoiding her mother and her nanny’s stares, and it broke her heart. She had done this; it was all her fault.

Yaz took a deep breath and made a few steps in the girl’s direction. She walked slowly so as to not startle her. The last thing she wanted was for Alice to see her as a threat as well as a traitor. Sadly, that was certainly what the child standing in front of her thought, but only because she was completely unaware of what was going on in her nanny’s mind. Even a child as perceptive as Alice could only understand so much, especially when it came to complicated matter of the heart.

Yaz was a couple of metres away from the girl when she crouched to the girl’s level. She waited a moment, but Alice’s eyes never looked up to her.

“Alice, I’m sorry.” Her voice broke as she said the words, but she tried her best to hide it.

For a short moment, Alice kept looking at her feet, either out of fear or out of stubbornness. When she finally looked up, Yaz offered the girl the faintest of smile, a little sign of encouragement that she was there to listen to whatever she had to say.

“You… You don’t hate us?” Alice’s eyes were filled with tears and she bit her lip in worry.

Yaz’s heart broke and, without thinking, she got up and ran to Alice, dropping back to her level to hold her tighter than she ever had before. The girl sobbed in her arms as she stroked her hair in comfort.

“How could I hate you?” Yaz whispered. She was pained, even if she understood Alice’s assumptions. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to feel like this. Things have been rough at uni and I had to take care of that for a while, but I promise you I’ll do better,” she broke the hug to have a good look at the girl as she said her next words carefully. “I’ll do better because I care for you so much. I care for you and your mummy. I’m so sorry the way I acted made you feel like you didn’t matter to me, because you do. I care so much it gets a little scary sometimes,” she whispered. “But I’m going to try and be more like you.”

“More like me?” Alice cocked her head and frown slightly.

“I’m going to be brave, just like you,” Yaz answered, poking the girl’s belly button, getting her to giggle for the first time in what felt like forever.

Alice kissed Yaz’s cheek before she hugged her again.

“I love you, Yazzy. You don’t have to be scared.”

And Yaz took her word for it.

“I love you too, kiddo.”

Yaz heard a sniffle behind them, and was surprised to see John was the culprit. Joy and Rose both were stroking his back gently, trying to comfort him to the best of their abilities.

“That was so sweet,” he murmured.

Joy guffawed at his side. “You sound like you’re the one with a baby brain.”

Yaz and Rose shared a glance and chuckled. The younger woman, with Alice in her arms, met them by the front door.

“Oh! Before we go, I’ve heard good news this morning,” Joy smiled. “But, there’s someone here who deserves to know first.” Her eyes fell on Alice, who instantly got really excited.

She got so excited that Yaz had to let her down so she could run to her mother. Joy attempted to crouch but, halfway through her movement, she realized it may not be the best idea if she wanted to get back up again without a helping hand.

“Yaz,” Joy said. “Can you just, huh, lift Alice up so I can whisper in her ear?”

Yaz smiled and nodded. She lifted Alice easily, and the small child giggled as she was propelled up to her mother’s level.

“I feel tall,” Alice grinned.

Joy lifted her eyebrows and smirked at her daughter before she leaned toward Alice’s ear. Because she was so close, Yaz could hear every single word her friend was saying.

“You’re gonna be a big sister,” Joy whispered.

“I know that, Mummy,” Alice whispered back.

“You’re gonna be amazing.”

“I know.”

Joy and Yaz chuckled at Alice’s reply.

“Your baby brother is very lucky to have you, sweetheart,” the mother murmured before kissing her daughter’s forehead.

Alice looked up to her mother, open-mouthed and wide-eyed.

“My brother?” She shouted, her shocked expression turning into a wide smile.

John, Rose, Anna and Yaz all cheered with Alice while Joy laughed at everyone’s enthusiasm.

“Finally, another boy,” Liam exclaimed in the midst of everything, making the group laugh.

The little family congratulated Joy one last time before she left with Yaz and Alice. The young girl was holding her nanny’s hand. Everything felt right once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAH A BABY BROTHER :D I already cAN'T WAIT to write Alice and the baby together idk the idea of it makes me soft. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Your kudos and comments brighten my days 💙


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT! CW: high emotion situation (dm on twitter (@shedlifeskillz) beforehand if you want to be safe); implied panic attack
> 
> Hello! This is a big one for various reasons. Also, please keep in mind that I'm not a science person. You have no idea why I'm saying this right now, but you'll get it once you star reading. What I mean is... keep an open mind about this, enjoy the ride even if in reality it makes no sense (????). 
> 
> Massive thank you to the TCC for their input on this! And thanks Annabelle for beta-ing!!

Finals were approaching far too quickly for Yaz’s liking. There was still a little over a month to go before the end of the school year, but she was already feeling the impact of the coming weeks on her nerves. 

After talking to Joy about her elusive behaviour, and secretly coming to the conclusion that she simply had to put their friendship first and everything would be okay, Yaz had started going back to the laboratory to get some work done on both her research contract and her coursework. So, at the very least, she had a decent working space and, most of the time, she was surrounded by agreeable company. It wasn’t always easy, but Yaz knew it was the right thing to do. She felt better about the situation and was much more comfortable, which meant it was definitely a step in the right direction.

It was currently late Friday morning, and Joy had just left Lab #13 to meet with one of her students from the undergraduate course she was teaching. Mindful of Yaz being there to get some work done, she decided to meet the student in the university Union rather than in the middle of their shared workspace.

\-----------------------------------------

_10:56 – **Joy** :_ Do you need anything from the Union? On me xxx

_10:57 – **Yaz** :_ You’re sweet but I’m all set, thanks xxx

_10:57 – **Joy** :_ Okie-dokie Yazzy! Can you check how many custard creams packs we have left?

_10:58 – **Yaz** :_ There’s an opened one and 3 unopened :)

_10:59 – **Joy** :_ … could do with a couple more :D  
_11:00 – **Joy** :_ Student just got here! See you later xxx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz smiled at her phone, her eyes lingering on the virtual kisses they kept sending each other. She didn’t know about Joy, but Yaz knew for a fact that she had stopped using them out of politeness a long while back. Even though she spent months trying to fight these thoughts, sometimes she felt that maybe, just _maybe_ , she wasn’t simply seeing what she wanted to see in every little thing Joy did.

The past week had been pretty interesting, in that respect. Maybe it was the fear of losing each other that had been such an eye-opener for the both of them, but it felt to Yaz as if Joy couldn’t get enough time with her. They hung out together long after Alice was put to bed, and kept texting nonsense late in the night.

It worried Yaz, at first. She was falling back into her old habits and she could feel herself grow fonder of her friend. But she kept hearing Alice’s voice softly reminding her that she didn’t need to be scared. She allowed herself to ride the wave and accepted the fact she would never be able to control it. She accepted the fact life was leading her where she needed to be.

For the first time in a while, Yaz was completely alone in the laboratory, since Bill had decided to work from home that day. She missed the company, but at least she was going to get more work done – and Joy would be there in a couple of hours at the most. It could definitely be worse.

The young woman was making good progress on her dissertation. The first draft of her literature review was almost done, which gave her a real sense of pride. She couldn’t believe the number of hours she had put in it, and it was taking shape. It made sense, which was the most important thing about it.

She was finishing up a subsection about child development when an ear-splitting alarm thundered in the room. It kept ringing, and it felt like it was getting louder and louder.

“ _At least it doesn’t sound like a fire alarm_ ,” she thought.

She walked to the door to have a peak outside. She tried to open it, but it was locked from the outside.

“What?”

After a short moment, the alarm stopped piercing her eardrums but, much to her dismay, the door was still locked. Her phone vibrated on her worktable, and she abandoned her struggle with the doorknob to go have a look at it.

\-----------------------------------------

_11:23 – **Joy** :_ Yaz are you okay? Are you outside?

_11:24 – **Yaz** :_ I’m fine but there was an alarm, and now the door is locked from the outside or something

_11:27 – **Joy** :_ Shit!! Okay, stay calm. I’m calling you.

\-----------------------------------------

Her phone rang once, and she immediately picked up her friend’s call.

“ _Joy? What’s going on? You’re worrying me big time right now_ ,” Yaz said.

“ _I’m sorry, Yaz. Long story short, you’re safe. But, look_ ,” Joy breathed loudly on the other end of the line. “ _The alarm you heard is the one they use when there’s a chemical leak in the building. Because there’s a bunch of chemistry labs where our lab is, there’s some sort of system to block volatile chemicals from propagating in the rest of the building so things don’t actually end up worse_ ,” she took a deep breath. “ _The room is sealed, Yaz. Door, windows, everything._ ” 

Yaz panicked a little. _Joy_. _The baby_. “ _Are you okay?_ ”

What if Joy was closer to that chemical leak?

“ _I am. I was right outside the building when the alarm went off._ ”

Yaz sighed in relief. At least, whatever that chemical was, it wasn’t going to harm Joy or the baby.

“ _Good._ _Any idea of when I’ll be able to get out?_ ”

“ _I’m trying to figure it out. I’ll let you know as soon as I find out, okay? Please stay safe_.”

“ _Didn’t you just tell me I’m sealed off? I should be fine_.”

“ _I know but… Please_ ,” Joy sighed.

“ _All right, I will. I’m gonna charge my phone a little and call you back, is that okay?_ ”

“ _Sure, yes. Let me know if you start feeling weird_.”

“ _Will do. Take care, Joy_.”

Yaz looked around the empty room and sighed heavily. Even if she wanted to get work done, there was no way she was going to be able to, now.

She put both her phone and her laptop to charge and decided to take a seat by the window while she ate her lunch. At least, she had a decent view to enjoy. The budding trees and the green grass appeased her through the whirlwind of thoughts going through her mind.

Even though Yaz was technically safe according to Joy, her friend had sounded properly worried. It made her feel a little uneasy with the whole situation. And having to go through that uncertainty by herself wasn’t exactly pleasant either; it added insult to injury.

From the corner of her eye, Yaz saw someone in her blind spot coming toward her – or at least, toward the window she was sitting by. She looked up to find a tall blonde running to the best of her abilities, seemingly searching for something – or someone. The young woman knocked to catch the other woman’s attention.

She could almost hear the woman scream her name as she sprinted to reach her. When Yaz saw Joy facing her, though, she let go a relieved sigh.

“Thank God the lab is on the ground floor,” Yaz said.

“What?” Joy’s lips seemed to say.

Yaz signified to her friend she was going to be back, and ran to her desk to get her phone.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:03 – **Yaz** :_ I said “thank god the lab is on the ground floor”

\-----------------------------------------

She looked up and saw Joy giggle. It warmed her heart to see her laugh, even though her eyes were still clouded with worry.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:04 – **Joy** :_ Phew! I thought you said “I think I’m gonna move abroad”

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz guffawed at the sight of Joy’s catastrophic lip-reading attempt. She looked at her friend, who was smiling sheepishly, her cheeks pink. Yaz couldn’t stop the words that came out of her mouth.

“You’re pretty,” Yaz said.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:07 – **Joy** :_ “Yo ready” ????

_12:08 – **Yaz** :_ Did you forget your brain in here Joy? LOL

_12:09 – **Joy** :_ Don’t laugh about my weird preggo brain >:(((((  
_12:10 – **Joy** :_ Also, in my defense, you need to work on your enunciation >:)

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz chuckled and looked at Joy; she was laughing, too.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:11 – **Yaz** :_ Serves me well for paying you a compliment I guess ;)  
_12:12 – **Yaz** :_ I said you’re pretty, you weirdo

_12:13 – **Joy** :_ You definitely didn’t say “you’re pretty you weirdo,” your mouth didn’t move that much  
_12:15 – **Joy** :_ OH  
_12:15 – **Joy** :_ Sorry Yaz, I think you may be right, and my brain has actually left me  
_12:16 – **Joy** :_ Thank you xx

\-----------------------------------------

Yaz looked up to find Joy grinning at her. It was so easy to mirror her expression.

She moved a table by the window. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but she sat on it so she could be at eye-level with Joy while she was there.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:22 – **Yaz** :_ Any news on when I’m gonna be freed?

_12:23 – **Joy** :_ They wouldn’t tell me. Apparently, I’m not important enough here to know these things, idk. I asked Martha to pull some strings  
_12:24 – **Joy** :_ They sent everyone home

_12:25 – **Yaz** :_ You don’t have to stay, I’ll be fine

_12:26 – **Joy** :_ I’m not leaving you

\-----------------------------------------

Joy’s sad smile broke Yaz’s heart. If only she could hug her...

Yaz’s phone vibrated in her hand, and she saw Joy’s name appear on its screen.

“ _Felt stupid to keep texting,_ ” Joy said.

Yaz smiled at the sound of her friend’s voice. She looked at her for a moment before she replied.

“ _Feels weird to talk on the phone with only a window between us, too_.”

“ _Yeah, but it feels a little more natural, doesn’t it?_ ”

Joy’s head cocked and her nose scrunched. It almost felt as if there were no physical barriers between the two of them.

“ _Definitely_.”

They stayed like that, looking at each other in silence, with their phones on their ears.

Then, Yaz had a sudden realization about the situation.

“ _They sent everyone home, you said?_ ”

“ _Yup._ ”

“ _Maybe I should text Ryan. He’s gonna worry_.”

“ _Oh! Yeah_ ,” Joy nodded, hanging up the phone to let Yaz text her friend and roommate.

\-----------------------------------------

_12:58 – **Yaz** :_ Hi Ry!! Don’t worry about me, I’m okay! I’m still in the lab tho because it got sealed off with the chemical leak, but I’m safe.

_13:00 – **Ryan** :_ You’re sealed inside a lab???? How is that safer than letting you out holy shit mate

_13:01 – **Yaz** :_ Yeah it’s because there’s a bunch of chem labs here. Could end up with a weird chemical solution that could be toxic or something I assume.

_13:01 – **Ryan** :_ Any idea of when you can get out?

_13:02 – **Yaz** :_ No. Joy tried to figure it out, but they won’t tell.

_13:03 –_ **_Ryan_** _:_ She’s with you? Is she okay?

_13:03 – **Yaz** :_ All good, she’s just outside the lab window. She was coming back from the Union when it happened.  
_13:04 – **Yaz** :_ You have no idea how grateful I am to be the one stuck here. I couldn’t bear it if she was in here 

_13:05 – **Ryan** :_ I gotta say I’m glad you’re the one in there too  
_13:06 – **Ryan** :_ Ideally, I’d rather you weren’t either, but better you than her u know

_13:07 – **Yaz** :_ Absolutely.

_13:08 – **Ryan** :_ Take care, Yaz. Update me pls

_13:08 – **Yaz** :_ Will do!

\-----------------------------------------

As soon as she had texted her best friend and flatmate, Yaz went back to her contact list and clicked on Joy’s name.

“ _I’m back_ ,” Yaz smiled in Joy’s direction.

“ _He wasn’t too worried, then?_ ”

“ _Nah. Got a bit weirded out by the fact I’m stuck in the lab, though_.”

Joy’s side leant on the window. Yaz’s stare fell on her protruding stomach and noticed how her hand trailed up and down on it, as if she was trying to soothe her unborn child.

“ _It is a strange system, I’ll give him that_ ,” Joy said. “ _It feels a bit surreal that you’re meant to be safer in there with whatever chemical leaking. I remember it annoyed me when I first heard about this whole system when I got hired, but I always assumed everything would be okay,_ ” she looked to the ground. “ _I always hoped I’d never actually hear that alarm, you know?_ ”

“ _Hopefully, whatever it is, it works_ ,” Yaz laughed nervously.

Joy’s face was unusually stern. “ _Don’t joke about this, Yaz._ ”

The younger woman sighed at her mishap. “ _Sorry, I think it’s the nerves._ ”

She looked at Joy sheepishly, and the other woman nodded. She tried a smile in Yaz’s direction, but it lacked one thing. A single element that was so essential to Joy’s existence: warmth.

“ _I feel like a twat_ ,” the older woman said. “ _Of course, you’re nervous. I’m sorry, Yaz._ ”

“ _You’re fine, Joy. Truly_ ,” Yaz offered a warm smile to her friend on the outside world.

“ _Do you mind if I go sit over there for a few minutes?_ ” Joy asked, pointing at a bench a few metres away from the window. “ _I just need to rest a little, my back is killing me._ ”

“ _You don’t need to ask for permission, Joy. Please, go sit a little_. _Take as long as you need._ ”

Yaz watched Joy walk away, not without a few glances in her direction as she did so.

“ _We can stay on the phone, if you’d like_ ,” Yaz suggested.

“ _I’d like that_.”

Yaz smiled to herself. She was still sitting on the table by the window, and she looked at her friend’s back. The wind was flowing in her hair. She could see her shoulders go up and down slowly, as if she was trying to keep control over her breathing.

She noticed Joy’s phone wasn’t on her ear anymore. It didn’t last long; maybe she needed a breather.

“ _Do you have a headache, Yaz?_ ” Joy’s voice surprised the younger woman.

“ _I don’t_.”

“ _Okay, good. Not feeling funny or anything?_ ”

“ _Joy,_ ” Yaz sighed. “ _I said I’d tell you if I did_.”

“ _Right. Sorry_.”

Joy, still sitting on that bench, turned around to look at the window where Yaz was. The distance between them felt infinite even though they could still see each other. Even from where she was, Yaz could see the growing worry in Joy’s frown. She could almost feel her friend’s restlessness, even though a whole building separated them.

“ _Yaz, what time is it?_ ”

The student looked at her watch. “ _It’s almost two._ ”

“ _Right_ ,” Joy said. “ _I’ll call you back_.”

The call disconnected instantly, leaving Yaz alone and worried.

The younger woman popped back to her desk and packed her things, in the hope that she’d eventually be allowed outside of the building. It was enough to keep her mind busy for a short moment, if only to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. Once she was done, she realized how _alone_ she was in that room, and she could feel her own worry grow exponentially. Without Joy at the other end of the line, she felt lonely and unsafe.

After a little while, she realized she had a mild headache. Nothing serious, and she assumed she simply needed to drink some water. Sadly, her bottle was empty, and the closest water access was outside of the room. She looked over Joy’s bench and noticed she was on the phone with someone else.

\-----------------------------------------

_14:03 – **Yaz** :_ I have a bit of a headache rn. Nothing too worrying, I think I just need to drink water. But I promised I’d tell you!!

\-----------------------------------------

She sent her text and waited for a reply, stealing a glance in her friend’s direction to see if she had looked at her message. Joy was still on the phone but, instead of sitting down on the bench, she was pacing. Her free hand was resting on her belly, and then flew to her mouth. It looked like she was trying to refrain a sob. From where the young woman stood, powerless, nothing looked or felt right. All Yaz wanted was to hold her friend in her arms and remind her everything would be okay.

She tried to text her again, hoping multiple texting would catch her attention.

\-----------------------------------------

_14:11 – **Yaz** :_ I’m okay, btw.  
_14:11 – **Yaz** :_ But you, on the other hand, are worrying me.  
_14:12 – **Yaz** :_ Can you come back here once you’re done on the phone? Just for a little while.

\-----------------------------------------

After her last text, she saw Joy look at her phone and glance in her direction. She walked quickly towards the window, ending her call midway.

The closer she got, the clearer it was to Yaz that Joy had in fact cried on that bench. Her eyes were red and swollen, and they glistened with more unshed tears.

Yaz called her.

“ _Joy, what happened?_ ”

“ _Sorry_ ,” the older woman sniffled. “ _I had to ask John to pick up Alice at school_.”

Yaz sighed at the thought of the young girl who would see her uncle instead of her nanny once she got out of school. She couldn’t help but worry about her, too.

“ _Joy, you can go pick her up, I’ll be fine. She’s your daughter_. _She needs you_.”

She watched Joy carefully. The older woman bit her lip, her glance intense on Yaz.

“ _And you’re… You’re you, Yaz. I’m not leaving you_.”

Joy’s eyes filled with tears once more, and she had to take a deep breath to stop herself. She rested her hand on her belly.

Yaz stared at Joy’s bump, at her hand moving only slightly on it. She had seen Joy worried before, but what Yaz was witnessing now felt unbearable. There was no way for her to make Joy feel better – she could picture herself holding the older woman’s hand, hug her until all of her worries were out the window…

Yaz hoped talking about the baby would help her get her mind off things.

“ _Is he moving?_ ”

Joy, hand still on her stomach, looked at Yaz for a short moment, as if she was trying to make sense of what she had just said.

“ _Who?_ ”

The younger woman had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the other woman.

“ _Are you having a laugh at me, mate?_ ” Yaz replied, pointing to her friend’s stomach.

“ _What is wrong with me?_ ” Joy whispered before she chuckled nervously. “ _He is, yeah. I think he can sense how worried I am._ ”

Yaz’s smile wavered at her friend’s words.

“ _I’m okay, Joy_.”

Yaz rested her hand on the window, and Joy did the same. They could almost feel each other’s warmth through the glass.

Joy’s bottom lip started to tremble. She tried to bite the tears away, but it didn’t work. On the phone, Yaz heard a sob, and she saw Joy’s head drop to the weight of her own worries.

“ _Joy, please don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay_ ,” Yaz said softly.

“ _I–_ ,” Joy sobbed. “ _I can’t– can’t stop crying, Yaz_. _I think I scared John with all my crying earlier, and I thought I was done then, but I’m not. I feel like my heart is breaking over and over again because my brain won’t stop showing me the worst-case scenario._ ”

Yaz didn’t know what was breaking her heart more: seeing her friend like this, or being rendered useless, sealed inside a room in an inaccessible building and unable to comfort Joy.

“ _I need you to be okay_ ,” Joy wept.

“ _I will be. Please, don’t worry about me_. _I’ll be fine_ ,” Yaz reassured. “ _I’m glad I’m the one who’s in here, and not you. I—_ ,” the younger woman took a deep breath. She felt her own tears coming up. The mere thought of their roles being reversed in this situation was anxiety-inducing on its own. “ _I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you or the baby_.”

Joy looked up. Hazel met brown, and Yaz could feel her friend’s gratitude within her glance. Her gratitude, and something else. Something Yaz didn’t dare to name for fear of breaking the spell.

On the window, her hand tensed. She desperately wanted to hold Joy’s, and it felt unfair that she wasn’t granted that one wish.

“ _Yaz, I—_ ”

And then, there was a loud noise behind Yaz. So loud that she jumped and dropped her phone to the ground. She picked it up quickly, but the call had ended.

When she looked at the source of the sound, she saw a tall man wearing a hazmat suit.

“Hi,” Yaz heard a muted voice say. “Please get your things and wear this mask as we proceed outside the building.”

Yaz looked back at the window to find Joy was gone, probably on her way to meet her. She quickly took her things and put on the mask the man was offering her. As she followed him outside, she saw that most of the laboratories were still locked shut. Hopefully, all the other people stuck in there would be allowed to come out sooner rather than later. The past few hours had been emotionally taxing enough for her, and she imagined the experience had be similar for the others as well.

As soon as she stepped outside the building, a paramedic took her aside to check her vitals and make sure she wasn’t harmed in any way. The paramedic explained to Yaz that the chemical they had found in the building was volatile. By itself, it was virtually harmless, but could be a real issue if it came into contact with other chemicals like the ones in some of the laboratories.

It had taken a few hours of examinations with other officials to make sure it was safe to open the laboratories. The paramedic told her that some people were still waiting to be released, and that it could take another couple of hours to make everything secure for them to come out. She was one of the lucky ones, apparently.

In the end, Yaz was fine. Her headache was indeed caused by dehydration, and so the paramedic gave her a bottle of water before letting her go.

The second she stepped out of the ambulance, Yaz searched for Joy in the small crowd outside a perimeter that had been set up by the entrance. When she saw her, a sigh of relief left her. She sprinted toward the other woman, headache forgotten.

When she got to Joy, the other woman felt like an unstoppable force crashing into her, holding her tighter than she ever had before.

“Thank God, you’re okay,” Joy whispered through her tears.

“I am.”

Yaz stroked her friend’s back, trying to provide some of the comfort she desperately needed. Even though the woman in her arms was crying, the younger woman couldn’t help but smile. They were both okay.

Yaz slowly broke the embrace, but not before she was certain Joy wasn’t crying anymore. She wanted to see her face. She _needed_ to see her face. In the flesh, and not through a sealed window.

She remembered Joy was about to say something when she dropped her phone, just as the hazmat-suited man entered the room. Chances are it wasn’t relevant anymore, now that she was finally outside that room, but since their conversation had been cut short, she was curious about it.

“What were you about to say before they got me out?” Yaz asked.

Soft lips collided on hers; a whole universe crashing into hers.

_Finally_.

It wasn’t a tentative first kiss, one that normally would have been followed with the two of them smiling bashfully as they tried to look away in fear of disapproval from the other. It was the confident kiss of two people who had been yearning for so long. It was the result of every action that had led the way to their lips finally coming into contact with one another.

It was everything that had ever been and everything the future held in store for them finally getting to meet in a present they both had longed for for so long. So long, they feared it would never be. Yet, there they were, joining their universes into one.

They broke off the kiss before they could take each other’s breath away for good. Hazel met brown once more, breathlessness hanging in between the two women, and they smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HALLELUJAH!!! FINA-FUCKING-LY!!!!!!!!!! GOD I hope this is a good pay off, I really feel bad for making you wait this long. Oh my GOD 20 fucking chapters and I SWEAR to you they write themselves. I wanted the kiss to happen sooner and it just dIDN'T WORK???? I'm not even joking.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments :DDDDD I'm VERY excited to hear (read) your thoughts <:)))))
> 
> By the way I've been working loads more on my dissertation these past few months (YAY!!!), but I have less energy to put in this fic atm. Also, I think getting close to the end is getting to me a little... Anyway. I was like 10 chapters ahead at some point, but right now I'm still writing chapter 26, and I've been working on it for A WHILE. I'll try to make it work, but I don't wanna post stuff that isn't up to par... I guess we'll see how things go, and I'll definitely let you know ahead if I realize I can't post for a few weeks.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!! This is a short and sweet chapter, and it's a direct follow-up to last week's <:D I'm so glad we can all freak out about Joy and Yaz together, without the angst and with BLOODY KISSES!!!! FINALLY!!!!! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy xx

It was a few minutes past four when Joy and Yaz ended up leaving the university campus. Both of them were still pretty shaken up, and couldn’t bring themselves to fall back into normalcy, especially not after the kiss they had just shared.

Yaz felt like she was hanging between two emotions that shouldn’t coexist; her heart was hurting in the best way possible after Joy had decided to close the distance – literally – between the two of them, but part of her was still processing the events of the day. It didn’t feel real and, somehow, the phantom sensation of Joy’s lips on hers only made that feeling worse.

Joy offered to drive Yaz home so she could get some rest after the rollercoaster of emotions she had been through, but the younger woman insisted on coming along to pick Alice up at her uncle’s. She knew seeing the young girl would help her get grounded in reality and remind her that even though the day had been crazy in so many ways, Alice’s laugh would be a sure source of comfort.

Spending more time with Joy was a necessity to Yaz, too – even more so than getting some well-deserved rest. She could rest later. Right now, all she cared about were those hazel eyes and soft lips. She had longed for them for so long, and now that she had gotten a taste of them, Yaz wanted more.

The drive to John’s place was quiet. Even Joy could barely utter a word, which was surprising, but in many ways worrying. The last thing Yaz wanted was for Joy to have any regret about the kiss they had shared.

When they arrived at John and Rose’s place, John quickly urged Yaz to follow him to his office, as he wanted to make sure she was okay health-wise.

“Doctor’s order,” he smiled.

The young woman followed him, glancing back at Joy, who offered her an encouraging tight-lipped smile. As she looked away, Yaz saw Alice, who was longing for a hug from her nanny. The only thing Yaz could do was to give her sorry eyes as she was dragged away by the girl’s uncle.

He led her to a room she hadn’t seen before, and close the door behind them.

“So,” John said as he closed the door behind them. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. They had paramedics there, John. Already got checked,” Yaz smiled reassuringly.

“I know, but… Are you okay? Not just physically, I mean.”

“I…” Her mind drifted to the taste of Joy’s lips on hers and felt herself blush. “Yeah. A little shaken up, but I’m fine.”

“Glad to hear it,” he smiled. “Still gonna check your vitals, though.”

“Go on, Doctor,” Yaz grinned.

“ _Allons-y_!” John grinned back, before he started examining her. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Joy so worried about anything before. Well,” he cocked his head. “Not counting that time Alice ran away, I suppose.”

Yaz sighed. “Yeah, it felt like that to me, too. I felt useless, on the other side of that glass.”

“Did she, err…”

Yaz could sense the man was trying his best to be tactful about his question. She assumed that Joy and him had talked about much more than the specifics of picking up Alice at school, especially as the older woman had come back to her with red, puffy eyes.

“Did she,” he cleared his throat. “Did she tell you how worried she was?” His face was tomato red, and he could barely look Yaz in the eye.

Yaz didn’t need to ask what he meant by that. She simply chuckled at his reaction.

“She did, yeah.”

John gave her a wide grin – one that reminded her of Joy. “Brilliant!”

In the end, John didn’t find anything to worry about. He claimed it was his duty to make sure she was all right, but Yaz could see it clear as day: he simply wanted to pry. But only a little, and only because he was a protective older brother.

When John finally allowed her to leave the room, she barely had time to cross the threshold before Alice launched herself at her.

“I’m happy you’re okay, Yazzy,” the young girl said, her voice shaking with emotions.

“Me too, kiddo.”

From the corner of her eye, the young woman saw Rose holding on Joy tightly. She could hear them mutter under their breaths, but couldn’t make out the words clearly. Yaz looked up just as Rose let go of her friend so John could, in turn, hug his sister. Her eyes met Rose’s, who gave her a warm smile.

Suddenly, Yaz felt her energy drop. Her brain was foggy, and she could barely focus on her surroundings. She was lucid enough to walk to the sitting room and take a seat on the couch. She closed her eyes for a moment and focused on her breathing.

Alice followed her, ever so worried about her nanny.

“Yazzy?” The young girl took a seat next to the young woman and looked at her cautiously.

“Sorry, kiddo. I think I’m getting a little tired after today.”

The girl gave her an understanding smile. It was astonishing how perceivable she was about the whole thing – about everything, really. Then, she shuffled closer to Yaz and let her head fall on her side, her arm wrapping Yaz’s middle.

“You can sleep in my arms, Yazzy,” the girl whispered.

Yaz wrapped her arm around Alice’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

“I’d be a lot more worried if you weren’t tired,” John interjected, coming into the room with his sister. “You’re fine, but you’re definitely gonna need some rest. Today was emotionally taxing for you. All of you,” he added, looking at his sister.

Yaz nodded at John’s words before allowing her eyes to fall on Joy. The older woman looked just as tired as Yaz felt. Her eyes were even softer than usual, if that were possible. She gave Yaz the smallest, yet most important smile the younger woman had ever witnessed. Under the softness of her glance, she could see her eyes held no regret and no shame about the moment they had shared.

“We should go,” Joy said simply.

As they left, John gave both women a knowing glance, with a matching smirk. If Joy squinted her eyes at him, Yaz could only smile widely.

The minute they got into Joy’s car, both women let out a sigh.

“Right,” Joy said calmly. “We’re taking you home.”

She smiled at Yaz, but she seemed sad. The younger woman felt much the same; she longed to get lost in the hazel eyes staring back at her.

“Actually, I were wondering…” Yaz replied. “Is it okay if I stick around with you guys a little? I’m pretty sure Ry is working, and I don’t feel like being alone.”

What she really meant was ‘I want to be with you right now, please let me.’

“Of course, Yaz,” Joy smiled in earnest, taking the younger woman’s hand in her. “You can stay with us as long as you’d like.”

“Mummy,” Alice grinned. “Can Yaz sleepover?”

The two women shared a glance. A sudden tension rose back from its ashes, Alice’s mention sparking a fire that neither of them had even considered to begin with.

“It _is_ Friday, after all,” Joy said. “But only if Yaz feels okay enough, though.”

The girl looked at her nanny expectantly, her wide smile melting Yaz’s heart.

“I feel fine right now,” Yaz winked at the girl, who squealed in reply.

***

They got home with bags of takeout food from the nearest fast food joint – a little treat after the crazy day they had.

Yaz was setting up the table when Alice erupted into the room, gasping.

“Are you okay, kiddo?” 

“I just had the _bestest_ idea! What if we ate dinner in the treehouse?”

At that, Joy’s head turned toward them, a huge smile plastered on her face.

“Oh, that is _brilliant_ ,” the older woman said.

Considering Joy’s condition, they decided to make the set up inside the treehouse more comfortable, going as far as setting up the inflatable mattress in there with bed sheets and a warm blanket big enough to cover all three of them at least twice.

Comfort didn’t end there, though: they all switched to their most comfortable outfits. Joy lent a pair of joggers and a loose shirt to Yaz and opted for something similar, while Alice changed into starry pyjamas.

The weather was warm and comfortable, especially for the time of the year – it was usually chillier once the sun was down, – and the three of them spent their evening in the backyard. After they were done eating, they all ended up bundled together on the mattress, as Joy and Yaz invented a myriad of stories for the young girl’s entertainment.

“It’s the story of a…” Yaz hesitated.

“Very, very small cat called, huh…”

“Noah.”

“Noah? That’s nice,” Joy muttered. “All right, so Noah the cat—”

“The very, very small cat,” Alice interjected.

“Right, silly me,” Joy replied, nose scrunching at her daughter, who giggled at the sight. “Noah, the very, very small cat wants to go on a trip. _But_ , because he is so very, very small, people keep telling him he shouldn’t leave the neighbourhood,” she pouted, sharing Noah’s disappointment.

“Oh, I can already sense the moral of the story,” Yaz whispers, chuckling.

“Every good story has a moral at the end,” Joy replies, her eyes soft and inviting.

Yaz’s gaze dropped to the other woman’s lips.

“ _Shut up, shut up, shut up_ ,” Yaz cursed her brain.

“What happens to Noah, Yazzy?” Alice insisted.

The younger woman looked at the girl lying next to her and smiled. “Noah the very, very small cat decides he couldn’t care less about what people think. And so, he decides to go on an adventure!”

“By himself?” Alice shouted, shock and amazement filling her eyes.

“By himself,” Yaz said, before turning to Joy, inviting her to continue the story.

The older woman sat on the mattress and got in character.

“Meow!” Joy walked on all fours to her daughter, and started rubbing her face in her hair. “I’m Noah. I’m a very, very small cat and I’d like to see the world.”

She sat on her heels and cocked her head, staring at Alice.

“I will help you on your adventure,” the five-year-old giggled. “Where do you want to go?”

“For my big adventure, I’d like to go brush my teeth and go to bed,” Joy smirked, still in character.

Alice rolled her eyes. “Mummy!”

Yaz guffawed at the turn of events. She looked at the time, and it was in fact getting pretty late for the young girl.

“Can we sleep in here, Mummy?”

Joy smiled at Yaz, eyebrows raised as she waited for her input on the situation.

She wanted to spend more time with Joy, and the thought of sharing a bed – of any type – with her was more than she could hope for after the day they both had. She never forgot how comfortable she had felt all those times she slept by her side, and she knew it would be no different if they were to spend the night together, in the treehouse or otherwise.

Yaz was conflicted, though. She wanted to make Alice happy, but she also wanted Joy to get a decent night of sleep. Between the day they just had and being _quite_ pregnant, the treehouse couldn’t really be the best option for her. 

“I mean, I don’t mind one bit,” Yaz said. “Are you okay with sleeping in here, Joy? I can stay with her if you’d be more comfortable in your own bed,” the younger woman added, though a little disappointed at the thought of being away from Joy.

“I’m pregnant, doesn’t mean gonna break if I sleep on an inflatable mattress once,” she argued, trying to get up.

“Wait up,” Yaz quickly got to her friend, helping her up. “Maybe getting in character wasn’t your best idea,” she smiled as she steadied her upright.

It felt nice to hold her hands. It felt right.

“No, it was my _bestest_ idea,” the older woman grinned, inciting a frown on Yaz’s part. “Right. Sorry, Yazzy,” she whined.

The girl was staring at them, waiting for their final word on their sleepover settings. Her eyes fell on their joint hands, and Yaz saw her blatantly smirk at them.

“So, can we sleep here?”

The two women shared a glance.

“We need to brush our teeth first, though,” Joy replied.

Alice sprinted and slid down the treehouse, running toward the house. They had no choice but to follow her quickly, letting go of each other’s hands as they followed suit.

Once inside, they managed to all brush their teeth, with Yaz now owning her very own toothbrush at Joy’s thanks to the other woman’s spare. It felt strangely domestic for two women who had only just kissed for the first time less than twelve hours before.

It was so late that, as soon as they put Alice to bed back in the treehouse, she fell asleep almost instantly, with both Joy and Yaz gently stroking her hair. Maybe her own worries about her nanny had tired her out as well.

Yaz slowly drew her hand away from the girl to get herself under the covers as well. Joy had yet to come to bed. She was setting a little camping light by the mattress so they could see their surroundings – each other – even though it was pitch dark outside. Yaz was glad Joy had equipment like this; it wouldn’t hurt to see more of the other woman before falling asleep.

When Joy finally joined her in bed, Yaz felt as if a thousand of emotions had decided to fall upon her, overwhelming her a little. She took a deep breath and looked into those loving hazel eyes.

“Thank you for staying with me today,” the younger woman whispered.

“How could I leave you?” Joy’s hand fell on Yaz’s cheek, her fingers gently rubbing her soft skin.

“Joy?”

“Hmm?”

“Please kiss me again,” Yaz sighed.

This time, it didn’t happen so fast. Joy slowly got closer and closer to Yaz, their noses almost touching and her warm, minty breath overwhelming the younger woman’s senses. Joy’s eyes flickered on Yaz’s lips for a split-second, before hazel met brown again. Their eyelids shut as soon as their lips came into contact.

Yaz repressed a content sigh when she finally felt the softness of Joy’s lips on her own. Her hand found Joy’s own on her cheek and she intertwined their fingers. The younger woman couldn’t resist the urge and broke the kiss to press her lips on Joy’s palm.

“I was so scared,” Joy whispered, her breath shaking slightly.

Yaz, looked into the other woman’s eyes and saw a stray tear fall down her cheek. She let go of the hand in hers to wipe it away, resting her fingers on Joy’s jaw a little longer than necessary.

“I felt so helpless, just staring at you on the other side of that stupid window,” the older woman added.

Yaz shuffled closer to Joy and held her tightly, pressing a comforting kiss on her forehead.

“It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“More than okay,” Joy sighed happily.

Yaz looked at her and kissed her again; a kiss filled with smiles and giggles. She would never get tired of that feeling, whether it be physical or psychological. Kissing Joy was, well, a joy.

The sleeping child next to them made a sound in her slumber, making the two women jump slightly. Yaz rolled over to her other side to make sure Alice was still asleep. She sighed fondly at the sight of the sleeping little girl by her side.

Joy got closer to Yaz and kissed a soft spot on her neck. Yaz smiled and let out a breath she had been holding for so long. She finally felt free. Free to feel all the emotions she had tried to run away from, free to love. It felt like pure happiness was flowing through her veins. 

The older woman then stroked Yaz’s arm gently, inviting her back in her arms. It took a few moments for Yaz to turn around, all her attention was on the girl who had made home in her heart just as much as her mum had. After everything they’d been through, Yaz couldn’t be happier that she had a solid relationship with Alice, one that would hopefully help her build something just as strong and long-lasting with Joy.

When she returned to Joy’s embrace, she noticed the other woman looked giddy with happiness, too.

“Look at you,” Joy said, a warm smile on her face. “She stole a bit of your heart, hasn’t she?”

“Not really… I can’t explain it,” Yaz considered. “It’s like… it’s like my heart keeps getting bigger whenever I look at her. Is that weird?”

“No. That’s love, Yaz,” Joy said, tucking a stray curl behind Yaz’s ear.

They stayed like that for a little while, just staring into each other’s soul and smiling foolishly at each other. After so long of trying to run away from her own feelings, Yaz felt so free in that moment. Hiding and pretending had taken its toll on her, and now she was allowed to simply _be_.

When Joy started to laugh for no apparent reason, Yaz imitated her effortlessly. She felt like that, too.

Joy’s hand left Yaz’s cheek swiftly, much to Yaz’s grief. When she felt the older woman’s hand on hers, Yaz found herself smiling again. But then, Joy surprised her and guided her hand on her bump, intertwining their fingers on top of it.

And then, Yaz felt it, too.

An unmistakable, unmissable kick. Right under her palm.

“That’s incredible,” Yaz said, emotions taking her breath away.

“I think he likes you.”

“Good, because I like him too.”

“Yeah?” Joy smiled fondly at her.

“And his sister… and his mum, too,” Yaz replied, her thumb mindlessly rubbing Joy’s bump.

“Glad to hear it,” Joy grinned.

“Glad to finally say it,” the younger woman said, kissing Joy’s soft lips once again.

The baby kicked her palm once more, and Yaz’s heart swelled to a size she couldn’t even comprehend. She didn’t know if the unborn child was already taking his rightful place in her heart, or if her heart was simply getting bigger at the sight of the woman facing her. That impossible woman who, from the moment she had entered her life, had changed it for the better.

Maybe her heart was only swelling at the thought of being a part of them. Perhaps she finally had a little family of her own, by the strangest yet perfect twist of fate Yaz had ended up falling into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say I ADORE writing John!!! I don't write him much but when I do I love how protective he is of Joy, and also how he just DIES to know stuff but can't find the right way to ask about it :) Honestly I can't wait to write Joy's POV of last chapter just for their conversation on the phone. 
> 
> Thanks Annabelle for beta reading this one, even tho it was ages ago! And thank you all for reading it today xx don't be afraid to leave a comment or a kudo :DDD


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